Dad Update.
He passed away in his sleep about an hour ago.......
So much for the 3 to 6 months to live eh?
My sincere condolences
My sincere condolences, too.
this will probably sound trite but he's at peace now and you have made yours.
May he rest in Peace and sincere condolences to you,
Just read this again, (all the best NZ & John).
Makes me realise that one of my pals and pain the rear Dad is getting older and not in shape etc.
Sort of preparing myself as we do get on (have had our bust ups) but not sure how I would get on without his banter and caring nature or his stupidity at times...
I think it is part of growing up experience-it never really stops but sometimes it sure sucks.
Also take a look at your lives and do something good and don't waste anytime.
Best to you all guys-hope you all come out stronger.
Sorry to hear your news John.
Although it was far quicker than the Dr's prognosis, at the very least you were big enough to heal your rift with him before the end - and that must be worth all the emtional wrangling you did with yourself.
Allow yourself time to grieve now.
Bad luck John, that's not good to hear. As mentioned, good to see that you at least got some things sorted, and maybe the quicker-than-expected end was a blessing in disguise. Good luck with the following weeks.
Sorry to hear that John, you will go through a whole load of emotions over the next week. But just remember that you parted as friends.
Chin up mate
Thanks all, as you say he's out of pain and discomfort now.
Sorry to hear that mate. 🙁
MrOvershoot - Member
At least you have made peace with him & I can confirm that you are not a miserable git John, TBH your one of the most irritatingly chipper people I know.
I might not be as "chipper" as normal for the next 48 hours as Dad's funeral is tomorrow afternooon.
Thanks for your kind words and support.
Wow. Just read this thread through and I've welled up.
My sincerest condolances to you John & Col.
Makes you realise what you have that others haven't and things that you take for granted. I'm going away for a few days on Friday with my family to celebrate my mum & dads ruby wedding. I am blessed with absolutely amazing parents who I have probably put through hell over the years as at times I have been a complete tool. I will however do my best to make sure this is a weekend to remember and will think of you both and your sad loss as I raise a glass.
All the best for the future guys. I don't know what I'll do when my folks pass.
hope all goes well John, all the best to you and yours mate.
[b]****ing Hell[/b].......Sorry
It doesn't rains but it pours doesn't it???????
We've just buried Dad this afternoon
http://www.flickr.com/photos/25655510@N02/4052921173/in/pool-onephotoeveryday
Only to be told that my Mum who's in a realy nice care home (since Dad couldn't cope looking after her since this spring because of her Alzheimer's) that she has stopped eating and more impotantly stopping drinking.
Aparently it's one of the last stages of Alzheimer's where the part of her brain dies/turns off the need to eat and drink.
The care home is great but won't fit a feeding tube as they are not a nursing home, we now have the choice to keep her there and let her die within 7 days to 3 months, or risk moving her if we can find somewhere that will take her for constant feeding.
We feel we should leave her where she is as she has no quality of life,she can't comunicate, walk, do anything for herself, she can't even lift her head off her chest to see who's visiting her.
One reason I feel we need to leave her there is because of something she said to me when we visited her Mum in a nearby home when she was at the same stage. Mum told me "make sure you shoot me before I get the that state"
From an Alzheimer's web site
[i][b]Stage 7[/b] – Late or Severe Dementia and Failure to Thrive. Severely limited intellectual ability. Communicate through short words, cries, mumbles or moans. When speech is lost, also lose ability to ambulate without help. Health declines considerably as [u]body systems begin to shut down, swallowing is impaired[/u], and the brain is no longer able to interpret sensory input. Generally bedridden, increased sleeping, seizures possible. No longer responds to environmental cues and requires total support around the clock for all functions of daily living and care[/i]
Unfortunatly for the family there is no stage 8
Hiya john - I lost my mam last year, after she'd suffered with alzheimers for about eight years. I'm a nurse, and I worked with people with dementia for a long time. If you want any advice, or just to offload, whatever, my e-mail adress is in my profile. Take care, Mitch.
Cheers Mitch, but loosing Dad was a shock, hence this thread. We lost Mum about 5 years ago and we are now just waiting.
As the Queen said it looks like this years is going to be an "annus horribilis" one for us
I know what you mean about the waiting, I think I said goodbye to my mam once the alzheimers started to make a major change to her personality, etc - to be brutally honest, the woman we buried had been a stranger to me for a long time, and (please dont think I'm a tw*t for saying this) it was a complete relief once she'd gone.
My parents moved to the other end of the country when i was 15. I was very close to both of them. But stayed behind. I probably struggled with it more than i realised.
My dad got cancer when i was 18 and tbh i dont think i even made a phone call to see how he was through it. I kinda thought it was payback for them buggering off.
Dad turns up after all the op's having gone from 17st muscle man to 10st wierd looking thing that resembled my dad.
Our relationship has never been the same tbh. I still cant weigh up why its like that or wether i meant to be nasty or wether i was confused.
Do i regret it? How do you regret something I didnt/dont understand? I honestly dont know what the hell happened in them few years but my relationship with my parents went from close to something which wasnt a patch on it. A shame but we all handle things differently.
It may seem like a strange this to say, but i think these threads are great. It reminds you that you're not the only one that shit happens to and it makes you check in on yourself, which can only be a good thing.
I am in the position of wondering how the **** I support my mother. Looks like she's about to lose her brother and her sister to cancer. This around 4 yrs after losing my dad to the same thing.
Losing both would probably kill her - how do you stop that happening?
John, not much to say really except I half know where you are right now. I'm bimbling along alright. Main priority for me has been to make sure my mum is OK and coping with the 'new normal' as we now call it. She's cool so in that respect I am fine. I have major wobbly moments - was out training last Wed night and a couple of hours in, while feeling a bit spanked I just sort of lost the plot and rode along in tears for 10 minutes. Felt much better for that ! Odd but not much I can do about it.
Look after yourself and your family.
Goan - you can;t you just have to do what you can and make sure you look after yourself in the process.
NZCol - I've made that mistake before and had 6 months off work picking up the pieces.
adding to the list, my grandfather passed away peacefully last night, 94, he wanted to go.
I am truly devastated for you John, that you should have to deal with this situation at this time 😐
The only comment I can make is that I am surprised that you've been told that it might take 7 days to 3 months. My father died as a result of stopping eating and drinking, but in his case it wasn't because of Alzheimer's. He had a stroke which left him partially paralysed (and he had a slight a problem with swallowing) after a year or so he just got too fed up with being 'helpless' as he saw it, in a wheelchair, so he just first of all gave up eating, and as he got weaker, he gave up drinking.
I can't remember exactly how long it took, but I was surprised how quick it was, specially after he stopped drinking - all in all, probably in the region of about 7 days. I have to say that it really didn't seem a bad way to go. He didn't suffer as he got weaker, and as his immune system itself, got weaker and weaker, he simply succumbed to pneumonia - which brought a rapid end.
The decision is yours and your family of course, but I can completely understand if you are reluctant to move your Mother. And as you said, she once suggested to you that she would not want be kept alive at all costs. Good luck and best wishes.
Gus
Condolences about your grandfather btw MrNutt 😐
Hi mate
Guessed what was up by your ribald comments on twitter - sorry for your loss man.
Tank
Hell John you are bloody brave to be able to talk about it, in consecutive years my dad lost both his brothers and then sister to cancer followed by last year his announcement to the family that he had it too and he had to go in to hospital to get it all taken out. I muttered about it at the time to some of the CCM but basically kept quiet about it which in hindsight wasn't too good an idea, so I admire your bravery in sharing it with people.
For him they managed to find it all and the check ups so far have remained clear and he's back to being a wiry old fixie riding roadie again, but it was scary seeing him laid so low. His big tip is if you find a lump don't ignore it and then at the prodding of your mate eventually go and get it checked out, instead go to the doc's straight away.
I'm having a bit of a maudlin evening.
One of the things that I'll never forget is when my dad realised that he only had a matter of days left was" is that it, 63 yrs, is that all I get?"This from a guy that had Schizophrenia for 40 yrs, one eye and had almost beaten a hefty dose of lung cancer. Makes you think.
It's my eldest's birthday next week and the old boy died before he got a chance to see him.
Suppose is should be thankful that I've found something that I love doing and have a healthy family.
keep strong John mate. my thoughts are with you.
barnsleymitch - Member
I know what you mean about the waiting, I think I said goodbye to my mam once the alzheimers started to make a major change to her personality, etc - to be brutally honest, the woman we buried had been a stranger to me for a long time, and (please dont think I'm a tw*t for saying this) it was a complete relief once she'd gone.
Before I knew about Alzheimer's I would have thought the same, I haven't said bood gye to Mum face to face but the time we have spent together is and always will be special.
I've just burnt my toasted Malt Loaf typing this out.....Can things get any worse for me?
Come up and see us at the caff John, chill out on't sofa with a brew and some of Mrs.G's cake on the house.
genesis - Member
Come up and see us at the caff John, chill out on't sofa with a brew and some of Mrs.G's cake on the house.
I/we might just do that, where are you?
John - with regards to your mother
One reason I feel we need to leave her there is because of something she said to me when we visited her Mum in a nearby home when she was at the same stage. Mum told me "make sure you shoot me before I get the that state"
I think by saying that she has made her wishes clear and as she cannot now consent to things you have to do it for he. The guiding principle should always be when making decisions for someone "what would [i]they[/i] have wanted to do / be done"
It is not easy and its tempting to cling on to all hope - but dementia is a one way process. The best we can do at the end is ensure that the person with dementia dies a dignified and comfortable death surrounded by their loved ones. would a feeding tube achieve anything [i]for your mother[/i]
If the home she is in look after her with love and a reasonable degree of competence then leaving her in their care might be the best for all concerned.
As regards yourself - events like the past few weeks are absolutly devastating. Accept some professional help / counselling or go seek some. A few words with the parish priest might help or formal sessions of professional counselling. This is not weakness but something that helps many of us make sense of times like this in our lives.
Don't be afraid to lean on your friends as well - your real friends will be there for you. We all need support.
Good luck
When first my dad and then my mum died, I can honestly say it passed me by much like a wet Sunday morning. A bit "not the best day ever" with regard to my mum but other than that, I wasn't muched bothered. In fact, the day after my Mum died, I went for a bike ride with NBT and Bunnyhop.
I guess I'm something of an emotional cripple.
I should add that my wife is an oncologist nurse specialist and senior sister at a very large (UK's largest) hospice and my lack of caring about just about anybody really, really worries her.
Just seen your post TJ. Hand on heart (don;t actually think I have an emotional one)....I really wasn't and continue to be not much bothered at all. Take me at a Man City match though and I'm kickinf every ball.
I'm well odd, me 🙂
Barca - grief affects different people in different ways. There is no right and wrong.
If the deaths were expected you will have had time to go thru the stages of grief and come to acceptance quickly.
John, i'm sorry for your loss mate.
My Dad died two weeks ago. He went to work as normal and collapsed with a massive stroke. He was only 59 didn't smoke, didn't drink and was a keen cyclist. I didn't get my chance to say goodbye properly.
The only thing getting me through this is keeping busy and looking out for my Mum, Sis, Wife and Baby. I feel as if i've not had my time to grieve yet. I'm dreading it hitting home when it finally does.
John, Futureboy77 and all the others who have recently lost a loved one, all I can say is I understand what you're going through.
T.J. is completely correct, grief does affect us in different ways. It may all come out at once or even a year later. When it does, don't fight it.
Barca - I remember that ride well.
John its Dylan 🙂
genesis - Member
John its Dylan
Now I understand, Yep I'll take you up on your offer soon.
Just like to add my condolences.
For those who have followed this thread I just thought I'd let you know that mum lost her long battle against Alzeimers this morning.
Both died of different things and within 17 days of each other.
They are happy and at rest now.
Sorry to hear that John, I just saw your photo from today over on the Flickr group. I lost my father very suddenly and unexpectedly back in the early summer. I'm constantly wracking my brains over it most days. It just dosen't seem fair or right. I was touched by the cards of condolences from most of our family's friends. They just seemed to know what to write, often over several pages and in great detail. Maybe they've had more practice than I have. Death of a close one is still a novel experience for me. Anyway, sorry and I hope it all goes well for you from now on. HTH.
Some lovely posts on here. Real honest and open.
I don't know you but sorry to hear of your loss JohnClimber.
Condolences from the Sandwich family.
John I had a text from Mark this morning about your mum, that and my wife having another bad fall caused my office door to be closed and me having a good cry.
I know your a determined chap but you must be going through all sorts of emotions at the moment. Please accept myself & Carolyn's thoughts/support in these sad times