[Closed] Visitors after the birth of a child.

Do what works for you.

We had family round the couple of days after then some close friends after a week or so.

Everyone in the first week, then **** off.

Let visitors come as soon as they want, just limit their time.

Hardest thing is usually grandparents still expect the be waited on; so as they walk in the door show them the kitchen, before the baby - or better still do it 'off-site'. And you can leave when you want.

I have a habit of knocking and ringing the doorbell none-stop. Funny to a point. However I did this once at a friends house with a newborn.

I think when the 3rd nail was being hammered in to my open palm and I was being raised from the ground did it vaguely dawn on me how stressed a newborn can make you to outside noise and intrusion.

Make rules. Explain why beforehand. We had two friends staying weekend before last -jeesus they were noisy (normal) but to us it was grating.

It seems unfair to non-parents and can come across as though you are suffering them but you need to explain clearly why first- 'look we are worn out and really would like to see you but you cant stay til Midnight holing the baby Grandma'.

Most people are sensible they'll do short visits and ring before asking, having all in one day would be a bit much I'd say.

When people visited our two on spec and the Mrs was resting I'd explain and they'd just say no worries when is best to call back with you.

It's no different to any other time people should visit when you available and free.

People plan for when they will *allow* visitors?

Oh, and yes we've got children. We found friends and family a great help rather than a hinderance. Maybe ours are just better than yours. 8)

coyote Im talking about people coming round and staying most of the evening as they always have done before the birth.

First few weeks we didn't want to see anyone. It was just a shock* getting used to it all.

*Well I had to go out on the Peaks of course 😉

when you decide, will the announcement be in Tatler?

Strange thread this. When ours came, on both occasions i was so proud i wanted the whole world to come knocking on my door.

And rather than get yourself all riled up about people actually caring enough to make the effort to come around, make use of it. Never reject an offer of help in those early days because you may find they stop offering.

What's that old thing people used to do: sequestered for the last month and the first month.

Seems sensible to me.

Exactly how I felt TLH!

As for friends "stopping all night", well when you've had enough ask them to leave. They're "friends" FFS, they'll understand. Unless there is a real reason for stress, i.e. problems with mother or child, enjoy the experience. They soon grow up.

whenever they wanted day or night - you will be awake anyway. A baby brings joy to the whole family 2 weeks with no one seems a bit long IMHO.
That said your house, your kid, your rules. Hope they are just as accomodating about babysitting. Most actually visited in hospital never mind wait till we got home.

We plan on welcoming anyone who wants to come, but then just kicking them out when we need a rest.

We luckily managed to avoid awkward parental conversation, thanks to my dad being great and offering up fact that they were booking a hotel for their grandparental visit, which saved us potentially offending by telling them we didn’t want anyone overnight.

I can’t see us wanting no visitors at all, will want to show off the baby!

make sure they come when they say they will. I seem to have fallen out with a friend. He said he'd come round to see the new baby at 7. 7.45 and still no friend, so I texted him to say don't bother, we're going to bed (baby was a week old) haven't heard from him since, good riddance!

best thing is dont beat around the bush- just say it. I coughed and said 'ooo it'll be getting dark on the roads soon' this week (and winked)- bro in law said 'ah thats my que'.

I still get called cold and rude by the missus though even though she agrees!

Personally, I'd only let them in if they're holding a large lasagne or some rubber gloves & a duster. You will not have the time or energy to be cooking proper meals or cleaning the house for a little while.

party at the Flash's gaff

You will not have the time or energy to be cooking proper meals or cleaning the house for a little while.

Bollocks!

what pedalhead said. We always make a point of taking a stew or a lasagne or a chilli or ..... when we go visiting newborns.

Or riding. Sell your bikes.

Bollocks!

Said in true polite STW style, well done. Clearly you think differently, but following the birth of our two children, that's how we felt.

Exactly how you felt when in reality you could have just got on with things.

When you are fed up of the visitors just slap the baby, wait for the screams and watch them disappear.

Mind you that said it was nice when someone supplied, cooked or cleaned for us made it a little easier but then it would before kids too.

I'd insist on visitors between the hours of 2 am and 6am, at least they'd see a lot of the baby - and you have the best excuse not to see them, your getting much needed sleep!

Slightly OT- I recently realised that very soon I wont be able to lounge around in just Boxer shorts 🙁

Idave, as long as you’re prepared to make some food while you’re here that’s fine 😉

(cleaning not an issue, we have thought ahead and have cleaning lady)

Exactly how you felt when in reality you could have just got on with things.

Strange, I don't remember you being 'round our house to see the specific circumstances after the birth of our children.

Cleaning? We have all but given up on that.

Strange, I don't remember you being 'round our house to see the specific circumstances after the birth of our children.

I was watching through the windows, nice curtains by the way but not sure they match the sofa.

My point is saying "Oh I just don't have time" is rubbish, they sleep a lot and there's generally 2 of you so not too hard to keep on top of things. That said when they get to toddlers the little buggers destroy all your tidyness in 3 seconds flat.

In the 4yrs that we've had at least one child only one set of grandparent (there are three sets) have provided babysitting services and that is my mother. It is her that suggested not having visitors for a good while after the birth.

My view is probably skewed by hating the inlaws with a passion.

All making a bit a drama out of it, this, isn't it? People come, stay for a bit, then go. If they don't go, ask them. If you tell them not to come they'll just not want to full stop. Friends and family are there to enjoy and support each other, surely?

Some friends just put up a sign on the front door that said something like "sorry, we're all sleeping" when they didn't want to be disturbed. It is a bit odd (or I thought so anyway) but kind-of makes sense really.

You will want to show everyone the new born. Tell them they are welcome but to bring cake.

Dammit MrsFlash...we were planning on camping out in your garden for a week!! 8)

If you tell them not to come they'll just not want to full stop

Very odd friends that do that.

Idave, as long as you’re prepared to make some food while you’re here that’s fine

(cleaning not an issue, [s]we[/s] I have thought ahead and have [s]cleaning lady[/s] MrFlash)

that's how it should read.

Angela, you can stay in the garden, just not in the house! 😉

Bruneep but GF will be busy making me drinks and snacks while I'm feeding!

I wouldn't stop people visiting in the first two weeks, friends of ours did that, it came across as a wee bit arrogant and selfish. Thing is people might not want to come two weeks later, the moments passed. It's like most things in life, it's give and take both ways. One thing though, do feel free to make it very clear that the kettles in the kitchen and there's no way you're making a brew. Most people will understand this anyway. Just take it as it comes, assuming it's your first you've no idea how you'll react, don't make to many hard and fast plans, it'll only add to the stress.

Have decided that there are definitely going to be no visitors within the first 2 weeks. And that if people are upset by this then that is their problem. The people that matter to us will understand this.

Slightly OT- I recently realised that very soon I wont be able to lounge around in just Boxer shorts

Whyever not?

My parents came round and cooked and cleaned for us. And that was Mum clean, not my clean. House has never been so clean 🙂