keep posting, keep venting, keep sharing, keep riding
sorry, nothing insightful to say, just hope you guys get through it and come out the other side
So I thought I would update this one. Quite a few things happened since I initially posted. Things seemed like they have recovered for us. I have been going to see a therapist about my issues, which is extremely difficult, and I felt things would change. Unfortunately they haven't worked out. It is very much done now.
Underneath trying to keep it together I just think I'm done with life, I really do. I try to think about the stories above about how things can change and get better, but I've taken so long to get to where I thought I had everything I wanted and it has all been taken away from me. Add on to this that my work is struggling at the moment and that is adding in a lot of stress.
Just because where you thought you would be is now gone, it doesn't mean that things are not worth caring on with or that things will not get better. Change against expectations will always hurt especially if it is something you see as being exceptionally meaningful.
None of this means that new expectations won't come along and won't potentially be better than they were.
Life sucks sometimes, no getting around it, so asking for help to get through the bad times is never wrong.
Sorry to see you're still having a tough time of things, but glad that you're posting about it. Wish you all the best, keep venting whenever you feel the need.
Just spotted your reply.
For me I found therapy didn't work at all - I just ended up focusing on the problems even more but I appreciate it works for many.
I'd try and find new stuff to do - new hobby, classes, walking groups etc. Something to shift your focus elsewhere.
Not sure how you are fixed with work - but my wife took a month out in autumn of last year. Her boss was very understanding though but I know this isn't the case for everyone.
And you've managed six months. Target another six months and see where you are then.
Sorry to hear that you are still struggling, losing someone like your partner can feel like a bereavement and as cliché as that sounds it can take time, I hope it gets easier for you, thoughts & best wishes.
Not sure how you are fixed with work - but my wife took a month out in autumn of last year. Her boss was very understanding though but I know this isn't the case for everyone
I'm worried that will get looked at badly. I could maybe afford it, but don't want to dig into my savings too much. I'm about to take on rent that's much higher than the mortgage. So many things to sort out. It's hugely overwhelming.
Stcolin. Vent away. Having been somewhere similar a long time ago - it just sucks.
Practically speaking - does it affect you having a home?
We have a mortgage together. I am looking for somewhere to rent, staying in the area as I really like living here. It's tough to find a place with storage for my bikes though.
Estate agents are awful though, just getting to talk to someone is almost impossible.
I'm worried that will get looked at badly.
Your health and well being are far more important than your work and what they think of you. I've supported people working for me through what you're going through. I myself have been through what you're going through. I took time off. The world didn't end, work continued, and I came back to work and nothing was impacted in any way.
Might a flat/house share be an option? At least short term. Cheaper, and you get some company..... 🤔
I'd really like to be on my own tbh. I have some places to view, I just have to make a compromise or two. She has said she wants to sell the house rather than buy me out which is fair enough. Selling will likely take a few months at best anyway.
In general I prefer my own company too. But I've come to the conclusion it's not necessarily good for my mental health.
I used this website when I need somewhere to be in a hurry. I found a house share that was much cheaper than paying rent on a whole place.
Just venting again, talking out loud. I have a therapy session in the morning, it's going to be a mess. I've really kept a lid on all this as I'm afraid I'll do something stupid if I let it all get to me.
The last few days of trying to go and view properties is just surreal. And it's very difficult. I fear I might get rejected by landlords because I'm on my own.
So I have now moved. Living in Sandbach, so not far from where I was. It's been a really rough few days, and I'm not seeing much to look forward too. Back to work tomorrow after a few days off to get moved. The house is really nice, it's a nice quiet estate, but I just don't like being here. I didn't want this and it all feels like a bit of a living nightmare. I don't like being without someone. Feeling lonely is one of the worst feelings in the world. I must admit that about 2 weeks ago I was close to just either packing up and going home, or just giving up altogether. I kinda think about giving myself 6 months and if things are the same, then that's what I'll do. I genuinely worry that something will happen that sees me homeless, or that I can't keep my job or keep living here.
Only just caught up on this.....
**** me, dude.... My sympathies. I feel for ya.
Glad you've found a new gaff. Give it a bit of time.
In general I prefer my own company too. But I've come to the conclusion it's not necessarily good for my mental health
I find a small local pub is the solution for that .... Obviously very location dependant.
StColin..... Look after yourself.
The house is really nice, it's a nice quiet estate, but I just don't like being here.
There are some positives there, hopefully you will feel better about it in time. Is time on the bike an option? It always really helps me when things are tough. It may be a brief respite, but it's something. I really hope the situation improves for you. Please check in and let us know on here how things are going.
There is little joy in anything really, but I am riding where I can. I have lost my ability to ride to my local MTB from my door now, other than including a mostly road slog of about 10 miles.
stcolin,
Whatever you do don't injure yourself otherwise you will have other worries. Take care of your health.
Endure the pain, walk the path and be strong. Nobody will understand the pain but everyone will have to go through it either in this life or in future lives whatever. Took me a very long time to "recover" from my relationship, and worst still both of us were very happy but we were torn apart. The pain on both of us were unthinkable. Hence, I was like a zombie walking this earth without purpose other then maintaining the lifespan.
Two years ago after a few pints I was walking with a friend to the fish and chips shop. A sudden strong gust of wind blew my way, my left leg gave way and I hit the pavement like a big sack of potatoes, really heavy fall. As I fell my body turned to the left side and I hit the pavement. Hard, very hard and I could feel my internal organs shifted! Nothing was bruised but the next 3 days I was in agony. I just endured the pain and got over it. Took nearly 3 weeks to get over the pain.
Then exactly a year after that, one night while watching tv on my own, I felt a very sharp pain while breathing (felt bubble in the body) and it was extremely painful, I could hardly inhale. Well, I could only breath or inhale quarter of the normal breathing. Every time I tried to breath I felt extreme pain. I mean like someone sticking a sharp object into the lungs. The breathing was getting shallower and shallower but I was still fully awake, not faithing yet. I didn't care much but endured the pain by breathing very slowly but the heart rate was fast. I didn't call anyone and not even my family in the far east, and not anyone in the UK like my friends etc.
Then I just stood up, took a piece of A4 paper and wrote my will. Yes, I wrote my will and left a message on the table in front of my computer on how to deal or to dispose of my body etc if anyone found me. (simple cremation using my money and sprinkle ashes on the grassland as fertiliser). During the entire evening I just sat on the sofa agonising and trying to breath. I thought I was in the process of dying but the funny thing was that there was no fear. I just thought "yeah come and get me, I am ready. But once I cross over you better run coz I am coming for you no matter who or what you are". I was very angry but no fear. I think I took some Chinese ginseng type tablets (we used that for internal injury) but sat on the sofa ready to "go". No fear but just glad that I met "death" and I was ready. Free at last as I said to myself and I could wonder the "world" as I wish like a wondering spirit.
Then I fell asleep on the sofa until the next day. Woke up and I could breath again without any pain. I told my friend about my episode and he said I might have collapsed lungs due to the fall. Well, I told him I couldn't be bothered about death to be honest.
I also told him the pain I went through in life was million times more painful then death or collapsed lungs.
I am slowly recovering now but still not 100% and occasionally I still felt a little dizzy while walking, and the left side of my body now has pain from time to time, around the heart, left lung or near the middle of the rip cage sometimes, left hip area near the kidney, left stomach, left leg tingling feeling etc. All on the left side of my body.
Frankly, I just let it be and I told myself if I were to go, I go. As far as I know I don't owe anyone anything in this life and always live within my means even when I was very down. I always return favour and never take what is not given.
I always say to myself this is my path. No matter how hard I shall walk alone. I shall experience all things in my cycle of lives. Pain, suffering, joy whatever they are. I will be back! Again and again until such time as there is none left for me to experience.
Stay strong, very very strong. You need all your strength and more.
I am not making up stories just to please others.
