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I feel for you reluctant, my Dad died last Monday after a relatively short battle. And I suffered all those things you mentioned, the main one being getting what was really happening over the phone.
He mentally checked out months ago so the information we were getting was next to nothing making the stress of not knowing whether to go visit him today, tomorrow or next week or is he even alive draining. Luckily we got to see him 2 days before he died and it was obvious he was going then, so we at least got to say a goodbye
Now we have to deal with a Covid funeral were they'll be 12 people (as opposed to 100+), his body will already be there, then its a 20 minute service with no wake. We'll do something in the summer but it won't be the same
Like CSB says the fact hes getting out and about is a positive sign, my Dad (though he had some complications) didn't leave the house after Christmas, which in part led to his rapid decline
Sorry to hear that Mehr, not the best of times to be dealing with funerals and all.
Yeah, happy he's getting out relatively safely but having not seen him for nearly 6 weeks now means I have no idea how he really is. He was visibly looking older and weaker every time I saw him since the end of January so hopefully he's not deteriorated too far since. The urge to just jump in the car and go see them both is rather strong but I have to resist. The hope is he easily makes it long enough to move back into the family home and get settled again. I think being in familiar surroundings and being able to potter around on his own little projects would do him the world of good but that may be a long time away.
It's a strange situation where I want lockdown to end ASAP so I can go see them but also don't want it to end as it's there to protect people exactly like them.
Oh FFS!!
Just been delivering to a customer on a retail park and spotted my mum's car in the car park. Rang her and they're both in B&Q to buy a lawnmower, hedge trimmer and mulcher. I've already arranged for a neighbour's son to do the lawn once a week so there is no reason for them to be out!
The place is full of old biddies too, all out to get plants and compost. Don't think they got the memo the bank holiday isn't today.
So angry right now.
Reluctantjumper, it's at this stage I think you need to pull back a bit for your own sanity. You clearly care immensely, but they're adults and clearly aren't listening. If you try too hard to 'parent' them you'll do yourself in.
I'm trying to but it's incredibly hard when one minute they're asking for help and advice then they go against it or just plain ignore thing.
At least I know I definitely couldn't deal with having any kids!
Well I've just had a tough phone call with my mum.
She's rather worried about how dad is doing. He's visibly losing a lot of weight and his legions are running riot with a few looking like they've become infected. The local nurse that has been coming to dress his wounds has referred him to the high risk team that are dealing with urgent cases right now and they've agreed to get him in for an examination early next week. She took blood and skin samples today for urgent analysis as she's concerned with the way everything has flared up in the last week. As it's been nearly 7 weeks since his last chemotherapy session it's looking like the cancer has come back strong and with a vengeance. The cancer ward that was treating him is still not operational so they're having to see where they can get him to be assessed and possibly restart treatment.
Bit of a shock to the system as he was getting along fine recently from what he was telling everyone. He could have been hiding it from us, easily done over the phone, bu even my mum has been caught out by it. jsut got to wait and see what the docs say next week.
Sorry to hear that. this sort of thing is tough at the best of times.
Hospitals are generally managing this sort of thing well by cohorting patients so risk of going in to hospital is low.
good luck
It's not the risk of catching anything that's the issue at his hospital, it's staffing levels hence why they have had to refer him.
Trying not to worry as there's nothing I can do to control the situation but on top of everything else it's not great.
Time for a little update on this, mainly to keep it as a sort of record of things!
Have seen mum and dad a few times now since I've been allowed to according to the WAG. It was a massive shock the first time! They're still both living in the friend's house as the workmen haven't managed to finish fixing the flood damage, just waiting on fixtures to go in before decorating so not long left. That's all in hand though as steady progress has been made and we can all see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's been so long the dog has forgotten where is proper home is!
What shocked me though was seeing dad for the first time in months and it's taken a few visits to take it all in. He's lost (and still losing) a lot of weight, as in a few stone, and it really shows on him. He's gone from looking like he was 60-70 to definitely looking his full 80 years and a bit more. He's not quite at the stage where he looks hollowed out but it's not far away! He's been having chemo again for a few weeks now and it has made a difference to his lesions. He's definitely more comfortable too. He's also becoming incredibly forgetful and nadgery, to the point he's driving my mum nuts most days. Nothing we can do about that but let it wash over us I suppose. HE's still got his marbles but it takes a long time to explain things to him now and he easily gets obsessed about stupid little things. What is worrying us all though is that he's very low on energy, he needs to take 2-3 naps every day and doing anything physical wipes him out for a few hours. Again, nothing we can do for him but that doesn't make it any less painful to see.
Mum's coping ok, still covered in little scabs from the auto-immune system fighting itself but on the whole doing ok. I think looking after dad is one of the things that's keeping her going.
What's worrying me is that I don't want to go and see them. I've got a lot of stress on my side to deal with right now (redundancy, uncertain future etc) and having to deal with them on top is close to pushing me over the edge so I'm limiting my time there with them. As I've been pushed beyond my capacity not long ago I'm very aware that I need to avoid that happening again. I know I'm close to it as I have had to leave a ride with mates early and turn down shifts at my temporary part-time job as I just couldn't process it. The temporary job is also messing me around with the possibility of going full-time soon and there are a few other things that worry me about the way the place is run too, all adds up to extra stress. Thankfully money isn't an immediate issue as my redundancy pay will give me a healthy cushion but I really don't want to eat into that cushion if I can help it. I have a nasty feeling I'm going to need it to support mum and dad in the not-too-distant future.
So that's the current state of play. Small bits of good news but lots of bad in there too.
So glad for the update.
You are a hero going through all this and keeping us updated.
Nowhere near a hero! Just fighting the battles as they come.
You are doing way better than I am. I am watching (slightly different but no less disturbing) decline but they’re in Germany and I’m here. So well done for being able to help out proactively but also don’t beat yourself up about what you can’t do (this is something I am working on).
RJ that reads like a lot more positives than negatives. And they sound like they've got a modicum of quality of life.
I got to see my Dad of 87 (who'd been isolated since March) last week for the 1st time. It was lovely, outside in the garden, but not being able to hug him or him hug the kids was sad. Getting old really looks like it sucks doesn't it!
Hit a bit of an issue yesterday.
The workmen have nearly finished repairing the house after the flood damage, the last few jobs were meant to be done this week. On Monday the gas fitter came to fit the cooker only for him to say he couldn't install it as the wiring arrangements around it were against regs so he had to refuse. The main supply for the cooker is off to the right where he said it has to be behind the cooker with a remote switch. No problem, if that's how it's got to be then so be it. To fix it though the workmen will need to remove 2m of the tiling and a new cupboard, install a new hidden wire, remove the old wiring and then refit everything. Just another setback so no big deal.
Except both mum and dad have got it into their heads they're moving back in this week. Mum had placed a home delivery from Iceland for today of enough food to fill the freezers (she has two for some odd reason), tomorrow there is a delivery of furniture scheduled and dad has started to get small boxes out of storage and filling the drawers up. I knew none of this.
Yesterday I went down to assemble the kitchen table and chairs plus mow the lawns. Did all of that with no issue, put the white goods in their places and ready to be switched on for the food delivery. It was only at the end of this that dad mentioned the cooker issue and showed me the email from the insurance co. contact. It stated:
Work is on pause until the cooker issue has been resolved.
Any new deliveries of furniture or getting items out of storage should be put on hold until further notice.
The handover day will be pushed back, a new date will be advised shortly.
I'm ashamed to say I went mad at this, the whole day was completely wasted and had to be completely undone. Mum and dad refuse to believe they won't be moving in on the original date, both of them basically throwing tantrums when presented with the facts. I quickly emailed the insurers who got back to me this morning, they can't get any workmen in to fix the cooker issue for at least a week. I had warned the parents yesterday that it could be a few weeks to rectify it but they were having none of it.
Phoned mum with the details I've got from the insurers earlier and she just said 'Oh well, I'll be moving back and just have to do without a cooker then.' I put the phone down at that point and my sister is now going there to try and talk sense into them.
I know they just want to be back home and that delays are frustrating but they just won't listen to me. Finding it really hard to keep my calm with them, something I need to do as it's possible I may have to move back in with them in the new year if I don't find a job capable of paying the bills by then. All of the stress from this and trying to find work is driving me nuts.
Well, I saw them for the last time for a while today. Went down there to do some of the heavy lifting of furniture and package boxes so that they can start to put the house back to a normal state. They should be able to move back home next week. The problem is I'm in one of the Welsh lockdown areas so won't be able to go see them unless it's classed as an emergency, so basically not until christmas and even that may not be a given!
Really crap timing all things considered.
The problem is I’m in one of the Welsh lockdown areas so won’t be able to go see them unless it’s classed as an emergency
IANOL - However, I think, as a primary carer, you are allowed to see them. IMHO You are a primary carer as they need someone to move furniture and sort stuff out that they are unable to do themselves in order for them to move back home with health conditions.
It mightt be worth you checking on .gov.uk as advise changes frequently and I am not in Wales, but the above is based on BBC news advice that I overheard yesterday while I was wondering if I would be allowed to visit my elderly/vulnerable/end-of-life mum if we go into local lockdown.
Just a quick update on this.
They both moved back home last week. I haven't been able to go to see them so only have information from my sister but they seem to be settling back in slowly. There's still two jobs the insurers need to do to the house but they are happy to do the work when it suits my parents, it's only a minor fix on some tiling and tidying up some wiring behind a cupboard so nothing major.
There is one issue that has reared it's head though. As the temporary accommodation they've been in for the last 7 months was a bungalow my dad has got out of practice going up and down stairs. His bedroom in their house is on the 2nd floor up two flights of stairs, one is normal but the second up to the attic room is steeper than normal and quite narrow. A few days ago he had a small fall going up at the top of the second flight, scraping his arm on the wall and dropping his mug of coffee. It was only when my sister was there today and went up to his room to get something that she spotted the spilt coffee on the wall and asked about it. He reluctantly admitted to falling over. Thankfully he listens to my sister better than me and she has firmly planted the seed of the idea of moving his room down to the first floor into my old room that is currently his study/office. He's going to think about for a few days before making any decisions but my sister is going to keep the pressure on I think. He apparently tried to use the excuse of where would I go if I moved back home in the new year (looking more likely every day) and wasn't happy about being told by my mum that I could use the attic room he's currently in. He's basically looking for excuses to not change things. I'm trying to stay out of it for the time being as I'm 40 miles away and it's hard to get a full understanding of everything without being there, which I still cannot do. That's making me feel very helpless in all honesty, not a feeling I like.
So that's what the state of play is right now. Just when I thought things would start to get better for a while something was guaranteed to put a spanner in the works.
Well done, you can only keep trying.
Thinks don't seem at their worst at the moment, small mercies.
Hope you're ok too.
Just an update on this as a few things have changed over the last month.
Dad had another round of chemo beginning of this week so is currently going through the down he usually gets afterwards, lasts about 5 days normally. While there he had a word with the docs about his balance issues and they found he had a blocked left ear. They got this syringed while he was in there and things seem to have got better so he's still sleeping in the 2nd floor bedroom although my old room on the first floor is ready for him now, we just need to move his reclining bed down when he makes the decision.
One issue that has raised it's head though is that he is now showing signs of early onset dementia. Both me and my sister have noticed this whenever we visit. As usual with this he initially insisted that he was fine but with a few bits of gentle prodding from both of us and my mum (that resulted in a short argument between me and him) he has realised that we are looking out for him and are not trying to control him. He still won't mention it to his doctor but he is now aware that we are actively looking out for it.
Mum is the main worry though. Her auto-immune issues are really getting her down and making her life miserable. Her skin is basically covered head-to-toe with blisters caused by her white blood cells attacking the layer of flesh under the skin constantly, these blisters then fill with pus and burst which then leads to bleeding while they scab over. The scabs then cause the surrounding skin to become tight and start another blister and so on. She has to cover herself every day with plasters and bandages, change her bedsheets every day due to them all weeping while she sleeps and is in a lot of discomfort all of the time. There's nothing much that can be done about it so she's just putting a brave face on it and we're all keeping an eye on her as best we can. As I'm not working I try and visit every few days so that I can spot if anything gets worse and also to do some jobs round the house for them both. I've also got a project on the go that I'm storing there so using that as a reason to visit so often. This has also helped me and dad bond together a bit too so is serving a dual purpose, as something for me personally but also as a distraction from all of the negative things that are surrounding us as a family right now.
So no real big things but it's looking hard for the next few months. We're going to try and have a good a christmas as we can under the circumstances, provided Covid regs allow us to, the main issues being how often we can all see each other (me, mum, dad my sister) while keeping everyone safe. We've all agreed to register me as their main carer for the next few months too, previously dad was registered for mum and vice versa. This is mainly so that I can go and see them if further restrictions happen over the winter, being a carer is one of the few reasons I'd be allowed to go see them if we lock down again and if that does happen then they will both suffer with the isolation in the dark, cold months. I don't get carer's allowance out of it, that is still paid into their joint account, so there's no issue of me doing it to gain financially it's purely a practical step. Me and my sister still have to try and breach the subject of Power Of Attorney with them both again though (tried a while back but it hit a brick wall before we got it all set up) so any pointers and advice about that would be appreciated. Tough times are definitely not far away but as for now it's looking alright. We'll get christmas out of the way then see how things are after that.
Sounds tough. You really really need to keep an eye on yourselves as well and make sure you get an occasional break from it, no matter how short.
My only advice would be absolutely do not leave certain things too late, POA being a prime example.
Very best of luck and keep your chin up.
I'm trying to take care of myself, hard when I live alone during lockdowns though! Working at getting my weight down (Christmas Chub Club was a good nudge for this), have been riding as much as I can and the newly acquired project has really lifted my mood and given me something to focus on. My sister's got her young family to focus on so we've both got distractions to help relieve the pressure thankfully.
POA is the priority though, will see about broaching the subject again this weekend.
Just had a bit of a worrying call from my mum.
Dad went to hospital yesterday for a colonoscopy as he was complaining of grumbly guts a few weeks ago and they hadn't cleared up. They've found something worrying on the right hand side of his intestine, something growing outside it but pushing it in and causing a decent amount of pressure leading to blockages and inflammation of the lining. He's now been booked in for a CT scan in the new year. While they were both there mum saw the dermatologist that is looking after her auto-immune issues and he's worried about her lack of progress (the sores and blisters have been getting steadily worse) so he's prescribed her a new course of more powerful round of steroids and antibiotics, the steroids to slow their growth and the antibiotics to help prevent any of them becoming infected. Add in that my cousin has tested positive for Covid, the Welsh govt has advised that vulnerable people should resume shielding (was a real struggle to get them both to adhere to this last time) and that the nurse we were paying for to visit them 3 days a week has retired as of three weeks ago means that mum and dad are both stressing about it all quite badly. They won't admit to it but it's blatantly obvious that they are worried about what the future holds. As I'm currently not working I've been going to care for them once a week since October, this will have to step up to twice a week from now on as the amount of chores and stuff to do after a week on their own is too much, just simple things like house cleaning, changing the bedsheets etc and other odd jobs they want/need doing but things I need to keep on top of. It takes ages to get these jobs done as I have to work around them, rushing them just leads to resistance and obstruction. Current way of working it is go there early, get some jobs done before they are active, stop and go hide in the garage working on my birthday project for a few hours then finish off the jobs and chores for them and walking the dog in the evening. Dad's happy with that as he feels less 'hopeless' as he put it. Obviously the new lockdown/Tier 4 restrictions are a worry but as I'm caring for them I should be ok to travel to them every few days, I'm drastically limiting my other contact with others on top of normal precautions to reduce any risk as much as I can. Simple things like the two days before I go to them I stay indoors so that any symptoms have a chance to show, I do my own shopping on the way back from the last visit to them, my own exercise is done on Zwift on those days before going down etc. I try and get out on the bike the day after visiting them so I'm not totally stuck indoors, would go nuts otherwise!
I have a nasty feeling the next few weeks and months are going to be a real struggle. Somehow I've got to look for a new job in all of this too. I know some people have it a lot tougher right now but it is hard to keep spirits up with a long, tough road lying ahead. Just getting to Easter and the respite the summer should provide is looking a long way off right now.
Had some good news today. Dad is now booked in for a cataract operation on the 21st Jan which means he has to self-isolate from the 7th onwards, they're going to do his CT scan at the same time too. It does mean he and my mum will be stuck indoors for 2 weeks though, which is going to be a nightmare to get them to stick to, especially dad. Guarantee he'll be going out with the dog most days, thinking he's on his own and won't get close to anyone. I'll leave that battle to my mum though as I came close to falling out with him last visit, he thinks I'm trying to treat him like a child. It's a sign of his frustration and possible early dementia (we're sure of it) so will just have to bite my tongue for a while!
Hopefully a sign that 2021 should start to be better than 2020.
Fingers crossed for the op. My Nan had a cataract op in her early 90s. I was quite surprised they’d operate due to her age. It worked and made a huge difference to her. She was due to have the other eye done when she was 96, but had a chest infection that prevented the op until she was healthy.
I've only ever heard positive things about cataract ops. I suspect doctors faced with elderly people with loads of stuff they can't fix are only too delighted to have *something* that they can do (and obvs it's never a bad thing having the patient at least being able to see where they're going!).
My Auntie was passed from pillar to post until she ended up in the surgery of a Danish consultant who was like, "My god! This woman is sick! We must find out why!" And the first thing he booked her in for was her cataracts - I think he felt she'd been messed about so much that she deserved to be treated for SOMETHING PDQ!
It will be his second so we know the difference it can make! It will be interesting keeping him under control though once he can see better, last time he was planning holidays all over the shop and other madcap ideas. Think he's settled on building the model railway he's been saying he was going to build for the last 20 years so hopefully that will keep him out of mischief.
Best of luck with everything. I’ve been following this for quite a while. Your problems with your Dad reminded me of my Dad who was already showing dementia but when mum died he completely lost the plot.
Having to tell him a dozen times a day the she was dead was the hardest thing I’ve done in my life. Fingers crossed for the operation. As said above it is one of the easiest and most performed operations in the world.
Stubborn old relatives refusing to do PoA really pisses me off. You could try asking them if they really want to be abandoned if they need help and support in the future? Why do so many people refuse to take any responsibility for themselves in this obvious way? It's about as selfish as dying intestate because you didn't like to think about the possibility that you might die at some point.
Amazingly, after failing to make progress a few years ago, we brought up the PoA thing again with my F-i-L and he agreed just recently. So don't give up hope. It's not really that he is any less stubborn but perhaps a bit less able to stand up to the discussion and maybe deep down he also starts to realise that little by little my wife is doing more for him.
Had a message from my mum today, dad's refusing to stay indoors as per the Doctor's isolation instructions. He's insisting on getting the milk every morning and taking the dog out in the evening too despite a neighbour offering to do both.
Mum and I have agreed we've already told him not to before he started his isolation period so we're not going to create arguments with him. We just hope that he doesn't pick up anything and that they don't cancel the operation if they find out he hasn't been isolating correctly.
Really, really frustrating as mum has a few thongs round the house that need doing that neither of them can do. Normally I'd go there and do them but I'm determined to stay away until he has the operation as then he can't blame me for anything.
I know this is a serious topic, but what are you going to do with your mum's thongs then?
That's put a mental image in my head that will haunt me for ever more!!!
Sorry, just couldn't resist
Gave me a much needed laugh!
Although it didn't last long. Mum has just messaged me that their local butcher's and baker's shops have had to close due to a few cases in them. Dad isn't bothered about it.
Guess where he went yesterday?
Both of them. I've given up now, if he wants to go out and risk getting infected with anything and having the operation cancelled that's up to him. As long as he doesn't pass anything on to mum, that's my main worry now as she's trying to be as safe as possible.
Is he wearing a mask when he goes out?
That is probably the only thing you can try and do to help
No, has a visor but he adjusts it so it only comes down as far as his nose.
He went out again this afternoon to get my mum's prescription. Totally ignoring two facts: it gets delivered tomorrow anyway and that mum is perfectly capable of getting it herself if she needs to.
I've left it to my sister to tell him off, she's going to call them tomorrow. She's Daddy's Girl so we're using that slant to see if we can talk sense into him. I'll be channeling my anger into the STW TT tonight instead.
Time to update this a bit as it's been a while.
Dad had his cataract operation successfully, no issues and he tested negative so he got away with all of his risk taking. I've not really spoken to him much fir the 3 weeks afterwards as he was just being childish so every time I've been there to help out with household stuff I've kept to talking to mum instead and it has had an effect. She told me last weekend that he was feeling cut off from me and discussed it with her one evening, she set the record straight a bit (don't know exactly what she said) and it had a pretty profound effect on him from what she told me. I didn't know about any of this until Wednesday evening.
I only really found out as I had gone down to give the whole house a full clean top-to-bottom while mum took dad to the hospital to have his leg looked at, his legions have got much worse the last week or so on his right lower leg and the doctors wanted to take some samples. Mum, as usual, is insistent on taking him to places as it gives her an excuse to get out for a bit, I'm not going to argue as it is good for her mental state I just make sure I'm around just in case she cannot do it for whatever reason. Well this Wednesday she wasn't able to due to tiredness so I took him to the hospital and back. It was on the way there that he opened up and apologised for behaving poorly the last few weeks. He said he's essentially fed up and going stir-crazy not being able to do anything he wants to do, whether that's going to the pub or jobs at home. Basically he has no release right now. He said he was stupid for not telling us about this until now as we have, as a family, been through the mental health rollercoaster enough times to know the warning signs and to flag them up. He couldn't say why he was this way, just that he was unable to explain why he had gone a different route this time. We're not fully patched up yet, plenty to still work on but he's now accepting help and listening to suggestions for ways we can all make each other's lives easier and simpler.
Going there tomorrow as there is a door to be worked on, it's finally dried out from the flooding and the warping means it needs to be shaved a bit to fit the frame properly, plus the house needs a good clean still so will crack on with that. Hopefully the nearness of spring and hopefully a lifting of some restrictions will help things improve over the next few weeks.
That sounds like decent news and positive.
I hope so! Today will be the acid test.
They prescribe psychoactive drugs now ??
I must get to the doctor more
Mum had a mini stroke the other week. Thankfully while talking to my sister on the phone ,who shot down at break neck speed and got things in hand.
Horrible to see mums or dads getting old. In fact i find the prospect quite a frightening one.
Forgotten to keep this updated as I've just been getting on with things.
Dad's been slowly going downhill in the last few weeks. His legions on his right leg are really getting aggressive, to the point he is now finding it really hard to walk any decent distance or stand up for any length of time. The local surgery nurse who comes round 3 times a week to change the bandage has told me that it's getting close to the point that the wounds are starting to eat into the bone below so they are going to have a word with the GP about options. I don't know exactly what those would be but dad has mentioned his fear of amputation so I can only presume that has been mentioned to him at some point (I give them 100% privacy when the nurse is there). He is also sleeping an awful lot more than normal, he's more like 16 hours asleep, 8 awake than the normal other way round. He doesn't sleep it all straight, more 10 hours at night but then loads of naps throughout the day. I watched the Bahrain GP with him on Sunday and I don't think he was actually awake for more than 15 laps of the whole thing, which is a worry as he always makes a point of watching every lap no matter how boring the race is. He's also really struggling with his eyesight, having had new glasses made 3 weeks ago he's constantly complaining about them being wrong. The optician has made another set for him after an second eye test and they're no better. I fear his eyes are just no longer up to what he wants then to do and he's refusing to accept it.
All this means that mum is getting massively stressed out and that is affecting her. I'm actually spending more time looking after her and her mental state than dad which is worrying my sister. Mum is just struggling for energy and drive to do much right now as every time she tries to get on with anything she has to stop to help dad with something or tell him off for doing something he's not capable of!
Now that the weather is improving I'm going to try and finish sorting out the top lawn for them after the flood damage. Right now it's an unusable space and they both enjoy being out there normally so if I can get that available to them again it should help with their states of mind. It may mean re-turfing the lawn though so need to get a move-on with it after the easter weekend.
At least lockdown is easing and the temperatures are going up. This winter has been absolute hell.
I think this must be one of the hardest things people have to deal with, not just enduring the death of their parents but watching them go downhill and suffer, especially if that's prolonged. If we're lucky they just drop dead one day without being in much pain or having suffered much.
My grandmother had dementia and my grandfather kind of gave up living once she died. The events put loads of strain on my Mum back in the 90s when I was too young to really empathise, which I feel quite bad about. It didn't help that she lived 250 miles away and her useless brother...was, well, usless. Often this kind of thing brings out all the dysfunctionality in the family too, which again, is painful.
6 months ago, my in laws were living independently in their family home, despite advanced prostate cancer and early dementia.
Now MiL in a home, FiL was in supported accommodation but a series of issues have put him in hospital and he may not come out. MrsMC was down there last week making funeral plans with her brothers, awful to watch.
My uncle is pretty much useless with all of this too so understand how frustrating it can be. He just has no concept of how to deal with any delicate situation, no awareness whatsoever. I try to have as little to do with him as possible really, he just winds me up whenever he opens his mouth.
My grandmother had dementia and my grandfather kind of gave up living once she died.
That is what will happen to mum or dad when the other leaves, it's each other that's keeping them both going. Heartwarming but also painful to see. Horrible situation to be in.
@MoreCashThanDash - I know oyu will but be as supportive for her as you can right now. I know me and my sister will have to lean on everyone we know to get through that situation when the time comes.
Came to an end for me early last year when my mum died - dad went 20 years ago. Knew it was coming but still one of the saddest, hardest things in my life, especially those last few months.
I don’t think I have much I can offer, other than do not be too hard on yourself - there is no doubt you will do everything you can to make it better for them, and make sure that, just occasionally you get a break.