MegaSack DRAW - This year's winner is user - rgwb
We will be in touch
Long post, apologies in advance.
Mrs Doubleu and I have a lovely little boy aged 16 months. As part of preparing for his arrival, we went to NCT prenatal classes. Although the initial classes were a bit hippyish and not as practical as we would have liked, its been good to have a "peer group" going through the same stuff at the same time and we've kept in touch with the other families. It was a good source of advice and support for Mrs Doubleu when off on maternity leave and we had a 1 yr birthday party and picnic over the summer. So far so good...
A lot of the chat / advice is done via a private facebook group and we were all friends on FB. Some of the chat, among the mums, has been about losing "the baby weight." One of the mums has decided to join weight watchers and even posted before and after photos cos she's proud of the weight she's lost. So far, so annoying (but no more annoying that most of the guff on FB... )
This same mum has now set herself a challenge of walking a marathon for a charity of her choosing and publicised this on her FB page and even in our private NCT group page. She overstepped the mark as far I was concerned when she went through alphabetically tagging her friends to recurrent posts about this charity challenge and her progress in training, with comments about people not having donated yet. Mrs Doubleu got tagged first and I said I'd defriend her if she did that to me. She's been up to doubleu in the alphabet now, and tagged me with a "shaming post" and got duly defriended.
Mrs Doubleu has been tagged for a second time. My piss is simmering a little...
Live and let live?
De-friend (and possibly upset the support group)?
Tag Wars?
Leave FB and go and live in the woods?
A, B & D
Get wife to put a post on FB about how shite that charity is and why you think only a mug would raise funds for it. in for a penny in for a pound.
Are you both able to have children legally , eg aged over 16, facebook is for children not fuly developed adults.
DE-FREINDING, get a life and live it away from facebook.
get into a long debate about what shoes she should wear till you have ring fenced the unicorn
facebook is for children not fully developed adults.
Yes if there is two thingx i have learnt posting on stw it is
1. Posting on the internet is shit - you must say this by posting on the internet and without any irony
2 STW is a very mature and grown up audience
Post an update saying how shocked and mortified you are that someone would stoop so low as to use emotional blackmail in order to try and extort money from you.
Public message saying that her tactics feel a bit more like extortion than charity work (with a LOL if you want)
Then mention that all the harassment is stressing you out and you're off to spend your donation in the boozer.. End with a NOW who's feeling guilty (no LOL)
Just remembered a freind fell out with another freind on face book and she defreinded them, it caused more trouble than Bradley manning and thatcher could ever have created.
Do you get to reply to these tags ? (I don't facebook 😳 )
If so, either explain why you're not giving or else explain that her shaming tactics are unsuitable and that (though you may have intended to initally?) you'll therefore not be donating, or giving to something else instead (the shelter for abandoned self-centred passive aggressive bossy cows, perhaps ?)
Find the charity's accounts showing they spent £500k a year on their CEO and £2million on executive team building events. Post on fb and tag
Just point out that any charity donations you make are to charities of [i]your[/i] choice, not somebody else's, and certainly not somebody who resorts to online bullying, which is what her actions boil down to.
I won't be bullied emotionally into giving to some random charity by chuggers in the street, at my front door, or on line.
2 STW is a very mature and grown up audience
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Remove tag, tell her to do one. Turn on tagging reviews and reject any further tags.
4th on Google:
Just point out that any charity donations you make are to charities of your choice, not somebody else's,
This is the crux of the matter, if you feel the charity is worthwhile or you want to support the person doing it then contribute if not it's probably time to get yourself on facebook and change your relationship status.
Ignore, plain and simple.
Anyone that knows you isn't going to be bothered. Any who doesn't isn't going to be bothered.
I would at most perhaps PM the said blackmailer and polite point out that you aren't particularly keen on being tagged in posts for not sponsoring someone you barely know but wouldn't do it publicly.
I see arguments been friends I know in their 40's and they come across like school kids so keep it discrete.
Just send her a message saying **** off money is tight?
Are you both able to have children legally , eg aged over 16, facebook is for children not fuly developed adults.
This.
Block her, nobody else likes her tactics either.
Remove tag, tell her to do one. Turn on tagging reviews and reject any further tags.
Plus one
Or just ignore, in the circumstances I can't really see why you'd be bothered in the first place tbh.
She's no better than the play-ground bully.
Tell her to do one.
Thats my response to bullies.
That is unless you connect with the issue.
TBH I think she's bang out of order to try & bully someone into a charitable donation, particularly at the moment!
edit: shame her in return for being a bully!
Either that or Bombers soaked in wee
[quote=5thElefant ]Are you both able to have children legally , eg aged over 16, facebook is for children not fuly developed adults.
This.
Why is what is essentially a forum with your friends (and maybe a couple of others) which can be locked down to not be fully public less acceptable than a forum with a group of strangers that is fully public?
How the flippity flip did my life become so dull and pointless that I'm reading this? Let alone posting a comment about it?
FFS
I like the benefits of being old enough not to give a flying watsit about FB (not to old to use FB instead of Facebook though). Really, who cares what people whom conduct their lives on the internet think about you?
she is going to walk a marathon?
do we have a justgiving link for that?
I'd ask how much she is giving to the charity, given that she's claiming to be walking it "for charity".
Walking a fing marathon?
Shame her into actually running one if she really has the charity's best interest at heart. Lazy moo.
Oh and tell her to stop bullying people.
Ignore it fb is total rubbish. If i want to give to charity i do so when i want and to my chosen charities not because i have been named and shamed, why not reply you will sponsor her to run rather than walk!!
Hint that you didn't think bullying was the sort of thing you might find in an NCT group and that you give to your own chosen charities.
Ignore her. As someone else said, people who know you won't be interested, and neither will people who don't. The others tagged probably feel like you, they just didn't have the balls to resist a childish, bullying and altogether unpleasant tactic. Perpetrator probably thinks she's been clever when really it's anything but.
Google a suitable chugger image maybe PhotoShop it including suitable witty comment about walking a marathon. Upload to Facebook and tag her.
Report back here as the flaming escalates 😈
Will you sponsor me? 😆
Ok... Despite my initial knee-jerk pee-stained bomber response, the thinking now is just to live and let live.
Mrs doesn't want to cause any upset in the group. But we are not going to be coerced by this behaviour. We'll just accept the moral high ground up above this childish behaviour, not give to "her" charity, and sponsor someone else when they go for an actual run.
Danny79 has it. That is just so appropriate.
Bin Facebook its for knobs.
Is walking a marathon really that note worthy? Just how much 'baby fat' does she have offs! That blokes that was paralyzed in Iraq/Afghanistan that walked a marathon was a hero.....the fat mouthy woman that you describe less so!
Agrees.
Tell her to run it and you'll sponsor her.
Why is what is essentially a forum with your friends (and maybe a couple of others) which can be locked down to not be fully public less acceptable than a forum with a group of strangers that is fully public?
Because it's friends and family. Have an anonymous bust up anonymously with another anonymous poster here and it really doesn't matter. Do that with friends and family and it causes real problems.
It's as bad as being friends with your neighbours. Madness. You can't fall out with them if you don't know them.
Donate 11p, but be sure to show your workings out:
26 X 1p per mile - 15 X 1p per hour taken
It may be full-on elbows-out speed-walking for all I know / care. We'd have to adjust the sums in that case but I like your thinking.
Tell her she's still a fat monster and you'll donate some money to charity when she does something worthwhile rather than going for a walk.
Simple.
My Money My Choice.
People are allowed free will to donate to who they wish to.
You can start your reply with "You may think I'm a cold heartless git, but that is your problem not mine."
I get inundated with charity sponsorship stuff at work. I've started saying no to quite a few people. I apply the test of
a)is it a real challenge for them?
b) would they do it anyway if they weren't being sponsored?
So I might sponsor someone to do a 5km run if they're an unfit knacker but tell someone doing a marathon to beat it if they're a regular runner anyway
This farcebook seems to cause massive upset all ove the place. I've never joined it, I'd rather lean over the garden fence and have a yarn with my neighbours.
You cant be forced into a charitable act.
Tell her to eat less burgers and attention seeking. You wont be the only friends who have spotted her as abit of trouble either.
I've never joined it, I'd rather lean over the garden fence and have a yarn with my neighbours.
The two things aren't mutually exclusive. People just need to be a bit more selective over who they have as friends on facebook.
[quote=globalti ]This farcebook seems to cause massive upset all ove the place. I've never joined it, I'd rather lean over the garden fence and have a yarn with my neighbours.
Thats a good thing as they are all bitching about you on there.
Been in similar, not on FB but in a similar peer group. I tell them the truth, I took a decision a few years back that I'd donate to a couple of select charities and do it by regular direct debits. I've a friend who is finance director for a children's charity, and that was his advice; while one-off donations are always gratefully received, they are also very hard to predict and hence they like to have a regular, steady income stream which they can base their budgets more firmly on (may be different to the disaster relief charities, who keep money back to be ready to respond to emergencies but also know that if there is an emergency, they get a surge in donations). I do still occasionally donate extra but it is my choice and usually something the genuinely touches or impresses me (like the 100 mile flapjack ride on here recently). And then leave it, unspoken, that going on a diet and then for a walk doesn't quote ring my bell.
One other thing - how much charity leaders get paid. My mate gets well paid for what he does. He jumped ship from big corporate a few years ago once he'd earned enough from them to secure his future, and be able to take a pay cut. He earns about 75% of what he'd be worth if he was still in corporate. But,what he delivers in value is far more than his cost, far more than you'd expect from someone without his experience and skill set gained in corporate, and all gets ploughed back into the charity purpose instead of ending up in shareholder dividends or fund manager bonuses. I don't see a problem in what he or his boss earns, as long as they are good value for it?
I've a friend who is finance director for a children's charity, and that was his advice
Absolutely, direct debit is pretty much perfect for a charity. Chugging works, but it can easily alienate too. Direct debits are brilliant, the money just appears in the bank. No volunteers to organise, no third party chuggers, no events to orchestrate. Pretty much risk free, which volunteers are not, as a certain well know national charity is currently finding out*. The money just rolls in, all i have to do is send a thank you letter, if one is wanted. Gift Aid is nice.
The only thing missing from direct debit is that it has no visual presence amongst those who don't already donate.
*in this instance people where collecting in the 'name of' but not actually 'for' with branded collection equipment and merchandise. Not sure of the exact details, but it's not the charity I work for.
My tax money goes globally to people who need it overseas so thats my monthly direct debit.
Leave facebook! It's the devil.
A friend (cough) of my mine had something similar happen. He was shame tagged by some god botherer. Anyway, long story very short when my friend was in Amsterdam on a stag do a month later he randomly checked said god botherer (who was no where near Amsterdam) in at every strip club he could along the way. Seemed to work well.
"walking a marathon"??
As above if you set yourself a challenge to raise money then make sure the challenge pushes you outside (significantly) of your comfort zone. If she is injured or walking a marathon is particularly difficult for her given her unique circumstances then maybe it would be noteworthy. Otherwise I would not be motivated by her doing something that I would do (at a run) out of choice and for fun on a Sunday morning.
Choose what and who you give to and tell her unless she breaks 3 hrs its not really a challenge.
"walking a marathon"??
Tell her you'll give her a pound for every minute under 4 hours.
Ha ha what a crackin post. Jesus.. Stop being so bloody wet!!! Messin about on Facebook, with the fat new baby crew. Hanging around on there with that many hormones is a sure fire way to get a bitch slapping! Go ride your bike.
I tell them the truth, I took a decision a few years back that I'd donate to a couple of select charities and do it by regular direct debits.
I tell them the truth, what I do with respect to charitable donations is no bugger else's business.
I mean, you're right of course, but it seems awfully complicated that you feel like you have to explain yourself. It's your money.
Ha ha what a crackin post. Jesus.. Stop being so bloody wet!!! Messin about on Facebook, with the fat new baby crew. Hanging around on there with that many hormones is a sure fire way to get a bitch slapping! Go ride your bike.
What??!
Perhaps you could decide you're going to push a bicycle up every hill on the South Downs Way.
You could then give everyone weekly updates on your "I'm pushing my bike 'cos I'm too unfit to ride it properly" progress and hassle her for money at every opportunity.
Can't you just tag her onto all the diet links and running clubs you could find?
Tell her you'll donate a fiver for every stone she loses until she looks good. "Still a fair way to go", "Not quite there yet"! 😀
Lol @ adults having drama on Facebook
It's the fanfare of these charity 'challenges' which drives me nuts. As said, just dish out a bit of cash via direct debit or post a cheque if you really care about your charity of choice. People who do these bloody pointless marathons, or walks in the name of charity are full of it. It's not about the charity, it's about them conquering something, achieving something or wanting something to focus on. I'm very happy for them, great, well done but don't insult my intelligence by telling me you're doing it for charity. Do something for charity quietly without a fuss.
OP I must say 'weird'. I've not been involved in the NCT crowd and post birth/nursery crowd I'm the polite 'hi, how are you' but nothing beyond that. My partner goes out with/gets involved with them on a good basis but I'm a bloke, why would I want to hang out with them and discuss kids?
Unless of course a Milf is present then the dynamics are wrong.
@hora a tiny fraction of your tax money goes in overseas aid. I'm sure if you did the actual calculation of tax paid * offshore aid percentage you'd see it was a tiny amount.
OP as above, de-friend and set mode such that all tags of you/wife have to be approved. Also old fashioned method of speaking to her is an option but as she's clearly a bit of a nut job this will just raise the temperature generally so possibly not worth it.
The whole concept of 'acts of charity' (to me) is about YOU doing something yourself not just an annual one-off or tipping a few quid every month someones way.
The old fashion-way, living right, ALWAYS getting involved even if it means you are in harms-way, going out of your way. If everyone did this the world would be an amazing place and we would live in great communities.
Quietly bunging a few quid isn't the right way. It only suffices to make the person feel good about themselves (as though you are paying off your conscience). The whole charity industry-thing. Well.
The old fashion-way, living right, ALWAYS getting involved even if it means you are in harms-way, going out of your way. If everyone did this the world would be an amazing place and we would live in great communities.
+1
Just reply publicly stating that how much and how you choose to donate to charity is not her business. Perhaps also add that her attempts to coerce you into donating feel more like extortion and make you feel anything but charitable.
Personally I'd also suggest that walking a marathon doesn't sound particularly challenging and so not really worthy of my hard earned (and in scarce supply) money.
Lol @ adults having drama on Facebook
+ 1, also at adults using 'LOL'
Totally agree tonyd but asking to sponsor someone for charity is one of those difficult/have to do/no choice requests. Totally going against the 'act'/spirit.
Everyone knows this - so when that person then says 'hey HE/SHE is a scrooge/ISNT DOING IT/shame them- it flags them up as someone you shouldn't spend another moment talking to.
+ 1, also at adults using 'LOL'
+1 @ adults using +1 and @ and LOL and Facebook. LOL
clearly the woman has no real friends or she would not be on facebook all of the time.
agreed how hard to walk a marathon is she still too large to run it? no offence to ladies who have just had babies though
giving to charity is personal choice. i do it very randomly. ie once a year but do give about the same as people who do a bit a month.
Life is too short for negativity. Jog on past her infantile behaviour.