So I'm in hospital ...
 

So I'm in hospital with Priapism. I'll laugh about this one day.

Posts: 28712
Full Member
 

Eeeeek. Came in looking for jokes... found some reality.

Kick it's arse Scoooper !


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 3:27 pm
Posts: 2069
Free Member
 

God damn, came back to the thread hoping for some more quality nob gags.

All the best with your treatment. Stay strong and keep your pecker up (really sorry).


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 3:29 pm
Posts: 8928
Free Member
 

:/ good luck dude


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 3:35 pm
Posts: 13282
Free Member
 

That's a bugger mate. Fingers crossed they get it sorted quickly.


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 3:41 pm
Posts: 3192
Free Member
 

Oooft.
Good luck!

Will leave the, "are you pleased to see me or is that a bicycle pump in your pocket?" gag for later.


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 3:42 pm
Posts: 1910
Free Member
 

Didn’t know there was a link there but Google has taught me. All the best OP, pretty shit but better to know than not.


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 3:45 pm
Posts: 9104
Full Member
 

Dammit. Really hope that this is the start of you kicking the arse of this. Hang in there.


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 3:54 pm
Posts: 11381
Free Member
 

Crap news, all the best to you, hopefully easily treatable.

*decides not to do a boner marrow quip*


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 4:32 pm
Posts: 12087
Full Member
 

Kick it’s arse Scoooper !

Shouldn't be a problem, he's a hard man.

(sorry 😀 )


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 4:34 pm
Posts: 43886
Full Member
 

Jeez. What. A. Thread.

It's a real rollercoaster.

Hope you kick cancers arse mate!


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 4:42 pm
Posts: 11541
Full Member
 

All the best with the treatment, hopefully you'll be sorted swiftly.


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 4:43 pm
Posts: 3334
Full Member
 

Holy crap, wishing you all the best Poopers, that’s a turn in the story that was really not expected. Blimey.

Hope treatment is swift and effective 👍


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 4:48 pm
Posts: 10333
Full Member
 

ah, so the priapism was an early indicator?  in that case well caught.   Think i might attach a small flag to mine just in case


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 4:53 pm
Posts: 6922
Full Member
 

Holy 💩- healing vibes!


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 5:03 pm
Posts: 1144
Full Member
 

MPN? If so, my old man was diagnosed with this just before covid times. He’s been treated with chemo pills and has been ok (bar other existing health issues) since.

All the best.

RM.


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 5:16 pm
Posts: 78229
Full Member
 

God damn, came back to the thread hoping for some more quality nob gags.

Nah, he refused to wear one.

Get well soon, mate.


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 5:20 pm
Posts: 33038
Full Member
 

Jeez, that took a turn.

All the best with, well, everything!


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 5:26 pm
Posts: 13594
Free Member
 

Horrible news, good luck with the treatment....


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 5:27 pm
Posts: 0
Free Member
 

Best wishes


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 5:40 pm
 Drac
Posts: 50558
 

Ah shit!

Best of luck with the treatment.


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 5:48 pm
Posts: 17321
Full Member
 

Hope all goes well. Both treatments.


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 5:51 pm
Posts: 45993
Free Member
 

Best wishes poopers, that sucks.


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 6:02 pm
Posts: 656
Full Member
 

Well that sucks. Hope the treatment goes well and wishing you a speedy recovery.


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 6:29 pm
Posts: 24778
Free Member
 

I've agonised over this comment all afternoon, as I wish Poopscoop nothing but a good outcome.

But if it doesn't go well, are they going to be able to get the lid down on your coffin ?

(apologies if that is too far)


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 6:41 pm
Posts: 11381
Free Member
 

That deserves an ooooffff and a 😂


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 6:48 pm
Posts: 20945
 

ah, so the priapism was an early indicator?

Something certainly stood out.


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 7:00 pm
Posts: 305
Full Member
 

Stand up comedians the lot of you.
Good luck!


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 7:35 pm
Posts: 2456
Full Member
 

All the best Poopscoop, hope you swiftly kick it in to touch.


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 7:41 pm
Posts: 13637
Free Member
 

Mother hubbard that's some shitty news. You must be feeling a bit dazed and not sure whats going on right now! You've always struck me as a super nice bloke so tbh, I hope the chemo goes ok and we're all here if you need any support. Sometimes even chatting to a bunch of idiots is better than chatting to no-one at all!


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 7:46 pm
Posts: 13349
Full Member
 

Hope you kick cancers arse mate!

Or at least give it a good knobbing!

GWS and **** cancer


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 8:12 pm
Posts: 17828
Full Member
 

Ah Shit. Sorry to hear that poops.

Hope you beat it and get well soon


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 8:31 pm
Posts: 3188
Full Member
 

Best wishes to you.


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 8:37 pm
Posts: 6339
Full Member
 

i would like to wish you a full speedy recovery poopscoop (**** cancer) and may you find some blessed relief from your old chap standing to attention also (apologies).


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 9:04 pm
 pk13
Posts: 2733
Full Member
 

Good luck.


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 9:15 pm
Posts: 9226
Full Member
 

Poopscoop - sorry to hear this, best of luck with your treatment.


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 9:23 pm
Posts: 5705
Full Member
 

Hoping for the best outcome with your treatment, sounds like they are on the case PDQ.


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 9:50 pm
Posts: 13554
Free Member
 

Ah FFS. Hope you’re doing okay Mr Scoop. That’s some shitty news, but great that they’ve caught it. Keep us posted with progress.


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 10:01 pm
Posts: 2020
Free Member
 

I'm really sorry to hear that poopscoop. It's good that it's been found though, and you can crack on with the right treatment.


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 10:10 pm
 P20
Posts: 4251
Full Member
 

Shit, that’s a turn around. All the best for the treatment


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 10:15 pm
 nbt
Posts: 12469
Full Member
 

What a thread. Best wishes, dude


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 10:23 pm
Posts: 2548
Free Member
 

Best wishes for a sucessful treatment Poopers.


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 10:33 pm
Posts: 78229
Full Member
 

Wait. Talk about missing low-hanging fruit:

Poopscoop Full Member


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 11:04 pm
Posts: 28592
Free Member
 

Talk about missing low-hanging fruit:

Nobody even mentioned those.


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 11:12 pm
 a11y
Posts: 3895
Full Member
 

Woah, checked back in to see what, if anything, had gone down since poopscoop’s initial post - that’s shit news. Kick it’s arse poopscoop, you’ll still laugh about this day.


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 11:21 pm
Posts: 25921
Full Member
 

Wow - best wishes poopscoop

here's to a, err, well, happy ending 🤞


 
Posted : 05/07/2022 11:24 pm
Posts: 655
Full Member
 

Bloody hell, who’d have thought that was a symptom. Good luck with the treatment!


 
Posted : 06/07/2022 12:28 am
Posts: 9333
Full Member
 

Once again I feel like a friend needs help, despite never meeting Poop. What is it about the forum?

Sending you very best wishes


 
Posted : 06/07/2022 12:37 am
Posts: 3873
Free Member
 

You can say what you like about poopscoop but he's a standup guy.


 
Posted : 06/07/2022 12:46 am
 LAT
Posts: 2394
Free Member
 

all the best. hope things go your way.


 
Posted : 06/07/2022 1:00 am
Posts: 2448
Full Member
 

@poopscoop Get well soon. We will be sending you a parcel of distraction and good vibes from the Singletrack office soon. It might not be straight away as I have a hydrocele issue. Google that one… very similar symptom, the left one, bloody massive. Operation this weekend.

having balls so big science has had to intervene… that comes with bragging rights.

Best of luck…


 
Posted : 06/07/2022 9:08 am
Posts: 45993
Free Member
 

Oooft Charlie...


 
Posted : 06/07/2022 9:23 am
Posts: 48
Free Member
 

Sending healing vibes across- get well soon

U.z.


 
Posted : 06/07/2022 9:24 am
Posts: 0
Free Member
 

Fingers crossed for you Poopscoop, kick it's arse.


 
Posted : 06/07/2022 9:27 am
Posts: 34939
Full Member
 

Jesus, what a turn up.  Was expecting some plum based jokes, not blood cancer. Hope it goes well Poop. 👍


 
Posted : 06/07/2022 9:29 am
Posts: 1260
Full Member
 

Wow wasn't expecting that after reading the first page.
Good luck in your treatment hopefully it's been caught early enough


 
Posted : 06/07/2022 10:38 am
Posts: 1725
Free Member
 

@poopscoop That's rough news, sorry to hear it! I was diagnosed with CML (chronic rather than acute) in my early twenties, 20 years later I'm still here. Treatment was unpleasant and boring but not as bad as I feared and I'm sure the science has got way better since then. Happy to answer any questions about my experience, but I'm sure you will get good (and more accurate) information from your doctors!
All the best!


 
Posted : 06/07/2022 10:44 am
 nbt
Posts: 12469
Full Member
 

charliedontsurf
Full Member
...I have a hydrocele issue. Google that one… very similar symptom, the left one, bloody massive...

You are Danny Hart and I claim my five pounds


 
Posted : 06/07/2022 2:14 pm
Posts: 40432
Free Member
 

All the best for your treatment Poopy.

I'm not going to resort to cheap gags like other posters, but I'd just like to say I've always thought you were one of the forum's most impressive members.

GWS


 
Posted : 06/07/2022 2:22 pm
Posts: 547
Full Member
 

All the best with treatment.
My mum was diagnosed with CML, she was put on a trial drug, given a very conservative outlook. Twenty years on, she takes a tablet a day and its virtually undetectable. Good luck.


 
Posted : 06/07/2022 2:44 pm
Posts: 620
Free Member
 

Bloody hell Poops. All the best for your treatment. 👍


 
Posted : 06/07/2022 4:07 pm
Posts: 16449
Full Member
Topic starter
 

Quick update. Having no phone charger is a bitch.

I'm having a penile implant at some point as I've managed to break mine. It looks like an aubergine in shape and colour.

The implant? You literally grab a ball and pump your cock up. Google it if you don't believe me you obsolete humans. Reminds me a bit of my gaffer taped cola bottle bodge I use for tubeless setup. I'll be more conservative on PSI in this instance though

In my head I'll be part Iron Man, part cyborg. In my partners head I'm now called Frankencock.

In other news the guy taking a bone marrow sample complemented me on the hardness of my bones.

He has no idea. No. Idea.

Only skimmed thread as battery life is limited but thanks for the gags and support. Means a lot.

Just loled at cha****ngs compliment.😁


 
Posted : 07/07/2022 2:10 am
Posts: 7469
Free Member
 

You literally grab a ball and pump your cock up.

To think that used to be my party trick and now you can get it on the NHS (presumably).

Frankencock would make a great forum name though.

Hope the treatment goes well for you.

When I was nine or ten I took a mini football full pelt to the knackers and one of them swelled up to the size of the football itself. Could barely walk.


 
Posted : 07/07/2022 6:23 am
Posts: 962
Full Member
 

All the best with your treatment, Poopscoop.

Get well soon.


 
Posted : 07/07/2022 7:33 am
Posts: 11381
Free Member
 

At least if it ever punctures you’ve got plenty of jizz to seal it

(Really hope all goes well)


 
Posted : 07/07/2022 7:40 am
Posts: 5819
Full Member
 

You definitely have to change your username to frankencock now.
Does it come with a pressure guide? 10psi for medium hard, 20psi for trying to break the bed?


 
Posted : 07/07/2022 8:46 am
Posts: 27603
Free Member
 

Frankencock would make a great forum name though.

+1 and if poopascoop agrees to it I think we should ask the Powers that be to make that change in honour of his contribution here.

Best wishes for your recovery er, “Frank”. 😉


 
Posted : 07/07/2022 8:48 am
Posts: 18158
Full Member
 

Yowzers poops. Hope you heal up soon. 👊 🍆


 
Posted : 07/07/2022 8:51 am
Posts: 2042
Full Member
 

'What pressure for riding fully rigid?'

Tyre threads will never be the same now 😀

Hope it all goes well @poopscoop.


 
Posted : 07/07/2022 9:37 am
Posts: 40432
Free Member
 

Just loled at cha****ngs compliment.😁

Mission accomplished.

🙂


 
Posted : 07/07/2022 9:47 am
Posts: 1704
Free Member
 

Well, you learn something new every day! How will your robo-bollock react to stutterbumps and washboard? You might have to adjust your sag setting? 😮

Thanks for the update. Sending you best wishes. I hope you're on the mend soon and the meds treat you well. I'm sure the nurses will have it all in hand.


 
Posted : 07/07/2022 10:59 am
Posts: 16449
Full Member
Topic starter
 

Was carted down for an MRI today.
On my cock.

I was taken down in a chair so at least I could hide the huge new extension from the numerous people in the hallways with my hands/arms.

Once there, I was given tape and told I had to tape the little fella destroyer of worlds vertical, pointing up at my chest.

Had the MRI which I only just fitted in once a cage type thing was put over my todger.

All done and wheeled back to ward. Then remembered the tape and spent an agonising 10 minutes in the shower gently peeling the tape from some very delicate and hyper sensitive skin.

To round the day off, a nurse asked me how the other nurses hooked up my paracetamol IV to the machine. She struggled on for a while but I genuinely got worried and said I didn't need the pain control anyway. I'd love to say I'm making this part up but it's completely true.😐


 
Posted : 08/07/2022 12:53 am
Posts: 3611
Free Member
 

To round the day off, a nurse asked me how the other nurses hooked up my paracetamol IV to the machine. She struggled on for a while but I genuinely got worried and said I didn’t need the pain control anyway. I’d love to say I’m making this part up but it’s completely true.😐

That's a bit scary. Maybe ask for some Oramorph until next shift.

Hope things improve.

If you can get someone to drop in some ear defenders. For me it makes a hospital stay much more tolerable.


 
Posted : 08/07/2022 1:10 am
Posts: 78229
Full Member
 

a nurse asked me how the other nurses hooked up my paracetamol IV to the machine. She struggled on for a while

Intrapenisly?


 
Posted : 08/07/2022 2:04 am
Posts: 11381
Free Member
 

You know how they get a ship into a bottle? Well that’s why you had to tape the little fella down for the MRI machine .


 
Posted : 08/07/2022 6:50 am
Posts: 16449
Full Member
Topic starter
 

Bloody hell.

Same nurse but this time I had to accept the paracetamol IV as my balls are aching like buggery.

Again, asked me how to connect it up, even which "port" on the canular. I have no idea. Never really watched the other nurses do it.

In the end another iv machine is brought in (other nurses just use the same machine, just stopping the saline feed and switching in the paracetamol) and messed around with for a while.

I'm then asked to keep pressing the mute button on the other machine every time it beeps alerts as it still thinks it is connected to me.

This nurse is also giving me all my other meds including the new chemo one.

Friggin hell. At least they are all in tablet form.


 
Posted : 08/07/2022 8:28 am
Posts: 44680
Full Member
 

That is awful from the nurse. Its fine not to know but if you don't know you get somone who does.


 
Posted : 08/07/2022 8:52 am
 nbt
Posts: 12469
Full Member
 

That is awful from the nurse. Its fine not to know but if you don’t know you get somone who does.

Agreed, same in any role - I have no problems walking colleagues through tasks so that ehy can do it, but if you bodge it and I have to clear up afterwards I will not be pleased. Maybe next time either tell the nurse to ask for help, or raise it with the ward sister?


 
Posted : 08/07/2022 9:12 am
Posts: 7120
Full Member
 

This has to be one of the bravest posts I've seen on STW in all the years I've been on here.


 
Posted : 08/07/2022 10:33 am
Posts: 28592
Free Member
 

destroyer of worlds

Epic stuff. Have you tried the Avengers line when they need the Hulk to calm down?


 
Posted : 08/07/2022 10:43 am
Posts: 16449
Full Member
Topic starter
 

Just been given some terrible news frankly.

It's likely to be an aytypical type of CML, not AML.

Bone marrow transplant stuff basically.


 
Posted : 08/07/2022 3:18 pm
Page 2 / 7