[Closed] properly shit animals

Sea cucumber.... Big gloopy tube with no brain

Dogs.

Horses. All that power and grace and yet you can literally scare them to death and lets hope it never breaks a leg or get some other injury.

Pandas (apart from Red ones, they're all good)

Pandas....they can't even be ar$ed to reproduce!!

Humans. At least some of them. About 50% it would appear.

Wigglesworthia glossinidia

gram negative endosymbiont of the tsetse fly, lost a large part of it's genome and is the animal with the smallest known genome.

Useless

Happy dogs.

EDIT- Goddamit, Yappy dogs!

House fly. Just a PITA.

Mosquitoes.

The day we wipe them all out is the one day that I will be pleased to hear about an extinction event.

[Youtube]VzRKxLitti4[/youtube]

Midge. Ruin of many a night.

Ticks are pretty poor value. Unless you're a virus.

Very Very Very poisonous snakes, I would get it if they had a chance of eating an elephant

Cats, basicaly vermin that attach themselves to the feeble minded of society and suck them dry of food, warmth and social mobility all the while decimating the local native bird species.
I'm not a cat person.

Humans, especially the cat owning subspecies .

Another vote for cats and cat owners, oxygen thieves the lot of them

Slugs.

And ****ing ants. Being battered by them at the minute the little bastards, tougher then Chuck Norris.

Spanials, hair on the soles of their feet and ears that go in their food:water, bad design.

Naked Mole Rats. Essentially a pensioner's penis with teeth and legs.

Wasps!!!

Midges n' slugs.

*shudders

:PCat-hating humans

Professional footballers.

Humans +1000000, especially those cat hating ones.

Homosapien, especially haterz.

oldnpastit - Member
Humans. At least some of them. About 95% it would appear.

FTFY

Apparently Pandas are not crap, this from Reddit

Biologist here with a PhD in endocrinology and reproduction of endangered species. I've spent most of my career working on reproduction of wild vertebrates, including the panda and 3 other bear species and dozens of other mammals. I have read all scientific papers published on panda reproduction and have published on grizzly, black and sun bears. Panda Rant Mode engaged:

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THE GIANT PANDA.

Wall o' text of details:

In most animal species, the female is only receptive for a few days a year. This is the NORM, not the exception, and it is humans that are by far the weird ones. In most species, there is a defined breeding season, females usually cycle only once, maybe twice, before becoming pregnant, do not cycle year round, are only receptive when ovulating and typically become pregnant on the day of ovulation. For example: elephants are receptive a grand total of 4 days a year (4 ovulatory days x 4 cycles per year), the birds I did my PhD on for exactly 2 days (and there are millions of those birds and they breed perfectly well), grizzly bears usually 1-2 day, black bears and sun bears too. In the wild this is not a problem because the female can easily find, and attract, males on that 1 day: she typically knows where the nearest males are and simply goes and seeks then out, or, the male has been monitoring her urine, knows when she's entering estrus and comes trotting on over on that 1 day, easy peasy. It's only in captivity, with artificial social environments where males must be deliberately moved around by keepers, that it becomes a problem.

Pandas did not "evolve to die". They didn't evolve to breed in captivity in little concrete boxes, is all. All the "problems" people hear about with panda breeding are problems of the captive environment and true of thousands of other wild species as well; it's just that pandas get media attention when cubs die and other species don't. Sun bears won't breed in captivity, sloth bears won't breed in captivity, leafy sea dragons won't breed in captivity, Hawaiian honeycreepers won't breed in captivity, on and on. Lots and lots of wild animals won't breed in captivity. It's particularly an issue for tropical species since they do not have rigid breeding seasons and instead tend to evaluate local conditions carefully - presence of right diet, right social partner, right denning conditions, lack of human disturbance, etc - before initiating breeding.

Pandas breed just fine in the wild. Wild female pandas produce healthy, living cubs like clockwork every two years for their entire reproductive careers (typically over a decade).

Pandas also do just fine on their diet of bamboo, since that question always comes up too. They have evolved many specializations for bamboo eating, including changes in their taste receptors, development of symbiosis with lignin-digesting gut bacteria (this is a new discovery), and an ingenious anatomical adaptation (a "thumb" made from a wrist bone) that is such a good example of evolutionary novelty that Stephen Jay Gould titled an entire book about it, The Panda's Thumb. They represent a branch of the ursid family that is in the middle of evolving some incredible adaptations (similar to the maned wolf, a canid that's also gone mostly herbivorous, rather like the panda). Far from being an evolutionary dead end, they are an incredible example of evolutionary innovation. Who knows what they might have evolved into if we hadn't ruined their home and destroyed what for millions of years had been a very reliable and abundant food source.

Yes, they have poor digestive efficiency (this always comes up too) and that is just fine because they evolved as "bulk feeders", as it's known: animals whose dietary strategy involves ingestion of mass quantities of food rather than slowly digesting smaller quantities. Other bulk feeders include equids, rabbits, elephants, baleen whales and more, and it is just fine as a dietary strategy - provided humans haven't ruined your food source, of course.

Population wise, pandas did just fine on their own too (this question also always comes up) before humans started destroying their habitat. The historical range of pandas was massive and included a gigantic swath of Asia covering thousands of miles. Genetic analyses indicate the panda population was once very large, only collapsed very recently and collapsed in 2 waves whose timing exactly corresponds to habitat destruction: the first when agriculture became widespread in China and the second corresponding to the recent deforestation of the last mountain bamboo refuges.

The panda is in trouble entirely because of humans. Honestly I think people like to repeat the "evolutionary dead end" myth to make themselves feel better: "Oh, they're pretty much supposed to go extinct, so it's not our fault." They're not "supposed" to go extinct, they were never a "dead end," and it is ENTIRELY our fault. Habitat destruction is by far their primary problem. Just like many other species in the same predicament - Borneo elephants, Amur leopard, Malayan sun bears and literally hundreds of other species that I could name - just because a species doesn't breed well in zoos doesn't mean they "evolved to die"; rather, it simply means they didn't evolve to breed in tiny concrete boxes. Zoos are extremely stressful environments with tiny exhibit space, unnatural diets, unnatural social environments, poor denning conditions and a tremendous amount of human disturbance and noise.

tl;dr - It's normal among mammals for females to only be receptive a few days per years; there is nothing wrong with the panda from an evolutionary or reproductive perspective, and it's entirely our fault that they're dying out.

/rant.

Edit: OP did not say anything wrong but other comments were already veering into the "they're trying to die" bullshit and it pissed me off. (Sorry for the swearing - it's just so incredibly frustrating to see a perfectly good species going down like this and people just brushing them off so unjustly) Also - I am at a biology conference (talking about endangered species reproduction) and have to jump on a plane now but can answer any questions tomorrow

[url= https://np.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/2rmf6h/til_that_part_of_the_reason_it_is_so_hard_to_get/cnhjokr?context=3 ]Pandas not crap shocker, just the product of bad press[/url]

Oh and cats

Slugs.

Wigglesworthia glossinidia

gram negative endosymbiont of the tsetse fly, lost a large part of it's genome and is the animal with the smallest known genome.

Useless

Not useless at all - manages to get another organism to do the vast majority of the work for a small amount of niacin in return. Pretty good deal I'd say, nice work 😆

You know fake eyelashes? Daddy Long Legs. So not so useless after all.

Can only be the dung beetle. the daddy of shit animals.

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Tapir, but also my favourite! 🙂

LS, dammit, ok, then how about one of the exnoturbellids, no brain, no guts, no bum, and no sex organs, but weirdly out of all the invertebrates, one that shares an ancient ancestor with us, surely no more useless creature? If they didn't exist probably nothing in the world would change much, but if their ancestor hadn't existed, we wouldn't either...

Sheep.

Well, there was plenty of proper sheep shit on the field I rode up this morning.

Big gloopy tube with no brain

Not entirely useless, it would stand an excellent chance of being Foreign Secretary.

Most useless? Daily Mail readers.

Cats - the household type. Pointless.

Aren't we all pointless?

Seagulls! evil little shits the lot of em

Aye - we probably are all pointless.........but.....lets get rid of the cats first. Then wee dogs that are carried everywhere..

those invisible ones they keep in empty cages at the zoo

Cats.

I don't have to clear up the shit of any other animal from my garden on a daily basis. Not even wasps.

Aren't we all pointless?

Giant p1ssing Pandas

Eat one variant of one species one plant and it not very good for them.

Deserved to be endangered .... useless

Cats.
Seagulls.

Sheep.

Well, there was plenty of proper sheep shit on the field I rode up this morning.

Dogs too.

Plenty of dog grenades in the forest this morning too.

Capybara - which is perhaps not fair, if you're not familiar they're basically massive Guinea Pigs.

They seem to have soul purpose on Earth, to be eaten.

Technically like most rodents, they can live on pretty much anything, but they've evolved to prefer to live and eat in a semi-aquatic environment, where their predators are - most things big enough to eat them, eat them - they don't appear to be very good at getting away from, well anything - Jaguars, Pumas, Ocelots and Eagles all seem to gobble them up but but mostly it's Caiman Crocodiles and Anacondas - they could give them the finger and just move a bit more on-land, but they don't - the species has evolved another 'defence' mechanism - reproduction, they simply out shag their predator's appetite - it's very successful for the species, but a bit shit for the individual.

I find them distastefully defeatist.

I'll have a pop*

Spaniards – the ones still engaged in bullfighting and especially the ones trying to gain credibility for Baby Bullfighting as seen doing the rounds on Facebook recently. its 2016 not the 15th century

Faroese – you know who you are, hearding pilot wales into a shallow area so they can be killed with knives and hammers. Oh, its traditional alright but the claim its for the meat is a bit lame since the Danish Govt declared 1 meal a month a safe limit as its full of mercury. This tradition, turning the sea red with blood, again, I feel has no purpose /porpoise ... its past its sell by date and strangely, doesn't appear in the Traditional Arts and Crafts section of tourist brochures

Chinese – yes, you at the dog eating festival. Probably the grimmest set of pictures. I can't bring myself to look at a lot of them... Go ahead, eat dogs, no problem there... but FFS... kill it cleanly and quickly.

As a species we are probably the nastiest of the lot.... and don't get me started on Ramblers or Roadies...

*Other injustices are available...

Geese. They are the street gangs of the pond. Violent, loud scary avian abominations.

Humans. We drive the giant panda close to extinction then laugh at it for not being able to reproduce. What a bunch of ****s.

Another vote for cats and cat owners, oxygen thieves the lot of them

Humans. We drive the giant panda close to extinction then laugh at it for not being able to reproduce. What a bunch of ****.

People who call others with a perfectly rational dislike for cats and their cockwomble owners

I agree with essel on both points ^

People who call others with a perfectly rational dislike for cats and their cockwomble owners

So are you actually calling me a 'cockwomble'? (even though, by the way, we don't actually have a cat)

dog owning mtbers, particularly those cockwombles who think that letting their dog run loose at a trail centre is a good idea.

Black Cat Mk II

Adorable, but frankly absolutely shit at being a cat!

Dog owners who don't clear up their dog muck.

So are you actually calling me a 'cockwomble'? (even though, by the way, we don't actually have a cat)

I think you've answered your own question

Wildebeasts - go on holiday every year over a river full of crocodiles with lions each side.

Wildebeasts - go on holiday every year over a river full of crocodiles with lions each side.

😆

I think you've answered your own question

So, because I like cats (& animals in general, apart from a lot of particular human beings) I'm a 'cockwomble'?
Final clarification please, yes or no? Am I a cockwomble or not? Simple question.

I am surprised that no one has mentioned the moth yet.
And if cats were that shit they could not have so successfully conned humans into doing their evil murderous work for them.

Indeed, dogs have owners
Cats have staff

Esslegrump:

Read what I wrote

Read what you wrote

As I said, you've answered your own question. Quite simple.

Koalas, look cute, but actually manky stinky lazy gits covered in cheap acrylic carpet.

Yappy ankle-shagging dogs. And Cats.

Badgers, sweet corn eating bastards.

Jeremy Hunt

Tories.... Devious, nasty bas***ds the lot of em!

Flies. Mossies. Shit little creatures.
Horses. Shit, pointless, stupid big creatures. Tempted to give them a bye for being so delicious though.
Everything else is good 🙂

Red squirrels.
Man up you fluffy little bastards.

Esslegrump:
Read what I wrote
Read what you wrote
As I said, you've answered your own question. Quite simple.

People who call others with a perfectly rational dislike for cats and their cockwomble owners

Pheasants.

Like to take casual strolls on tarmac when surrounded by lovely countryside, thinks it can outrun a car then seems unable to move out of the way when finally remembering it can't.

They're the animal equivalent of roadies.

Bats and badgers. Can't even drive 2 miles round here after dark without the former bouncing off your windscreen or the latter bouncing off your wheels*.

slight exaggeration but never seen so many Brock in my life. And the bats are batshit mental at the moment chasing moths along the lanes

dog owning mtbers, particularly those cockwombles who think that letting their dog run loose at a trail centre is a good idea.

+ a bazillion!

Unicorns.
Just because you've stuck a Cornetto cone on your head, doesn't make you any better than a horse.

......and the Duck Billed Platypus.
Nature's answer to Mr Potato Head.
Although they are quite cute.

I quite like cats (and dogs too), I'd have one if I owned a large country house. I think people who own them in an urban area are really quite antisocial, cats will sh@@ on your neighbours gardens (their sh@@ is full of nasty stuff which children are very likely to come into contact with). I've heard folk say that their cats only sh@@ in their own garden, well that's because their territory does not extend beyond it.

So yeah, it's got to be humans.

My St Bernard.

I am currently living in a Dengue and Zika infected area, really if mosquitoes were wiped out it would be nice, apart from maybe some of the artic species which don't bite humans and are important to the food chain.

There are lots of stray cats around here, which i don't mind that much, but some humans are massively overfeeding them. So the cats totally ignore the rodent population which is a bit out of control at the moment. In fact i think the mice are eating the spare cat food. I think a cat eat mice world would be better.

Cats. Their farts stink worse than dog farts and they're not even good company. A truly shit animal. And their owners are even worse.

Maybe owning any animal as a pet is wrong? It would be virtually impossible to police correct pet ownership so maybe we should ban all pets?