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Muke - thanks for that. Cheered us both up.
Had another night of screaming ?why. Wife has now fallen out with wife & sister who have been long on (un)helpful advice but short on practical help, despite living locally (my parents 250 miles away). We keep telling ourselves this can only get better.
Off to local town centre for an outing in a minute.
Andy
Eek...
With regards to 'helpful advice'; we found it's often difficult to listen to 'we know best' relatives/friends who basically tell you what SHOULD be happening, especially when you are absolutely stressed out/tired etc.
[i]"Well, you want to be feeding him then put him down to sleep whilst you cook your tea, don't you.."[/i] Is [b]NOT[/b] advice! It's stating the ideal!
We tried to have a routine (we used 'the baby whisperer's E.A.S.Y one) but accepted that like a [medical] guideline, it's a guide rather than a set of instructions that MUST be followed. At times it worked, at times it didn't. Eventually we got into our own little routine, which I'm sure you guys will too.
Another important thing to consider is that when you feel like bashing the little git's skull in, [b]put it down in it's bed and walk away[/b]. Shut the door, turn off the monitor, and accept that leaving it to cry for (another) 10 minutes is better for it's survival (and yours) than spending another 10 minutes with it! Seriously - it's not a sign of weakness to feel at your wit's end - it's a sign of being a parent!
It does end with good news though - some of our NCT group who's kids slept like dreams from an early age, are now having real trouble getting them to bed etc. Swings and roundabouts innit.....
DrP
What Muke said, minus Barney on the TV. Don't ever go there.
Our first child cried so hard and so much that she ended up with an umbilical hernia! Bless!
When she was born she came out fighting and I can remember thinking to myself that she looked thoroughly jarred off when I put her first nappy on her as she was really giving big crying and her arms and legs were flailing all over the place.
it is also worth bearing in mind that dispite what all the idiot women in varying organisations from medical people down say there appears as far as I can tell to be no unequivocal evidence that breats is best
Yes there is. There's evidence (published in proper scientific journals*) that breastfeeding massively reduces incidence of cot death in the first year (i think it was roughly a third less deaths), and also reduces the chances of illnesses requiring hospital treatment in the first year. All from studies where they controlled for class, employment status, drinking, smoking and other obvious lifestyle factors. Oh and in western countries, not third world countries (where formula is obviously bad due to poor water quality).
The world health organisation recommends it until the age of one if possible, even in western countries and they are hardly a bunch of idiot women in various organisations, rather they're a bunch of medical experts who know quite a lot.
Obviously some people physically can't do it, or don't get good enough support to be able to do it, but to say that there is no evidence in favour of it is just plain wrong.
Joe
*no references because I'm on my phone and they're not handy, but they're quite easy to find on pubmed.
Echo the above, HOWEVER.....
I HATE HATE HATE the hardcore, pushy 'breast is best' women that frequent the NCT classes, who spout such drivel that forces some mothers into crisis and despair if the little'un in a terror in latching on.
yes, breast is best, but if you're ill in hospital, receiving life saving medication that can pollute the breast milk, or simply cannot feed your baby and he's becoming hungrier and hungrier, then I do believe formula will be a better option than thrusting babe's face into a bleeding nipple whislt you cry, feeling like a failure (Real example questions given by some of the mums in our NCT class there, for which the BIB witch said you should persevere with breast feeding....).
In order of preference:
1 - breast milk
2 - formula milk
3 - no milk
Obvious, but she just wouldn't get it!!
DrP
And.....breathe.........
I HATE HATE HATE the hardcore, pushy 'breast is best' women that frequent the NCT classes
I agree; however, in defence of the NCT, our instructor was sensible, and also discussed the fact that a good proportion of the assembled company would end up with an operative delivery of one sort or another regardless of what the birth plan said. I'm not going to pretend the classes were completely free from tongue-chewing moments, especially when analgesia and GAs were being discussed (I am an anaesthetist & Mrs RBIT is a physician - we'd decided not to let slip so as not to undermine the instructor), but they were much more realistic about things than we'd been led to believe. And socially it was good, which is why we went.
Andy
Oh, I wasn't saying the NCT classes were bad - far from it. More the BIB women who visited ours (and other local groups) who had a frightening fundamentalist view about breast feeding!
In our group of 8 couples, there were 3 Dr-Dr couples. Somehow we sussed each other out in about 6 minutes...go figure! Credit for keeping schtum!
The missus is an anaesthetist, and I often felt the brunt of her fury in the car on the way back... "If you refuse a spinal, then want it at the 11th hour, no-one's going to bloody do it no matter how much you cry...." Apparently 😉
DrP
If she really wants to carry on bfing, I suggest a call to one of these'
National Breastfeeding Helpline
0300 100 0212
National Childbirth Trust
0300 330 0771
Breastfeeding Network
0300 100 0210
La Leche League
0845 1202918
Association of Breastfeeding Mothers 08444 122949
they will be much much better at bfing advice than the midwives are as they are more specially trained.
Yes there is. There's evidence (published in proper scientific journals*) that breastfeeding massively reduces incidence of cot death in the first year (i think it was roughly a third less deaths), and also reduces the chances of illnesses requiring hospital treatment in the first year. All from studies where they controlled for class, employment status, drinking, smoking and other obvious lifestyle factors
so there are unequivocal correlations, that doesnt constitute unequivocal evidence, unless someone comes out and describes a mechanism and than proves it the best is best brigade are not right.
anyway babies, just as your about to put them on ebay after 6 weeks they start smiling just to mess with your mind 😀
Kids = Hard work, my boy is 6 and he gets up at 6-6.30 every morning and has the ability to wind me up when he chooses to. That said I wouldn't change a thing as he's a great boy and the laughs out weigh the bad times.
Joking aside my younger brother became a Dad at the beginning of November and he and his wife are going through the same as you. They grab sleep when they can etc. It is tough but you will come out the other side. If it really is getting on top of you speak to your Midwife and go and see your doctor as they can help.
Wait till they get their hands on a DS or Wii and the competition starts with their friends. Boys probably worse than girls for this.
ThanksDrP for your comments.
@Joe. When my wife went through this I read a lot of articles (not scientific journals, more public health info) and I wasn't swayed that much. For two reasons (and now really risking opening a can of worms)
Things like the cot death statistic. Sids is so rare it turns from extremely low to virtually unheard of. And I don't think the stats were normalised to consider the type of mothers who 'can't be arsed' to breastfeed' are also the ones who ignore the advice to allow no smoking in the house etc...... which is a significant increased factor.
Second; it's nigh impossible for the manufacturers of formula (or researchers funded by) to publish data without being shouted down for being interested parties. I don't think they get a fair hearing as a result.
then I do believe formula will be a better option than thrusting babe's face into a bleeding nipple whislt you cry, feeling like a failure
It's about managing the experience.
The issue is that despite all the info on BF there is still so much that you are not told - important information that mothers need to know.
16 days in with our twin girls, we've had a couple of wakeful nights but all in all pretty good so far, they are getting breast supplemented with formula as they were fairly small.
don't know if anybody has suggested it so far, but have you tried swaddling the wee man, works for ours when they are awake and we want to sleep.
Good on you, it's a great feeling to be a dad. All those joys of life awaiting - Peppa Pig, Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom, Waybaloo, Big Cook Little Cook, 64 Zoo Lane, you name it. And then you'll realise you have a little Lola (see Charlie and Lola) at home for whom "pink milk is my favourite and my best".
Enjoy! It does get easier a bit after 3 years.
Uncle(daddy)Fred - how are you doing with your girls then? Ours are nearly 19 months now - wonderful fun times 🙂
don't know if anybody has suggested it so far, but have you tried swaddling the wee man, works for ours when they are awake and we want to sleep
Tried that; she doesn't seem bothered and wriggles out anyway (likes to sleep with her hands either side of her head, which looks dead cute). The last couple of days she's refusing to be put down - sleeps quite happily on people, but screams after <30 min in her basket. Inevitably, this has been timed with my return to work (from where I am posting this) so Mrs RBIT is having a bit of a rough time. My turn tomorrow/Mon nights.
All those joys of life awaiting - Peppa Pig, Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom, Waybaloo, Big Cook Little Cook, 64 Zoo Lane, you name it.
Mrs RBIT has a six and three year old nephews, so forewarned. As long as it's not the Wiggles, I can cope with most things 😛
Andy
Andy we're going through exactly the same.
Amelia sleeps on me, but screams in bed. Having spoken to the health visitor, NCT & midwife the consensus seems to be that she is cluster feeding at night and is just plain hungry all evening and night. Lynsey is persevering with feeding her and it seems to be working but it's very distressing to try to get a screaming baby to feed.
Hang in there, you're not alone!
G
Andy - it's hard when they get clingy like that...
One bit of advice we read/were told/have learnt, is that babies CAN learn routine, but you need to really persevere with it.
(I'm not claining to be a super parent, far from it, but I'm just stating what worked with ours...)
Ours was pretty clingy, and when he cried we'd rush in, pick him up, cuddle him etc... To tease him out of this, we were told (well, read it) that at night you don't want to 'over comfort them'. That is ,as SOON as they settle, pop them back down. You'll prob be back again within 4 minutes at first, but (with ours) the 4 minutes turned to 10 turned to 30 etc. He realised that yes, he'll get comforted, but it's NOT cuddle time!! Might work with your little'un?
How many nights you doing?? We're mental here,,,, :-/
DrP
DrP - we'll give that a go - thanks.
Two nights (normal rota in abeyance due to it being festive season); oddly quiet (on for theatres; ICM rota separate & presumably OK as well as we get asked to do outreach if they're busy, and we didn't get called).
Andy
The Wiggles really do grate on the nerves.
Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom is quite funny. Keep seeing the gnome at the moment.
"Would you like me to sing?"
"No!"
"I'll take that as a yes then!"
Gigglebiz is the best. 'Hello' I'm Arthur Sleep' 🙂
And plenty of eye candy on CBeebies too 8)
My youngest slept next to us in a dropside cot until she could crawl in with us and then she slept either with us or in her cot (which didn't get in the way of mutual aerobics with MrsHeathen - you've just gotta take your chances when they come). We gave her her own room at about 18mths/2yrs and she was fine going to it. The only trouble we had with her was colic. She was also bottle fed. She's ahead of her peers (which makes me laugh because there are some real pressure-parents at her nursery), happy, and pretty balanced for a three year old.
She's my third and what I've found is that happy kids are the best ones to have. If you deny them stuff during the first couple of years because of some spurious regime then it's a bad idea; they learn, "No," pretty well from two onwards and that's the best time to do it. Some self-appointed experts are just control freaks with issues. Don't listen to anyone, me included, just listen to your child and your missus.
Make your child comfortable and happy. Try your damnedest not to let them wind you up because they can smell hostility a mile off - that's no screaming brat, that's your actual, happened on Earth rebirth. Look after 'em.
Update: crisis point reached this afternoon; went to local DGH where mother is catching up on sleep & baby is sleeping soundly for the first time since we got home following a dose of infant Gaviscon for probable reflux (hence the screaming every time she got put down). Hopefully things are on the up now...
Andy