heard one that made me laugh today ..sorry if nothing new
Did you get those trousers in a sale ?
No ..why do you ask?
Cos when you come round mine they'll be 100% off! Boom Boom!
oh well
and one other that i know is widely known
Fancy a Fxxx love ?
No ..Piss off!
well do you mind lying down while I have one ?!!
Hope nobody is offended!
Is it me, or do you think this rag smells of chloroform?
(can't be that bad, it has worked - unlike the chloroform)
giz a kiss on't gob, and get yer grass sod owt.
Fancy going half's on a bastard .
Your face or mine?
giz a kiss on't gob, and get yer grass sod owt.
😆
I bet you'd appreciate a chest-massage, love.
Why the hell?
Cos you look like you've got acute angina.
I only wish the one i used on the Mrs didnt work, i can tell you.
Your father must be a thief, did he steal the stars from the heavens and put the in you eyes.
Or in quite a rough area you could just stop at the thief.
I love every bone in your body, especially mine.
What do you call a polar bear falling over?
An icebreaker. My name's Dan*.
Not my name, but the name of my housemate at uni whose line it was...
To a gal wearing tight shorts-
Are those space shorts?
Huh?
They have to be. Because they make your ass look out of this world!
At Uni I knew a lad that would put a lit cigarette in his ear hole, go up to a girl and in mock anger say 'did you throw that?!'
They did usually crack up and it was a surprisingly effective icebreaker.
Get all mine from this guy
Are you any good at reversing?
Yes.
Then back on to this!
^^
Is your dad a thief?
Why?
Coz I fancy a new telly..
A friend's workmate used -
If you were my daughter I'd still be bathing you..
My favourite as a young single guy was- What's the chance of me pulling you? Saved me a fortune in drinks!
<lick finger. touch victim's sleeve>
We need to get you out of those wet clothes!
For the more blunt
Excuse me do you like fruit?
yes why?
can you suck on this it's a peach!
unlikely to work though I suspect
You don't sweat much for a fat lass.
Nice shoes, wanna ****?
My Dad to my Mum, Do you want to come and have a cup of tea in my cave?
They were climbing at Avon Gorge and it was raining.
Me to a local lass many years ago....
I leaned out of the open tractor door and said: "Meet me back here at 7pm. And lose the horse"
Worked a treat 😀