[Closed] Share your tales of parking madness

Years ago as a student looked out the window of my shared terrace house to see my car (Morris Ital - very stylish :)) slowly going past the window and found the next door neighbour pushing my car out from the front of his terrace house. I told him to stop and he told me that if I parked in front of his house again he'd "Damage" me. I laughed in his face and for the next two years of piss taking he was "Mr Damage". "Good morning Mr Damage"

[i]it was only when I grabbed the furry covered steering wheel[/i]

Eww! You should definitely keep that sort of behaviour to your own vehicle.

Just remembered. When I was younger we came back from my Nan's house and there was a car parked slap bang across our driveway. They literally couldn't have positioned it any more central and the rest of the road was completely empty.

My Mum started ranting, but Dad just got out and went over to the car, opened the drivers door and took the handbrake off to let it roll clear of the driveway (the house is on a fairly steep hill) before reapplying the handbrake.
I thought this was hilarious.

Sometime later, the couple who had parked their car there came out from the neighbours house and spent a long time scratching their heads, walking around the car and pointing to where the car had definitely been. You could see them trying to work out how the car had moved. I think they drove off none the wiser.

Lady tried putting cones on our street, did a fly by ride to remove.

Used to live in a wee cul de sac that had an extra 4 (ish) spaces at the top of the driveway. Now, everyone who lived in the cul de sac had a place to park, so these were extra, On Sat and Sun the occasional spot would be used by folk dropping off, or watching sons/daughters play footy or rugby on the playing field opposite. This drove my neighbour (an older woman living on her own) absolutely bat-shit mental. Fine ok, you don't like people parking there, trouble was she would stomp around to my house and demand that I do something about it....

"why, I don't mind" I said.
"well you should"
"why"
"what about your 2 children"
"What about them? They don't drive they're 10 and 7, they don't care either"
"they might get kipnapped"

At this point I stopped, did she really say that, did I mishear?

"Kidnapped?"
"Or murdered"

At which point I'm looking around for the hidden camera, but no, this daft old bat thinks that my children are at risk from being kidnapped or murdered by cars parked in the driveway.

Shamefully, to keep her quiet, and leave me alone, I wrote a note and slipped it under their wiper asking them politely not to brutally murder my children. Somewhere on another website, some random guy is posting about the note he got accusing him of being a potential axe murderer

With these taxed (and presumably insured) placeholder vehicles you need to play the long game... eventually they'll need an MOT, that's when you strike!

Get everyone to move their cars down a little bit so that when they return from the MOT the only place they can park is overhanging their own driveway, thus either blocking their other cars in or out of their own drive.

I'd be tempted by a midnight trolleyjacking mission to move them overnight personally, and if some nefarious unknown passer by happened to superglue all the locks on the same night, well that would be mighty unfortunate wouldn't it 😉

Either that or time to start listing the bangers on Gumtree and autotrader.

Wouldn't be too hard to print off a few "Police Aware" signs and post them on the vehicles in question. 😀

Parking...the one thing that turns sane people into mentalists.

One of our neighbours is old and retired and is very territotial about the piece of road outside his house, despite having a huge driveway.

We fell out big time a few years ago when someone dropping something off parked like a bit of a tit and was across his drive a tiny bit. They were literally dropping off a box of somethhing. Our neighbour wasn't going anywhere and came charging down his garden shouting, going mental about it. I don't think asking for him to calm down helped. He didn't speak to us for ages after that.

He started to speak to us again last year and has had a load of building work done this year and every day one of his builders will park across our drive. But that's OK because they're working at his house....all day. I came home the other week to find a van half way across our drive so parked as close to it as I could and he hasn't spoken to us since. Oh well.

I have two parking spaces that are mine these days, one at the village and one at work, both within 200m of each other.

After a long day of meetings in the city, I got in around 12am to find my neighbour, one of my staff, in my space at home. Everybody else has a free for all, I have a double space. I could fit another car in, but it's a perk of the job.

I had to park on a bit of grass next to my space, that was wet from the rain, with uncut long grass. As I got out, my suit jacket fell into the grass, on picking it up the trousers inside fell into a puddle full of mud

By the time I had got in I was livid that she had dared park in my space....I was going to....

Her partner had done it dropping the car off, and hadn't realised it was my space.

Strange how such an odd thing can piss you off as parking.

One of the residents near our local hospital 'parks' an old bicycle on a prop stand on the road outside his house (chained up so that it can't be moved) just so that folk can't park outside his house 8)

What sort of life do these people lead?????

You work 200m away from where you live and still drive to your job?

I had to park on a bit of grass next to my space, that was wet from the rain, with uncut long grass. As I got out, my suit jacket fell into the grass, on picking it up the trousers inside fell into a puddle full of mud

Quirrel yesterday:

After a long day of meetings in the city, I got in around 12am to find my neighbour, one of my staff, in my space at home. Everybody else has a free for all, I have a double space. I could fit another car in, but it's a perk of the job

So, having a 'double space' at your home is a 'perk of the job'???

"so you want me to fix the land that you park on.? "

I think I'd be fixing that with a bloody great boulder at the entrance.

For a Brucie Bonus, install it after he's parked there.

My parents live in a quiet cul-de-sac that gets used by folk parking for a nearby football stadium. One day my old man came home and discovered the street full of cars as usual but someone had parked right across our drive. He had a 4x4 at the time so he jumped out, headed into the garage, got a tow rope, attached one end to the offending car, the other to his then dragged the thing into the middle of the cul-de-sac and left it there. Cars could get round it ok though. About 15 minutes after the footy ended the door bell goes with some plonker demanding to know how his car ended up in the middle of the street...

I confess to taking pleasure in d1ckhead parking when in my last year at college. Five of us in the house and three cars between us; the old chap across the road had a Morris Ital that only moved on pension day. Soooo, we used to stay back and pinch “his” spot when he beetled off to the post office. We’d then take delight in approaching whichever car was outside his house, putting bags in and making it look like we were going; he’d dash out to get his lime green chariot, and then be denied as one of the other two cars pulled up, and we’d bundle into that one and drive off, leaving him almost incandescent with frustration.

Loads of examples at the website youparklikea****.co.uk
Most definitely NSFW. Replace the asterisks with [i]see you next tuesday[/i] 😉

a midnight trolleyjacking mission to move them overnight personally

You work 200m away from where you live and still drive to your job?

If I am going out for the day, or have meetings in another city yes, how else would I get there?

So, having a 'double space' at your home is a 'perk of the job'???

Company provided housing, so yes. Saves me having to put any effort into my parking and can just leave my car in my own space without any consideration for anybody else

I think I'd be fixing that with a bloody great boulder at the entrance.

I am sure you can get in bother for having those painted white stones on the verge outside the house, is that not correct? If they damage a car when they are parking.

MAte of mine often gets home from work to find people parked in his driveway...

When confronted they get the arse with him with things like "well I wasn't going to be long and you get ticketed if you park in the street"

It has been entertaining to say the least 🙂

Or even leave it in your work space 200m away?

(I'm still a bit confused TBH) 🙂

^ stuff that when it is 36 degrees and 80% humidity.

If I did that I would have to get my boy to fan me all the way to the car.

Ah right, so you don't have quite the same issues with industrial revolution town planning and a consumerist society with an entitlement problem. Getting there now.

I worked in a place like that once. Car spaces were allocated according to grade, so people who were of the inclination to flaunt their newly acquired and vaunted status as middle managers would come in rattling their keys about the place and moaning about the traffic because I WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW HOW MUCH MORE IMPORTANT I AM THAN YOU.

One lady was even rumoured to live across the street, but drove to work to make sure her space wasn't re-allocated causing her to lose that hard earned badge of her petty office.

consumerist society with an entitlement problem.

Certainly do have issues with that. Planning though, not really.

When I lived in Paris parking was always interesting. Outside my apartment or anywhere in the city it was normal to create space by pushing other cars out of the way with your bumpers, so everybody left their brakes off. Luckily most of Paris is flat so this works pretty well.

I had a spot in the underground car park at the office, which had an automatic door controlled by a button thingy in the car. One day I opened the door and shot up the steep ramp to street level only to find my way onto the service lane blocked by some idiot who had parked right across the entrance. Parisians may be relaxed about pushing but you DO NOT block car park entrances; this is a sin of the highest order and can get you into major merde. So I was forced to stop half on to the pavement, whereupon the steel door shut on the side of my car, making a nice dent in the door. I was absolutely steaming with rage and sat on the horn for about a minute before realising that whoever owned the car probably wasn't going to come out and deal with a driver who was white-faced and apoplectic with rage. So I also had to do a 10-point turn and drive down the pavement.

The irony was that my office was about 2kms from my apartment along the broad, flat, leafy avenues of Neuilly sur Seine and every day for two years I drove, which could take 20 minutes thanks to the need to cross the Avenue Charles de Gaulle, go down, cross again and then come up the service road. By bike it would have been a refreshing three minute ride yet the thought never occurred to me - I was too caught up in my self-important executive lifestyle.

I used to have some fun with British visitors when leaving the underground car park - I would wind down my window and say: "Open the door!" towards a control box thingy and nothing would happen. Then I would say: "Ouvrez la porte!" and press the button in the door pocket and... hey presto! the door would open. That always amused them. "Ooh! A French speaking door!"

[quote=peterfile ]Quick! While there's still time to edit!!!!

Can't edit the URL 😥

I think I'd be fixing that with a bloody great boulder at the entrance.

For a Brucie Bonus, install it after he's parked there

Tedious bully really but its not worth the hassle as the street is not that full.

FWIW i would go down the park a banger there route if I choose to fight fire with fire

I would take a trolley jack to the two cars, but I would also play the long game. Move the two cars once a week towards the driveway, but only move them 3 or 4 inches at a time. 😀

A few months ago I nearly got into a scrap over parking. MrsTorm arrived home with the kids looking a little bit shaken and said some chap from the opposite road where we park had given her a furious and pretty fruity telling off.

I decided to go over and have a word to try and smooth over neighbourly relations and the conversation went something like this:

Me: I understand you just swore at and threatened my wife in the street as she was unloading our kids from the car
Him: Yes I **** did, I'm tired of you lot abusing our car parking spaces, they are bringing in a parking scheme you know...
Me: Alright, and when they do bring in a scheme, I will abide by it, but until then, I have every right to park here.
Him: No you * don't
Me: Yes mate, I ***** do. You haven't got a leg to stand on...
Him: **** you pal, you haven't had to live here for 13 years with people from over the road abusing our spaces.
Me: They're not your spaces, I pay my road tax, and who the **** has been making you live in this house for 13 years?
Him: ...
Me: Threaten my wife again and we'll be having words.
Him: Gaaaaahhhh, **** OFF or I'll call the police. [SLAM]

Don't beat your wife on my account mate.

Torminalis - Member
Me: They're not your spaces, I pay my road tax

😮

Can I get in first with the no such thing as road tax comment !!!

Did people fight over where to tie their horses?

Obviously not !!

Can I get in first with the no such thing as road tax comment !!!

I wrote that especially for you. 😆

In a slightly different vein the Father in Law was once featured in an article on the Top Ten Worst Parkers in Manchester in the MEN once. It was obviously a picture that someone had submitted of his car parked on the Metrolink tramlines in the city centre. Queue lots of comments from people saying they hoped his car was run into and smashed etc. What the person had failed to take into account was the barriers that had been put up (you could even see them in the distance) as the line was closed for repairs, hence why he was parked there whilst working on it.

Our next door neighbour also gets a bit funny about parking. He's generally a pretty nice chap but my god he's nosy. I once mentioned that I was looking at bigger cars to replace my Fiesta and he started panicking asking where I would park it, and did I really need a car any bigger. His face when I then bought a van AND kept my Fiesta was priceless. Its worth mentioning at this point that our drive is long enough for 4 cars at a push so its not as though it would be parked in front of his house or anything.

He also once reported a car to the police as abandoned when someone had the cheek to park it outside his house for 18hrs!

I fell for that hook line and sinker!

Where I used to live, a grumpy git used to put really sticky signs on your window (left loads of residue) if you parked on "his" road.
Every day he used to pull his car out of the garage, not drive anywhere and just park it outside his house then put it back in the garage at the end of the day. One day he went on his holidays, the car stayed in the garage and he got burgled. Stupid stupid stupid.

Friends of mine kept 2 motorbikes in their house and just rolled them in and out along the front path... But if anyone parked in front of the path, there wasn't really space to get them out. So they left a wreck in the road outside to prevent that. Makes sense to me, if it wasn't for the motorbikes they'd probably have had cars anyway.

I'm kind of blocked in just now, if that car's still there when I leave the office I think I'll ram it. You've got to be pretty brave to park that close to a car as covered in scratches and dents as mine is tbh

My house is opposite a very popular chip shop and gets very busy between 5 and 9pm and, more often than not, people park across our drive as they are 'only going to be a minute' which, when it's busy isn't the case.
As I spend a lot of time in the garden I'd noticed a serial offender in a posh big X5. I'd asked him a few times to not park across our drive as, at the time, we had a poorly baby and might have needed to get out quickly. He was very offish and just told me he'd park where he likes so, one day when he'd parked across the drive again I got a couple of mates from around the corner to come and park either side of him, within about 2 inches room front and back. Imagine his surprise when he came out of the chip shop to find his car very, very blocked in.
He knocked on the door to ask if I knew who the 2 cars were. "Yes I do" said I."Could you get them moved?" he asked. "Sorry, the owners have just popped out, they'll only be a minute" I replied...25mins later my mates came back to move the cars. He's never parked there since but gives me death stares...ooh, scary!!

Liverpool council, before decriminalising traffic parking laws, the city centre was patroled by yellow hated trafic wardens employed by the police, and ok they where, and council traffic wardens that looked after pay to park bays on the streets,

So for a week working at a charity fitting it out, i parked on double yellow lines, after explaining to the traffic warden yellow hat ,what i was there for and he said leave a note with my badge number on and ill tell the office.

Final day,couldnt get fully on yellow lines so parked partly on the pay to park bay , same road just a white line box, walked out 15 mins later and had a parking ticket from the council traafic enforcement officer, he said i was doing the council out of funds by parking in the bay,thats why i got the ticket,i appealed and got no sence i had deprived the council of a parking fee it appears.

Visiting a freinds mum with him, neighbour threw bread all over car, so the birds would peck at roof and bonnet, he did it once to often someone threw a bread bag with a brick in threw his front window when he was out.

Worked at a elderly customers house old terraced street, street empty till about 17.30, then started filling up ,started loading tools into van, woman parked right behind me, she refused tomobve back a bit so i moved forward to get tools in, went back in house and had a cuppa with elderley couple, 5 mins latter, horn going outside, then a loud banging at door, it was this demented woman demanding i move my van as i was 2 foot into her personal parking space, and that her dad, boyfreind and police where on the way to teach me a lesson.They never did arive.

Years ago I lived in Wells in Somerset .We have a night time carnival circuit and roads for miles around get blocked for hours .I hope the sod who parked across my drive for hours one year had a foot pump in the boot !

We live in a little pretty village in the south downs directly opposite the primary school and next door but one to the church. In the week we had mums constantly parking across our drive for the drop off/pick up and at the weekend the red sock brigade and the christians did much the same.

That was until a couple of moths ago when the hideous fat woman who parked across our drive every morning disgorged her kids from her fatmobile directly into the path of a car going past. They are pretty chubby too so bounced off reasonably well - just a broken arm and broken collar bone. Apparently she wobbled into the head's office demanding what was going to do about the 'nightmare' in front of the school. To paraphrase, the head told her that it was lazy people like her that were effectively the problem and within 7 days the road 50yds either side of our house was slavered in yellow school no parking paint and the chubsters have to park in a nice safe spot down the road and actually walk the rest of the way. Happy days ! (apart from the broken bones bit obvs!).

Fulking hell. (Don't think there's a school in Fulking though but I was very proud of the pun)