[Closed] What encouragement for depression?

the first step is the hardest and it sounds like your doing your best to take it.
i came at my issues with a lets leave the pills and potions till last especially the kind folks who tell you to buck up.

understanding where you are and how you came to be there is crucial, clearly you and the mrs are making a go of it, if you cant get your feelings out or dont understand them say so but convince them that you are trying.

simple things often make the biggest impact for me it was stopping listening to radio 5 ( middle aged men moaning all day about stuff i have no influence over) and tuned into radio 2, music and self depricating humour ( at least until lunchtime)

before bed be tired, drink warm milk and read a book for 30 mins.. you ll still wake but you ll go back to sleep easy enough.

if the house needs repairs, sort it out one at a time start with the small stuff focus on the job in hand and ignore all other stuff the list will grow shorter..

Thanks. Have you managed to get rid of it, or just improve things?

This will come as a shock to people who have read my posts ( I expect) and some others who know me will confirm some of what I'm about to say which is:

Other than the family breaking up and suicidal thoughts, I'm much like you. I can spend ages wondering "why" this and that are like they are, I find it hard to express feelings and can project stubborness and doom and gloom when in actual fact all is well. To cut it short I learn 4 things (which I still struggle to do properly btw) which may help from people around me, and also Dr Steve Peter's book - the Chimp Paradox.

1) Dwelling on the past and especially beatiung yourself up over is a complete waste of time. You are where you are, so channel your energies to do what you can today and tomorrow to make a better, happier life for yourself.

2) Who cares what others think of you. Think about who matters (your inner circle) such as family and kids and shape yourself around there's and your needs, don't bother about pleasing others with the exception of being polite and gracious to them, they are focussing on themsleves.

3) There are no good and bad decisions just decisions. One you've made a decision, deal with the consequences and outcomes in the best way you can.

4) Accept where you are in life. We are ALL on different rungs of lifes ladder. Some are above us, others are below us, but if you constantly trying to be above or below your mind will never rest. Let your actions (See 1-3) take youo where they will.

Oh and a 5th:

5) Life isn't fair. Accept that and move on. It isn't fair and never will be, not for you, me or anyone else.

Hope this helps a bit.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised anymore, but they are lots of people who feel like you do and have had similar experiences in life.

If you take nothing else from any replies to your post, remember, you are not alone! Never, ever think that you are...

I thought it was just me but it turns out that lots of people ride to keep sane.

Having suffered from depression a few times in the last 7 or so years, I was advised that exercise would help keep the spirits up.

At 36, I took up kayaking with my eldest son. This turned my life around and I haven't looked back since. After a rather sobering experience on the River Dart (in spate) my ardour for whitewater paddling cooled a little. As a result, I haven't paddled in anger for over 3 years now. I noticed that my spirits were generally low and getting lower as the months went on, so decided after some gentle nudging from my wife that maybe I should dust off the 1990 Emmelle Dolomite XL in the shed and start riding to and from work.

At first I didn't enjoy it. The fact that Torquay is built on 7 hills means that there is no flat around here. It's either up or down. The ride to work is very nearly all downhill. Therefore, going home is a hard (for me), ride. Anyway, after a month or two, I realised that I wasn't so tired when I got home... I could speak!

I then took the plunge and decided that cycling around Iceland (one of my favourite countries) would be a good idea. One little dabble with the Cycle scheme and I got a 2010 Felt Q620 hardtail. Wow, bikes have improved in the last 20 years!!

Me and a mate spent 2 weeks riding in Iceland in July 2010. It was ace. Despite the fact that I hopelessly underprepared physically!

The riding bug has well and truly bitten me and I love riding to and from work. I only live about 0.8 miles from work but I now ride 9 - 13.5 miles home (80% uphill) just so I can ride for longer. I even look forward to the ride home. I find myself plotting longer routes home now.

I have competed in Devon Dirt Mountain bike race and the Dartmoor Classic this year.

I even took my bike to NZ this Summer and rode in some amazing places!

I feel so much happier because I ride. Ask my wife...

Cycling has given me back my self esteem, and taken away over two stone...

It's taken a long time, but I have come round to seeing this as an illness (although that word makes me cringe) that needs to be resolved rather than a fundamental flaw in me as a person. So I don't blame myself, but it's just my nature to want/need to understand what has happened to me.

I read once on here, I think it was ernie who wrote it, something along the lines of while it's not your fault how your treated as kid, and how that makes you turn out, once your an adult it's up to you whether or not you resolve it or wallow in it. The context might have been something else, but that was the general gist.

Perhaps I should try and find the time to do some of the long distance walks I would like to do. Just plodding along with just myself for company really appeals.

As you and your wife are making a go of it, have you tried Relate as a counselling service? Go on your own or together, this may help short-circuit the delays in NHS counselling services if they uncover things beyond their ability. You are going to need Mrs Tangerine to help sort it out as there's some emotional stuff to learn.

Samaritans aren't just there for those about to end it all. Also a source of where to go next.

Go back to your GP and redo the PHQ test. Be truthful this time, take any medication handed out to take the edge off things (they aren't a cure just a tool to start the cure) and get him to arrange the extra help you need.

Ride your bike, walk, run as necessary. Endorphins are good for you.

Best of luck with getting it all started and keep on keeping on.

Mike (more poor mental health experience than I'm happy with).

He referred me to a self help counselling guy, who was really good. I had 3 sessions with him, and we worked out that low self esteem was one of the problems. Having an understanding of that helped for a little while, but the darkness soon creeps back. That guy has now left and he hasn’t been replaced.

Sounds to me like you need to focus efforts on sorting out an alternative to this seeing as it really helped. Unfortunately as I found the NHS in my area can only usually fund a few sessions, so you may have to fund it privately if you can find the money. I think you should make it a big priority though.

Sandwich - to be fair, she's being as supportive as she can be, given that it can't be easy for her either. What we're doing now isn't through relate but it's a similar sort of thing, with someone to help/guide. not just the tow of us.

grum - how did you go about finding someone privately (assuming you did)?

Go out and do lots and lots and lots of exercise. That will do you the world of good. Worked for me.

Or try either - https://moodgym.anu.edu.au

The NHS has a similar site, Living Life to the Full is what the site is called.

We're alike in some ways and different in otheres. For me it was nearly dieing 5 years ago that brought things to a head. I ended up doing over 2 years of counselling that made me realise I had a lot of things to face. That was through a charitable counselling service who relied on donations from some people to support those who couldn't afford it. Realising what you're up against is the first part of it and I somehw feel better to know 'why' I'm feeling a certain way or doing something, even though that itself does nothing to fix thngs. Sometimes I can turn it around by focussing on the good stuff and accepting what I know about myself, but for me it seems there's no 'cure', not so far anyway. 30+ years of living a certain way will take a lot of fixing. So all I'd say is commit to something that will help you, be selfish for once about helping yourself feel better and accept that the way out isn't always going to be pleasant.

One of my greatest fears is that my children will go the same way. Not because I am like my father, that will never happen. But I just worry that my problems might affect the way they develop emotionally.

Another way of looking at that concern would be that by being exposed to someone with the odd mental health challenge, they will become more aware, more tolerant and less judgemental of such individuals in future.

That's true. Probably the best thing to do is to be honest with them, once they're old enough to understand, so at least they'll know that Dad's not grumpy because of them.

Back in 2007 I was a mess, I didn't leave the house, hardly ate, slept 17 hours a day and just wanted to not wake up. It's been a tough journey but today I am engaged to a stunning girl, holding down a good career in an area I love and have a mortgage. I still suffer with anxiety more so involving social events. It hurts me to look at what I was but I can easily look forward now and be happy.

You can turn it around it just takes time. Ride more, eat well and try not to think too much.

One of my greatest fears is that my children will go the same way. Not because I am like my father, that will never happen. But I just worry that my problems might affect the way they develop emotionally.

One if the reasons I haven't had children yet is the fear of passing depression on or letting them see me when I'm down but you can't worry over things that haven't happend yet. Spend good times with them and when the going is rough think of those times.

I know this is not the same situation, but if it is anyway helpful, it's worth saying.
Go back to the GP as soon as you can, modern drugs for depression can and do work.
A member of my family had a breakdown, and came out the other side completely fine. It took about a year and is no longer medicated.
I feel we are all on a tight rope, holding ourselves together emotionally. One or two bad knocks can just tip the balance sometimes.
What works for me is excersize. I can be snappy with the kids, short tempered and distant. The endorphin hit of a run or bike ride (plus a little solitude), even just an hour, can sort me out for the day.

I'd get out & ride as much as possible & get training for a long distance biking holiday in Spring. It will help you get through winter & give you a new focus.

If you want to do the Ebro valley in Spain, 800km of car free track, get in touch as I'm planning it. It certainly focusses the mind.

Hope it helps

The prospect of being given medication is one of the reasons I have avoided going back to the doctor. I just don't like the thought of it.

I've just finshed reading this book - [url= http://www.sheldonpress.co.uk/books/0859699749.html ]Depressive Illness[/url] - and while it turns out not really to be about my problems (it's about depression brought on by stress, not other causes) it does give an honest and encouraging review of the medication that is used.

So while I still don't really want any happy pills I'm starting to see that it might be a means to an end.

Dont think of medication as happy pills, think of them as pills for getting rid of depression. Because they dont make you happy, they just make you feel normal - if you get the correct ones for you.

my inability to express or describe any feeling is frustrating

You're doing it pretty well here.

You've knocked up a makeshift bed with a lumpy matress and are currently lying in it, and feeling glass half full about it. I'm just a bod on a forum and it sounds depressing to me - no money, shonky house, three kids, a dull job, dull sex life - or does it?

Try walking to Compostela. By half way there you'll either be off with a ballet dancer from Berlin or be hankering after your own bed in your familiar house without half a dozen snoring pilgrims around, your three great kids, your caring wife and your work mates.

Objectively, I'm not disatisfied with anything - wife, kids, job, house, location. There are always little things that could be improved, but none of these cause me to despair. We're going away later this month, to America next summer, and I'm probably going to take the older kids to Canada in a years time - lots to look forward to. I enjoy spending time with my family.

It's just a constant feeling of sadness nearly all the time. It's like I want to cry, but can't. Sometimes I sit there willing it to happen because I think I'll feel better for it. But it never happens. I have cried twice since my father died 16 years ago. Once at my grandfather's funeral, but only after everyone else had gone, and once becuse of this

One of my greatest fears is that my children will go the same way.

Maybe that's why a logical/analytical person like me has struggled for so long, being unable to make sense of it all, and therefore be unable to solve it myself?

Depression / Anxiety is a horrible illness and there are many drugs (anti-depressants) which can be very effective for people. E.g. I've been taking them every day for the last 5 years, and can't rate them highly enough.

Put very crudely, there are two types of depression, some people just seem prone to it as part of their personality / genetics / upbringing. These people tend to be harder to treat with therapy, such as CBT.

Others, who have an acute episode brought on by a specific even, such as a divorce, normally recover of their own accord as they overcome / adjust to the event. These people tend to respond well to Anti-depressants / therapy (mainly as they'd recover anyway, so the intervention is getting an easy ride).

If you have a depressive personality there is nothing wrong with taking anti-depressants, and they can make a big difference to your quality of life. I know several people who will probably be on them for life and are quite happy about it (myself included).

I'd recommend talking to your GP about this (and be honest about suicidal thoughts as it's important you get assessed properly).

Feel free to PM me for a chat - I've been there and know exactly what Hell looks like...

Ben

Thanks Ben. Have you had any problems with side effects, as this also puts me off a bit.

grum - how did you go about finding someone privately (assuming you did)?

I asked a friend who is also a therapist to recommend me someone - had a few sessions but I didn't really get on with them. I found someone now just through googling who I think is great. The person I am seeing now is a consultant clinical psychologist. Not cheap but I am confident she knows what she is doing. I have seen counsellors in the past who were well-meaning and provided helpful 'sticking plasters' but were a little wishy-washy and weren't really addressing the issues directly. I think unfortunately you just have to try some people out and see how you get on with them.

I was on anti-depressants for a while and it got me out of a hole but it's not a long-term solution (for me anyway).

Objectively, I'm not disatisfied with anything - wife, kids, job, house, location. There are always little things that could be improved, but none of these cause me to despair.

I think often it doesn't have a lot to do with your actual situation, it's just your brain's way of looking at things has gone a bit faulty. The same set of circumstances can seem like an exciting challenge or a terrifying ordeal depending on how you are feeling at the time.

I've not read all the replies so I apologise if repeating anything.

IME depression feeds off itself. I'm very analytical (ins and outs of a duck's and all that) and I've been depressed. For me, trying to make sense of it all just made it worse.

I'm happier now, for the fact that I try to not think about being unhappy. When I feel the downs starting to come I'll distract myself (biking, walking the dog, DIY, sorting the shed) and it seems to help nip it in the bud. Doesn't always work, but it's much better than it was.

I expect others probably have it worse than me though, so I'm not sure what my opinion is really worth.

All the best though.

Have you read Curse of the Strong, by Dr Tim Cantopher? (apologies if I've missed it in this thread, reading fast on my lunchbreak!).

Everything you have described sounds very familiar to me personally, and the book will help.

I've had severe depression on and off for much of my life, but really hit rock bottom 4 years ago now when I was talked off the ledge by the Police and found myself in a mental hospital. What followed was probably the most amazing few years of my life as I was re-built by wonderful people in the NHS and by my family. I consider myself well and truly cured now, and I've never been happier.
I had therapy, medication etc. But most of of the prescribed treatments were sticking plasters to me which is how I believe they always should be, the actual cure came from within myself. I educated myself and I knew I had to tackle some significant demons and alter my approach to life if I wanted to see my kids grow up.

My point is, get some help, that will provide the foundations to allow you to have a long hard look at yourself.
Read books, study the illness, take those long walks and be honest with yourself. Learn the signs, know what to do to avoid escalating symptoms. Almost all depression is caused by simply ignoring the signs or trying to ignore underlying insecurities.

I could rattle on for hours, but please drop me a line if you need a patient and understanding ear.

Thanks Ben. Have you had any problems with side effects, as this also puts me off a bit.

Personally, none at all. Not everyone gets on with every drug, but there are so many about you can always try different one. Your GP will start you off on a basic generic (out of patent) such as Citalopram. You can see the NICE guidance process, which your GP should follow, here:

http://guidance.nice.org.uk/CG90

I'm now confused; in your opening post you list a host of issues which from later posts it's clear aren't issues. Looking forward to things suggests dissatisfaction with what you're doing today. Why will Canada be any better than where you are now? The people you'll be with will be the same and let's face it, holidays are stressful wild goose chases.

So, I think the issues that you consider non-issues are real issues for you and that you're dissatisfied more than you're depressed.

Have you read Curse of the Strong, by Dr Tim Cantopher?

Yes, and enjoyed it, but it seems to deal specifically with depression caused by stress, although I'm sure a lot of it crosses over.

I feel better for having posted, so I'm glad I bothered. Especially the fact that it seems possible to beat it given time. Sounds like it needs to be a combination of things I can do for myself and things the doctor might be able to do.

I'm grateful to everyone for taking the time to post. Thanks.

I'll see how it goes when I see the doctor.

All good advice above.

I tend to spend too long thinking/worrying about things, which brings me down quite badly.

To try and fix this, I'm currently reading/implementing The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris. It's based on ACT. Seems to help so far. It's focused on methods of coexisting with bad thoughts rather than spending loads of energy trying to expel them. So when you have thoughts that you often worry about, you can emotionally detach from them and only spend energy on them if its useful. The book explains it a lot better than me!

Hope it helps.

Edukator - I'm not sure I get what you're saying? Perhaps I haven't explained so well?

EDIT

My job isn't the cause of my unhappiness.
My wife isn't the cause of it. My introversion has caused a lot of the distance between us.
I'm still able, most of the time, to look forward to things like holidays.
I worry about things like money and the house, I think more than I should, but I don't think that's what's behind my depression.

Objectively, I don't think these things are the cause, but my depression affects how unhappy I feel about them sometimes.

Steve Peters The Chimp Paradox is a good read. Takes a psychiatric approach to it rather than a psychological one.

Try reading the Hector book about happiness, I'll Google it in a bit and look for the English translation. I'm just questioning whether what you're feeling is depression or unhappiness born of disssatisfaction with life.

Edit to add [url= http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hector-Search-Happiness-Hectors-Journeys/dp/1906040230 ]Hector link.[/url]

I see. Who knows? I shall add that book to my list!

There are three Hector books. The one about love is perhaps why I'm not posting from Berlin. I read them when I was finding life an uphill struggle, they convinced me to keep trying and make the most of what I have. Carpe diem whiilst still acting responsibly.

When I'm sad I'm introverted, that doesn't mean I'm depressed though.

I have come round to seeing this as an illness that needs to be resolved rather than a fundamental flaw in me as a person

+100 and very important step that you acknowledge that fact.

There is nothing wrong with your person, personality, soul, being, entity, whatever. Depression is a mechanical disorder like any other disease, but of the brain, and far more common than people imagine. And it can be largely relieved for many people. But even sufferers are sceptical about the existence of mental illnesses and doubt, blame, and criticise themselves.

Apply your intellect to the practices, disciplines and medications that can help. I've used talking therapies for relatively minor issues and found CBT concepts and practices particularly logical and therefore easier to buy-in and commit to (I'm an Engineer). It's a long road back to health so best start walking now. Good luck.

...feeling is depression or unhappiness born of dissatisfaction with life...

This. I've done the depression thing, pill's an' all in the early 2000's. I was recommended MTB'ing as a "hobby" to distract me from other events after I came off them.

I was diagnosed as depressive personality, but am now able to spot the difference (in myself) between depression and disatisfaction, its not been easy.

Edukator will vouch for the fact that even not so long ago I went through a long "wanton" phase - ie, never happy with anything. I put that down to a peter pan personality and lots of disposable income (what a problem to have eh?).

Now, I'm much "poorer" than then but much more satisfied. I too didn't want my kids to grow up like my parents or myself in my childhood years, but watching the happiness and intelligence of my little boy, added to the feedback I get from his teachers and other parents etc about his behaviour, together with the way he [i]wants[/i] to help me fix my bikes and spend time with me, I know that even as challenging as I find it (I question my application as a father constantly), I'm doing something right.

In short, I may have been / am an arse to a lot of people, but I've a brilliant son who isn't and whose manners and intelligence are admired by others at the age of 3.5yrs. That to me is reason enough to put a smile on my face an wipe away (yet not excuse) the past misgivings.

[i]Edit: I forgot to explain - I wrote that ^^ becuase I'm trying to show you that no matter what happend, it doesn't mean that / you really can find a way to create a better future. [/i]

A lot of good advice here. Not sure I can add much, except to say that in a strange way, being diagnosed with depression was one of the best things that ever happened to me. In that I realised there was nothing "wrong" with me, I was just ill. It explained why I felt so bad about myself - about most things - all the time.

Good diet, exercise help, as can keeping busy. If tasks seem to be "too big", then break them up into little chunks and work on them for 10 minutes a day.

For me, getting enough sleep is really important. As to medication, I'm back on 900mg of St.John's Wort/day. It takes the edge off.

tangerine, you have got close to some important realisations in what you have said. The first is that you are a logical/rational kind of guy. This means you expect to be able to get logical/rational answers and you expect your mind to provide them but there is a catch here. Depression is a big fat LIAR and the fact is you cannot trust your mind to give you the right answers when you are feeling this way.
Another is that this is an illness, not a personality flaw. If you broke your leg you'd be straight off to A&E without a second thought to get patched up but because it is your mind that's "broken" you feel embarrassed to tell your doctor how you feel and resistant to taking "happy pills".
Actually, depression is linked to low serotonin levels in the brain and modern antidepressants help keep the levels up. There are many different ones so if you find one doesn't suit you (bad side effects or just not working) ask your doctor to try you on something else. Keep trying and keep in touch with your doctor. The first one I was given made me feel ten times worse and I couldn't move from my bed for 3 days! The doctor tried a different one and I felt much better very quickly.
I was also prescribed a course of CBT which I was able to do at home as an interactive computer programme. This was backed up with weekly counselling sessions on the phone (you can also have face-to-face). For me this was very useful in teaching me why depression happens, why it is hard to shift and - almost the most important thing - how very widespread and common it is. You would be amazed how many of the things you describe are very common symptoms of depression.
CBT is not about probing into your past, or about whether you are a good/bad person. It is about recognising that how you feel is closely related to the kinds of thoughts you have. If these thoughts are exaggerated or faulty, you can nail them down and examine them, then find ways of replacing them with more realistic and positive ones.
I know that when you are depressed it is very hard to imagine feeling happy (or even "normal") again, but the fact is you can.
Good luck! Keep us updated .

I went to the doctor a couple of years ago and did one of those PHQ depression tests. I think I was about in the middle. He referred me to a self help counselling guy, who was really good. I had 3 sessions with him, and we worked out that low self esteem was one of the problems. Having an understanding of that helped for a little while, but the darkness soon creeps back. That guy has now left and he hasn’t been replaced.

Who doesn't score in the middle of a depression test?

[url= http://alcoholism.about.com/library/bldepressquiz.htm ]Test questions are so loaded that everyone comes out depressive.[/url] How many people have never ever thought of suicide? Lead a busy life and I don't see how you can answer 'no' to some of those questions unless you're on a Festina style doping protocol.

If councelling helped before then more of the same and some personal reading seem good first steps.

Hi! I can kind of understand what your going through, although perhaps I was a little more fortunate?

My father also drank a lot, pretty much every night would be spent at the pub. My mum didn't drink though. He didn't take things out on her, he used to have a bad time at work and would regulary take it out on me. Not severe beatings, but plenty of smacking and being dragged into for my bedroom for a smacking, for things like patting the bottom of the sauce bottle at meals, sniffing at the table because I was crying, that sort of thing. This went on from perhaps 6/7/8 to when I was 10?

Luckily I had grandparents who loved me and were brilliant. My mum did love me but never stepped in to help. I perhaps thought this was all normal at the time though, and so never mentioned anything to anyone. Perhaps the only time I thought it might not be normal was when I saw the horror on my cousins faces when they saw it happening to me one time.

Anyway, this obviously effected me. Similar in a way to you, but I have managed to express my feelings over the last 10-15 years or so (I'm mid late 30's now) but still can be a bit distant and find it hard to be 'all emotional' sometimes. This just developed over time, probably form being forced to show emotion from my partners! I also get spells when I feel despair! Also times when I feel rage. I just bottle it in though as I feel I can't really tell anyone about it.

I've started reading The Chimp Paradox as well and have found it helpful. It sort of explains why you get some of these emotions, that they are normal, and that you can do something to help. Perhaps give this a try as well?

Again, thanks for all the advice, but especially to those who've posted about their own experiences.

I'm off to work now but I'll have another read through tomorrow.

I'll also let you know how it goes after I've seen the doctor.

Cheers.

you expect to be able to get logical/rational answers and you expect your mind to provide them but there is a catch here. Depression is a big fat LIAR and the fact is you cannot trust your mind to give you the right answers when you are feeling this way.

this is quite an important point I think.. I can only give you a very simplified version of events here but it might be worth a shot..

I was extremely depressed for a number of years, and eventually I was lucky in that I met people who were more than happy to show me a way through..
A lot of my problem was that I thought too much, not a very wise move when your brain is out to get you..

The first thing that I had to learn to do was to not judge myself harshly, to approve of myself, and to decide on a few things that I enjoyed doing and then to regularly do them, for me, damn everyone else, damn convention and damn other peoples expectations..

The second thing I had to do was learn to let it go, to quit thinking about my problems and feelings and only deal with what was in front of me right here and now in the real world.. not to analyse how it made me feel, but just to get on with it.. a what doesn't kill you makes you stronger type approach..
Once I had noticeably worked at this and achieved it in any given situation, then I could reward myself with the first thing..
And then I learnt to keep repeating this until it was habitual..

I found medications that helped, (although some hindered and it was a lengthy process to find something that was useful)..
A complete change of lifestyle was an enormous help, different social scene, different habits, different scenery and most importantly, people that could offer fresh perspectives..

i have always struggled with depression too. two years ago i had a really big wobble when i turned 30 and split up with my girlfriend who loved very very much. i pushed her away through a stupid bout of wallowing in my own self pity with the idea in my head that i would be happier if i could just go off on my own and do what i wanted all the time.
biggest mistake of my life. its very true what was mentioned above, that your decision making is drastically impaired when in a depressed state.
i dont really have any advice to give sorry. i am pretty down right now too but you aren't alone in this mate, and this place is very supportive when you are feeling the pinch. it seems acceptable to come on here and say" im feeling really bad right now" and there is always a lot of supportive comments.
i hope you sort it out to a level you can function on .
dont leave your wife, depression + loneliness is much much worse

Yunki +1. Great post. Recently I've been worrying about how much I overthink things. Yeah I know...

Yunki. What you describe as your self-help techniques has strong parallels with CBT, from my experience of that.

Taught to me independently of each other by the town drunk and a particularly unsavoury and nefarious drug peddler..!!
They supported me through thick and thin, and made sure that the message had sunk in.. I'd be very surprised if I ever let depression get the better of me again..

Not sure I can add anything else helpful, but it seems this is the thread for depressed people coming out, so I might as well join in. I'm on the drugs, but not really sure they're helping me much (the second one I've tried - these at least don't have any obvious side effects, the first lot did and didn't obviously help either). Have had some counselling but if anything that made me feel worse and I don't think I ever actually made any progress - not helped by being unemployed and living off a redundancy payment, it felt like I was spending a lot of money on it compared to my other outgoings for no obvious benefit. At some point I'll try somebody else, but like a lot of things in my life this is something difficult I keep putting off "until I feel up to it".

I should point out that my understanding is that my experience is atypical - most people do find the drugs and/or counselling helps a lot. Despite no progress in those ways I'm still really glad I went to see my GP - what felt like such a difficult thing beforehand seemed so easy once I was in there (from what he said, I'm fairly sure my GP also suffers from depression, so had lots of empathy!) I suspect my big problem is that my depression is largely situational - the root cause is largely something in my life, and I know that I won't ever get better until I change that, yet at the moment I'm scared that I'll end up being even more unhappy if I do.

Interesting and useful post from yunki - I also judge myself harshly. I also have the problem of thinking rather than doing - I often find it hard to get out and do things I know I enjoy and will make me feel a lot better. Sometimes depression is such a horrible viscious circle.

If it helps at all - I felt exactly the same way about being prescribed anti-depressants over a year ago. Really didn't want to go on them, felt like I was giving up, worried about what they'd do to my brain etc etc.

But they have helped - mainly because they gave me space to actually distance myself from negative thoughts and feelings long enough to put them in context. A therapist (also a big part of what helped me) put it in a way that I found useful, which was to compare it to a physical problem. Let's say that you've been unexpectedly shot in the leg while walking down the street. While it's perfectly natural to want to know why that's happened, who did it, what their reasons were etc, the first thing you need to do is FIX THE HOLE IN YOUR LEG. So I view the taking of anti-depressants in that light. Why i need them, what I can do long-term to tackle anxiety and stress - all worthwhile problems that need my attention. But a clear head, free (or at least freer) from the pointless cycle of anxiety and recrimination, is what's required, and that's what they give me.

Big props for being able to talk about it in the first place mate. Good luck.

its very true what was mentioned above, that your decision making is drastically impaired when in a depressed state.

Oh yeah - forgot that. I got into a state where I'd been through a job a year for 4 years - proper, well paid career-type jobs as well. All of them said they didn't want me to leave and offered stuff to keep me there, but no way Jose - I was certain the job was the problem and it was making me feel rubbish and I really wasn't doing very well at it and they were only trying to keep me because of their own reasons etc. The grass would be greener, oh yes! And it wasn't - and each time it wasn't i got more convinced that the job was the problem etc etc. I eventually walked out of corporate life and into my own business thinking that would be the route to happiness and all the same stuff came back at me again. Then I had my brush with death and spent a few years rebuilding myself, the recession killed what was left of my business and now I can't even get a sniff of a job and sometimes feel like I'll never have a career again (old habits die hard).

So the moral of my story is don't make any big life decisions yet.

The name for thinking too much in the manner some posters are describing is called ‘rumination’ - which is an inclination to self reflect on events negatively. A ruminative thinking style maintains depressed mood previously installed - sometimes by past events as the OP details for example.

I have to guard against it myself otherwise I can ‘brood’ resulting in increased anxiety.

If you understand it, there are mechanisms to break the cycle. Essentially you need to make the good things in your life the focal points.

grum - how did you go about finding someone privately (assuming you did)?

Try here for starters, IME you may need to go to a couple before you find someone who works for you. Good luck 🙂

http://www.itsgoodtotalk.org.uk/therapists/

Essentially you need to make the good things in your life the focal points.

I guess that's why the guys with the hedonistic outlook were able to offer me such useful advice..

Unacceptable work stress led to an acute period of depression and anxiety, then three months off. I took medication and it helped me stop crashing so much, to sum it up. Obviously every case is different and causes various, mine were both work and of course me. I hear all you have said and been somewhere near there.

However a mixture of things, including bikes enabled the dark days to get further apart and being able to spot a bad one coming. It will come and you will ride out of the darkness, but it may take some time. Now everyday is a blessing.

I saw a few therapists, and my tuppence worth was that it's more important to click with the person than their style / technique as its the relationship which matters. I did see a guy in North London, who I really liked and thought was very good (for me): http://www.feelbetter-counselling-eastlondon.com/

Edit: In the end, Citalopram was so effective, that after a few weeks on it, I didn't have anything to discuss as my anxiety had completely vanished. I've stayed on the drugs (on a lower dose) as I now realise that I have neurotic tendencies and am anxiety prone and the drugs just normalise me, so these tendencies are kept suppressed.

I wish there wasn't such a stigma around anti-depressants. I know about 6 people who have all been helped massively by Citalopram.

Firstly, apologies that I've not read any of the posts in this thread other than your first so may be repeating what others have said, but felt I could relate to your post and was compelled to respond straight away...

Firstly, I have been there with the depression, not the same background as you but can relate to so much, including being over analytical and try and "think" my way out of everything.

I got to a stage last year where I just broke down at work for no apparent reason, managed to escape without being seen and called a very (now even better!!) friend who is a psychologist for some advice as I didn't know where to start. Fix my bike? No worries... Car broken down? Take it to a mechanic... Head ****en? No idea where to begin!!!

I'll repeat what she told me. Firstly, what you are feeling is very normal. Don't worry, it's fixable, won't last for ever and is nothing to be ashamed of. Secondly, you've done the hard bit - admitting there is something wrong and looking for help - that's one of the hardest and strongest things you'll ever do. Ever!

As for the way forward, if you can afford it, forget your GP and find a psychologist local to you who deals in CBT (go here: http://www.bps.org.uk/bpslegacy/dcp as a starting point). If you want to go through your GP, push for a consultation with someone dealing in CBT. If you don't "click" with the first person you see then try a couple of others (might not be so easy with NHS route), it's all about the relationhship you have with you therapist. I paid £80/session and had about 5 or 6 sessions - I'd pay that again with a nought on the end for the amount it improved my life. It's not some new fangled, yoghurt weaving miracle cure (trust me, I'm the most down to earth person you'll ever meet!!) it's just someone who will rationalise how you are thinking, put it in perspective and give you tools to move forward.

Trust me, find the right psychologist and it will change you life forever (and I was a naysayer of the highest order who hardly even knew what psychology was until I went through this chapter in my life). I've since been out with someone who had a not dissimilar childhood to yours, although the focus of the violence was on her and who has since had a series of abusive relationships. If I tell you that CBT therapy has changed her life to the point where she is now half way through a 4 year course to become a CBT therapist herself then perhaps that puts things into perspective...

Back from the doctor. I found it surprisingly difficult to tell him what was going on but managed to in the end. He gave me some Sertraline to take and I'm to go back and see him in a fortnight. I should also hear from the CPN/CMHT within the next couple of weeks. Feel a bit strange sitting here with antidepressant tablets - never imagined [i]I'd[/i] ever be taking them, but there you go! He told me he didn't anticipate it being a long term thing, just to stop the downward spiral as he described it. Guess this is the first stage in getting it all fixed.

Good for you tangerine. This is a positive step.

never imagined I'd ever be taking them

I know what you mean, but if you had an infection and he prescribed you antibiotics, you'd have no issues taking them. It's not really any different......

EDIT: By the way, well done for telling him what's really going on, it's not easy by any means.

Christ. I never thought I'd be depressed but I've had the blues for a wee while now and reading through this thread, maybe I have depression. There's often times when I have to force myself to get out of bed in the morning; I very regularly avoid doing things I know I'll enjoy for no apparent reason; I'm regularly accused of lacking emotion as I rarely display affection nor do I get angry (although on he inside I get very wound up about things) and I avoid confrontation; I worry about my effectiveness as a father; and I think, think, think all the time.

Here's the thing though, I am for all intents and purposes a successful person: I have a great missus, three great kids, my own business in a field where I am respected, a comfortable living, no financial worries. I had a loving and steady upbringing and I've never really experienced any major traumas in my life.

I know I've nothing to be depressed about and I've a tendency to try and tell myself to cheer up, pull myself together etc. but I can't. I guess in need to get some CBT in me. Thanks to this thread for that. And its good to know you're not alone.

Tangerine - I was wondering how you were getting on, well done on asking for treatment. It's not necessarily quick, but you should be on the way to recovery now.

I'd recommend anyone who thinks they might be depressed to read [url= http://www.wingofmadness.com/what-does-depression-feel-like-446 ]this[/url] - I was shocked at how well it described what I was feeling. This was what finally made me seek treatment.