[Closed] so there's this girl...

I had to destroy all 'those' pictures after the court case

I don't think this is helping 😕

Just saying.

phil - I know you're not!!

Has no one suggested that bryce try out his best flatland tricks outside her office window (or in the corridor outside said office) yet?

If she likes bikes, and assuming he can do that, he's going to be in quicker than leftover turkey vindaloo through an intestinal tract.

That's a good point.
Once I did a boom gnarly stunt trick on my bike and a girl got pregnant just by watching my extremeness to the maxxxx.

everyone knows gurls love skidz.

if all else fails you can point at her boobs and shout 'GOOD WORK SOLDIER!'

thats how i got mrsconsequence

Erm had you just unloaded something allover them before you said that comment to her? 8)

Best thing to do is mask your shyness with arrogant dismissal and a big dose of hostile unapproachability.

🙁

excellent advice from Ian (aged 11) and Phil (aged 13) LOL.

ouch, lifer 😯

😉

And at the other end of the age spectrum, Hora falls nicely in to the lecherous old perv category. You can picture him now, can't you

[img] [/img]

13 and a half i'll have you know!

i'm in a proper buzzy good mood today.. new cushions, photoframe for a delicious photo of mrsconsequence and i that we've been meaning to frame for over a year, our 5yr anniversary, and my boss has just gone to africa for a couple of weeks.

Binners the next time your having abit of 'hows your father' I want you to think of me, my smiling face and handsome eyes.

You've tried this before. Repeatedly. It won't work. I've told you before, when i reach that moment I always think of your mum

Think of my Mum and me, tag-teaming you.

[img] [/img]

Um, I think the OP is long gone.

Congratulations, Phil!

The OP's probably cling-filmed her and is currently talking to her body

What is 'ruber' exactly? And how does one burn it? More importantly, can I feed it to the cats?

Ok so update,I went into work today with a little spring in my step thinking"I can do this,if i see her i'll try this"rapport" thing,even if it's only a few sentences"...I NEVER SAW HER,ALL DAY!!!! typical eh. The more i think about it i don't want someone else snapping her up,goddamit!

Conclusion?
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She reads STW. 😆

Fabulous thread

Snapping her up? OP she's not a house purchase. She does have conscious thought and free choice 😀

I NEVER SAW HER,ALL DAY!!!! typical eh.

Good god man, have you never heard of strategic positioning 🙄

[i]She does have conscious thought and free choice[/i]

Not once the chloroform kicks in.

Pay her a compliment - I understand the ladies like that sort of thing - 'that's a lovely blouse madam' or perhaps 'them's nice shoes, I bet they were dear', which might lead on to more racy conversation, you never know. You could thrill her with tales of dangerous swans, and comfort her with a strong manly arm when she trembles like a startled fawn. Offer her some lunch, a pie perhaps, or a quarter pound of corned beef. And it's important to dress nicely - NO star wars t-shirts. Perhaps I might suggest a lovely cable knitted dating suit?

Combined with the dating suite, mentioning that you can take her to heaven and back works wonders!

[img] [/img]

This works for rednecks, it may help you...especially the tips at the bottom

Scenario…..you just met Suzyette at your cousin’s wedding. She is hot and you ask her out. You have some great ideas for the first date. But, wait…..if these places are on your go-to date list, mark them off.

1. To watch you play basketball/baseball/hockey/football with fat Chuck from the sales department, hairy Larry from the service department, and your unemployed best friend. Girls do not enjoy this. They might act like it because they think you are potential husband material.

2.Hiking….although lil’ Suzyette might enjoy a good walk on occasion, chances are she will be dressed in her best. Which will include sit-down shoes. Sit-down shoes are not walking shoes. They are only for making the leg and foot look sexy. Take lil’ Suzyette hiking and you will be carrying lil’ Suzyette all the way back to your car. If you choose to ignore this advice, at least do not point our deer turds and squirrels mating to her. This is uncouth.

3. To your parents house (because you are an unemployed, broke loser). This is the first date. No one really knows anyone else. It will be awkward. And, even more awkward if your dad decides to show off his farting skills.

4. To the local beer joint to watch you play pool. Chances are that lil’ Suzyette can beat your ass in pool. Redneck girls learn pool when still in diapers.

5. To the local Jaycee’s hot dog sale. Nuff said.

6. To shoot guns. Here again, you stand a chance of getting shown up. Baby redneck girls have loaded 45?s under their crib mattresses. She will leave you feeling like a Nancy-boy.

7. Mud-bogging. Yes, we redneck girls love riding big ol’ trucks thru the mud. So, at least forewarn her ahead of time so she can dress in her best camo instead of her newest mall purchase.

8. To catch nightworms for your next day fishing trip with your brother. Redneck girls are good at catching night worms and good at fishing. But, this is not romantic.

9.To visit your Ma in jail. Nuff said.

10. To Wal-Mart’s hunting section. She will be bored and wander off to cosmetics. When you catch up with her, she will drill you for an hour on which lipstick color is prettiest. But, you asked for it.

And…..

Do not make fun of Elvis

Lard is not a sex-aid

Being hog-tied or roped is not foreplay

Do not kiss your hunting dogs right before kissing her

Before kissing, take the snuff out of your mouth

Do not enter her in the wet T-shirt contest without her permission. No matter how big you think her boobs are.

Deer scent can not be substituted for deoderant

So, now….go git ‘er done!

Seriously mate you've got to stop obsessing about this one girl. You've not even talked to her FFS. You're setting yourself up for a fall.

It's threads like this I keep coming back to STW for. Brilliant effort everybody, excellent work. 😆

he's going to be in quicker than leftover turkey vindaloo through an intestinal tract.

Stuey01 I have talked to her,a couple of times, however it's been in a group and its been very briefly. It's gettin her own her own im finding difficult. I didn't expect this too grow to this size,I thought a couple of replies advice at most,some of it has given me a laugh anyway

"...I NEVER SAW HER,ALL DAY!!!!

She's probably gone away for a long weekend of rampant sex with the bloke that asked her out yesterday...

😉

I didn't expect this too grow to this size

DO NOT use that line by the water cooler. 😯

If you do use that line at the cooler, hopefully her reply won't be on the lines of

some of it has given me a laugh anyway

you could always start a conversation with "I think I'm allergic to you, have you seen the size of this swelling!" and see how it goes.

Will he won't he today? And don't you lot tell him 'I told you so' when he realises he may have left it too late!

Update?

She's probably not looking too good, 5 days in cling film... 😕

you sound like Jeff from coupling (that hit uk series).

ha thank god im not as bad as that jeff guy but I am pretty pathetic. Well I still havn't asked her out(lets face it, that wasn't going to happen anytime soon) but I have actively tried to say at least something to her everytime I see her,tried to plant a seed or something,god knows if its working. Please tell me there is someone equally as pathethic on here as me when it comes to relationships

Oh FFS, just ask her!!

[i]Please tell me there is someone equally as pathethic on here as me when it comes to relationships[/i]

took me ohhh weeeks and weeeeks of cold showers LOL, then I just went for it!!

I'm sayin nuffink.

You've done very well if you've managed to plant your seed without even having to speak to her 😉

Excellent double entendre work there wrightyson 🙂

god knows if its working

The second coming?

No, don't just ask her yet, a) you will freak her out and b) you will make it very clear that it is not her personality that has drawn you to her, which makes you shallow. At least pretend you like her as a person...

Patience young man - the long game is always more rewarding.

well hels that was my thinking, I'll look like a stalker if i just asked her out after never really having a proper conversation with her. Wrightyson i was just waiting on someone picking up on that,oh so predictable 😉 I'm not going to lie,its bloody hard,,HAVING A CONVERSATION I MEAN HA

Took me just over 2 years to ask Mrs B out on a date. Don't wait that long!

Please tell me there is someone equally as pathethic on here as me when it comes to relationships

No there isn't. It's just you.

I'll look like a stalker if i just asked her out after never really having a proper conversation with he

Well let's hope she never sees this thread then. At least not until you've been married a few years anyway. 😉

Can't be bothered to read the whole thread. Has the OP manned up and banged her back doors in yet?

I have actively tried to say at least something to her everytime I see her,tried to plant a seed or something,god knows if its working.

This could work.

Many years ago I attempted the 'make her like my personality and show that I'm interested in hers' strategy with a lovely lass from Leeds I worked with.

I did make her laugh a few times and we kind of became friends - but, for me, it became harder and harder to say 'enough of this small talk, let's date, sweet-cheeks'.

Never did manage to say it. Then met someone else and hooked up in about 20 minutes.

No, don't just ask her yet

+1

Find some flimsy pretext to talk to her instead, even if it's just to compliment her on her clothes/hair/whatever (not breasts).

Offer her some tea or cake or something. Try to get to know her a bit before you start getting all romantic.

Girls don't like desperation.

Bump into her accidentally and spill a drink down her front... awkardly dab at her chest with a handkerchief whilst appologising a thousand times repeatedly saying F*** in a posh English accent.

Doesn't that only work if you're at a society wedding yeti?

I dunno, it's got to be worth a try. Personally I can't see how she'd be able to resist such foppish charm.

Just give up and watch porn.

Okay, okay, I'm on form today so accepting that you might not exude the sophistication of a blue blooded English gent, I have another idea to share with you...

Have you considered beoming the Primeminister and then employing her as a housemaid/PA at number 10? After many months of frustrated glances and sticky situations you will ultimately get together... fate if you will...

"Hi hows it going, thank god its Friday."

Followed by "got anything fun planned for the weekend ?"

Listen to her, she may then say yes I am going to the pictures/drink with my boyfriend etc

Or she may tell you about the things she likes doing at the weekend which will give you something to talk about next week.

Tbh, if you've not asked her yet i don't think you've got the balls for a relationship anyway, grt ready for a life living with ur parents instead. I actually feel sorry for this girl now

I've got another idea, well two actually... Firstly I was going to suggest going up to her and trying to recite the Lyrics to "I think you're amazing" by Bruno Mars... no lady would be able to resist the line about seeing her face. Whilst searching for it though I found this...

Perfect!

If it's musical ideas you want, try this... It might not be safe for work...

I think Yeti is on to something. Have you considered opening a book shop in West London?

😆

Yeti, Im sure I've seen that Prime minister one before.... 😆

Or is she foreign? you could declare undying luv in badly phrased Portugese?

Luv that bit *sighs*

Edit
Mind you, I wouldn't be messing around with bits of cardboard with Keira 😉

op you are Chris DeBurgh I claim my £5

emsz - you know what, proper guilty pleasure, but I love that film actually.

Seriously.

Oh, so do I!!!

'bout the only film I'll actually stay awake through

so luvely.

Like it myself, but it's no Point Break.

Maybe the OP should pretend to be a really bad surfer. It worked for Keanu.

Brycerw take a lesson from darcy!

if some-one would set this this up for me, I'd be everso everso grateful.

emsz - I've learnt everything I need to know about romance from Hugh Grant. When it comes to loving he's simply divine.

Ahhh - Point Break, absolutely one of the greatest films ever made. I was almost in tears until I realised Gary Busey hadn't really lost his dog. Acting at it's finest and made even better with Ms Lori Petty.

Ahhh - Point Break, absolutely [s]one of[/s] the greatest film[u]s[/u] ever made.

It's the movie that has everything, even Anthony Kiedis from the Chilli Peppers and wondrous lines of dialogue like "That's, ahh... that's a surfboard all right! Looks like a '57 Chevy I used to have" and " Listen you snot-nose little shit, I was takin' shrapnel in Khe Sanh when you were crappin' in your hands and rubbin' it on your face."

Unbeatable.

You obviously haven't watched Con-Air!

Jesus lad grow a pair. Go and find her and put it to her, worst she can do is say no.

Confidence is an attractive quality.

I see you around a fair bit but don't get the chance to speak to you, I'd like to take you out this weekend, what are the chances? Simple eh?

Brycerw take a lesson from darcy!

Exactly! All you need are some tight riding breaches, A ****ing huge stately home with a lake in front of it, to emerge smoldering from, and some household staff to bark orders at.

Actually, and rather worryingly, while taking the piss, I've pretty much described my other half's dream scenario 🙁

+1 Joolsburger

Worst case scenario is she screams, runs away and calls the Police, and you get escorted from the building carrying one of those cardboard boxes made for such events, with just a stapler and that sad looking spider plant you have been keeping on the edge of death for the last 3 years that was perched on the edge of your desk. You spend the rest of your life wondering how you ended up working in a leisure center as a receptionist, never being quite able to adequately explain away the sexual harassment case brought against you to all of your failed attempts to pull yourself back onto the corporate career path you had thrown away. The last twisted irony being that this apparent goddess has a Spin class every Tuesday evening in the very same leisure center for the next twenty years and never makes eye contact or even says hello, and you eventually retire alone, miserable and muttering about how you rued the day you ever logged on to Singletrack.

AndyRT - We like films with happy endings! Can't you add a bit how he gets together with the cleaning 'thing' who is responsible for mopping the sweat from the studio floor? Not glamorous, but they love each other all the same?

I was thinking it may have been Barry the Personal Trainer. The rejection of the woman he so clearly loved was eating him up inside. The misery his life has become all the fault of here and her bloody restraining order. Are all women are the bloody same? Are they?!

He was leaving himself wide open to Barry's advances in the shower. Flattered even....

The beauty of the 'thing' in my story is that we don't know their gender until the wedding day?