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The walking two or three abreast one. On my walk into University I used to have to stop several times along one road as groups of women would fail to acknowledge that they were taking up the whole path. Never seemed to have issues with groups of blokes. Spacial awareness issues? maybe. Frustrating, definitely.
[quote=flyingmonkeycorps said]People who stop to have a chat in the middle of the pavement or - even worse - in doorways
See also supermarket aisles.
Has anybody in Christendom ever opened a pkt of Weetabix without the flakes spreading to the four corners of the Earth?
Just a simple example - standing in front of the door reading a newspaper and not moving when the train stops and the doors open. I have taken to pushing briskly past such persons.
I love those people who think that they can get onto a train before the people wishing to get off have done so. I'm not a big chap but as the train is slightly higher than the platform all it takes is a little lean forward to show them that they are being foolish.
Everyone is in such a rush these days, and for what?
Another meanderthal trait is to somehow take up the entire width of a shared path all by themselves. This is a common beef on my commutes.
Professional cooks who can't reliably poach an egg.
People who won't step onto the platform to allow people off a packed train.
It's a drivetrain not a drivechain.
People who use the word 'beef' when they mean 'complaint' or 'problem'.
People who use the word 'beef' when they mean 'complaint' or 'problem'.
British people who refer to the police as "Five Oh", "Feds" etc
I have taken to pushing briskly past such persons
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IHN - Member
People who use the word 'beef' when they mean 'complaint' or 'problem'.
Beef rhymes with "grief" originates from your cockerneys, I believe.
Using your phone in the quiet carriage to talk your friend, in the loudest possible voice about your sexual exploits from the previous evening with the bloke you've recently met, then going into great detail about the resulting volume of bodily flui......
[no, I cant even bring myself to repeat it as I may gag again]
People that talk on their mobile phones on trains. The entire carriage is in silence but some braying peacock thinks the entire train needs to hear every wonderful detail of their life at a volume that even The Who would have considered excessive at their peak.
Using your phone in the quiet carriage to talk your friend, in the loudest possible voice about your sexual exploits from the previous evening with the bloke you've recently met, then going into great detail about the resulting volume of bodily flui......
This used to bother me greatly on coach/train journeys. I then bought a jammer from DX...
IHN - Member
People who use the word 'beef' when they mean 'complaint' or 'problem'.
surroundedbyhills - MemberBeef rhymes with "grief" originates from your cockerneys, I believe.
Fair enough; People who don't wear pearly jackets and eat jellied eels who use the word 'beef' when they mean 'complaint' or 'problem'
People who reverse into parking spaces in car parks. Why? Do you not want to use your boot?!
The way my wife prefaces anecdotes from work with "It was so funny..." regardless of the actual chance of the story being amusing.
The fact that the cafe at the bus station still cuts the toast I have with my breakfast into triangles despite me asking pretty much every time for them not to cut it. (So I can make a sandwich with some of the bacon & egg).
The dog pestering me for a walk when I've just got home from work & am knackered, then wanting to turn round after a quick wee.
Everyone is in such a rush these days, and for what?
According to the excellent mindfulness book I'm reading, to be unhappy.
My next one:
People who refer to me as "mate" when clearly they aren't as in "Hello Mate..."
See also supermarket aisles.
...and the tops of escalators.
Oh and people who being a post with "...and"
People who say "different tact" when they mean "different tack"
Add people who say "mute point" when they mean "moot point" to that list.
When my girlfriend says something along the lines of "can you help me clean the kitchen table?" when she means "can you clean the kitchen table?"
People who say the word question before asking a question, mostly Americans.
"I'm sorry but"
followed by something that they're clearly not sorry about saying at all.
And "Cue" vs "Queue".
[quote=jimoiseau said]People who say "different tact" when they mean "different tack"
Add people who say "mute point" when they mean "moot point" to that list.
When my girlfriend says something along the lines of "can you help me clean the kitchen table?" when she means "can you clean the kitchen table?"
People who say the word question before asking a question, mostly Americans.
"Answer: **** off"
[i]People who reverse into parking spaces in car parks[/i]
People who reverse out of parking spaces/drives into busy streets/carparks where it would be much safer to have reversed in to the space and drive out forwards.
[i]People who refer to me as "mate" when clearly they aren't as in "Hello Mate..."[/i]
I call everyone mate, mate.
People who reverse into parking spaces in car parksPeople who reverse out of parking spaces/drives into busy streets/carparks where it would be much safer to have reversed in to the space and drive out forwards.
Can't agree, my bike comes out the back.
wwaswas - Member"I'm sorry but"
followed by something that they're clearly not sorry about saying at all.
Im sorry but I thought that was an apology for interjecting, rather than about the point about to be made?
People who reverse into parking spaces in car parks. Why? Do you not want to use your boot?!
people who don't understand why you should reverse park unless you have a proper reason not to.
People who use a 2 word American phrase, when there's a perfectly adequate single word English equivalent.
ie. "Heads up" - Warning! you knob.
and "Reach out" - Contact! you imbicile.
The phrase "See you later", they won't, they don't know where I live and I have no desire to ever see them again, I did appreciate them however going to work and scanning my shopping, and accepting my coupons and payment, but as for seeing me later, wasn't in my itinerary.
people who don't understand why you should reverse park unless you have a proper reason not to
People who reverse out of parking spaces/drives into busy streets/carparks where it would be much safer to have reversed in to the space and drive out forwards.
Nah, never a good reason 😉 I have educated my children accordingly
The way my wife will start talking to me after I've left the room, and then accuse me of walking away whilst she was talking to me. No, love, I walked away and then you started talking.
Or talking to me whilst she's getting stuff out of the fridge in the utility room and I'm in another room, and between us there are two doorways, a noisy boiling kettle and a knackered boiling rattling itself off the wall, and then getting narky when I ask her to repeat what she said because I couldn't hear it properly. Or getting really narky when I don't reply because I didn't hear her at all.
Nah, never a good reason
I dunno, getting a wheelchair out of the boot seems a valid one to me 😉
[i]Or talking to me whilst she's getting stuff out of the fridge in the utility room and I'm in another room, and between us there are two doorways, a noisy boiling kettle and a knackered boiling rattling itself off the wall, and then getting narky when I ask her to repeat what she said because I couldn't hear it properly. [/i]
I actually had to go for a hearing test to prove it wasn't me being deaf that was the cause of me not hearing under similar circumstances.
Now I'm 'just not paying attention'.
People who do 20mph around the Lake District with a queue of cars behind them but haven't got the common decency to pull over and let them past. And caravans. And companies that don't reply to your emails - looking at you Genesis bikes.
I love Mrs Monkey to bits, I really do. But her insistence that we need to watch television and movies together ALL THE TIME can be wearing sometimes.
We have a number of devices and comfortable spaces in the house, one of the reasons we got the broadband and Netflix packages we did is that it allows us to watch two things at once and, most importantly, we have VERY VERY different taste in movies.
We do cross over, and it is nice to hang out and watch stuff together, but I fear she will never develop a taste for creepy horror, soul crushingly bleak thrillers or Jason Statham; nor do I imagine that, after almost 36 years of avoiding REALLY REALLY TERRIBLE romantic comedies, I will suddenly discover a propensity for watching at least one a week.
Also she squeezes the toothpaste from the middle. That should be a shooting offence.
Anyone who describes a bike/car/phone/other inanimate object as "sexy". Kate Upton* is sexy. A collection of metal and carbon fibre parts is not. Visually pleasing possibly, but you don't want your genitals to interact in a rubby rubby squirty squirty kind of a way with a bike do you? Do you???
People who can't tell the difference between Frogs and Toads. 😉
As previously mentioned people who say Pacific when they mean specific.
I normally ask them if we need to be more salty or full of sharks and Australians.
My wife when she says "We need to..." she means "You need to..." which I counter which "Crack on then..."
*Your feeling may differ, other sexy human beings are available.
Excellent grumpy old man thread. 🙂
Cafes that put the napkin between the sandwich and plate. If its a dribbly sandwich then napkin is already ruined. bah.
TM
People who think pockets which haven't yet had holes worn in them is evidence that pockets don't get holes worn in them.
New one. The woman in front of me in the queue at the shoe mender / key cutting place.
In front of her was another lady who was getting some sort of engraved item done, involving filling out some sort of order book and checking spellings, etc. All of which is quite a reasonable thing to do, and didn't annoy me in the slightest.
However, knowing I needed to be back to the office for a phone call, and all I needed was a pair of laces to replace the ones I'd just broken, I didn't think it unreasonable to ask if it was possible to just pay my £1.50 quickly and then chuff off again.
So politeness itself, i enquired and the lady and the server were only too happy.
But not the woman in front. 'EXCUSE ME! I WAS NEXT IN THE QUEUE!'
Well, you don't seem to be in a hurry, as you haven't asked in a nice way like I did. Nor do you have a simple transaction, such as 'That'll be £1.50, there you are, thanks' but you want new soles and heels on you boots that'll involve some time to organise.
Was i wrong? Am i rude? Only 1 out of the 4 people in the shop seemed to think so, but she did so in such an irritating way, with all that 'well you're there now' sarcasm.
I hope your heel falls off and you twist your ankle, you vinegary old witch.
People who buy cheap trousers with sub-standard pockets.
The reverse parking method is what we are expected to adopt as part of our company car defensive driving technique.....safer to then pull back out of the parking bay.
Of my own, folk who stop at the foot or top of escalators to decide where to go next...."there's a ruddy queue of people approaching from behind that can't stop, get out of the way!!!!!"
people who park their trolley sideways across supermarket aisles while they chat or browse...always give them a nudge out of the way.
Walking slowly,two or three abreast (or whatever the number is needed to block the footpath/route) oblivious to the blockage being caused.
Those drivers that hog the pump while they do their shopping after filling up....move the car first please!
IHN - MemberThe way my wife will start talking to me after I've left the room, and then accuse me of walking away whilst she was talking to me. No, love, I walked away and then you started talking.
Or talking to me whilst she's getting stuff out of the fridge in the utility room and I'm in another room, and between us there are two doorways, a noisy boiling kettle and a knackered boiling rattling itself off the wall, and then getting narky when I ask her to repeat what she said because I couldn't hear it properly. Or getting really narky when I don't reply because I didn't hear her at all.
I have found then walking back and saying "could you say that again as I couldn't hear you" normally elicits the response "it doesn't matter"
Full of win 😉
I think this trousers argument could have some legs to it
I have found then walking back and saying "could you say that again as I couldn't hear you" normally elicits the response "it doesn't matter"
do this 3 times in a row, then ignore the 4th time, wait for inevitable outrage for not listening and see what happens when you reply with "oh, does this time matter?" 😉
People who spend £20 or £30 more on trousers in order to avoid paying £5 for something to hold their coins.
In relation to the check-out pack-first-then-pay irritations; people who have waited in a bus queue, get on the bus and decide that it is only then that they will search for the bus fare. While everyone else has to wait. Get the money out while you are waiting like everyone else!!!!!!
And another one, people who block a queue (checkout, ATM) while they file away receipts and money into the purse/wallet and then put said purse/wallet into a bag before moving on. Multi-task people, file and walk, file and walk...
ooh Ive been beaten to a few such as usage of the word 'like'! I swear some kids use it at least three times in every sentence! Grrr!!!
Being called Mate in a shop or suchlike environment.....arrgh!!!
(Being called mate by someone(for instance) asking for directions...is acceptable.)