[Closed] So I'm getting a divorce.......What do I do now!

Go out and get very very very drunk and enjoy life as a single person.

and then get a really good lawyer

Going to be sore for a while so just ride through it. You had no idea this was coming?

Yikes so many breakups recently - rushes out and buys Mrs FRC some flowers!

To the OP - sorry to hear that, right out of the but then? No warning signs at all?

Be fair and reasonable and don't agree to anything verbally or in writing until you have talked to someone you trust implicitly... and a lawyer.

In mine I think the first thing we did was get something called an interim agreement or something, basically sorts and freezes the financial side before the actual divorce. As long as no kids involved the money is fairly easy to sort.

That is how mine worked out, I was the leaver if you like and I was very generous to my ex (not just according to me) but I felt a little guilty.

Feels pretty shitty though (based on how I felt, then magnified seeing as it wasn't your idea).

Good luck and don't get too drunk...

p.s. mine started when I was 32, turn 40 next week with my new wife and two beautiful kids from this marriage. Life goes on.

Not a clue that there were any issues, basically she said she isn't in love with me any more and loves me more as a friend / brother! Everything has been normal, she's had a week away to think and that was the conclusion. Money wise it's pretty much sorted just changing names on things just the house that's going to be the issue.

I'll be riding far and wide this weekend to try and help my head.

I'll be staying with a mate from next week just going to have to find somewhere to store the bike!

Just try and sort money stuff out as simply as possible and get something in writing about it.

And sorry but my gut tells me there is more to it than meets the eye, as in a distraction.

NZCol - my thoughts exactly but she says that isn't the case, basically there is no relationship to work on according to her!

It's a horrible thing my friend is going through the same as we speak. I think they both have realised sorting the house out is not that easy. He was going to give her cash to leave and he keeps the 3 houses they own. To put it all in his name is £3500 just for the solicitor. What stanes did you do by the way ?

Oh and my mate said she just fell out of love with him and their was no one else. He believed her until an upset other wife called him up. It all comes out in the wash

Surely you should try counselling, ie Relate, before you go any further? You both need to see if you can work through this.

Edit: If you can't then go for a Legal Seperation agreement, ideally agreed between both of you before you see a solicitor. After two years you can get a divorce but both of you need to agree to this.

i've heard this "there's no one else, i'm just not in love with you like that anymore" before, turned out as above. On a positive note, it's probably the best thing that ever happened to me, although as you know it doesn't feel like it atm. but the future will be bright, trust me

As potstahome.

Theres usually a catalyst/external force.

I'll be fine, I've got a decentish job, little financial commitments, granted I have very little savings but I should be fine. I'm looking at the bright side I can now buy as many bikes as I want!

cinnamon_girl, i've offered to go to counselling but she has said if she doesn't "feel that way about me" there isn't any point.

potts at home, I've not been yet, I'm going over the bank hol weekend. Quite glad tbh as it's something to look forward to.

Why is everyone concentrating on whether there is someone else ? I take it no one is actually in a position to know for sure, so I don't know why this would in some way "help" the OP.

My only advise is to keep yourself busy, eat, keep off booze, and yes, time is a great healer, only time passes so slowly to start with - but it does speed up.

Well your lucky it's not this weekend as I stay just out of Dumfries and its chucking it down quick run round mabie in the morning me thinks and home

seems as if all the women are folowing the tv licecing advert

ernie_lynch - cheers for that, I genuinely don't think there is anyone else and if there is, the grass isn't always greener!

I'm quite a busy person anyway, I have a new construction project (I'm a Project Planner) starting up on Monday that will keep me occupied. As for drinking, I'm not a massive drinker so that won't really be an issue!

Ha cheers for that Project!

Well, I'm afraid that one can go past the point of no return. Different people want different things from their life, some people aren't easy to live with etc etc. There doesn't always need to be another person involved.

Look upon it as a journey of self-discovery and as ernie says, keep busy, eat, time is a great healer etc.

29, no kids and a new found freedom. Perfect for going off the rails (for a short time).

Let the demons take over, you might enjoy it.

I generally used to cope with splits from long term partners with class A drugs, drink and sleeping with random women I met in clubs.

It was brilliant, one of them is now my wife

I'm quite a busy person anyway, I have a new construction project (I'm a Project Planner) starting up on Monday that will keep me occupied.

Excellent. It's also very useful to find yourself [u]new[/u] things to get involved in. Because even if you are busy much of your regular routine will be associated with her, and your brain will be hardwired to make that association - you mentioned that she is your "riding buddy".

So do completely new things which have absolutely no association with her, take up new hobbies, take up lessons in art, evening classes, whatever, and meet new people/friends, otherwise you will struggle to move on into a new phase of your life.

Celebrate......

Yikes so many breakups recently - rushes out and buys Mrs FRC some flowers!

Which will lead to questions about what you did wrong!

Some of my mates have had divorces. Out of all of them, none of their ex wives seem to have acted reasonably and all have given demands that wre just plain extraordinary, just to get back at the bloke they now hate.

there has also been a worrying trend to hurt the dad by hurting their child, not physically but simply to get at dad, like my mate who wanted to take his lad to Wales for the weekend,, his mum said he couldn't take the kid out of the country so he wasn't allowed to go? ( just one example of many from that couple but many more from the others too)

From my own personal experiences, From when my mum and dad divorced, my mum would hardly even speak to me after I'd visited my dad. good job I was a head strong 15 year old then because it didn't stop me.

I'd say be warned and keep the vision " snakes with T1T5" in the back of your mind. Get a good lawyer, get things agreed in writing, don't think it will be ok and that she will be reasonabe, she probably won't.

It will be tough but all my divorced mates came out the other side with better bikes and more riding time and fitter wives / girlfriends 😀

go to Hungary and get spiritualized..

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My honest advice is to look after number 1......anything you like in the house, get it now.

It's gonna get nasty as soon as the lawyers get involved and in my experience they're not really worth the money and will do whatever you ask so long as you pay them.

Have a plan and a goal so that when it is really rubbish you have something to focus on and remember it will get better.

I've gone through it and life is good now, good luck mate and you can always ride your bike for some escape time.

i split up 12 yrs ago, at time was devastated, (2 kids involved) met someone else and have been happy ever since, its always shit at first, but will get easier good luck 🙂

In all honesty... DON'T get a really good lawyer. This is happening, and frankly there is sod all you can do about it. Getting lawyers involved and fighting it winds up costing you a bloody fortune (my ex went down that route and cost me somewhere between £8 and £10k in legal fees).

Accept it, move on.

Good lawyers make no difference to a financial settlement anyway - that is now done through mediation - this is good, it is cheap. Blame makes no difference to what kind of settlement is made either as it happens.

If there is a divorce action being made then the marriage is over, there is something massively wrong with the relationship and it isn't really worth fixing. But once you accept that, and accept that it is over, life does get better. Mine all kicked off in 2007 after 2 years married - we got back together (massive mistake and a long, depressing story anyway) before finally divorcing between start of 2010 and the end of 2011 (yep, it took that long!).

Just wish I was more clued up several years ago, and got my act together then. Would have made life so very much easier.

AS my dear old gran used to say,
"The best way to get over someone is to get under someone".

Hope you are okay OP.

I sometimes wonder what it would be like, getting a divorce. It's 17 years ago this Sunday that my wife and I were married.

I don't have much else apart from my wife and children.

I went through this last year, no kids involved so I got the house as she was the leaver.

Bike is now parked in the hallway

Life gets better...

Cheers everyone,

I'm surprisingly fine, at least I know what's going on now, basically she went for a week of space this time last week. This week has been horrendous and it feels like I have some closure now.

Time to go through a pre 30 crisis ha. I fortunate that I have a great set of mates and even more fortunate that one is letting me move in with him. I've been doing a part time degree for the last 4 years and this is the final year so at least I have something to focus on. I'm looking at a 1st for the degree and I'm not going to let all these issues spoil anything. Get that degree then the world is my oyster, I'm not throwing 4 years of hard work down the drain!

Ah well, best get out on the bike....

That Ozora Yunki? I can heartily recommend European psytrance festivals for causing break ups but not sure about getting over them.

Anywya OP If your ex was your riding buddy then you need some new riding mates! where abouts are you!

Not sure if it helps but I went through the exact same thing about four months ago. I'm 31, had been with my girlfriend six years and we had a house and a cat. Out of the blue she said she'd fallen out of love with me. Hit me like a ton of bricks but four months later I've got a nice central flat, a new bike (or two), a healthy sum of money (she bought me out of the house) and am absolutely loving it. My tips would be:

Go crazy for a while - blow off some steam.
Ride a lot.
Book a holiday (I'm off to NYC this week).
Try online dating - there are lots of amazing women out there, and you can be up front about if you're looking for a relationship or simply a bit of fun.
Remain positive and polite to your ex throughout - although I was gutted, I didn't see any point in souring the situation further.

Good luck 🙂

If there are no kids involved and as long as it remains amicable, you should try and agree the split without lawyers.

My brother did this. They put the house on the market and once it was sold, they used the equity to settle all their debts and then the remaining equity was split between then. It was all straight forward. They even used a DIY divorce pack from Amazon.

For every easy divorce there is also a horrible one. A mate of mine had a house with over a £100k in equity when he met his ex (He received over £100k in compensation from a near death car accident in his 20's). When they got married in 1999 he got her to sign a pre nuptial, so that his equity was protected! 6 years later she had an affair and was eventually caught (the classic text message scenario) and that started a lengthy and messy divorce. Over the next 3 years my mate paid over £60k in legal fees. She still got a sizeable chuck from the divorce.

Even today she still messes him around (1 kid) and he still pays legal and private investigator fees. She often moves to random areas of the country and doesn't tell him. He then doesn't see his kid for months, until he finds them again. Although the kid in now 10 and that happens less and less. Every time something changes in his life (ie last year he got a new BMW 335 - company car) she gets onto the Child Support Agency claiming that he doesn't pay enough and that he must be earning extra megabucks!

So if you can do it amicably, you would save a fortune.

All advise about divorce tends to be based on the advisors own bitter experience so should always be placed in that context. My own lesson was just because you trust someone and are being straight with them that does not mean they won't empty the savings accounts and overdraw the current behind your back.

On a more positive note my divorce made room for a very fun single life in my thirties and now a very happy relationship with someone who is so right for me.

Keep busy do the things you wanted to do but found hard to do when in a relationship and try to maintain a civil and honest interaction with your ex while protecting yourself financially and emotionally.

Scaled -

I'm in Ramsbottom soon to be moving to Whitworth to a mates, could be worse1 I'm still in the hills so doorstep riding remains.

If you are still talking sensibly to each other then the first thing to do is split your finances. If you have any joint commitments then use a shared account for these until things are sorted out, but make sure your pay cheque goes into an account which only you can access. If you can avoid fighting through different lawyers then you will [b]both[/b] save a lot of money, my ex wife and I used the recommended firm from [url= http://www.wikivorce.com/divorce/ ]wikivorce[/url] and it has worked very well, and cost only £279 plus the court fees.

Good luck to you both. Life moves on.

She's just been round and the finances are sorted, all amicable and sorted out what I'm taking with me (which isn't much as I don't have any room for it)!

Now the question is do I get rid of my Meta and upgrade????

Could I suggest a trip to the Ukraine once the dust has settled. The attractions they had at the Olympic closing ceremony may help distract you!

Look after you physically as it hard to keep your wits about you when exhausted and run down.

All the best

doing a degree, ........access to the student union?????

get the frack in there man!

Kimbers - freshers week in a few weeks, I'll be all over it. The SU is a little ropey but there are plenty of other student areas.

I'm also the best type of student, I have a real job just for 4 days a week and the company has paid for the degree for the last 4 years! So I have money..

+1 on the 'keep the solicitors out of it' advice.
MrsMM (beta version) and I did just that - she wanted out, only tie was the house.
We both got valuations done, agreed the average of the 2 values. She then paid me out 50% of that (+ a touch more, that's another story...) Solicitors only involved in making the agreement legal and binding etc.
BTW - you can (or could, 10 years ago) do your own divorce - paperwork from local council office, fill it in, submit it to the OH's solicitors, OH signs off on it and then it is (or was) the usual time wait for the decrees to come through = saving more money towards Meta replacement 🙂

Seriously, on past experience I'd suggest if your wife wants out then she leaves the house. Seen it happen a couple of times. Man moves in with mate. 'Try' to sell house, takes 12 months to sell, man feels guilty about putting on mate so rents flat and ends up skint paying for rent and mortgage. Suddenly wife doesn't want to sell house and a man starts answering the door as your keys don't fit anymore.

If she wants some space then let her have it. Stay put if you can.

And this will sound terrible, but make her feel guilty. It's not your fault. You're potentially both going to lose a house, can you do a deal with an endowment or somethng for her in exchange for the deeds?

But best of luck. Still young, curse you. I met my best friend after getting divorced an we have a beautiful daughter/house/life together.

Seriously, on past experience I'd suggest if your wife wants out then she leaves the house

If she wants some space then let her have it. Stay put if you can.

This, x10.