Forum menu
so in a triathlon it would come down to who could cycle faster……….
Dont triathlons start with the swim?
So it would be too full for either the run or ride.
Dont triathlons start with the swim?
They start and end there to be honest, they're almost all lost in the water*, especially against a shark.
*Maybe less so at the pointy end, but that being said imagine the pointy end of a shark is probably more likely to win in the water.
Yeah, but technically that’s your big, bad wolf. There must be a few small, convivial ones surely? I read as a boy, what you do is jam your forearm in it’s mouth and push it’s head back to break it’s neck. As a nine year old I wasn’t sure how realistic this scenario was.
Let me get this right. The wolf is trying to eat you, so you start stuffing body parts in its mouth. Well, it's a plan, I suppose. Mainly the wolf's plan, but there we go.
Surely be a wolf you just climb a tree then jump on it, what with dogs not being able to look upwards and all.
The wolf is trying to eat you, so you start stuffing body parts in its mouth. Well, it’s a plan, I suppose. Mainly the wolf’s plan, but there we go.
🤣🤣
I'm sure I read somewhere (maybe something like the SAS Survival Handbook...?) that reaching as far down the animal's throat as possible was supposed to be the way to choke it but I can imagine that's one of those things very easy to write and much more difficult to put into practice since the default reaction is to try and pull your hand out of its mouth, not push it further in.
And yes, chances are you'll still end up with a broken arm and a lot of blood loss.
I still think befriending the wolf is the way forward. It worked in Dances With Wolves.
You later contract the plaque
Which will cost you in dentist fees
or some other hideous rat Bourne disease
you wake up not knowing who you are, with a full set of assassin skills
I’m pretty sure it was an ocelot
I know how to titillate an ocelot*.
(*Apparently you have to oscillate its tits a lot.)
I’m sure I read somewhere (maybe something like the SAS Survival Handbook…?)
Or maybe a book by a historical reenactor who always wears full plate armour. Since in that case it is a pretty sound plan although just standing there laughing whilst it breaks its teeth is another.
Jokes about rats aside I've got some rodent in the downstairs ceiling... upstairs floor...
If I can get it to come out I'll face it down .. otherwise a bit stuck as to how to catch the bugger without finding how it got in ... short of traps through light apertures not sure how to proceed... deffo don't want to poison the poor sod inside the roof/floor space
The typos in this thread are great.
things like cougars, dears, hippos, bears that sort of thing.
Little old ladies can be very vicious.
rat Bourne
Just don't let it get its paws on a pen or you're done for
This is the most entertaining thread in ages.
I would not take on a rat unarmed. They don’t eat, don’t sleep, they don’t feed, they don’t seethe, bare their gums when they moan and squeak.
Nice use of Pearl Jam lyrics.
Little old ladies can be very vicious.
cougars or dears?
hat reaching as far down the animal’s throat as possible was supposed to be the way to choke it
This is true, this article covers large dogs, a wolf is a large dog right 😬
https://exigentcircumstance.wordpress.com/2012/08/09/combative-anatomy-how-to-fight-a-dog/
I’m sure I read somewhere (maybe something like the SAS Survival Handbook…?) that reaching as far down the animal’s throat as possible was supposed to be the way to choke it
I read about this (though I think it was a panther rather than a wolf) in one of the ‘Adventure’ books by Willard Price. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adventure_series_(Willard_Price)
Theres lots of advice for surviving attacks by all sorts of animals, including elephants.
KAYAK23.....Just shot hot chocolate out of my nose after reading your pigeon post.
I’m sure I read somewhere (maybe something like the SAS Survival Handbook…?) that reaching as far down the animal’s throat as possible was supposed to be the way to choke it
Not recommended for crocodiles
I would not take on a rat unarmed. They don’t eat, don’t sleep, they don’t feed, they don’t seethe, bare their gums when they moan and squeak.
Suicidal rats near me are pretty stupid. Rather than ending their lives crossing the 4 lanes of 60~70mph traffic, they chose the parallel farm access road and scuttle under my bike wheels and I feel a soft bump.
Some cyclist, up whom I cannot be bothered to look, once said:
“Training is like wrestling a gorilla. You don’t stop when you are tired, you stop when the gorilla is tired.”
I imagine that, like swans, a pissed-off peacock could probably break your arm.
A nasty peck at yer balls, most likely. There’s no chance whatsoever of any bird damaging a human with its wings. Their beaks and claws, however…
Any bird that can crack open a brazil nut with its beak has to be treated with respect, same goes for birds that can take down something like a fox or a deer.
Giraffe
Who thinks they could take on a Giraffe? Bit of a wild card! I’m in two minds to be honest. Half of me thinks yeah, they’re big but they seem brittle and appear to move in slow motion. The other half has visions of being trampled (in slow motion) or whacked with that freaky neck.
We've had a (big) family of rats living under the decking, taking advantage of Mrs STR giving the local bird population lots of food.
They are far more scared of me than I of them. Just have to be careful with leptospirosis. I made her cut the food source down and they left anyway
Once you had it in a headlock it'd be game over, you'd be too heavy to lift (well, i would be) and it couldnt bring its legs to bare against you.
All you need to do now is fogure out how to get a giraffe in a headlock.
Giraffes use their heads as clubs
I reckon I could take Gerald the giraffe, it's well known that despite being very good at standing still and munching shoots off trees, he's no good at running around as he buckles at the knees. (I've read this book a lot)
Giraffes use their heads as clubs
And kangaroos are the bouncers, but that's not important right now.
Giraffes use their heads as clubs
If we are in a fight to the death, ill thought out tactics for cheating at poker just isn't going to cut it.
Giraffes use their heads as clubs
That was on a David Attenborough programme - they can apparently break a lion's back that way.
I reckon I could take Gerald the giraffe
Gerald was a gorilla, everyone knows that.
My dog tried to take on a house cat, and ended up scampering off looking very sheepish with a bit of cat claw stuck in his cheek.
Cat's are badass when they're riled.
Unless the dog is a seriously badass MF, in a general run of the mill doggo Vs devil in a cat suit altercation, there's only ever one winner
Does Dave have retractable Blades?
Ants aren’t on that list, they can be nasty.
Certainly don't tread on an ant, you'll end up black and blue. Seemingly, if you cut off his head, legs come looking for you
Giraffes don't appear to like cyclists.
I was going to say hedgehog, but I’d still want appropriate PPE, those spines are sharp!
Maybe a qokka?
I have two Bengal cats.
One is the perfect moggie, he's gentle and will chirp a thank you when you open a door for him and he loves people. The other one is a complete knob. He scratches things, yowls and jumps onto my office desk at home, showing his hoop to all of my work colleagues in Teams chats. He adores affection right up until he bites your hand. This wee bugger will square up to me when I tell him off, if then -for whatever rare reason- he feels like he can't best me physically he'll go and triumphantly shit in the bath.
How do you fight that?
Re: the ‘chimp’ vs ‘poultry’ argument, the porcupine in question, nothing with any sense whatsoever takes on a porcupine…
Cat’s are badass when they’re riled.
Our cat used to object to our landlord or my boss riding thier horses past our house on the farm track - it would rush out and square up, all bottlebrush tail and hissing...
Same cat saw off a Limousin bull which escaped over the wall into our garden....
I have defeated many slugs, armed only with a salt cellar, they don't like it on em Captain Mainwaring.
Although , I think snail's habit of wearing armour constitutes cheating.
I have defeated many slugs, armed only with a salt cellar
Once again, the thread is "What animal could you take on in unarmed combat" and by arming yourself with chemical weapons not only have you contravened the Geneva Convention, but you've also been DQ'ed and therefore technically got beaten in unarmed combat by a slug.
Same cat saw off a Limousin bull which escaped over the wall into our garden….
We used to have cats and I've felt a cat's claws in my leg or foot more than once. I've also seen a clear point of attack in the picture of that bull. I too would have been back over the wall and ****ing off to the far side of ****offsville
(what a beautiful looking bull by the way. I'm inspired almost to recite the Jeff Wode speech out of Withnail)
"Imagine the size of his balls. Imagine getting into a fight with the ****er!"
What is that fool in the giraffe video doing? Basically sauntering around a bush whilst the giraffe slowly follows. Worst attack video ever.
He wants to get the bugger in a headlock
He wants to get the bugger in a headlock
Or throw the bike over the Giraffes head, giving it a permanent necklace...