[Closed] Paying your GF/BF rent?

thisisnotaspoon posted this morning about the fact he pays his ladybeast money for living quarters

your situation sounds tricky dude:

are you planning on it being a long term relationship?

£350 and shopping is plenty IMO. Legally you're a lodger; particularly if she insists on filling out a rent book.

GFs always say how much they cherish honesty in a relationship, so just tell her you're not very committed to the relationship, and aren't prepared to potentially chuck money down the drain.
😀

Tell her to do it legally, get a rent book and to remember to pay tax on the income she's receiving from you.

if your contributing towards the mortgage and bills, and in a commited relationship living in the same house together, would this afford you any 'rights' to any of it if you split up? i haven't checked any legal stuff but i was under the (possibly wrong) impression that if you can show you've contributed towards the household for a certain amount of time you're entitled to some of it if you split up?

See what flatshare rates are and pay, say, 2/3 of that.

Only fair considering you share a room.

I would pay half, but expect to move to a joint mortgage after 6-12 months, if everythings working out.

What's the going rate for that accommodation in the area? Pay that unless she wants to discount it a bit - mate's rates. The share the food. Keep it business like so you both know what you've agreed to.

More than about £350 a month, and there's a tax liability. Although I suppose that could be gotten around if you paid bills and such.

Half of everything in the property you are going to live in is fair why should she pay more there. BUT I don't think you should pay anything towards a second property she owns why would you?

I lived with someone who took the p**s for 20 years and now its a equal relationship with whoever has cash buying rounds, meals etc take it in turns and its lovely

What's the house like? Number of bedrooms... bathrooms? Garage? Garden? Good back door?

Yeah, this is long term.

What's likely to happen is i'll put my name on this mortgage, after signing some contract stating the amount of money she's put into the house before me, so that if all did go tits up we'd be able to sell and distrobute the money accordingly.

But untill then, we have to go through this.

It may also be worth mentioning that i earn £27k, she earns £39k.

if you can show you've contributed towards the household for a certain amount of time you're entitled to some of it if you split up?

I think thats a myth.

Half of everything in the property you are going to live in is fair why should she pay more there. BUT I don't think you should pay anything towards a second property she owns why would you?

But it's going on repaying the mortage - half of the interest on the mortgage would be fair (plus half of bills etc.).

If it's in her name only, then it's not really fair to expect the OP to assist with repaying the capital.

No quite a myth. My mum's going through something at the minute with her ex husband. He's trying to claim some of the house. We lived in it for 25 years, him for 5.

How much do you pay in rent (incl bills etc) currently?

What's likely to happen is i'll put my name on this mortgage, after signing some contract stating the amount of money she's put into the house before me, so that if all did go tits up we'd be able to sell and distrobute the money accordingly.

sounds sensible!

IMO wages shouldn't really matter, everything split in two on the house you'll be living in, nothing towards her buy-to-let thingy as thats her separate investment that only she will be making money from by the sounds of it.

We rent so yeah its different I guess I'd not thought that one through 😆

wrecker - Member
How much do you pay in rent (incl bills etc) currently?

I pay £350 all in, living with 2 other friends.

TSY, naughty....! 🙂

The relationship isn't going to go far if you are squabbling about money already.

When my GF (now wife) moved into my house she just paid a nominal amount as an informal 'rent'. I think it was £150 a month and that was about 10 years ago.

mastiles_fanylion - Member
The relationship isn't going to go far if you are squabbling about money already.

When my GF (now wife) moved into my house she just paid a nominal amount as an informal 'rent'. I think it was £150 a month and that was about 10 years ago.

We're not squabbling, in fact we've only talked about it twice. I just want to get things clear in my head. I know i dont want to be paying off the mortgage for her, but equally, i dont want to be freeloading.

Binners doesn't pay me enough I make him do chores wearing just a pinny.... its more fun than asking for extra cash

Binners doesn't pay me enough I make him do chores wearing just a pinny....

Pictures... etc...

Whoever said romance was dead???????? 🙄

If you're both going to be living in the same house for the forseeable future (life ideally) why not start as you mean to go on and split everything? Perhaps not 50/50 as you earn different amounts but a proportionate split?

Surely when you've moved in on a permanent basis it will cease to be "her" house and become "our" house...isn't that how these things work?

There was a really good programme/article on this on R4 yesterday - may have been you and yours? Followed on from a recent High Court decision where one party got screwed after paying some of the mortgage but not getting his name down IIRC.

Sounds like a minefield in that crappy legal system you Sassenachs have 😛

[img] [/img]

She currently own's 2 house's. One is rented out, the other she bought 2 months ago and is the one we'll be living in.

When we discussed moving in together a few months ago she was quite clear that she'd support me in saving for my own place (buy to let) and as such wouldn't want me to be paying an over the top amount to live at hers.

Here's how I think this could be solved for both of you: stop buying so many houses!

that's unfair.... we'd get banned if we posted a lady in a kitchen not wearing very much 😯

in the words of Deadlydarcy... 'i have the strangest boner right now'

Its what Binners looks like just before I wake up

I'm very easy on the eye, aren't I Phil 😉

Stick to your guns. You're just going from being a lodger to being a lodger. Also, it needs to be attractive for her to add you to the mortgage.

i would pay towards the room and half on the heating and electricity and food bills
and if she wants more then offer to buy half of the house.
fairs fair

*lubes up the tongue for some serious eyeball licking*

Is that a real picture of Binners or not? His house looks like it's probably got one of those posh back doors that open right up across the whole of the back of the house.

I'd pay extra to have a house like that.

whatever you get sorted now, when it comes to you going on the mortgage you MUST get the deeds changed to show your shares as a percentage ( note that you are either tennants in common or joint tennants on teh title deed - google the terms for definitions as they are different ) AND you MUST get a deed of trust written up by a brief which will lay out who's entitled to what in the event of a split.
i cannot, from bitter, recent experience, stress how important the deed of trust is.
my ex GF walked into 'our' house having spent nothing at all to move in to it, and walked out 4 and a half years later with enough funds that meant basically she'd paid nothing to live in the house over that time at all.

Yeti - I just literally spat coffee out of my nose all over my keyboard. I'm now sat here spluttering, with my eyes watering and everyone is looking at me like I'm demented 😳

Aren't lodgers tax free up to £4k per year?

Why does she think half the cost of the mortgage plus shopping is "tight"? What has she asked for?

You've got to see her POV about not wanting to put you on mortgage when you haven't even lived together yet. What if you split up after a fortnight?

As someone said, maybe suggest a shorter trial period on mutually agreed terms then get joint mortgage.

You respective salaries are not important unless it bothers you that she earns more btw.

😉

philconsequence - Member
thisisnotaspoon posted this morning about the fact he pays his ladybeast money for living quarters

Oi, only I get to use that pet name with her :p

Anyway, we both wrote down what we thought the market rate/sensible ammount would be and averaged the two, I put down a low figure expecting her to go high, and she wen't even lower!

It's marginaly less than I was paying to live in a houseshare nearby. Previously it was probably slightly under half the mortgage+C.tax+bills, but the mortgage rate's droped since then, but she's using it to pay off her credit card which'll ultimately put us in a better position for buying a house together sometime.

On the other hand by paying her 'rent' I'm saving about £350-£400/month in tax/NI as I'm paid an allowance by work, tax free, to rent a second house, which is only tax free as long as I have an address elswhere. So the net cost to me is actualy only the ballance of what I pay her subtract my tax liability on the allowance. Rules change next year though so need to work on convincing her to move into my house and pay me rent :p

-she owns 2 houses (well bits of them)
-she earns more than you
-you think this is for the long term

sounds like you should just pop the question, that would sort out most of the complication.

Although why any woman would want to marry someone who needs to go on an internet bike forum for this sort of advice beats me!

is there a bike forum too?

I'm now sat here spluttering, with my eyes watering and everyone is looking at me like I'm demented

It's a pleasure Binners...

when my gf moved in a while ago I was living with mates. Myself and my mates are not clean. We had an agreement that she would do the cleaning\washing (and was not allowed to complain about doing so), and in return she'd not pay any rent (she was a student at the time, so was cash poor). All my mates are moving out, so the agreement is that she'll pay half the interest on the mortgauge, but not half the total. I figure this is for the best as if we split up or whatever, it means theres nothing odd in play.

why not suggest that you put the difference into a savings account, or whatever, and use it to take the 2 of you away on holiday every year, or something?

thats nothing,

my gf, despite us having a kid refers to the equity she used as a deposit as "hers"

we've sold up and made some profit in 12 months,

its still "her" equity as the original deposit was hers, despite me paying about 60% of the mortgage and bills, ive lived here for 6 of the 12 months, redecorated for the first 2, so she's lived here and extra 2 months than me, one of those months i paid the mortage as she switched jobs

im not on the mortgage due to a not perfect credit history from a while ago

ive got another kid as well

i tried to bring up the "what happens in 10 years if we have been perfectly happy, moved from house to house and made decent money, but they we die in an accident and the kids lose mum and dad, and the other kid dad" what should the will say?

she doesn't see why my kid should get anything as it was "her" deposit that got us on the property ladder

women

*requires mind bleach remove the image of yeti's machiato crema spluttered all over binners wide opened back door*

When we first moved in together I paid the rent and all bills, my BH paid the shopping. We ran our own cars etc though.

I earnt more than her, and she paid in other ways 🙂

Go for whatever works for her, its far easier in the long run...

Although if she insists on separate shelves in the fridge, walk away - unless the sex is good, often and free(ish).

Now, i would have no problem at all paying half the mortgage (which is £645pm) and half the bills (works out at about £250pm)if my name was on the mortgage

Why not write up a Prenup legally as well while your at it?

sex is good, often and free

pick two?

😆

My GF pays me lodgers rent which helps may the mortgage but is nowhere near half. I wouldn't ask her to pay towards a second house if I had one.
Scunny I've read your post several times and I think you should sit down with your GF and work out where you want to be in the future as it appears that you're both more interested in developing a property portfolio than planning for a home and life together.

Who ever said romance was dead...

Paloma Faith, apparently.

Okay... right... you've offerred to pay £500 towards a combined monthly expenditure of £1045?

She's a hardnosed bitch that's for sure. Mind you, if she's managed to get 2 properties on a salary of £40k, I'm guessing she's had to be.

Good luck!

Been together with my wife for 28 years (18 married) and she still brings up the subject of her selling her bright yellow Austin Allegro to keep us solvent in 1985. That's been the high point of our fiscal relationship.

Still, the OP will be far better off when they get married, financially anyway.

If you love her, pay the price.

But I can see how she came to own 2 properties. 🙂

My GF works the same hours as me, possibly harder, and yet only earns half of what I bring home. We split the bills so she pays about a third, and I pay the rest. That way we seem to spend about the same percentage of our wages on bills each. As im still left with slightly more, I pay for the car and the large weekly shopping trip, leaving us with about the same level of expendable cash each. If either one of us is finding cash tight, the other picks up the slack without a second thought.

If I was worried about being rinsed over the house, or that she dosent technically pay as much as me, then It just wouldnt be a relationship worth having, or at least its certainly too early to be moving in or buying a house together.

p.s. if I had to choose....

she's a bitch

This^, a greedy one at that.

Threaten to pull out and if she objects say "If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it".

I think you both need to be 100% certain of your commitment to each other otherwise it will get very messy.

Ach, who is ever 100% certain of anything ?? You would never cross ths street with that kind of thinking... but yes some discussion needed.

dont have the sensible money discussion topless, boobs have a funny way of making men agree to silly things.

she still brings up the subject of her selling her bright yellow Austin Allegro

you know what to get her for christmas then 😉

Forget her buy to let that's hers.

645 is the mortgage 250 the bills you've offered to pay over half and she got arsey.

If I was her I'd have gone straight down the middle and viewed it as rent I'd not be on for you being on the mortgage unless we got married.

She's got to this stage on her own and she sounds like a bright lass who knows that blokes come and go. She does seem a little "driven" can you handle that?

She'll be saving the money you pay to go towards her next property.

I'm slightly falling in love with her.

"dont have the sensible money discussion topless, BOOBS have a funny way of making men agree to silly things. "

Oi! no need to get personal! 😀

*bows down to boobs*

i promise not to get personal

*has the strangest....*

ffs people and money 🙄

dirty rider i would instantly struggle to find that women attractive with am attitude like that.

i know i am dissing your mrs with that so no disrespect dude but ffs.

ahmen to the sense that grimy said.

philconsequence - Member
dont have the sensible money discussion topless, boobs have a funny way of making men agree to silly things.

The Ton made me do it defence, I like it!

@ tomthumb. She's wised up a bit since then.

OP, Find out the going rate locally for rent on a property of that type. Offer to pay your share of that amount and contribute to the bills.
There is no way you can reasonably be expected to pay more than that without getting something (equity...) in return.

My GF lives we me and just pays 1/2 the bills (admittedly the mortgage is paid off). Previously, when I still had a mortgage, I just got a nominal rent off my GF at the time (£150 / month) as I earned more than her, it seemed very unfair to expect her to subside me.

wake up to the real world your not a ldoger your shagging so your sharing.. if you were unemployed and shared you d have a right to a consideration of any sales value if you work and contribute you would and if you work and contribute a whole heap you would the amounts would be decided by the courts or more usually by 'amicable' agreement.
sit down say right how are we goin to manage our finances from day one agree them together let no stone be unturned.. 4 out of 5 relationships between unmarried persons under 30 end in splits 2 out of 3 marraiges form the same age group go the same way
so plan for the worst and rejoice in the moment!

this sounds messy.

Options as i see them:

1. she 'owns' (well has a mortgage on) the house so it's her responsibility. If she wants you to live with her then that's her choice but she took out the mortgage.

2. Expanding on (1) then if you were to make a contribution then it should be half of the interest + half of the bills. If she wants to retain all of the value she can't expect you to pay off the capital.

3. If she wants more than that then you need a formal rental agreement - base it on the current rental rates in your area for the same standard in a shared house. Then you have to sort out the proper tenancy stuff and make it all legal etc. ie a lot of hassle for no need.

When my gf lived in my flat I paid the mortgage and the bills. She paid the food shopping. Bills were more than the food shopping and the interest was £600 a month but she was committed to paying £240 a month on somewhere she had agreed to rent but had to live with me 95% of the time due to Uni lecture location. So yes it was a 60/40 split with me paying more but I was making more and it was my flat. (we were both students at the time)

I don't why you think she should put you on the mortgage. I certainly wouldn't if a girl was moving in with me after two years. I'd be waiting til we'd been living together for a good while first. What share of the deeds do you have on your current rental agreement?

Regardless, my advice would be move in and plan on selling and getting your own place together when the time's right. I reckon to her, that'll always be her place and you'll always be slightly on the back foot. Plus, when you choose somewhere else that's the easiest time to mortgage it together.

My wife just read this and suggests you show her the thread. She says that'll sort the living arrangements quickly enough; although you'll probably not be living under the same roof... 😉

We bought our house before we got married and got this thing called a 'joint account'. All our earnings get paid into this, and all our expenditure gets paid out of it, I swear it's like some kind of magic. We don't even need to talk about who shares what.

My wife has a friend who is living with her partner and their two kids, and all money is kept separate. She asks him for money if she needs that to pay for stuff, and pays the mortgage out of her money. This seems bizarre to me.

OP says they both imagine being together for the 'forseeable future' and then 'eventually, I guess' settling down. For me, this and other way things are phrased rings bigger alarm bells to me than the worry over who pays how much of what.

Share the mortgage = share the mortgage/bills and other costs and proceeds (name on deeds). You may have to pay some consideration for what's aleady been paid/accrued if you go down this road.

--ou--

Pay half the interest of the mortage and half the bills/running costs. This is the real incremental cost of running the house. Your lady retains the house and accrued value of it (she also has the liability).

--ou--

Lodger with sex provided as a service? You pay half the going rent for that sort of property for the area and half the bills.

What do you want to be? Sharing a life as a couple in an equal partnership or transient lovers reluctant to commit...?