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I'd rather not have kids then discover later that was a mistake, than have kids then decide that was a mistake!
Parenthood is taking the next step and nothing will prepare you for the incredible feelings of love and responsibility you have when it happens. It is life changing so you have to want something more. Once when discussing the subject on a mate's stag, someone pointed out that the sooner you have your kids the more of life you share with them. I had never looked at it that way and even more ironic is the fella that said it is a bachelor and 50 next month!
I'd rather not have kids then discover later that was a mistake, than have kids then decide that was a mistake!
I guess it depends on your personally type, as some people think its better to try something and fail than to not bother at all.
Do you have a similar attitude to order things in life? If so your life must be very boring if you never take a chance.
Thinking about it apathy isn't a good gene to pass on, so I guess people are just Darwin awarding themselves. As a world full of people who can't be bothered and avoid anything which may cause issues at some random point in the future would be a bit of a dead end for the human race, picture the scene two cavemen, one makes fire the other one says, I don't think I will bother with that as it could at somepoint burn down a city.... whatever that is..... 🙂
Here's a interesting diversion for you all.
Does having kids give you more or less time to behave like a dick on the internet?
Now you might assume less, but it also ties you to being in the house looking after them (with one eye on your smartphone), so maybe it's more?
And then when you have kids are you more or less likely to be a dick because you've gained a broader, less selfish world view - or more likely because you're just really ****ing tired?
It's a toughie isn't it?
I guess it depends on your personally type, as some people think its better to try something and fail than to not bother at all.Do you have a similar attitude to order things in life? If so your life must be very boring if you never take a chance.
We're not talking about bungie jumping or windsurfing here. Do you honestly think it's better to have tried and failed at raising a child/ being a parent, than choosing not to have them at all? 😆
[i]Now you might assume less, but it also ties you to being in the house looking after them (with one eye on your smartphone), so maybe it's more?[/i]
Why would you assume that folk with kids are 'tied' down, or for that matter any less likely to be 'living their life' than someone without?
One thing that having kids teach you is sharing, and not been selfish. For example, I'd like a new shiny car, but not this year as we'll be buying one for my youngest instead.
We're also building a Granny Annex for my folks (Dad is now in need of a zimmer-frame in the house and wheelchair outside), so that way they'll be more comfortable plus nearer us for when they need help, plus somebody around for us needing stuff.
On the plus side, my son cuts the grass (1/2 acre's-worth) and my Mum walks my dogs etc. And in case you want to know, all my kids are doing well 🙂
And then when you have kids are you more or less likely to be a dick because you've gained a broader, less selfish world view
so having offspring is not selfish and not having them is? some might say it’s the other way round.
One thing that having kids teach you is sharing, and not been selfish. For example, I'd like a new shiny car, but not this year as we'll be buying one for my youngest instead.
If that were the case, most people would be lefties.
so having offspring is not selfish and not having them is? some might say it’s the other way round.
I didn't say not having children is selfish and I have a certain amount of sympathy for your viewpoint.
I was merely trying to point out that it's a topic which seems to bring the worst out in a lot of people.
Why would you assume that folk with kids are 'tied' down, or for that matter any less likely to be 'living their life' than someone without?
I wouldn't and I'm happy to have given you the opportunity to make a positive contribution to this forum for once.
One thing that having kids teach you is sharing, and not been selfish.
Bit of a sweeping generalisation there. For some people it seems to just extend the sphere of their selfishness to include their kids.
Ever driven near a primary school at kicking-out time? Lots of highly selfish behaviour going on there.
Also, I learned about sharing and not being selfish already I think - If we're gonna start listing nice things that we do in order to try and prove something, I do a reasonable amount of free work for various good charities/causes, do other work that helps out the disadvantaged and promotes community cohesion etc, do support work for a guy with special needs.
Not asking for a medal or anything - but do you reckon I would do more of that stuff or less, if I had kids? Hard to say really but I suspect less.
And doing that stuff just because you think it's a good thing to do you could argue is more altruistic than doing it because it will help someone you see as a continuation of yourself, carrying on the family line, etc etc. 😉
It might have made [i]you[/i] better at sharing and not being selfish but let's not make crass sweeping generalisations or darcy will be very upset when he gets back from his holiday.
We all know why they don't like people like you.....you might knock up their wimminz and run off to go skiing leaving them to look after all those totes amazeballz kids.
😀
In terms of using up the world's resources as quickly as possible, having children is the ultimate in behaving selfishly.
Slightly off topic (but love the Norman Hunter versus Billy Bremner stuff) - it's is quite extraordinary how child centric/obsessed society has become. The slippery slope was kids' menus - the nadir was watching an old lady getting up on a train to give her seat to a small child. What is the world coming too?
Parenthood is taking the next step and nothing will prepare you for the incredible feelings of love and responsibility you have when it happens.
This for me.
I was 36 when my son was born. Always thought I'd have kids but had never really been that interested until I met his mum and realised I was getting older all the time. He had a tough start with open heart surgery at 3 months but is doing well now and is the best thing I ever did.
I think if I'd not become a dad I would have looked back and regretted it in the future.
In terms of using up the world's resources as quickly as possible, having children is the ultimate in behaving selfishly.
But what are we saving the planet's resources for? The planet is big enough and old enough to look after itself, environmentalism is really about making sure there's a viable ecosystem for our descendants. It makes more sense for people with children to worry about the future of the planet.
This is all very deep, though. Kids are fun, most of the time. Though they do take over your life. Considering what usually happens to our houseplants I'm amazed we've managed to get this far, I'm definitely too irresponsible to have kids. But so are most parents, probably.
But what are we saving the planet's resources for? The planet is big enough and old enough to look after itself, environmentalism is really about making sure there's a viable ecosystem for our descendants. It makes more sense for people with children to worry about the future of the planet.
Worrying is all well and great, doesn't change the fact that if you're a westerner - considering current consumption rates - having one is a massive burden on the rest of the developing world.
Having children isn't about being selfless in the UK, since the 80's we've become one of the most right wing, individualistic and selfish countries within the EU. Children are an aspirational status symbol, to go with your big 4x4 and your 5 bedroom house.
I have kids because my wife and I are both are awesome, and our genes need to be preserved.
Actually.. Are there any parent/child STW combos? Anyone's kids also post?
Having children isn't about being selfless in the UK, since the 80's we've become one of the most right wing, individualistic and selfish countries within the EU. Children are an aspirational status symbol, to go with your big 4x4 and your 5 bedroom house.
True, which is why I see it as my duty to bring up a hippy, left-wing child while spending as little money as possible - no fancy travel systems, new cars or private schools here 😉
Having kids - best thing we ever did. Trust me you won't regret it.. I was 30 and was'nt that bothered. Wife was so we did. 25 years later they've left home and I miss them. Just me and the wife. Wish I'd had more than 2. Can't wait for grand kids. Kids give meaning and purpose to your life. On the upside, post kids, I can ride whenever I want to. You know what though? I'd rather be teaching my 5 year old how to ride a bike.
I'm quite happy being totally purposeless - never needed meaning for anything. Meaning is for the weak. 😀
Meaning and purpose? Sod that - having a kid means I just spent a week's holiday playing crazy golf, building sandcastles, poking about in rockpools and tickling in public. Try doing that kind of stuff without a child 😀
WaywardRider - MemberKids give meaning and purpose to your life.
More toss, I find I have meaning and purpose in my life without kids
Meaning and purpose? Sod that - having a kid means I just spent a week's holiday playing crazy golf, building sandcastles, poking about in rockpools and tickling in public. Try doing that kind of stuff without a child
Theres an idea, if I have a kid I can buy it a bike and then get away with doing far more riding than I should by using the excuse "but the kid wants to as well"
You have convinced me my good sir.
having a kid means I just spent a week's holiday playing crazy golf, building sandcastles, poking about in rockpools and tickling in public. Try doing that kind of stuff without a child
Why ever couldn't you?
Okay, you could, but you'd get some pretty funny looks. And ticking someone else's child isn't really socially acceptable, sadly.
Again, your criteria involves children.
If I tickled my wife no-one would bat an eyelid. If I had children because I wanted to tickle a child I'd probably be locked up.
If I had children because I wanted to tickle a child I'd probably be locked up.
Why? It's great fun tickling a child.
Ok, do you want to bring yours round and I'll give them a fondle?
I don't understand where you're going with this, so I'm off to bed...
Where I'm going with this is that all your examples of why kids are great are actually examples of why life is great irrespective of whether you have children or not.
bencooper - Member
...It makes more sense for people with children to worry about the future of the planet.
Why?
Your kids will only have half your genes. Your grandchildren will only have 1/4. Then 1/8, then 1/16, 1/32, 1/64, 1/128, etc.
After only a few generations, 'you' will be little more than background noise. The idea that one is part of a 'line' is wrong - unless you intend to branch off as a new species. In terms of the future, you and your genes* are irrelevant.
(*your genes exist in billions of other people. Their future is assured as well as it can be. It's only a unique combination of genes that makes you you, and when you die that combination will be lost forever, no matter how many children you have)
In summary: you don't need kids to have an interest in the survival of the species.
I think the point would be that is it gets too stuffed up your kids will have a shit place to live and a much more unstable set of world politics to deal with like in this documentary
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anyway most of this is just a bit 🙄 for me
Inheritance is about much more than genes as any fule kno
So, just on the last page we've had it claimed that parents are better at sharing, less selfish, that their lives have meaning and purpose (seemingly not possible for non-parents), that they care more about the environment, and that they get to do loads of awesome things you can't do as a non-parent.
But there's no tendency towards superiority/smugness amongst parents (on STW at least), perish the thought!
All this talk of regret too... Regret is one of the most pointless and negative emotions that we have. Yes it's hard to avoid sometimes but there's lots of people here who seem to be actively promoting it. There's no point regretting anything - what's done is done.
I must say,to counteract the smugness, I miss a hell of a lot about not having kids.