[Closed] Paltrow

I was unreasonably irritated by this making radio 4 news this morning.

[url= http://www.goop.com/journal/be/conscious-uncoupling? ]Conscious uncoupling[/url]

Are you sure you know what you're letting yourself in for?

All the signs were there. She suddenly upped her game over the last few years and became uber hot.
Bet that curly haired **** of a piano humper is mildly upset.

Are you serious?

Sweet baby jesus and the orphans!!! Much as I despise Coldplay, I always felt sorry for that poor sod. Jesus! How anyone could put up with that, I've no idea. Theres a level of pretentious, uber-self-absorbed, macrobiotic new age twoddle that exist in alternative dimension inhabited by Gwyneth bloody Paltrow… and…..erm….. no… thats it…. she's on het own I'm afraid. Have you listened to the crap she spouts? Seriously?

And she's not even fit. It'd be like shagging a cane!

If I was him, I'd be out on the lash tonight, in a proper boozer, and be stopping off for a massive kebab, with everything on, on the way home. Sitting eating it in my pants, dribbling chill sauce and farting. Are there any radio 2 listening groupies?

Well, it's safe to say that BinBins and I won't fall out fighting over the same girl.

Sharkbait - may the best man win, eh 😉

Heattrackworld again eh?

If I was him, I'd be out on the lash tonight, in a proper boozer, and be stopping off for a massive kebab, with everything on, on the way home. Sitting eating it in my pants, dribbling chill sauce and farting.

So, if you were him you'd be spending Wednesday night doing what you always do?

I was unreasonably irritated by this making radio 4 news this morning.

Me too, but on reflection they set themselves up for that reaction - they were very sniffy about it being the lead story on the website when they were reviewing what the newspapers were leading on this morning ("real news" like plane disappearances, superpowers facing off / annexing neighbours, etc.)....

...and then ran a big bit about Paltrow / Martin.

It's hard to say who I hate more, U2 or Colday, but I suppose U2 has The Edge

Binners +1

Pretentious and average looking

Binners, surely a more like a crane? Either construction site or the bird

jools182 - Member
Binners +1

Pretentious and average looking

I think we can agree that Binners is far from average looking.

Pretentious and average looking

Bit harsh on Binners.

You snooze you lose Jamie 🙂

If she's average, i'd love to see some of your wives.

[img] [/img]

Mine looks like Binners 🙂

i'd love to see some of your wives.

[img] [/img]

You snooze you lose Jamie

Bloody shitty iPhone and ****y 3G connection.

Mine looks like Binners

So does mine. Freaks women out something proper.

Chapeau, sir, chapeau.

My my, c'mon she's a lovely looking woman.

Shes not average, I knew (we all probably did) girls like her growing up. Lovely but thats it really. No fire or ire about them. Just middle England, nice girls.

Oh god! I agree with Hora

She's so bloody dreary, insipid an wishy-washy. Not to mention preachy. If thats your female ideal, it either displays a hopelessly shallow lack of ambition, a completely skewed set of priorities, or you really, really haven't thought it through

Or all 3 😀

If thats your female ideal, it either displays a hopelessly shallow lack of ambition, a completely skewed set of priorities, or you really, really haven't thought it through

What's her net worth?

I have to agree with Binners.

Anyone that pretentious should be hunted down and consciously decoupled by dogs.

I wonder if Mumsnet are doing a parallel character assassination of the "bloody dreary, insipid an wishy-washy" Martin?

weeksy - Member
If she's average, i'd love to see some of your wives.

The amount of make up on that pic is ridiculous

[img] [/img]

Not ugly, but doesn't do much for me

I wonder if Mumsnet are doing a parallel character assassination of the "bloody dreary, insipid an wishy-washy" Martin?

They were very well suited to one another.

I've only seen her in films and stuff and think she's dead pretty. However, I hadn't realised that there were so many STW'rs who circulated in celebrity, er, circles and actually know Ms Paltrow and what she's like in real life.

But, hang on. You say'in like that I like wishy washy Wiminz? That my expectations are mediocre at best, that I like middle England Wiminz, that I think she looks better without make up?

Or all 4?

You Sir are right.

I think shes one hell'va lovely looking Woman who incidentaly has done very well for herself and continues to hold herself and her family in very high esteem.

I'm rather glad there are Women on this planet like that.

😀

She looks like a lollipop. A flavourless one.

I wonder if Mumsnet are doing a parallel character assassination of the "bloody dreary, insipid an wishy-washy" Martin?

I'm hoping he's now going to rebel against years of mung-bean eating and yoga, and now conduct his career like a member of Motley Crue at their peak, writing songs about snorting coke off groupies norks, incorporating massive death metal guitar solos, whilst employing massive prog rock sytlee pyrotechnics and scale models of stonehenge at live sets. Then marrying a lap-dancer in a drunken drug-fueled binge in Vegas 😀

Going to royally piss off that Reid woman who seems to be all over the news.

This isn't news, just tittle tattle and fed up with the lot of them

[i]whilst employing massive prof rock sytlee pyrotechnics [/i]

Having seen Coldplay at Wembley (yeah, deal with it), they already do.

I had to watch Coldplay in Earls court. Mrshora went mental whereas I seriously clockwatched.

Fast fwd to a Ramstein concert (mrshora aint a fan). She loved the experience/show etc

IHN - surely they just put in the fireworks to wake the audience up now & again.

she doesn't do too bad for [url= http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/22289919 ]average looking[/url]

Weirdly Sandra Bullock is weird/quirky and is ever green in fickle hollywood. Dann gorgeous too 8)

hora - Member

I had to watch Coldplay in Earls court. Mrshora went mental whereas I seriously clockwatched.

Fast fwd to a Ramstein concert (mrshora aint a fan). She loved the experience/show etc

Hora doesn't that just show she's better at faking it? 😉

Klunk - Member
she doesn't do too bad for average looking

[i]Oscar-winning actress Gwyneth Paltrow has been named the world's most beautiful woman by People magazine.[/i]

The listeners to Virgin Radio once voted Snow Patrols Chasing Cars (surely outdoing even Mr Martyn as the ultimate bed-wetters anthem!) as the best song ever recorded.

So all these polls prove is that the kind of person who revels in mediocrity, also likes to express their desperately low expectations and terminal lack of imagination by ticking boxes. I imagine their need to watch and listen to the instantly-forgettable has greatly enhanced the Paltrow/Martyn bank balance over the years

She's preachy and he makes boring music.

[i]The listeners to Virgin Radio once voted Snow Patrols Chasing Cars (surely outdoing even Mr Martyn as the ultimate bed-wetters anthem!) as the best song ever recorded.

So all these polls prove is that the kind of person who revels in mediocrity, also likes to express their desperately low expectations and terminal lack of imagination by ticking boxes....[/i]

[url= http://www.volkswagenag.com/content/vwcorp/info_center/en/news/2014/01/reader.html ]Yep[/url] 🙂

I always found her a bit wet.

😉

[url= http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/celebrity/i-am-just-dreadful-admits-paltrow-2013050267487 ]I am just dreadful, admits Paltrow[/url]

Tedious and pretentious.

Too thin also. Like a walking climbing frame.

She's got a body like a ten year old boy.

I bet she wears spiderman undies too.

When made up she is reasonably attractive but using phrases such as consciously uncoupling would make me want to run away. Fast.

Sandra Bullock however (mentioned earlier) has always had a special place in my dreams and I think I could probably tolerate quite a lot. Having seen her interviewed a few times she comes across as a pretty well sorted and "normal" individual.

shermer75 - Member
It's hard to say who I hate more, U2 or Colday, but I suppose U2 has The Edge

boom, tish - the best so far shermer!!

cant see what all the CP hate is about. Not really a fan of any bands, but I was taken to see them last year along with Tinie Tempah (and i hate rap) and enjoyed them both live.

Sandra Bullock however (mentioned earlier) has always had a special place in my dreams and I think I could probably tolerate quite a lot. Having seen her interviewed a few times she comes across as a pretty well sorted and "normal" individual.

^^ This, I've always had a thing for Ms Bullock.

Meh, you're just jealous 😉

So Paltrow and Martin wake up one morning to find Apple and Moses feeling ill. Understandably concerned they take them straight to the doctor, who takes one look at them and says
'Ah, I see they are experiencing decreased liver functionality'
'Wow,' said Paltrow and Martin, 'how were you able to make such a quick diagnosis?'
'Cos they're all yellow.''

She's fit, but an utter fruit cake.

A gluten free fruit cake.

Bullock is top of my list of potential wives. Sadly I'm not on her list 🙁

I'm sorry but I don't understand this Internet forum public flogging she (and Chris) are receiving.

What is it specifically you have against them?

I don't think falling behind the line of " fair game int they " is fair.

As a big hip hop fan, and generally anything a bit left of centre, I er...well...er...I actually quite like Cold Play. I thought their Olympics thing was t'ossum...

Is it really appropriate to question her hotness?

She chose to use the phrase "consciously uncoupling" in public, so some reaction to such pretentious language is to be expected.

But thats what it was/is. It's conscious (otherwise it would be unconscious) uncoupling (meaning they are spliting)

Good use of language IMO, and modern use of the Language too.

It's hard to say who I hate more, U2 or Colday, but I suppose U2 has The Edge

😆

Also

I knew (we all probably did) girls like her growing up. Lovely but thats it really. No fire or ire about them. Just middle England, nice girls.

Amusingly, Wikipedia lists her as "actor, singer, food writer"...

'Consciously uncoupling' sounds like you're having your divorce (for, name it or not, that's what it is) 'managed' by a team of lifestyle coaches, and PR consultants.

And looking at the parties involved, why would anyone think that isn't exactly the case. Its pretentious, utterly vacuous new age twoddle, and therefore entirely in keeping with the person spouting it. And sums up in two simple words why the mere mention of her name makes some people (like me) want to smash my own face in with a claw hammer (funnily enough. So does the sound of his bloody awful whiney voice on any god-awful Coldplay track)

And its in the news because she's got her team of aforementioned PR consultants to make bloody well sure that it is!!!! Expect regular updates, versed in similarly meaningless language

Conscious Uncoupling?

So what, I once had an Unconscious Coupling.

Unlike the STW Sex Gods, I haven't met Gwyneth Paltrow. But when I've seen her on TV chat shows, she seems clever and charming. That, combined with her being gorgeous, make her a prime candidate for snagging the position of MrsJ.

Assuming the current MrsJ is OK with that.

Unlike the STW Sex Gods, I haven't met Gwyneth Paltrow. But when I've seen her on TV chat shows, she seems clever and charming. That, combined with her being gorgeous, make her a prime candidate for snagging the position of MrsJ.

Assuming [s]the current MrsJ is OK with that[/s] [b]I beat that silver-tongued cavalier IHN to it, which I probably won't.[/b]

FTFY

Have you read her cookery books?
£28. Yes, TWENTY EIGHT POUND homemade chocolate muffins....EACH.
she seriously suggests making you own muffins at 28 quid each muffin...
Chriss, run.....

Have you read her cookery books?

I started, but I got distracted looking at the pictures.

£28 for a muffin from Gwyneth Paltrow? Sounds like a good deal 😉

(Joins queue behind IHN & DrJ)

So their separation is more important than those on STW?

Bloody celebrities go away ...

🙄

johndoh - Member

Conscious Uncoupling?

So what, I once had an Unconscious Coupling.

You are Julian Assange and I claim my five pounds! 😉

Funnily enough, I actually really did have one (well almost - it probably doesn't count)... On New Year's Eve 2000 I woke the next morning with my keks around my ankles and found that my then girlfriend had tried to ride me Cowboy Style. I am 100% sure no penetration was possible 🙂

lovewookie - Member
I always found her a bit wet.

I always left her a bit wet.

your bitter tears of unrequited love 😉

Oscar-winning actress Gwyneth Paltrow has been named the world's most beautiful woman by People magazine.

Apart from Binners who reads The People mag anyway and who gives a rats arse about there surveys. I bet Binners reads Hello and watches E news. There's a certain pub in Somerset run by an ex virgin records boss who regularly has Mr Martin playing select little concerts, I don't think the stage has Chicken wire so could be a good opportunity for Coldplay haters to go and chuck empty beer bottles at em.

Junkyard - lazarus
your bitter tears of unrequited love

🙁

Junkyard - lazarus
your bitter tears of unrequited love

🙁

I think she's quite nice but no Carey Mulligan. I always thought she was a mediocre actress too but she was great in Contagion (recommended BTW).

That's the one where her character dies at the beginning of the film isn't it? 😀

It was a good death though.

"Chris Martin Described As The Only Thing That Made Gwyneth Paltrow ‘Bearable’ By Friends"
😆

http://uk.celebrity.yahoo.com/gossip/omg/chris-martin-described-as-the-only-thing-that-made-gwyneth-paltrow--bearable--by-friends-085320319.html

I think that she's particularly beautiful...but that doesn't make her sexy in my eyes. Couldn't be doing with her lifestyle chat - extremely pretentious. I still would though!
However, the comments about Sandra Bullock, down to earth, good sense of humour, I seem to remember she was/is a rock climber - and therefore much sexier!