[Closed] Someone has just thrown off clotted cream all over my car.

....there's a punchline struggling to get out here.....

Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

perhaps you should retaliate with a whole pot of jam over his car. hmm, sticky

Clotted cream!! that sounds a bit extravagant.Its just eggs or flour bombs around here. Your work mate sounds a complete t@ss&r though.If your out of pocket make sure he picks up the bill.
Funny how jealousy works.

is there not a gender issue here?

Hard to comment really - without knowing the reason he did it.

Have you been shagging his missus ?

My immediate thought was - is the culprit a cyclist you cut up? Or what did you do to upset him?

I am possibly the most angry I have ever been in my life

You don't have much contact with the outside world, do you?

I'm sure it is a [b]bit[/b] irritating BTW.

Crikey - if you could see what's happened to my car over the years there's no comparison! It's only a car..........

IGMC

He did because he thought it was funny, absolutely no other reason. The whole of my car now stinks of off milk, I have spoken to a valette company and they reckon it could cost up to £100 if they have to take the door apart and do the carpets.

His car is a piece of crap and any retaliation will end up with my car getting wrecked. I seriously hope something gets done or I might leave, I can’t work with this tosser any more.

Crikey - if you could see what's happened to my car over the years......

I can't see .............. but I'm trying to guess 😕

........... is it messy, and does it involve clotted cream ? 😯

Lets get the full picture here - its an MGB? What year?

If its a classic then O.k. the guys a spanner.

I guess i not the only one who has these sort of pranks played at work.

latest one is putting chewing gum in your pocket .. i`ve also seen people walk back in from having a ciggy with one smoldering in their pocket .. its always funnier when its not you...

Could this be classed as criminal damage if the car has to be taken apart too be fixed?

Keep a log of all the shite that this twunt does and demand that your work do something, go along the lines of bulling that should work.

Or get a new job then fire bomb his house.

my car looks ok until you get close up - and you can pretty much guarantee only blokes spots the dents and stuff!

Tankslapper - Yes it is, 1972. To get the smell out it might need to be taken apart. I've spent 3 hours today with the door off and a bit bottle of anti bacterial spray.

I'm getting a new job in August thank god, but they don't know yet.

Personally I'd present him with the bill for the valeting - when management of some variety are present.

Alwyn - now we're getting somewhere - if it was a new(er) MG I would have descibed it as a hair dresser's car and wondered why all the fuss - now I see!!

What a cock! Was there witnesses? Defo hand him the bill,

Everyone at work knows it was him, and he has been known to do stuff like this before. I think there was one witness, I'm not sure whether that guy was involved to. I doubt it but it wouldn't suprise me.

I walked out a couple of weeks ago and there was a mattress, yes a whole mattress, on the roof of my van, fairly carefully placed too. No damage done so I could laugh about it. I have a photo of it somewhere, will see if I can post it.

is he in the shit, if not, why?

Sounds like workplace bullying.
tell your boss to deal with it, and explain if he doesn't you will in a unwork related way deal with it.

If he's a total c**k and generally disliked he should be fired, then punch him cleanly only the chin....

Then i can have his job....infact can i have his job and smack the sod?

I'm getting a new job in August thank god, but they don't know yet.

Punch him in the face, quit your job, and take a holiday until august. Oh, and shit on his car.

last year, someone wrote "C*@T" with yoghurt on the rear window of one of my neighbours' cars, and also got it with a few eggs and a tin of tuna all over the bonnet (with the empty tin on the ground next to the car, so they must have had a tin opener with them!)...
she knocked on my door asking if i'd seen anything, or if any of the other neighbours had ever said anything that may make me think they didn't like her or something... i found it difficult to suppress my laughter though because to be honest she'd pissed off almost everyone in the street by playing really bad dance music really loud every weekend until about 5am for months...

Sharki - If you want to be a waitor I'm sure you can have it. But it's not too fun and doesn't pay that well.

Tomzo - If I didn't need the cash that is exactly what I'd do.

Here it is:
[img] http://gallery.me.com/darcyciaran#100016/08022009100 [/img]

Give him the old sh1t sandwich?

Did he take the cream from the stores? if so even if it's off isn't that still theft from the employeers and littering???

In this case I'd strongly consider going to the police. If it's widely known he did it or you have a witness all the better. Might be worth presenting him with a copy of the bill and the statement you are handing to the police at the end of the day.... Might spur him into action.

there was a mattress, yes a whole mattress, on the roof of my van, fairly carefully placed too.

I was working on a site a little while back when one day, the site agent parked his car on the site next to a part-built building with scaffolding. So I carefully placed two bricks on the bonnet of his car laid on perfectly cut pieces of thin polystyrene. I then placed a few more bricks on the ground next to his car. Of course when came out of his office and saw it he immediately thought that some bricks had fallen off the scaffolding onto his car. He was alright about it, and in fact thanked me for ensuring that I had placed polystyrene under the bricks !

On the same site, I placed a empty parking ticket envelope on the senior contracts manager's car which he had parked illegally outside the site gates, inside I put a note saying "next time it will be for real" ! That one took a bit more guts because the geezer was a right **** and could have easily spotted me doing it. When I went outside after he had gone I found it screwed up on the floor - the humourless ****.

Many years ago on a different site, someone once sellotaped a condom to my car windscreen with a note saying "you're sacked, so you'll be needing this as you won't be able to afford kids without a job" !

And on yet another site ....... a mate of my managed to somehow, slip through a gap in the window, about 3 gay porn mags face up onto the back parcel shelf of my car. They were clearly on display all day in the car (which everybody knew was mine) until I went to go home at the end of the day. Bashturd.

BTW, you have my sympathy alwyn - can't believe anyone did that 'just for fun' 😐 Although are you [i]sure[/i] that you are ' possibly the most angry you have ever been in your life' ?

if i was you i'd have scone to the police

just take him to one side after work when no one is there and smack him hard right in the ear.this is not a very pleasent thing and i hurts like ****. i think this will do the trick.

a mate of my managed to somehow, slip through a gap in the window, about 3 gay porn mags face up onto the back parcel shelf of my car.

Sure. Sure he did.

I love the gay pron trick...fair dues. Don't work on sites that often though...but you need to leave any sensitivity at home if you do. I did knock a deer down one morning a few years ago and was pretty upset about it all day. The two lads I was working with dug around the house though...we were having a cuppa outside in the afternoon and they were s****ing their arses off. The ****ers had only found a "My Little Pony" and taped it to the bonnet of my car.

We had an apprentice and we kept delving into who did his sarnies and who emptied it everyday.

Satisfied with the knowledge that he didn't touch it and mummy did, we commenced to place the afore mentioned gayporn pages in his lunch box....

Next day was a giggle, poor bugger.

Swapping the plumbers hardboiled eggs for uncooked ones was class.

The time i took the painters water melon segment from the fridge and popped it in the freezer for a couple hrs, taking it out moments before lunch break, his look of dismay as he nearly broke his teeth trying to bite into it, i can see his face now..lol

Then there's the not so fun ones...how to stop others drinking your squash ...pee in it! Also had one who pinched our sarnies....oh no, that wasn't pate.......eewwww!

Spray back to black silicone type cleaned on his windscreen wipers, you don't notice it's there until its too late and you have used them.

You can't clean it off, and its a real t*at when it mixes with water..

Potato hammered into their exhaust pipe as far as possible. Then ram it further with a broom handle.

you don't notice it's there until its too late

Indeed a cunning plan 😀

Although, I'm not entirely convinced of the wisdom of risking manslaughter charges 😐

Curry powder in the air vents. Stays there for months and becomes quite sickening after about 15 seconds.

This post has had me seething with rage for hours. What could possibly bring someone to waste clotted cream? I just don't know what the world's coming to.

surf wax on his windscreen, its a sh@t to get off and if a sunny day it will melt, run and make a horrible mess.

Hand in your letter of resignation, then on the last day of work, when you've festered and stewed for ages, walk up to him and smack him in the face. Sorted.

Spray the windows of his car with WD40, the wipers will just smear and slide,

onion on the manifold,lovely smell,

jetwash up the exhaust pipe,especially when hot,this destroys the cat convertor,very expensive next Mot,

undo the sump plug,and leave a note your car has an oil leak,

Sure it was Cloted not Single or Double cream

The time i took the painters water melon segment from the fridge and popped it in the freezer for a couple hrs, taking it out moments before lunch break, his look of dismay as he nearly broke his teeth trying to bite into it, i can see his face now..lol

Amazing!!

I thought this was going to be about Walker/Rambler-rage!

Ah, diddums!!

This really is crying over spilt milk! (If a little bit thicker and smellier than normal!) 😉

LOL @ Walker/Rambler-rage!

A large steel ball bearing in the fuel tank will do no harm but will cause a very worrying rattle that is well nigh impossible to trace.

Accuse him in front of witnesses, present him with the valet bill

He did because he thought it was funny

It is.

What a jealous Barsteward.

Sorry but I wouldn't take that $hit.

If you have no luck and you're sure he did it?!

I'd find out where he lives and cut his balls loose so he can't play tennis... 😈

Deuce.

Whatever you do stay on the right side of law. No point ending in trouble when the little prick goes to the coppers. I'd like to think I'd be cool and go to the SCC.

very finely sliced cucumber on the windscreen always works well. it dries to rock hard very quickly and is an arse to get off.

I'm sorry, there must be something wrong with me, but I find all of this to be rather pathetic and childish. Since when did it become amusing to inflict what is effectively criminal damage on the property of someone's colleagues or neighbours? FFS.

To the OP, get the car sorted properly, then present him the bill. If he refuses to pay, take him to the small claims court.

1) I only just got JoB's joke (because away wrom the soft south, we pronounce scone properly with a long o) and it's excellent.

2) If there's something wrong with the seals on your car (if clotted cream can get inside the door, surely the rain would pour inside) then you can't really hold that against what would otherwise be a relatively harmless prank.

3) Write calm, formal letters and present one to the culprit and one to your employer. They have a very sobering effect. If you have a written employment contract, assume the culprit is under thge same obligations to other staff and quote the relevant bits verbatim.

I don't aim on getting him back. I just want it not to smell of off milk and for him to front the bill. I have a feeling management are going to give him a written warning so it should stop him from doing it again. I spent 3 hours cleaning it yesterday with the doors off and it has pretty well gone.

BJ- It's a classic MG of course it leaks. But I have drilled wholes in the bottom of the door for the water. Off cream on the other hand doesn't drain quite aswell.

then you can't really hold that against what would otherwise be a relatively harmless prank.

What a complete c*ck

Him or me?