he was indeed a B2F practitioner but approached this from the rear
Jesus - his nuts must be fixed in a brown cast 😯
Is this physically possible?
It's possible I expect, but you'd end up with Bovril snowdrifts on your barse, surely?
It is definately NOT possible, think i have now dislocated my shoulder. 😐
While living in Greece I just used to shower the debris out in the wet room.
No wiping and no pansying about with the poobin.
The people who wonder how you get your hand into place for a 'front to backer', you tilt slightly to one side, raising one cheek and access from the side. This also facilitates crack spreadage to ensure a thorough cleansing job is performed.
Still can't get my 9 yr old to grasp the concept that you have to keep wiping til the paper comes away clean.
Also, the reason women use far more toilet paper is because we have to use paper for number 1s and number 2s. Imagine you've rinsed off a lettuce and a courgette, which would need more kitchen roll to swab?...
Surely that depends upon the size fo your curcubit?
jojo - a lettuce and a cornichon would be a more realistic comparison 😆
and are we talking Cos? Butterhead? Lollo rosso?
fractured right shoulder means using the left hand... thats alien enough, not sure i want to be experimenting with new techniques whilst (excuse the pun) cack-handed!
the reason women use far more toilet paper is because we have to use paper for number 1s and number 2s
That explains why you use it more often, not why you use a third of a roll on each visit.
I could dry myself down from a shower using the amount of tissue my ex would utilise after a thrutch.
Cougar - MemberThat explains why you use it more often, not why you use a third of a roll on each visit.
To combat this, I think there should be a big Izal re-marketing campaign. Excessive use of Izal will reasult in lettuce shreddage. Razor sharp that stuff.
An old, now departed, Aunt of mine used to stock this stuff - I found it would spread any residue around rather than removing it - slicing the starfish to bits in the process. Nasty stuff.
Well I'm prepared to put my hand up.....errm as it were.
As far as the chap who has to shower after having a poo goes, I don't *have* to have a shower after a poo but I always feel dirty until I have had a shower. I'll try and schedule poo's to shower time and if I go for a poo and then have time for a quick shower, I'll fit it in.
Unless I'm in someone elses house in which case I'll just use the sink.
If you need to shower at the gym where the head is fixed to the wall are you required to do a hand stand?
drinking fountain
😯
I think we go to the same gym.
I think there should be a big Izal re-marketing campaign
Izal's weird. It doesn't absorb or remove, just redistributes.
if I go for a poo and then have time for a quick shower, I'll fit it in.
Pervert.
Izal's weird. It doesn't absorb or remove, just redistributes.
Like a snow plough for the arse.
Most interesting.
Long time F2Ber to start, moving to nearly standing both ways buffing.
Just come back from a few weeks snow camping in Greenland. Snow latrine + squatting. I could get used to that. Very quick evacuation, due to the aligned bowel position. Interestingly, the squat position meant that the B2F was a more natural wipe.
Due to the lack of showers (and changes of pants), a wet one finish was utilised, after thorough use round adjacent dangly parts.
Very refreshing, everything drying off in the wind. Nice view, too!
Funny thread this.. LOL.
F2B then once B2F then return F2B for the remaining "flow process until it squeeks"
I'm amazed too at just how much/many rolls a Woman gets through in 1 week. If she's away on Business (herumph) I get through 1 a week, when shes back it's at the very least 4..
I think shes stocking it up ready for some sort of Nuclear attack where she'll make a temporary tent with it to shield us both, I might on that occasion just cr*p myself at that particular moment.. and cower outside laughing.
Nice view, too!
You've not sold it to me I'm afraid.
Izal is the John Wayne of toilet paper. Hard as f and takes no s.
Unless I'm in someone elses house in which case I'll just use the sink.
Remind me not to invite you round for a curry.
I don't think this debate will be over until the human race has re-sealable cat bums (like the non drip sauce bottles). Then F2Bs and B2Fs will be no more
This will run and run...
goon - Member
Izal is the [s]John Wayne[/s] [b]Chuck Norris[/b] of toilet paper. Hard as f and takes no s.
FTFY.
This will run and run...
You can get some tablets for that.
Bisto is best
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Not recommended in Paris.
Ever ran out of paper and had to use the roll?
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😐
Can someone record this one, like the Picolax thread, please. Wiping the tears away here....
Ever ran out of paper and had to use the roll?
In which case it's best to use it as sleeve, obviates wiping.
Scraper, if you get the angle of attack just right is fine with roll.
ALternatively, I guess you could tear it up a use bits.
The tube works best if you peel it apart in thin layers so it's paper-like; more supple and lasts longer. Useful as it only seems to run out when you've had a particularly explosive pebble-dashing session.
Top tip.
question to parents and other nurses/care assistance/health type workers...
which way do you wipe when wiping another person?
most impressive/horrific thing i've seen was a female patient who managed to push out a log about 4inches wide (imagine the width of a 2 litre drinks bottle and about the length of a 500ml bottle) then stagger out the bathroom to announce she didnt even need to wipe. We had to call dynorod in to unblock the toilet as trying to break it down to smaller parts with a stick didnt work.
At a previous job, the company called Dynorod out to unblock the drains in the toilets next to our office. The root cause of the disgraceful smell was never found, which is unsurprising as it was actually as a result my colleague coming round to my house for beer and fajitas the night before. We'd spent the following morning deflating in the office.
On the subject of what to use when you've ran out of toilet paper - do most folk not take a newspaper in with them?
It's the 21st century, SBZ. Sadly, there is not (yet) an app for that.
Is there an app that you old use to see if the post dump polishing job was up to scratch?
I spent a summer in spain and the local way when you were caught short was to hop behind a wall, select a suitable stone(my mate said you get your eye in as a kid to find the right one), slightly rough, and wipe away. It was too hot for vegetation use. Quite effective once the technique was honed.
I'm a B2Fer approaching from the rear! The trick is to start high in the crack then stop strictly at the brown exit. This ensures removal of any debris that hasn't fully disconnected during the final crimps.
Then I move to F2B,again from the rear , the key is to reach right past the exit to the gooch and start from there, just incase the initial B2F has created a 'poo moraine'. A scooping action for the first couple of wipes helps remove excess debris.
Then polish with Tescos Apple scented toddler wipes.
🙂
I have also got into the habit of trying for a number 2 before any shower, too good an opportunity to turn down I find!
Surely all you need to do is an initial wipe off of the main clag and then put some baby lotion on some more loo roll and wipe the remainder off. Good enough for babies! That's what a friend of mine recommends anyway.
Coming to this one late, but...
What's the reasoning behind calling a clean one a "cling film"?
I normally just call it "clean break" or "tailing off perfectly".
If we're getting posh here then keep a packet of baby wipes in the fridge and take them with you when you do for a dump. Luxury.
This is why I lurk on the this forum.
(I read somewhere).If you have to wipe more than 3 times you have a problem in that department.
[b]Beware Mustangs[/b] 😯
Because if it doesn't fall it MUST 'ANG......... 😳
I struggle with long sentences, but I assume this has already been posted...
http://www.funniestvideosonline.com/video.php?video=1522&Wipe_Your_Bottom_Song
Rather oddly, I first saw this when it was on some clip show in France. I'd just stumbled in after a few too many Pelforths and realised I'd left the TV on. This was showing. Scary.
But you can't flush baby wipes
[i](I read somewhere).If you have to wipe more than 3 times you have a problem in that department. [/i]
Nah. Hairy arsed blokes will have a lot more trouble getting rid of all the clingons.
Plop.
This thread is bizarre. Why don't you all just use a bidet then dab? None of this wiping malarkey
Mate at work got asked this very question last week when he went to tho Docs with a urinary infection he has been having problems with for a while. He is nearing 65, the Doc in question is a locum from I....
Cannot print mates response 😳
Bum gun all the way for me.
Have I ever told the ass-sponge story on here?
Who let this thread out and why?
Ass-sponge.
I had the displeasure of working with an American called Dave.
Dave was 300+ pounds of Kentucy man, used to be 450+ but lost some weight. He was a vile creature, letching and not unknown for making passes at students at the uni he worked at.
His diet was appalling, once during a cooked breakfast, he over microwaved the butter turning it into a bowl of liquid. Dave proceeded to dunk his bread in the butter, soak it up and eat it.
A whole bar of butter was consumed.
Ass-spongery - Dave used to carry a damp spongle with him, the sort you use for washing dishes with. Because we lived and worked in a tropical country, which used different toilets, bum washing facilities etc, Dave was always paranoid that he hadn't cleaned properly. And being 300+ pounds he had some spare cracks to keep clean.
Dave carried his ass-sponge as he called it in his back pocket, so that when he had to crap, he had a sponge to wipe himself down with to make sure he was clean. He would then return it to his pocket for the next use.
He claims to have been given this advice by another expat, but I never met any expat who carried an ass-sponge with them.
When I was back, I saw him in the local supermarket, he was back to his 400+ size, so big his arms looked small and deformed.
has no one invented the 3 seashells yet
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