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op you are Chris DeBurgh I claim my £5
emsz - you know what, proper guilty pleasure, but I love that film actually.
Seriously.
Oh, so do I!!!
'bout the only film I'll actually stay awake through
so luvely.
Like it myself, but it's no Point Break.
Maybe the OP should pretend to be a really bad surfer. It worked for Keanu.
Brycerw take a lesson from darcy!
if some-one would set this this up for me, I'd be everso everso grateful.
emsz - I've learnt everything I need to know about romance from Hugh Grant. When it comes to loving he's simply divine.
Ahhh - Point Break, absolutely one of the greatest films ever made. I was almost in tears until I realised Gary Busey hadn't really lost his dog. Acting at it's finest and made even better with Ms Lori Petty.
Ahhh - Point Break, absolutely [s]one of[/s] the greatest film[u]s[/u] ever made.
It's the movie that has everything, even Anthony Kiedis from the Chilli Peppers and wondrous lines of dialogue like "That's, ahh... that's a surfboard all right! Looks like a '57 Chevy I used to have" and " Listen you snot-nose little shit, I was takin' shrapnel in Khe Sanh when you were crappin' in your hands and rubbin' it on your face."
Unbeatable.
You obviously haven't watched Con-Air!
Jesus lad grow a pair. Go and find her and put it to her, worst she can do is say no.
Confidence is an attractive quality.
I see you around a fair bit but don't get the chance to speak to you, I'd like to take you out this weekend, what are the chances? Simple eh?
Brycerw take a lesson from darcy!
Exactly! All you need are some tight riding breaches, A ****ing huge stately home with a lake in front of it, to emerge smoldering from, and some household staff to bark orders at.
Actually, and rather worryingly, while taking the piss, I've pretty much described my other half's dream scenario 🙁
+1 Joolsburger
Worst case scenario is she screams, runs away and calls the Police, and you get escorted from the building carrying one of those cardboard boxes made for such events, with just a stapler and that sad looking spider plant you have been keeping on the edge of death for the last 3 years that was perched on the edge of your desk. You spend the rest of your life wondering how you ended up working in a leisure center as a receptionist, never being quite able to adequately explain away the sexual harassment case brought against you to all of your failed attempts to pull yourself back onto the corporate career path you had thrown away. The last twisted irony being that this apparent goddess has a Spin class every Tuesday evening in the very same leisure center for the next twenty years and never makes eye contact or even says hello, and you eventually retire alone, miserable and muttering about how you rued the day you ever logged on to Singletrack.
AndyRT - We like films with happy endings! Can't you add a bit how he gets together with the cleaning 'thing' who is responsible for mopping the sweat from the studio floor? Not glamorous, but they love each other all the same?
I was thinking it may have been Barry the Personal Trainer. The rejection of the woman he so clearly loved was eating him up inside. The misery his life has become all the fault of here and her bloody restraining order. Are all women are the bloody same? Are they?!
He was leaving himself wide open to Barry's advances in the shower. Flattered even....
The beauty of the 'thing' in my story is that we don't know their gender until the wedding day?
The beauty of the 'thing' in my story is that we don't know their gender until the wedding day?
😆
It's poetic really isn't it?
Our lovelorn young buck starts the story obsessed with the physical form, as he falls into dispair he grows and matures, becoming better if slightly more pathetic throughout the novel, coming to teh conclusion that beauty runs so much deeper.
Our hero pops the question and the object of desire accepts gracefully despite having been quietly praying for such a proposal ever since the akward meeting in the corridor weeks before.
They meet outside the pictures and he treats her to many stories of his prowess on a bicycle but she's only half listening as she finds his spindly bikers legs and acne are making her tingle in her special places. They eat a decent enough meal at a chain Italian, she offers to go dutch but he pays and after a few jars in the local and more half heard conversation she invites him back for coffee. After a short fumble and much panting he realises that a simple question has led him to nirvana.
my version, with the genius addition of the 'thing' marriage sounds much more likely/realistic
jools - careful with the 'she'... this is not known in the early stages 😡
That is true I'm just old fashioned, apologies.
But what about Barry? Have some empathy Yeti. He's going to be awfully upset.
Following his rejection in the showers, Barry goes the other way and get's together with 'the girl'... they are happy together and have beautiful babies.
Brycerw : "I've been thinking, you should see my Cock"
girl "I'm sorry"
Brycerw "Yeah, we should, y'know, get it together."
girl "I wouldn't **** you if you were the MD of this dump"
Brycrw "why are you fighting it, you want it, I want it, lets get together and feel alright"
girl "You couldn't make me feel alright even if you stapled your toungue to my clit and sat on a tumble dryer"
8)
I'm banned, aren't I?
Good work emsz... Brycerw.... just bowl on up to her and ask her...
"do you want to play the rape game?"
I hope not emsz - excellent work and gives a bit of balance to the 'laddishness' of the thread 8)
"no!"
"That's the spirit!"
Dawn raiders - That's where I smash your back door in.
Phil you're good at this, keep playing like that and you might win! 🙂
"You couldn't make me feel alright even if you stapled your toungue to my clit and sat on a tumble dryer"
PMSL - genius, sheer genius
<EDIT> OP, you could approach you beloved, smiling sweetly, stapler in hand and tell her the internet suggested...
"I've been thinking, you should see my Cock - sweet-cheeks."
A little compliment makes such a big difference to the ladies. 😉
i find a simple straight forward approach works... something along the lines of:
"you is well fit bruv, wanna ride in my corsa down to the Maccy-D's carpark?"
or
"excuse me young lady, i wasnt aware its bring your sexy daughter to work day, what department does your mum work in?" (they like to feel young and attractive these wimminz)
or
"i bet i can weigh your boobies"
*grab boobs, give them a jiggle and shout "waheyy!"*
or rent a private jet and tell her to suck your tongue.
Phil - you is like well cool innit bruv! You must be beating them off with a shitty stick fella!!
my only experience with asking women out biking is that you end up traveling miles to do a ride that is a 3rd of your normal distanceand you feel cheated that you didnt break a sweat and you end up cleaner their bike for them.
apologies to all women who ride long distances and clean their own bike
with lines like that do you really think i'd ever be turned down? 😆
more suggestions:
walk up, stick a post-stick note on her head with 'mine' written on it.
start a rumour you had to have your penis shortened as the weight was causing you lower back problems
invent sexually suggestive nicknames for yourself around the office:
"hi, i'm phil, but people around here call me 'the pork swordsman'" for example.
bring a kitten/puppy/someones baby to work, ladies love that stuff.
so now he'll be arrested on suspicion of sexual harassment for parading a tiny fluffy pussy around the office and asking strange women out for a ride!
Genius!
STW proves itself again as the purveyor of wisdom and common sense solutions to the worlds hardest problems
bring a [s]kitten/puppy/someones baby[/s] stapler and a tumble drier to work, ladies love that stuff.
tried a chest wig?
tried a chest wig?
Or some Carlos Fandango Super Wide Wheels on your Corsa?
a corsa?! you think i own a corsa?! i'm not made of money like deadlydarcy you know 😯
Tell her your PhilConsequence off of the internet?
Make sure you don't say you're Jamie by accident.
Jamie? Owner of the huge worldwide egg empire?!!
*swoons*
[i]Carlos Fandango Super Wide Wheels[/i]
I don't think anyone under the age of 40 will have any idea what these are but whoever thought up that name was a genius.
well you know, i live my life a quarter mile at a time.
girl "You couldn't make me feel alright even if you stapled your toungue to my clit and sat on a tumble dryer"
*Applauds loudly*
Sheer genius, I'll be using a variation of that quote in future.
It's been a while since I read through this thread, I'm assuming that he hasn't sailed the skin boat to tuna town yet?