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It's been rather quiet on the update front on here, primarily as there was nothing really to update, but that changed last weekend.
Dad had gone out to the pub when I was visiting last Saturday, all happy and in pretty good spirits. I had left by the time he came home but found out what happened yesterday. Dad had walked back home after a few pints and as he got to the front door he felt light-headed. He says the door was locked (it wasn't, I'd made sure of it when I left) so he went to go and get the spare key out of the keysafe he has 'hidden' on the side of the house. He claims that as he stepped back he fell over backwards but managed to stop himself from hitting his head, got up and opened the keysafe. He then let himself in and went down to the kitchen to see mum. The worry is that he did hit his head, pretty hard too, as there's a decent bruise on the rear of his head visible through his thin hair. He's also struggling to follow his thoughts and conversations more than he has been, as in losing track after 30 seconds or less rather than a few minutes in. Mum insisted he went to the docs on Thursday after a long battle with him insisting he was fine but dad refuses to say anything about it other than the doc said he was fine.
Speaking to him yesterday, in person, he really struggled to follow what I was saying and had to constantly sit down to avoid wobbling around. His walking is also incredibly laboured and stuttery, to the point the dog is looking at him quizzically as if even he can see there's something wrong. Having had concussion myself a few times I recognise the signs but any attempt to bring up the subject was met with quite a bit of resistance. Mum's going to try to get him back to the docs this week as we're positive he's not telling then what actually happened. It's all very concerning as when old people start to fall for no reason and refuse any help it's always a Red Flag for something more serious. Had it with my grandfather just under a decade ago who was found one day in his flat by the warden doubled up against the washing machine and having a severe heart attack before they could get any medical help to him.
I don't really think there's anything I can do other than just visit regularly and be prepared for 'the phonecall' if it arrives.
Sorry to hear this. Stay strong, you're clearly doing a great job.
I wouldn't risk it on this - I know the oldies can be belligerently 'don't make a fuss' but any knock to the head and confusion is a warning sign to me (and no matter what he says, a bruise says different)
This was years back, but my Dad had a fall - pulling weeds up on the rockery one gave way and in stepping back he lost his footing and fell back onto the grass. As it was grass and there was no obvious effect other than mum pissing herself laughing at him, they didn't do anything.
Wind on about 4 weeks and they were on holiday in Portugal at their timeshare, we were out there for part of it and I noticed as he was swimming in the pool, he didn't seem to be pulling with one arm in the same way. He's no Mark Spitz but has always been decent so this was odd. I asked him about it and he admitted he didn't feel as co-ordinated that side, and then watching more closely he was a bit 'stumbly' with his knife when eating. So we insisted he got checked when he got home.
CALSS, the doctor did some basic squeeze my finger tests, etc., didn't like it, referred to hospital for a scan. Hospital scanned him that day / mid afternoon and immediately admitted him. Consultant reviewed him that evening and bluelighted him from Reading to Oxford where the regional head injuries unit is. Consultant there saw him around 11ish, confirmed he had a small bleed from the fall that had built up enough pressure to now show some symptoms and couldn't go any further so he needed his skull opening and a drain put in. Of course Dad's fully aware and competent so he's fully involved in all these discussions.
The kicker - he said he would do it immediately but he'd just been pinged and advised a car crash / head injury was about 10 minutes out and he'd need to do that first. So he was going straight from my Dad to theatre, then would get some sleep and come for my Dad in the morning. "What time?" we asked "Aiming for around seven he said"
Thoroughly impressed by the NHS service as always. The bit Dad wasn't sure of - assuming the crash took at least a couple of hours to sort, then cleaning up afterwards, and getting sorted in the morning; even if the surgeon was on call / sleeping in a staff room and didn't have to go home, that leaves time for 2-3 hours sleep maybe? He wasn't overchuffed at the thought of someone drilling a hole into his head on that much sleep but as we pointed out, at least he was getting first dibs, rather than getting a hole drilled into his head by someone who's had 3 hours sleep and then a full list.
I wouldn’t risk it on this – I know the oldies can be belligerently ‘don’t make a fuss’ but any knock to the head and confusion is a warning sign to me (and no matter what he says, a bruise says different)
I don't intend to but getting him to A: go to the doc's, B: actually tell the doc's exactly what happened and C: tell the doc that we have spotted changes in his behaviour is nigh on impossible. If I get a chance I might see if I can have a private chat with one of the staff there as a few are family friends, see if they can keep an eye on him somehow. Very difficult as dad is stubbornly independent! He did scare himself a few weeks ago though, he needed to go to a regular hospital appointment but the buses weren't running and mum wasn't in a fit state to drive him so he drove himself there. First time he's driven anywhere in over a year and he didn't enjoy it at all, hopefully that gas out an end to his idea of taking up driving full time again and even buying a second car (mum is considering giving up thanks to her issues).
Lots of things to worry about, that's not even counting my stuff.
Haven't been any more updates to report as nothing has changed. Well, until last weekend anyway and now it's another level of crap on top of the usual crap sandwich.
Last Wednesday I was at my parents to sort out my mum's car with a new tyre and a fresh MOT. Got the tyre done in the morning and when I got back dad was complaining of chest pains and had called the non-emergency line who were sending the next available ambulance out to him. That took just under an hour and they got to work on checking his heart out. They weren't happy so he was taken off to hospital in Merthyr for further tests. He's still in there a week later.
They weren't happy with his blood results, his blood pressure and were worried about a lump in his stomach that he hadn't told anyone about. This was quickly confirmed as a malignant tumour. Through various tests and observations it's been confirmed that he has gone form Stage 3 to Stage 5 with his cancer, all because he hasn't been honest with the doctor on his regular visits. We knew he was keeping it his appointments but every time he would come back saying it was all fine and nothing had changed, this we now know to be a big lie. Sadly he as let it get to a stage where he is now close to End of Life care with zero energy, massive balance issues and finding it a real struggle to follow conversations for more than 5 or 10 minutes before he as to be left in quiet to 'gather his thoughts'. We've been visiting him every day, well my mum has with me and my sister doing alternative days. Mum had a fall two weeks ago and damaged her left knee and ankle so she's not fully regained it's flexibility so we've been driving her, partly to give her some company too. We're all a bit in shock and slightly annoyed with dad for ignoring stuff for so long and also hiding it from us but that's more than outweighed by just dealing with things right now.
Today's visit was terrible. He was really struggling to get out of bed and sit up to have a drink, which is crucial as he has to keep his fluid intake up. It was also when we first saw the size of his tumor, it's on his stomach and about the size of a beer can. He's been hiding it under baggy clothes and with his belly fat but today as he tried to get up out of bed it was obvious as a solid lump, both me and mum just stared at it for a second before he said it was normal and nothing to worry about! A quick chat with the nurses on the way out confirmed it to us, it's something they're very worried about and is the reason he is having a CT scan tomorrow, his second in a week. Mum asked straight out if it was terminal and the Sister said it's definitely the beginning of the end, but that they would know more tomorrow about the specifics. Mum is taking it pretty well considering but I'm really worried that it'll be too much for her soon so am doing everything I can to take the strain off her. It's sort of good that I'm currently out of work but I'm also being careful not to crowd her too, that wouldn't be good. A fine balance to tread. It's not the birthday present she wanted (it's on the 12th) but there's nothing we can do to change that.
Sorry if all that's a bit rambling and incoherent, struggling to sleep and just needed to type it all out. I do fear it's a case of counting down the days as his deterioration is increasing, the test will be how he is on Friday and Saturday.
Can't read through 6 pages I'm sorry but I get the jist. My mum who appeared in not bad health told us on Saturday she only has months to live. Pancreatic cancer that's moved into her liver as well. Chemo is an option but it's palliative and she's seen two friends go through that so she's not interested at all She's only 72. Ive got a 6 and 9 year old. I'm not sleeping, I don't know how I'm going to tell them.
I had a really hard upbringing by my father after they split and he took me to live with him. He was scary back then. The odd visits to see my mum was what I looked forward to all the time. Now she'll be gone soon. I will go to pieces for a period of time when she goes but I will also move forward. I can't not move forward. I've faced so many challenges and being honest it's her spirit that's in me, her character, her personality. "Chin up, Chest out" she would always say to me. That's how I'm going to face this as that's how I know she will as well. 5am sitting alone and scunnered in my living room. I'm away for a coffee and some breakfast and then I've got an old Marin Eldridge from 1991 to build.
It's not nice at all is it. I've got the same attitude right now: get on with what needs doing nut it doesn't make it any easier.
Hopefully the Marin rebuild is progressing well.
When FIL was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer (again we think he knew, but said nothing - heavy smoker) we concentrated on ensuring MIL had more care in place as she was immobile. FIL handled all the finances too, so it was a rush to get stuff sorted before he died.
Do you have sufficient care in place for your mum ?
We're having to relook into that part, mum is very wary of others so it's hard to get things going on that side.
Dad hasn't improved at all over the fortnight he's been in hospital so far, if anything he's worse. He has absolutely no energy, walking to the en suite toilet (he's in a solo room) knackers him out for a good hour. They gave him two blood transfusions in the last 24 hrs to try and boost his blood cell count, both red and white are very low, and they have given him a Vit B4(?) injection too, neither of which have had any effect so far. It's really damaging his mental wellbeing as he got his hopes up that they would be a 'magic bullet' to get him back on the right track and that he could come home. There is no way he could do so though, he would have no chance of moving around the house safely and mum is in no fit state to help him if he falls etc. It's really tough seeing him too, any visit of longer than 20 mins and he is visibly drained to the point of switching off completely. I'm having to force myself to go see him as it's heartbreaking seeing him like that. My sister is going there and taking mum in when she can but the majority of the visits are me taking mum with me, only today did I go solo and mum has only gone in by herself once too. It's all getting on top of all of us in reality, mum and my sister especially. My sister only really saw him in a poor state on Wednesday for the first time, she only ever visits him at home with her kids and dad will make absolutely sure he's in top shape for that, when they leave he's destroyed but she never sees that. Me and mum have tried to tell her but she didn't believe it was as bad as she saw, a real eye-opener.
That's a lot of waffle but I can't really tidy it up.
Just got to get through the weekend and see what the docs say after the results of further blood tests. I hope the transfusions have done something good for him as otherwise, from my brief research into stuff online (always dangerous but I have stuck to trusted sites) points to it being one of the last stages they go to. The next is bone marrow transplant and there's no way he would be fit enough to go through that. It's pretty much been confirmed his blood cancer has now taken hold in his liver (hence the big lump) so I don't see how at his age and condition there is much that can be done.
Tough times that I doubt will get any easier or better this side of christmas.
Bloody hell.
Nothing i can really offer mate apart from your doing a great job. Might not feel like it but you are.
I'm doing all I can, been really 'lucky' that I'm currently jobless so have had the time to do what's needed. If I had been in work I doubt we would have all coped! The bank balance is taking a hammering but you only get one mum and dad so I don't begrudge spending the money.
Don't forget to look after yourself too @reluctantjumper
Don’t forget to look after yourself too @reluctantjumper
Yes, you're doing a fantastic job, but reach out for support for yourself, even if just venting on here
Things have taken a bad turn unfortunately.
While he was in hospital undergoing tests they found a big tumour that seems to be attached to his liver, as in the size of the liver itself. This them prompted a second round of tests and scans, These have revealed that his blood cancer has started back up with a vengeance in the last fortnight, it's also mutating. His energy levels went off a cliff and he was really struggling to keep any semblance of energy going, visits were being curtailed to 20-30 mins before he was exhausted.
Then last week we had a diagnosis from all the tests: he now has leukaemia.
This prompted a change of hospital required for treatment, it involves small doses of Arsenic and weeks of isolation as it will destroy what is left of his immune system. He was meant to be moved on Thursday but due to a possible chest infection it was delayed to Friday afternoon where they suddenly decided to move him anyway at very short notice, I was about to take mum up to see him when he called us to say he was getting in the ambulance to be transferred! These delays meant that none of us saw him since Wednesday and we made arrangements for my sister to take mum to see him this afternoon (Saturday). I had a long-standing booking to ride with a few friends at Dirt Farm and mum insisted I didn't cancel it as I was in need of some downtime of my own so like a good little boy I went and had some much needed fun. As I wasn't far from the family home I offered to go there and walk the dog while they were visiting him and see them afterwards for an update. With my riding done for the day I went to walk the dog and as I walked in the door my phone rang with a call from my sister. They had just had a call from the hospital to get there ASAP so I had to quickly grab a shower (I was very muddy and in no fit state to go on a hospital ward!) and make a very fast dash of the 40 miles back to Cardiff as he's in the Heath. Normally takes me 55 mins, did it in just over 42. Took me nearly as long to locate them in the hospital as it's a sprawling maze and I couldn't get directions as there's no phone signal in there and the signs are useless. No matter though as I got there.
He's in a very bad way. Hardly breathing, finds it a real struggle to speak, can hardly move, is on a drip to keep his kidney function going, a catheter so he doesn't have to go to the loo and he just looks completely drained of any life whatsoever. We were all there for 3 hours where he essentially said goodbye to all of us but also tried to plan what he would do when he gets home. The consultant came and had a chat to us with him and essentially got his and our permission to not revive him if he does stop breathing, citing that doing so would likely break his ribs and make any outcome horrible. We left that decision to him and he has agreed to it. He then struggled to tell us all that he loved us and to take care of each other then asked us to leave, which we fully respected. Thinking he might go quickly we hung around in the hospital for an hour, fully expecting the staff to call us with the final news but it never came. That was 3 hours ago so I went home and my sister drove mum back home too. There's no way I can sleep or relax so I'm just typing stuff out on here, help clear the mind a bit.
Mum is slightly hopeful that he may rally back a bit but in reality we are all basically waiting for the phonecall. I will take mum to see him tomorrow afternoon, dad has agreed to this, and hopefully he will be in a better state.
That's another stream of waffle but I really don't know how else to compartmentalise it all right now.
I've never really posted in this thread as it's a little close to home with my mum's situation, so I find it difficult and I'm genuinely sorry for that.
I've no idea what to say now. Take care mate, I'm glad you got to say goodbye even if it was/is premature.
All the best. During MIL's last week, she suddenly picked up on the Saturday, knitting and chatting like nothing was wrong, variuos tranfusions etc, but by Sunday she was unresponsive. It's then we took the decision to stop treatment. Still took five more days to pass. We were all there 24/7. She had a brief moment of lucidity mid week when she was able to speak to grandkids etc, but there was nothing their in her eyes, they were just black.
Thinking of you all. Look after yourself.
We had another phone call to say get there quickly today, thankfully as we were all on the way there anyway. The consultant wanted us all present when she told Dad that there is essentially nothing they can do apart from pain relief. We had a family consultation about options with the consultant but away from dad before the news was broken to him, strangely that was easy to deal with as it somehow felt disconnected from reality and we were able to take decisions without mixing in emotions. Then it was time to break the bad news to him. That was a very hard thing to watch happen, especially as it hit him really hard. He was barely able to speak but understood what was being said enough for it to fully sink in.
That was at 4pm on Saturday and since then he has gone downhill rapidly, further than we thought possible. We're all still at his bedside at 2 am with him on oxygen and enough pain relief to have hallucinations about cats and other random animals, which while sort of amusing is very painful to watch. Yes still in a massive amount of pain, every breath is a massive struggle but he won't give in. It's absolutely horrible to witness and also the exact opposite of what he wanted for his last days and hours. His eyes look haunted, so much that it is scaring me.
If it wasn't for looking after mum I would have left multiple times by now. Absolutely hate this but have to stay together and with it for the sake of mum and my sister. It's going to be a long few hours and we all fear he could go on for a few days. This absolutely sucks.
Just to add, thanks for the messages above. They may only be words to strangers on a pokey bicycle forum but they really mean a lot and help massively.
Your role here is to advocate for your dad and to support your mum. Its tough but you have no real choice - you play the cards you are dealt
Good luck. Its horrid.
Yes it is.
He's deliberately hurting himself to keep his heart going despite promising before not to resist the inevitable and it's really upsetting mum. She has had to walk out numerous times as he has been trying to turn himself over and trigger his bad knee into giving himself a burst of energy and has thrashed out once too. It's harrowing to watch as he's normally a gentle giant who likes to hide stuff from us. He's not his normal self and it's scary to watch him do this to himself and us.
That sounds unbearably tough! My heart goes out to you all!
He's trying to stay with the people he loves. He's also maybe a bit scared of the end. He loves you all and doesn't want to be without you. Hold him, talk to him, ease him, be there for him.
I have been following this thread from the start and really feel for you. I went through similar a couple of years ago and it is tough. As others have said, don't forget to look after yourself over the next few hours/days and feel free to continue to vent on here if it helps, there is nearly always going to be someone online to respond.
Well that was extremely tough but it is now over.
Dad passed away at 07.40 this morning.
He became very agitated, confused and angry an hour beforehand. Thankfully my sister and mum didn't see the full angry stage as they were downstairs when he turned on me thinking I was a doctor. He was ranting and yelling at me about why hadn't he had any pills, why was he being kept on the bed (he couldn't move himself at all), why wasn't he allowed home and where was his family. I had to walk away after realizing that it was no longer my dad in his body, only for a minute or two but enough for him to wear himself out a bit. I managed to get him to recognize me and calm down before they arrived back but he was still very confused and trying to escape for the next 30 mins or so. Once he had calmed down me and my sister went to get breakfast for us all from the now open shops in the main foyer and when we got back mum was completely exhausted so we let her sleep on the spare bed in the room. 20 mins later dad started to become very agitated again so I went looking for a nurse to get him some painkillers and sedatives, before they had got them he then started to have a stroke and it took him very quickly. I just about managed to wake mum up in time to say goodbye and watch him pass, something she was determined to do no matter what. Sadly the last hour has left him with lots of bruises, a few small cuts and a severely bloodshot eye. The sight of him once he had gone is etched in my mind now, raw and very unsettling. It was the exact type of death he feared having, much the same as his mum had feared having multiple strokes and that being the way she left the world.
It was the most excruciating and draining thing I have ever gone through, especially as I was trying desperately to protect mum from the worst. I'm still getting over the last hour with him as it wasn't my dad that was attacking me but it's hard to separate the physical from the mental person so close to the event. The nurses were also shocked how quickly it all happened as when they came on duty at 2 am we were all of the opinion that we were in for the long haul of a few days of gradual decline and had started planning things accordingly.
So his suffering is over and we can start to just remember the good times with him. Time is a healer, hopefully and he at least went out with a bang.
**** cancer, it destroys lives and people. It can **** off and once it's done that it can **** off some more. Sorry for the language but is still a bit raw.
Really really sorry to read this. I have no words that seem appropriate, just so sorry for what you've been through.
Manhugs.
I'm so sorry. Remember the good times.
remember the good times indeed and look after your mental health. this will effect you into the future. Its not weak to get some pro support. I have and its been invaluable
No idea how hard that must have been for you all, thank God he's in no pain now and it's all about you and yours healing as I'm sure that's what he would now want.
Look after yourself mate.
Sorry for your loss. I'm watching my mum decline and while she's a long way off where you were, I can only see towards that as a future.
Maybe not the time, but maybe it is. I can't believe that in instances like this we can't do the kind thing, and instead we treat our relatives worse than our pets.
Im working on it JonV! doing my ruddy best!
Sorry for your loss and what you have been through.
So sorry.
As above, do not underestimate how this might affect you mentally. Time to look after your mum, but please make sure you have some 'ME' time. There will be friends that you need to be with, they will listen and be around for you. Oh and rant or waffle on here, it's good to do this.
Bunnyhop xx
'Me' time is in the future, I'm currently fully occupied with the effort of planning the funeral and keeping my mum going too. Have spent the whole time with her at the family home since coming back from the hospital and tonight is the first few hours I've had to myself. Not for long though as it's back to dealing with the planning tomorrow morning, meeting with the funeral directors first thing and I've also got the task of being dad's Executor to go through too (first time doing that so a steep learning curve!). I will take a bit of time out soon, plenty of offers of friends happy to let me bolt to them for a break and I will take at least one of them up, but it's going to be pretty full-on for the next 2-3 weeks until the funeral is done. Then I should have some time to pause for a while but I've got to remember that I've still got to find a new job soon as if I don't I could end up having to wait until January as the timeframe will push me very close to Christmas.
First priority as regards to me is to deal with the aftermath of experiencing his last few hours. I bore the brunt of it and while I'm glad that I got it and not mum or my sister I do need to work through it properly. A bloody good bike ride would be a start but there just isn't time for that in the near future, maybe after the funeral so a few weeks away but I should be good to get that far. I'll have to make do with the odd Zwift ride and short walk for now (my 100 days effort is ruined but will keep at it as much as I can) but I will take any opportunity I can to get some alone time in if they crop up.
Maybe not the time, but maybe it is. I can’t believe that in instances like this we can’t do the kind thing, and instead we treat our relatives worse than our pets.
It's exactly the time to bring this up. I'm of the same opinion as TJ on this: We do not treat our fellow humans humanely when it comes to the End Of Life stage. I won't go further than that as it really is more suitable to it's own thread to discuss the legalities, safeguards and ethical dilemmas but my recent raw experience just only goes to reinforce my view.
Again thanks for everyone's advice and kind words as it has made a difference.
Consider getting a lawyer to do the estate. there is no way I could have coped with doing it and although I did end up in a dispute with the lawyer over fees i would do it again in an instant. My will has explicit instructions to use a lawyer.
I bore the brunt of it and while I’m glad that I got it and not mum or my sister I do need to work through it properly.
A good attitude to have. However again the professional help I got with my head was invaluable. I had some from Maggies before Julie died and in the immediate aftermath then a load more 18 months down the line
Its important you take a bit of time for yourself even if its in half hours here and there. Walk round the block and look up at the horizons.
Be kind to yourself
PM me if you want to - I am more than happy to pay forward some of the support I have had.
I’m watching my mum decline and while she’s a long way off where you were, I can only see towards that as a future.
She's been transferred to Oxford trauma unit as it's now critical care. I've been away for weekend (did not get done for getting bag out of car!) and travelling down south now, waiting for my son to get here on train as he's determined he wants to visit, for what we all assume will be last time.
Just venting really, but TJ, you've advised before when she pulled through, any other thoughts welcomed.
Just venting really
Vent away, must be awful for all of you.
Very aware that my parents are only a fall away from a swift decline, it seems to be the way our family go, sadly.
Just venting really, but TJ, you’ve advised before when she pulled through, any other thoughts welcomed.
I don't really remember a previous post on this - sorry
What does she want? If you can't ask her now then you need to make your best guess as to what she would want. This can range from all possible treatment and fight to the end to accept a level of treatment but ward based only ie no ITU / ventilation to comfort measures only with a few steps in between. Don't let the medics go against her wishes because they might have mucked up and might now over compensate with futile treatment.
the confusion from painkillers can be temporary. Was she on tramadol? Its awful for causing confusion.
YOur role is to advocate for her and support the rest of the family. Decide what you think she would want and then have a chat with the senior doctor to advocate for her position. IN Scotland ALL admissions are supposed to go thru a process where this is discussed. We call it advanced care plan.
Mrs TJ prior to her final diagnosis had a blood clot and ended up in the admissions ward. advanced care plans were discussed and her decision was ward based care only - but including IVs if warranted. No to transfer to ITU, DNACPR. Her choice as it should be. ( but I agreed)
Good luck - this stuff is difficult. Try to make clear decisions not emotional ones. Discuss with other members of the family but ( I dunno what others are there) at the end of the day you need to advocate for her. Its not what you want, its not what the doctors want, its what she would want.
Edit - I sw yor point about "what the end would be like" - again its about what she would want. Even in palliative care there is a bit or range. would the person rather risk being sleepy and unaware or risk being in pain. Proper palliative care ( curse Melanie Phillips for making this harder) can involve painkillers, sedatives and other meds to relieve distress. Done properly most peoples pain fear and distress can be minimised.
I wanted to reiterate TJ's advice to seek pro support, in whatever form is appropriate to you
I went through a similar end of life experience, it was a ghastly thing to witness and I was 20. It played on my mind and affected me for a long time, until I finally was able to talk about it nearly 20 years later.
When you are ready, talk about it, how you felt, what you thought. Get it out, don't carry a burden
Best wishes
waiting for my son to get here on train as he’s determined he wants to visit, for what we all assume will be last time.
As predictions go, pretty close. We saw her on Sunday night, she wasn't 100% there but knew who was around and we told some stories and he showed her some videos of him singing at his theatre club, and she seemed to enjoy. By now she was on oxygen but she could speak a couple of words when mask was off for short periods.
Yesterday she'd got worse again, when I visited around teatime, by now on stronger meds, positive pressure ventilation, and pretty much asleep except when they had to try and get a glucose drip in which annoyed her. We three (Dad, my sister and I) had agreed at that point to no interventions, ward care only as per TJ above. and also had requested she doesn't now go for dialysis - she knew it was necessary but it gave her terrible cramp after in her feet and we didn't need that now. We also decided that we'd do shifts from here, we all said a proper goodbye while she was aware on Sunday, and then again last night. My sister stayed until early hours, then my Dad went in this morning. There was no need for us all to be there all the time just to witness the actual passing, but my Dad had only been there for a short time when she just went peacefully just after midday today.
She was a proper stubborn Geordie lass who made her own choice in the end. I can't believe she's gone, but I'm relieved that in the grand scheme it was quite short. It's been a tough few years but she lived her life through her grandkids; the last couple have been tough with falls, fractures, dialysis and a stroke, and the last six weeks have been pretty rough especially the last two. I just hope by the time I get to that stage we can be more civilised about it.
I'm also glad for my Dad, he's a stubborn arse too and has carried the burden for them both because of a vow he made 62 years ago, and while of course he'll miss her he now has a chance to live a little. Although I draw the line at taking him to watch Reading play.....he's suffered enough.
65 years together, when they met she was 16. That's a whole life. Love you Mum, thanks for everything.
*sends hugs*
Condolences @theotherjonv.
There was no need for us all to be there all the time just to witness the actual passing, but my Dad had only been there for a short time when she just went peacefully just after midday today.
Peacefully and with a loved one there is the best outcome, hope your dad is coping well.
Condolences. I've not had a parent go yet, I'm not sure I'm ready to be the 'head' of the family. 3 grandparents have gone though.
Maternal gran I never witnessed, I was about 12 and shielded from it all.
Paternal gran had a stroke and stayed at home for years barely able to communicate. She met her first grand daughter and that was the last time I saw her smile. Following a fall and a stroke the last time was in a ward curled up on a bed looking incredibly frail. My sister and I spoke to her about our lives and shared memories hoping she could still hear us.
Paternal grandad succumbed to dementia and spent his last year in a care home where only 1 person could visit. I had already made peace with his condition so was more of a relief that he was no longer confused.
Take time to look after yourself and your family.