[Closed] Something I had never thought about until yesterday (bum wiping content)

F2B, so you have a clear run out.

Depends on which side you attack from surely?

A back to front wipe would be more comfortable for an underarmer, whereas a front to back wipe would suit an overarm wiper better. I would have thought.

Damn.

So side to side is definately a no no then? 😳

surely B to F is less hygenic for either sex. All those little crevices....

I don't think it matters tbh. You're not scooping big lumps of poo off, are you? If you have klingons then you need carefully to dab them off in a separate motion anyway otherwise you've just smeared it everywhere and made the situation far worse.

Having lived in India water+left hand is the only way. Bog roll for a dry wipe after.

front to back. unless you want bits of poo in your pubes (I'd have thought) 😐

It's more important for girls, as B2F wiping can lead to urinary tract infections. For lads it doesn't really matter does it?
If it's any consolation my youngest is 10 in about 2 weeks and still asks for help when he's done a particularly sloppy one- enjoy!

Having lived in India water+left hand is the only way. Bog roll for a dry wipe after.

Excellent thinking. I imagine that's why there so few cases of people getting tummy upsets there then!

I always do a cautionary B2F and then follow up with a couple of F2B's to ensure a nice shiny fresh ring-piece that you could eat your dinner off.

HTH

Back to front when sitting to catch the larger debris, front to back when standing for a final buff.

Do you ever wonder if we share too much on here?

F2B first followed by a secondary F2B<->B2F polish.

You never know when you're going to get visitors.

Debris.... brilliant word for the occasion.

front to back. unless you want bits of poo in your pubes (I'd have thought)

What if your pubes continue up your back?

Also, I've taken to using a wet wipe for a shiny finish. But ALWAYS F2B, no question.

Front to back, although it does make it harder to inspect the paper before discarding it.

If there is potential for lumps I usually hold the paper loose and use a type of pincer movement to ensure capture and avoid smearing, then finish with a F2B or two.

[img][url= http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5102/5690134174_2ff2782d42.jp g" target="_blank">http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5102/5690134174_2ff2782d42.jp g"/> [/img][/url]
[url= http://www.flickr.com/photos/56594563@N07/5690134174/ ]Clag gone[/url] by [url= http://www.flickr.com/people/56594563@N07/ ]tangwyn[/url], on Flickr[/img]

f2b here too....

I'm surprised that the question of paper quantity and foldage/scrunch has not been brought up yet. Along with some of our species insistence on emptying, almost, an entire roll into the bog; leaving it for the inspection of subsequent users.

Classic STW awesomeness at it's best.

i use the back to front, arm between legs method

i also roll my sleeves up

Maybe the clue here is in who taught you.

When using the knees bent, elbows out, head between legs B2F method with an action similar to that employed whilst starting a petrol mower I would suggest wearing a pair of these...

[img] [/img]

...and keeping your mouth closed.

I am not a doctor. Or a supplier of safety glasses.

Moistened toilet tissues (aka bum wipes in our house) are the most important invention since MRI scanners.

I don't know how I ever lived without theme.

Reach through with an underarm B2F motion while remaining seated to ensure adequate cheek separation is maintained at all times.

Could just be my fat ass, but I can't manage a F2B overarm reach-around while remaining sat down - there simply isn't room.

When using the knees bent, elbows out, head between legs B2F method with an action similar to that employed whilst starting a petrol mower

I think if I tried to wipe like that, I'd have an involuntary secondary poo.

tang... is he back pedalling in that picture, must be fixed gear, although he seems to have a cassette and mech. puzzling.

I think if I tried to wipe like that, I'd have an involuntary secondary poo.

funniest threads always involve poo - i'm 5 years old again 🙂

I'm surprised that there hasn't been any mention of bidets yet?

Nothing quite beats the post vindaloo well aimed soothing woosh.

GrahamS. Exactly. To both paragraphs.

Alfabus - '3 speed cling on removal at the flick of a switch'

is he back pedalling in that picture, must be fixed gear,

If he is he'll need to be careful what gets caught up there...

(what tyres for...)

Nothing quite beats the post vindaloo well aimed soothing woosh.

And then afterwards you can use the bidet.

Does he really need teaching which way to do it? I'm 100% certain I was never told which way to wipe as a child.

I think I preferred it when you were making lists of your cars

Does he really need teaching which way to do it? I'm 100% certain I was never told which way to wipe as a child.

We're doing the same thing with our little lad at the moment. He does have to be told because he only thinks to wipe the bits he can see. After thrutching out a big 'un his instinct is to have a good look at it then clean his knees. 🙄

I use an outside to inside spiral motion centred on the bullethole.

I then insert a papered fingertip (just the tip mind, I'm no perv) just to make sure it's all gone, I can then fart confident in the knowledge that no errant little pellet is going to pop out.

One of our group (particularly hairy) has to shower after every poo, its a right pain when everyones had breakfast and ready to ride and he suddenly says he needs a crap....

[i]Does he really need teaching which way to do it?[/i]

Probably a good idea. I think mine just screws up the bog roll and presses.

+1 for the poisonspider method sans papered finger.

Followed by Andrex bum wipe.

Spotless, like a Sunday morning alter and no chance of an errant malteser.

How old is he if you don't mind me asking? A classmate of my youngest (who's 5) still can't do it himself and his last attempt at our house had it up his back, over both hands and just about every surface in our downstairs bog. 🙄

Both of mine can do it themselves now, even if it is using 29 sheets of bog paper per wipe!

One of our group (particularly hairy) has to shower after every poo, its a right pain when everyones had breakfast and ready to ride and he suddenly says he needs a crap...

I thought it was only dogs that rolled in it?

poisonspider - Member

I use an outside to inside spiral motion centred on the bullethole.

I then insert a papered fingertip (just the tip mind, I'm no perv) just to make sure it's all gone, I can then fart confident in the knowledge that no errant little pellet is going to pop out.

'bullethole', 'just the tip', 'errant pellet'

STW post of the year award contender surely?

One of our group (particularly hairy) has to shower after every poo, its a right pain when everyones had breakfast and ready to ride and he suddenly says he needs a crap....

[img] [/img]

I didnt even realise there were b2f folk, i shall be trying that one later (or if my daily routine is anything to go by I shall have to wait til morning now).

Just on the same subject how many times do people actually need to use the b2f or f2b method (no, not how many wipes, how many visit to loo daily to use either method)??

Is the hairy fella sniffing his finger? Tha dorty bastid.

I find that if the daily frequency of needing a sit down evacuation is equal to "n" then it changes to "n+1" as soon as you pull on a pair of bib shorts, with the "+1" happening 10 minutes after climbing in to said shorts and 5 minutes after you should have left the house.

I concur with Harry's observation. Plus the probability of n+1 occuring is increased if a healthy layer of chamois cream has just been applied.

2 a day. The atomic clocks in Anthorn and Mainflinger are set using my constitution.

It's good practice for old age: when your sack hangs 2 inches lower than when you were 35, front to back is definitely more practical.

I always need to drop ordanance first thing in the morning after smelling freshly brewed coffee, don't even need to drink it anymore

thats a caffeine addiction right?

Plus the probability of n+1 occuring is increased if a healthy layer of chamois cream has just been applied.

You're risking an inadvertent knuckle deep job with the low friction chamois cream.

I like to try and get a bit of backspin on my ordanance

[img] [/img]

I have a large flanged wedding ring to prevent inadvertant over insertion.

Drunken one night stand many moons ago, realised the lady cocerned wiped B2F only after i started pulling chocolate raisins from my teeth... 😯

There goes the tone of this thread.

*speechless and slightly nauseous* ^^^^

This thread had a tone?

there goes the thread.....

It had. You've ruined it. 😉

[img] [/img]

i mix the two. start off b -> f while sat, and then finish f -> b whist stood/stooped. i'm a bit of a polisher, tbh, hate to have 'owt left and can't underdtand how anyone has a clean 'area' if they've only had 2 passes of the paper...

can't underdtand how anyone has a clean 'area' if they've only had 2 passes of the paper...

Quite right. You have to go at it systematically until the job is done. Much like a Terminator hunting down various Sarah Connors.

.....fetches coat.... 😳

Fetche's Coat

Is that a euphemisim for a thin film of poo on the teeth?

ok, ok! my bad. Having flashbacks now. Should have stayed off the snakebite.

That would be Felch's Coat surely

No Harry, I believe you are confused with Felchers coat.

a daily dose of colonic irrigation saves the need to defecate

This is somewhat cathartic...

I can honestly say that I have never attempted to wipe whilst still seated. Surely there is a clearance issue - such as when replacing the starter motor of a 3.0l Capri. It's bloody tight in there.

I have to be on my feet to give the crack a proper fettling.

My pet hate is 'Deja Poo' - having to go again 5 minutes after you've just been.
Usually happens the morning after a curry, shortly after you've created your first Jackson Pollock-esque masterpiece of the day.

only on STW , surely after CC's post it has to stop ... make it stop .... 😯

ART - this thread is like a nuclear powerstation - there is no OFF switch.

You're all vile. Ok so I am laughing just a bit 😆

B2F is just wrong, you get dew drops on your wrist! Plus, on Big Ball Day, you have added obstacles to contend with.

Strictly F2B for me - I use the 3-pronged attack: alternate wipes on left and right sides, followed by a "wall of death" with a paper-wrapped digit.

And always remember, knees together, ankles apart for more efficient access.

ok. we can all stop trying the knees togethr ankles apart whilst sat staring at our screens. How can that work?

My son (2 weeks into potty training) likes to stand in the "frisking" position whilst somebody is sorting out the paperwork.

Shib - what on God's Green Earth is Big Ball Day?

Is it something to with the Lotto?

I've just been for a pee in the work's bogs and I could hear wipage from Trap 2. And I actually thought "I wonder how he's wiping his arse."

I am not comfortable with this - not a bit 😕

Cleary not getting a Lucky Dip every Saturday and Wednesday and the occasional Euro millions roll over.

B2F is just wrong, you get dew drops on your wrist!

No no - you have to dry Mr Johnson's head before you reach on through.

Surely even F2Bers need to do this to avoid the dreaded wet penny when retrousered?

front to back of course

unless its a cling filmer.

I just sit down and scoot my arse along the carpet, like a dog with worms. I guess though that's a front to back motion