[Closed] What's the point of getting married?

Now to the point... what does marriage mean to you?

It meant a lot to my partner. She means a lot to me, hence I complied.

'a much healthier relationship' then those around us who have gone down the marriage route

You can have sex once you are married!

Means nothing to me, partner agree's, so we'll continue to "live in sin".

Now if only I could get her to agree that other ppl's mariages are also point-less, so I don't need to go to them.

Yours, a grump.

It's similar to setting up a company. It puts a partnership on a formal basis which is useful for various legal processes like dissolving the partnership or death.

If you have no intention of it being a permanent partnership then obviously there is no point.

We're completely non religious and always been of the opinion that marriage just a piece of paper or a tax break.

about 3 years ago, I started thinking that getting married would be all of the above, plus an excuse for a good party.

2 years ago, something changed in me and I really wanted to get married, so I asked and she accepted.

1 year ago we got married. Farm in the countryside, married in the barn, sat outside on the lawn in the sunshine with all our friends and close family drinking champagne, eating cake, drinking real ale, eating more cake. Hog roast and live band in the evening in the barn. Awesome.

It was great. Doesn't feel like much more commitment to me, we already had a mortgage. But it does feel great to know that we are married.

Can't put it in to words, but I like being married.

Dave

+1 for the 'she wanted to', would never have initiated it myself, just a bit of paper after all. Got told when to turn up at church and that was all I had to do. Was a good day though, downhill after that!

You can have sex once you are married!

Yep, just the once.. 😥

I bought her and now I want her to stay.

I think I'm pretty much of the same mind as the OP.

I don't see the point in marriage, it doesn't change anything. I don't need a piece of paper to tell me whether I love my OH or not.

That said, it's something that's important to her, so I've every intention of proposing at some point, as Surfer suggests.

You can have sex once you are married!

it certainly doesn't pay to be or get married, quite the opposite.

I read as far as

It is not my intention to belittle or pass judgement on anybody's experiences or views

Erm.... You are aware this is an internet forum, aren't you? 😉

For me it was to stop my mother in law, who I have never met, from having any legitimate claim over my kids or my cash in the event of my wifes death. Just seemed easier than writing a will.

Who says romance is dead

its a bit like an ipad, i have no need, i just wanted to.

and im sure she'll really appreciate being compared to an ipad!! 😯

5th said it quite well, the company analogy not the "she doesn't find out" bit

Kind of agree with OP but am getting married in October. We have a mortgage and child, and so it is not to prove anything but it will be noce to all have the same name. There are also things that will be easier when we are married. My daughter had to get an Irish passport because although I am English and my daughter was born here, my fiance is Irish and so the passport goes with the mother since we aren't married. It is little bits of red tape that will just be easier, but things wont be any different in our house

i did it to make the wife happy, which is a good enough reason for me

also made my folks and her folks happy
and i worry that there would be some stigma for our kids born out of wedlock!

and its the only time im gonna have a massive party, invite only the people i want and dictate the music, food, drink venue etc

and religion can kiss my ring

Well ours was partly due to Visa requirements, and partly to get everyone together to have a big celebration of our commitment. Didn't cost a lot and was fun 🙂

my mother in law, who I have never met

how did you get that so right, yet this so wrong?

Just seemed easier than writing a will

😉

Been there, done that, twas good for a while. People change, want different things.

Wouldn't do it again, neither would I share my space with anyone again. Miserable old cah? Yep, that's me. 🙄

Seriously, as an institution, it hasn't changed and not really sure whether it's 'appropriate' for these times, or, indeed, can survive in its present form.

how did you get that so right, yet this so wrong?

Yeah, from a purely selfish point of view, my wife getting kicked out by her own mother at 15 has paid dividends!

I can use her CGT allowance, saving me £4k in tax a year.

And 8 years was long enough for her to realise what she was getting into & she didn't run away, so I figured she was a keeper.

Not married - but have lived together for 23 years. 3 grown kids, all of whom are great, and none of whom want us to get married. When people ask why we're not married, I tongue in cheek say "we don't want the commitment - either can leave at any time". There is a point to get married though - as a dad, I had no legal right of access to the kids (until they were under 18), as we were not married. Also, inheritance tax is payable should either die; (Common law only exists legally in Scotland). So, the point of getting married is in case you split up (splitting up includes dying!).

At the end of the day, the decision is yours (and your partners).

At the age of 46, and having never been married (and having refused, or at least, put off, three offers), it means a whole lot to me. When I do, and with my current partner (who also has never been married) it's just a matter of timing, it will signal to both of us our belief that we have found our partner for life.

Just seems like a very nice thing to do.

me & mrs rocket got married later in life and were pretty sure about it without having any peer pressure. Just seemed like the right thing to do at the time but now we have kids I think it gives them a bit more security compared to their mates who have parents who kindof clear off overnight leaving half-a-house and a load of grief behind.

it will signal to both of us our belief that we have found our partner for life

And there you have the answer in full. Chapeau sir, and good luck! 🙂

There was the married tax allowance back when I got married, which I used to buy a GT Zaskar (circa 1992) that's my excuse.

Still got the bike and the Mrs come to that 😆

I'm getting married soon. We're having a non religious ceremony (I'm not religious and could happily have gone on unmarried)
This was the future mrs BH's concession as she is a little bit god squad but is happy to be getting married having thought it may never happen.
To me; marriage means a happy OH, a bit of paper, a ring and a holiday. I'm not being flippant, there is very little as important to me as the future mrs BH's happiness.

and its the only time im gonna have a massive party, [b]invite only the people i want[/b] and dictate the music, food, drink venue etc

How did you get away with this??

The law needs to be changed in regard to the rights of married and non married couples. Surely even those people who are pro marriage would prefer it to be undertaken on emotional grounds rather than to make the legal situation a bit less complicated.

Not married here, same very healthy relationship for the last 25 years. Never once have I thought life for us would be improved by being married.

SiB - Member
+1 for the 'she wanted to', would never have initiated it myself, just a bit of paper after all. Got told when to turn up at church and that was all I had to do. Was a good day though, downhill after that!

It dose not sound like religion was the reason to get married so why go a for a Church wedding?

As above, in our 26th year together. I was pro marriage in our early years, but that was because I was brought up in a Catholic household and it took a while to wear off. Wouldn't want it now, I see it as a church thing only, and see the idea of a marriage outside of the church as pointless. However, I filled out the form a couple of years ago to renew my daughter's passport and it bounced back saying I hadn't the right to do it which miffed a bit. We also have to do a bit more work to get equivalence in tax matters, especially inheritance. If it was available I'd maybe go for a civil partnership type deal to sort this out, but I'd prefer it if the state just didn't recognise marriage in any form and left it to the religious, and where children are concerned, treat both parents as equals.

There's the romantic answer and the practical answer.

The romantic answer needs no explanation although as some have mentioned, it can be mean more to one partner than the other.

The practical answer is that it is legally simpler in times of crisis. You are each others next of kin without further complication. One dies, the money is instantly available to the other; one is in a coma the other has the decision making power (including the life support decisions). If you aren't married then you need to make legal arrangements for these conditions and there's a good chance you haven't.

everyone's answers are as valid as the person replying above or below them 🙂 it's all gravy! not looking for justification or encouragement... just interested in different people's differing views on the subject.

not many people commented on whether it was a religious thing/religious ceremony... personal subject and can understand why i suppose.

if you're happy then i'm happy 🙂

EDIT - a load more replies whilst i got round to writing that.... religious comment less applicable now haha.

Religion is as relevant to marriage as it is corporation tax.

It meant a lot to my partner. She means a lot to me, hence I complied.

Agreed. My wife is Catholic and was pregnant, so would have meant a lot of shame for the family. I'll love her forever regardless. I like being married in a fairly intangible way, but I never felt insecure in the relationship so it didn't change that much for me. Wedding was great fun but we were skint so planning was a bit stressful. Came together very well in the end. Honeymoon was a month in Oz. That was OK I guess 🙄

it certainly doesn't pay to be or get married, quite the opposite.

Did for us just about I think 🙂

Chapeau sir, and good luck!

Much appreciated, thank you CF!

And on the subject of religion, I don't do religion, think the whole concept is utterly ridiculous. However, I'd be prepared to get married in a church if that's what the good lady wants. There's no hypocrisy involved, churches just make nice settings for weddings.

The thing I don't get about marriage is not the idea of commitment etc, but the need to spend 20k on one day.

Loads of people I know spent thousands on their wedding day, and then moan that they can never get on the housing ladder.

The thing I don't get about marriage is not the idea of commitment etc, but the need to spend 20k on one day.

Quality day out, presents and a first rate holiday.

[i]Quality day out, presents and a first rate holiday.[/i]

Unfortunately with the wife, every silver lining, etc.

Because it's ace.

bullheart - Member
Because it's ace.

+1

There is no fundamental point, just as there's no point to riding mtbs.

When I got married there was a tax advantage......thats gone now.......cant come up with any other positives.......

Interesting that the institution of marriage is viewed with so much hostility by so many. The contract itself was far less intimidating than the papers we signed when setting up a business together.

As contracts go it's quite a good one providing mutual security and security for any kids that should come along.

Financially we saved about 15 times what the wedding cost in tax in the year we got married and if ever you don't do better taxed as a married couple you can elect to be taxed separately.

For us it was a low-key, non-religious ceremony and I enjoyed it. Serene, romantic and fun are the words that spring to mind. I saw it more of a positive statement than a ball and chain commitment.

Because we love each other and we both wanted to. That's all the reason you'll ever need.

And, contrary to expectation, it does make me feel differently about our relationship - there is something about her standing in front of more than 100 family and friends, and saying that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me. You can't get a much bigger compliment than that.

I've been married 31 years! I'm very proud to say that 🙂

It's was not the reception and all the baloney that went with it, for us it was that ceremony in a church we love in front of our family and friends that counted.

IMHO Marriage is VERY underrated, and has spawned a great unnecessary industry around the reception and honeymoon. A simple ceremony with a few friends and family, and a quiet reception is all that's really needed if you love each other.

[img] [/img]

I dunno about 'game over,' that looks like one hell of a honeymoon night to me.

Cougar - Member
I dunno about 'game over,' that looks like one hell of a honeymoon night to me.

I was too flattering with that sexier version I suppose.
[img] [/img]

[img] [/img]

Does everyone understand the answer now? 🙂

If you have no intention of it being a permanent partnership then obviously there is no point.

If you have intentions of it being permanent it's also pointless.

As far as I'm concerned you could cheat/leave/be an arse etc whether you're married or not, all that marriage does is make it a financial risk so you've one more reason to not cheat if you were thinking of it. So in essence, it means you're so insecure in your relationship that you need to proclaim it to the world and make sure they're tied to you so they don't dare stray without really good reason.

😀 I'm sure that's not the case in all of them, some people just want a nice day 🙂

Marriage has nothing to do with religion as far as my wife and I are concerned – that’s why we had a civil ceremony. Committing your life to somebody is worth celebrating and why not share that occasion with family and close friends by way of a ceremony of some description? My wedding was probably the best day of my life. It’s all the other little attachments (not necessarily of the material kind) that go with it. On the morning of my wedding I was given a pocket watch with a very personal inscription on from my wife - I’ll never forget that moment. I’ve a photo of me with my close circle of mates that I grew up with outside the wedding venue – it brings a lump to my throat seeing all the lads together.

There’s not a lot of point to many of the things we do in life if we want to get reductionist about stuff.

On the morning of my wedding I was given a pocket watch with a very personal inscription on from my wife - I’ll never forget that moment. I’ve a photo of me with my close circle of mates that I grew up with outside the wedding venue – it brings a lump to my throat seeing all the lads together.

But surely you could (and should) do those things without, and in fact to do them without the surrounding basis of a wedding makes them equally if not more meaningful. Everyone can get together for a big day, give each other nice gifts on their wedding day etc. To do it out of the blue on a rainy monday, or organise to meet all your mates and have a great day together without some backstory and expense makes it all the better IMO.

I was always of the 'we don't need a piece of paper' camp for years. Hubby to be still is really but knows it's important to me so is going along with it. However, looking forward to the next phase of our life, i.e. house, kids etc it feels like the right thing for us to do to provide a bit of security and I also want our babies to have a family name. I can't really explain it, it's just something I feel the need to do and make part of my identity i.e. be known as someone's wife and to be honest I'm sick of having to refer to hubby to be as my partner, yes he is but usually when I say 'my partner and I' people look at me funny but he is NOT my boyfriend, he is much more than a friend so I hate both terms. Probably just hormones and the fact that I turn 30 next year so the biological clock is ticking! HTH.

Phil you are obviously! feeling a little unsure to be thinking about it enough for the long OP

crikey - Member
Unfortunately with the wife, every silver lining, etc.

😆

But surely you could (and should) do those things without, and in fact to do them without the surrounding basis of a wedding makes them equally if not more meaningful. Everyone can get together for a big day, give each other nice gifts on their wedding day etc. To do it out of the blue on a rainy monday, or organise to meet all your mates and have a great day together without some backstory and expense makes it all the better IMO

Yeah, I guess you could - but that lacks a sense of occasion IMHO.

Yeah, I guess you could - but that lacks a sense of occasion IMHO.

But doesnt that just mean you're looking for bells and whistles to validate your gifts/occasions, rather than doing them for the right reasons? (Not targetting you here, speaking in general of anyone with that opinion)

But doesnt that just mean you're looking for bells and whistles to validate your gifts/occasions, rather than doing them for the right reasons?

No.

... and how dare you. I have done it for the right reasons - namely a sizable inheritance 😀

But surely you could (and should) do those things without

The thing is though that everyone else knows the score with a wedding. If you just say 'we're getting together to celebrate our relationship' people would be thinking 'errrr, okaaay' and not sure what's really going on.

Convenient shorthand.

emma, not really... the thread about the vegas wedding got me thinking about the expectations on honeymoons, then my mind wandered to weddings and the expectations of family and friends, then i thought about mrsconsequence and i's plans for the future and our views on weddings.. then i had 5 minutes free at work whilst waiting for a call so started a random thread.

congrats on the engagement 😀

Ahhh but you call her MrsConsequence...... I reckon you have a secret yearning??!!! Perhaps it's still so subconscious you haven't worked it out yet?

thats cos, like you, i dont like the term 'partner'... and girlfriend makes the relationship sound immature. she wears a 3.99 engagement ring at work to stop people hassling her about not being married purely cos she gets fed up explaining her opinions on it over and over again... also slows down the tide of men hitting on her.

one day maybe... i think if the government invented a 'life long partnership promise' that you could make/sign that would afford a couple all the rights and legal assumptions (inheritance, rights over childs access etc etc) that a married couple get, we'd do that straight away and make a damn sexy party out of it! 😀

In France it's called a PACS (le pacte civil de solidarité). People still get wed though.

£3.99! Bargin 🙂

'life long partnership promise' that you could make/sign that would afford a couple all the rights and legal assumptions (inheritance, rights over childs access etc etc) that a married couple get, we'd do that straight away

Why not just get married then? Girl I worked with booked a week off work, got hitched at the local Registry office, BBQ with a few family in the evening then went somewhere hot on holiday. They got all the married person rights without all the hassle?! Go on Phil, you know you want to!!! There's a romantic in you too I reckon, flowers, nice meal and whip out a massive diamond..... thinking about it aint ya!?? 8)

What could be better than a day being all about me?

Just need to find some girl that doesn't mind being in the shadows...

£3.99! Bargin

My wife's wedding ring was £6 from a souvenir shop 🙂

She had an £8 one from Portobello Road market before that, but it was a bit big so kept falling off. The £1.25 mood ring before that turned her finger green. The original ring was 20 quid from Argos.

What could be better than a day being all about me?

Hey, with your split personality you could technically marry yourself - how perfect would you find that!

Muz and I had been happily together for 16 years when he got ill. Through all the hospital visits I felt completely 'unimportant' when they asked who I was - girlfriend doesn't really sound that serious, partner too businesslike, other half? lover?? 😉 I know that probably sounds really bizarre and maybe even trivial but it really upset me at an already highly emotional time. So once he was mended we got married. Nothing in our relationship has changed apart from the fact that I am now proud and privileged to be MrsMuz.
Unfortunately the illness has made a comeback but this time when asked who I was I felt like I was taken more seriously when my answer was 'his wife'.
Probably a pretty crap reason to many but it was very very important to me then and it still is.

you could technically marry yourself

My Mums would be so proud!

Such is my fear of rejection that I'm slighlty worried I'd say no 🙁

Hey, with your split personality you could technically marry yourself

I think that would technically be a Civil Partnership.

Find a woman you really hate and buy her a house.

Weren't you just on the other thread explaining how women need to be woooooood and not rammed with sex toys? 🙂 One extreme to another...

lol, I take everything with extreme seriousness. So have you ever worked out the cyclical time when wimmen will jump you without so much as an offer of a beer and kebab before bed time?

Surfer +1.

I'll be honest GRF... I think everything you say is bollox... but that's why I like you and think you're a valuable forum member... that and you're going to give me a Covert... chop chop.

I always assumed we would get married, just managed to avoid it for ten years (unintentionally).

The main motivation for the gf is that she knows the honeymoon is the excuse she needed to book two weeks in Whistler mountain biking 🙂

Anyway, only five sleeps til the big day! Bikes are half packed 🙂

"What's the point of getting married"

For quite a few, to pretend to the world and yourself youre not gay.

The Stag weekend