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People who think the answer to alleged damage caused by small, light and round things in their pockets is to put them all into together into a now singularly heavier, bigger and pointy-cornered thing.
Two insignificant little things drive me wild. I know it's wrong and I cant explain it, but I get an urge (luckily controlled so far) to physically harm men I see with either of the following..
A Polo shirt with the collar turned up..
or
A Scarf without a coat..
Work.
Everybody at work.
Everybody at work who can't leave the kitchen in a reasonable state.
People who insist on using a bazillion different cards at the cash point including printing off statements, checking balances, ordering underwear, playing sodoku, learning farsi, having a scale and polish and finally, FINALLY withdrawing £20.
Ah!
People who select the ATM option which generates a hardcopy balance printout and then leave the printout in the machine.
When the vending machine has a row of "assorted" flapjacks and the one you want is second behind some white chocolate crime against confectionery.
people who don't know what speed limit is in force and upon seeing a speed camera slam on the brakes to about 25mph even in a 40 or national speed limit zone.
I love Mrs Monkey to bits, I really do. But her insistence that we need to watch television and movies together ALL THE TIME can be wearing sometimes.
Why. Do. They. Do. That?
The reverse parking method is what we are expected to adopt as part of our company car defensive driving technique.....safer to then pull back out of the parking bay.
I went for an interview at a place where you were ordered in big letters in the car park to reverse into your spot. When I checked in at reception, they asked if I had, too.
(Actually, I can't remember now whether it was pacifically an order to reverse in or drive in - it's, like, a mute point anyhow, mate).
npower.
Actually, scrub that.
They are a MAJOR irritation.
Traffic.
The universal use of the phrase "apologies for any inconvenience caused", like it does anything to mitigate the problems caused by the incompetence of the writer.
"These toilets are out of order. Apologies for any inconvenience caused"
No inconvenience, I'll just shit my pants, don't worry about it.
No inconvenience, I'll just shit my pants, don't worry about it.
This is a valid tactic, or indeed a likely outcome, when the alternative is one of those turkish loos. Having almost made a mess of myself finding a working toilet in a French city once I almost made a mess of myself by crapping into my trousers rather than the surprisingly hard to hit hole.
Fat Willy's Surf Shack stickers.
I thought the fact that I'd riding a nice gentle 20km with the dog in the sunshine would alleviate any irritations.
BUT
My sister said she'd be round at 1400 arrived at 1414 then moaned about the stuff I was giving her, then moaned that her wedding was too expensive, oh she's just bought a new car. Grrrr
Gone now, sun's out, the world is improving.
People who stand in the queue at the takeaway for 10 mins and only look at the menu to decide what they are having when they get to the counter?
People who go to restaurants and ask for something that isn;t on the menu, not for any allergy reason, but because they "... really fancy meatballs today"
Pay and display car parks that have a number to phone or an app to use to pay for your parking, that then levies a "convenience" charge on top of the fee I'm already angry about having to pay for just leaving my car somewhere.
The wife's habit of giving retrospective driving directions, submerged in a wealth of irrelevant detail
"[i]Look, that's the road where Auntie Megan used to live. She was married to Bill who worked on the railways. He had a stroke and had to go into a home. It was so sad. You should have turned left back there.[/i]"
I think I might have to start taking bets on which one of you is going to have a heart attack first.
Groups of two or more women walking on the pavement towards you, hogging the entire path (often needlessly so).
They see you coming towards them, but fail to move over, presumably expecting you to dive valiantly out of their way into the traffic so they may continue on their gloriously important journey unimpeded.
On a related point, people who stab you in the head with their umbrella spokes, having failed show the modicum of courtesy required to angle it slightly away from your eyeballs.
The phrase two times.. it's TWICE! The other half said it the other day and I had to leave the room.
Skinny verti cappuccino.. over my dead body will I request such a thing.
The teapots in motorway services that are hotter than the sun and piss tea everywhere.
Having almost made a mess of myself finding a working toilet in a French city
you need this:
https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/ou-faire-pipi-a-paris/id586193914?mt=8
Men complaining about their irritating wives.
It was not "faire pipi" which was the urgent part 😉
"Two AM in the morning".... grrrrrrrnrnnnnnnnnnnn... IT CAN'T BE ANY OTHER TIME OF DAY
atlaz - MemberPeople who go to restaurants and ask for something that isn;t on the menu, not for any allergy reason, but because they "... really fancy meatballs today"
*s who think when I order gluten free, it's because I'm on some fad diet, like all those other ****ers.
Also, *s who think that a salad constitutes a gluten free option.
"Fellah".
People who sit with their engines running.
I'm not talking about at the traffic lights, either. Some lady was parked in the supermarket car park with the engine running eating a sandwich....was there when I came back 10 minutes later. Engine still running.
People using "politically correct" when they mean "civilised".
People using "i.e." as a sort of more advanced version of e.g.
Misuse of the word shambles to mean something other than a mediaeval butchers.
People that say "language evolves" to justify their misuse of shambles, pc, i.e. etc.
People that say "grammar nazi" about people who have never been a member of the National Socialists.
Pedants.
Pederasts.
Pedal cyclists.
"Laters"
[i]Skinny verti cappuccino.. over my dead body will I request such a thing.[/i]
Munchausen's Irritation by Proxy?
There being no standard way for ending an email.
for letters it's either
sincerely
or
faithfully
depending on if you know them
For emails we have
Regards
Kind Regards
Thanks and Regards
Regards and thanks
Cheers
and that's just for business stuff.
and do I put my full name or just my first name as my full name is in the auto footer.
It's a bloody minefield. I use 'cheers' with people I know well but then send it to people I've never met and feel like I'm coming across as too casual.
Pedal cyclist couriers who think they know my job better than I do.
Misuse of the word shambles to mean something other than a mediaeval butchers.People that say "language evolves" to justify their misuse of shambles, pc, i.e. etc.
You seem pretty gay to be saying that.
Skinny verti cappuccino.
I still can't bring myself to use Starbucks size names. Small, medium or large for me.
Can I add weight to the people making faddy requests in restaurants too, please?
I was in Disneyland Paris last week (so I was quite pissed off as it was) but I had to stand behind some prick in the "Earl of Sandwich" ordering 6 sandwiches for his family and every single f** one had some alteration or other. No word of a lie it took 10 minutes.
If you don't like whats in the f* sandwich pick something else.
The server was visibly getting pee'd off as was the rapidly lengthening queue behind him.
My order for my family of 4 took 30 secs from start to finish.
I hope they added special sauce to his sandwiches.
Misuse of the word shambles to mean something other than a mediaeval butchers.
People who think Torrid is some sort of new word combining terrible and horrid rather than meaning oppressively hot. I'm particularly thinking of sports commentators with this one.
"Chap".
Stupidly bright rear bike lights.
People who say "theory" when they mean "hypothesis".
People who make several posts, when one will do.
I have a colleague who ends all her emails withFor emails we haveRegards
Kind Regards
Thanks and Regards
Regards and thanks
Cheers
"Have a great day!"
She's American, obviously.
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Biscuits that promise so much, yet deliver so little.
Thread contributors who type "I'll Get Me Coat" and then don't....
People who chew gum.
When people use overly long words to appear clever, very sesquipedalian.