[Closed] What's the point of getting married?

When I got married there was a tax advantage......thats gone now.......cant come up with any other positives.......

Interesting that the institution of marriage is viewed with so much hostility by so many. The contract itself was far less intimidating than the papers we signed when setting up a business together.

As contracts go it's quite a good one providing mutual security and security for any kids that should come along.

Financially we saved about 15 times what the wedding cost in tax in the year we got married and if ever you don't do better taxed as a married couple you can elect to be taxed separately.

For us it was a low-key, non-religious ceremony and I enjoyed it. Serene, romantic and fun are the words that spring to mind. I saw it more of a positive statement than a ball and chain commitment.

Because we love each other and we both wanted to. That's all the reason you'll ever need.

And, contrary to expectation, it does make me feel differently about our relationship - there is something about her standing in front of more than 100 family and friends, and saying that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me. You can't get a much bigger compliment than that.

I've been married 31 years! I'm very proud to say that 🙂

It's was not the reception and all the baloney that went with it, for us it was that ceremony in a church we love in front of our family and friends that counted.

IMHO Marriage is VERY underrated, and has spawned a great unnecessary industry around the reception and honeymoon. A simple ceremony with a few friends and family, and a quiet reception is all that's really needed if you love each other.

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I dunno about 'game over,' that looks like one hell of a honeymoon night to me.

Cougar - Member
I dunno about 'game over,' that looks like one hell of a honeymoon night to me.

I was too flattering with that sexier version I suppose.
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Does everyone understand the answer now? 🙂

If you have no intention of it being a permanent partnership then obviously there is no point.

If you have intentions of it being permanent it's also pointless.

As far as I'm concerned you could cheat/leave/be an arse etc whether you're married or not, all that marriage does is make it a financial risk so you've one more reason to not cheat if you were thinking of it. So in essence, it means you're so insecure in your relationship that you need to proclaim it to the world and make sure they're tied to you so they don't dare stray without really good reason.

😀 I'm sure that's not the case in all of them, some people just want a nice day 🙂

Marriage has nothing to do with religion as far as my wife and I are concerned – that’s why we had a civil ceremony. Committing your life to somebody is worth celebrating and why not share that occasion with family and close friends by way of a ceremony of some description? My wedding was probably the best day of my life. It’s all the other little attachments (not necessarily of the material kind) that go with it. On the morning of my wedding I was given a pocket watch with a very personal inscription on from my wife - I’ll never forget that moment. I’ve a photo of me with my close circle of mates that I grew up with outside the wedding venue – it brings a lump to my throat seeing all the lads together.

There’s not a lot of point to many of the things we do in life if we want to get reductionist about stuff.

On the morning of my wedding I was given a pocket watch with a very personal inscription on from my wife - I’ll never forget that moment. I’ve a photo of me with my close circle of mates that I grew up with outside the wedding venue – it brings a lump to my throat seeing all the lads together.

But surely you could (and should) do those things without, and in fact to do them without the surrounding basis of a wedding makes them equally if not more meaningful. Everyone can get together for a big day, give each other nice gifts on their wedding day etc. To do it out of the blue on a rainy monday, or organise to meet all your mates and have a great day together without some backstory and expense makes it all the better IMO.

I was always of the 'we don't need a piece of paper' camp for years. Hubby to be still is really but knows it's important to me so is going along with it. However, looking forward to the next phase of our life, i.e. house, kids etc it feels like the right thing for us to do to provide a bit of security and I also want our babies to have a family name. I can't really explain it, it's just something I feel the need to do and make part of my identity i.e. be known as someone's wife and to be honest I'm sick of having to refer to hubby to be as my partner, yes he is but usually when I say 'my partner and I' people look at me funny but he is NOT my boyfriend, he is much more than a friend so I hate both terms. Probably just hormones and the fact that I turn 30 next year so the biological clock is ticking! HTH.

Phil you are obviously! feeling a little unsure to be thinking about it enough for the long OP

crikey - Member
Unfortunately with the wife, every silver lining, etc.

😆

But surely you could (and should) do those things without, and in fact to do them without the surrounding basis of a wedding makes them equally if not more meaningful. Everyone can get together for a big day, give each other nice gifts on their wedding day etc. To do it out of the blue on a rainy monday, or organise to meet all your mates and have a great day together without some backstory and expense makes it all the better IMO

Yeah, I guess you could - but that lacks a sense of occasion IMHO.

Yeah, I guess you could - but that lacks a sense of occasion IMHO.

But doesnt that just mean you're looking for bells and whistles to validate your gifts/occasions, rather than doing them for the right reasons? (Not targetting you here, speaking in general of anyone with that opinion)

But doesnt that just mean you're looking for bells and whistles to validate your gifts/occasions, rather than doing them for the right reasons?

No.

... and how dare you. I have done it for the right reasons - namely a sizable inheritance 😀

But surely you could (and should) do those things without

The thing is though that everyone else knows the score with a wedding. If you just say 'we're getting together to celebrate our relationship' people would be thinking 'errrr, okaaay' and not sure what's really going on.

Convenient shorthand.

emma, not really... the thread about the vegas wedding got me thinking about the expectations on honeymoons, then my mind wandered to weddings and the expectations of family and friends, then i thought about mrsconsequence and i's plans for the future and our views on weddings.. then i had 5 minutes free at work whilst waiting for a call so started a random thread.

congrats on the engagement 😀

Ahhh but you call her MrsConsequence...... I reckon you have a secret yearning??!!! Perhaps it's still so subconscious you haven't worked it out yet?

thats cos, like you, i dont like the term 'partner'... and girlfriend makes the relationship sound immature. she wears a 3.99 engagement ring at work to stop people hassling her about not being married purely cos she gets fed up explaining her opinions on it over and over again... also slows down the tide of men hitting on her.

one day maybe... i think if the government invented a 'life long partnership promise' that you could make/sign that would afford a couple all the rights and legal assumptions (inheritance, rights over childs access etc etc) that a married couple get, we'd do that straight away and make a damn sexy party out of it! 😀

In France it's called a PACS (le pacte civil de solidarité). People still get wed though.

£3.99! Bargin 🙂

'life long partnership promise' that you could make/sign that would afford a couple all the rights and legal assumptions (inheritance, rights over childs access etc etc) that a married couple get, we'd do that straight away

Why not just get married then? Girl I worked with booked a week off work, got hitched at the local Registry office, BBQ with a few family in the evening then went somewhere hot on holiday. They got all the married person rights without all the hassle?! Go on Phil, you know you want to!!! There's a romantic in you too I reckon, flowers, nice meal and whip out a massive diamond..... thinking about it aint ya!?? 8)

What could be better than a day being all about me?

Just need to find some girl that doesn't mind being in the shadows...

£3.99! Bargin

My wife's wedding ring was £6 from a souvenir shop 🙂

She had an £8 one from Portobello Road market before that, but it was a bit big so kept falling off. The £1.25 mood ring before that turned her finger green. The original ring was 20 quid from Argos.

What could be better than a day being all about me?

Hey, with your split personality you could technically marry yourself - how perfect would you find that!

Muz and I had been happily together for 16 years when he got ill. Through all the hospital visits I felt completely 'unimportant' when they asked who I was - girlfriend doesn't really sound that serious, partner too businesslike, other half? lover?? 😉 I know that probably sounds really bizarre and maybe even trivial but it really upset me at an already highly emotional time. So once he was mended we got married. Nothing in our relationship has changed apart from the fact that I am now proud and privileged to be MrsMuz.
Unfortunately the illness has made a comeback but this time when asked who I was I felt like I was taken more seriously when my answer was 'his wife'.
Probably a pretty crap reason to many but it was very very important to me then and it still is.

you could technically marry yourself

My Mums would be so proud!

Such is my fear of rejection that I'm slighlty worried I'd say no 🙁

Hey, with your split personality you could technically marry yourself

I think that would technically be a Civil Partnership.

Find a woman you really hate and buy her a house.

Weren't you just on the other thread explaining how women need to be woooooood and not rammed with sex toys? 🙂 One extreme to another...

lol, I take everything with extreme seriousness. So have you ever worked out the cyclical time when wimmen will jump you without so much as an offer of a beer and kebab before bed time?

Surfer +1.

I'll be honest GRF... I think everything you say is bollox... but that's why I like you and think you're a valuable forum member... that and you're going to give me a Covert... chop chop.

I always assumed we would get married, just managed to avoid it for ten years (unintentionally).

The main motivation for the gf is that she knows the honeymoon is the excuse she needed to book two weeks in Whistler mountain biking 🙂

Anyway, only five sleeps til the big day! Bikes are half packed 🙂

"What's the point of getting married"

For quite a few, to pretend to the world and yourself youre not gay.

The Stag weekend

I got engaged at a fairly young age (20) but it was a good way in my mind of looking to future rather rather than continuing with a pretty nasty lifestyle and it meant the world to my wife. It's a lovely way to celebrate being together, doesn't have to cost silly amounts and is really rather spiffing. Been with the same poor lass who's somehow managed to put up with me for nearly 18 years

Im lucky to be getting married in less than 10 weeks time! For me the marriage is about showing our love and commitment for each other in front of our family and friends and God. Yes I know that everyone is going to comment on that but for me that is what is it about.

I know some cost £20K plus, well ours is going to be less than £4.5K including a honeymoon in two different countries (I am getting married abroad to my fiancee in her hometown). Yes lots of friends and family cant make it because of the cost (we are having a second party back at my home church in UK afterwards), and yes some could say there is a lot of costs involved however I think it will be worth it. I don't agree with all the costs that some people decide are necessary for a wedding. My brides wedding dress is going to cost £65 (she is making it), the bridesmaids dresses are a total of £100 (again she is making it), I have bought a second hand suit for myself and my best man, we have planted the flowers (abroad in her home town) ready to be picked for the wedding, and my uncle is flying out to conduct the marriage (he is a vicar).

I would also agree though that for many marriage is not as important due to how they have built their relationships with their partners. If I wasn't a christian, I don't think I would see marriage the same way / would feel that it would be important in my relationship. The modern world doesn't seem to require marriage anymore, yet I think there are benefits and downsides like in all things. Culture also seems to force people away from marriage due to the time and costs involved.

For me marriage is the sign of commitment that me and my fiancee decided would be suitable although for some it is not needed.

[url= http://www.health.gov.au/internet/ministers/publishing.nsf/Content/B55AE5E9CB137EA4CA25749A007CB964/$File/je135.pdf ]Increased life expectancy[/url]... Or does it only seem longer? 😉

I was nervous about getting married because my fiancee was making me do a 'special groom speech'.

I found out later that turning to an eight year old bridesmaid and asking her to come and see the puppy I've got in my van wasn't what she meant.

Been married 22 years in September. Why - because we both wanted to. It was our way of a public way of showing our commitment to each other. From a very practical point of view it benefits us financially, but even now that is not the main reason.

My dad, at my wedding (not in an official speech) which was held in the teeming metropolis of Fond du Lac, Wisconsin, USA:

"People ask me if I like Wisconsin. I don't know, I've never wisconsed."

i think if the government invented a 'life long partnership promise' that you could make/sign that would afford a couple all the rights and legal assumptions (inheritance, rights over childs access etc etc) that a married couple get, we'd do that straight away

What, you mean like a marriage certificate? 😉

Sorry, a bit facetious I know, but surely a fair point. Take away the party and that's what marriage is. Religion is only relevant if you want it to be.

My brother rang my folks up one day to announce he was married. He just nipped down the registry office. To be fair it didn't go down too well with the olds because - let's face it - friends and family love seeing 2 people make such a public commitment to each other.

You can make it as simple or as fancy as you want, but it's one of the few - if only - times in a person's life where they can justifiably be (joint) centre of attention. Not everyone's cup of tea 🙂

I will never forget the magical feeling of watching my beautiful wife walk down the aisle, the stupid grins we both had on our faces and the cheers and whoops from our loved ones when the deed was done. Awesome!

My answer came in right at the start...
[i]It meant a lot to my partner. She means a lot to me, hence I complied. [/i]

Apart from that, it means absolutely nothing to me.

And another thing 😉 Those 'marriage makes you live longer' reports make me laugh. They show how many pathetic, useless, clueless men there are out there who are incapable of looking after themselves. It's not all their fault mind, I blame their mothers for a lot of it, mollycoddling them through their teens and early twenties so they get spat out either straight into a marriage where their poor wife has to do the same or they end up electrocuting themselves with the washing machine because they've never, ever seen one before.
They remain children all their lives and then die young because they're still crying inside for their mummy.

As the Proclaimers said 'It's just a piece of paper but it says I Love You'