[Closed] My weird fantasy

What job would you secretly love to do, even if it is totally unrealistic (and perhaps not as cool as you might think it would be)?

Queue a hundred "porn star" comments. Good question though.

STW moderator 😉

Its like being a porn star as you have to deal with dicks all day 😉

I always wanted to be a National Park ranger, after a working week in the Sales as a Scout when I was about 14.

34 years later, still not happening.

Good one, Junkyard. 😀

Lumberjack of course

Dogging tale's was interesting, Dogging tale's USA, bet that shizzle be lit!

godzilla

❓ ❓ ❓

Chef. But I really don't have the patience to start at the bottom.

Diver or wildlife photographer. Think it would be awesome.

As a child I wanted to be a ninja. Now my dream job would be to not have a job, have enough money to travel and just keep on going.

I'm with SaxonRider.

Canada (ice roads if I had the skill) or long haul along the garden route in South Africa.

Either that or driving some of those really abnormal loads.

whoops sorry wrong forum.
I can see the attraction, i spent a lot of time with my late Farther in his Truck, it always felt like camping to me.

Quite fancied being a journalist.

The Watcher

No job.
Wedge in the bank.
Bike.
Passport.
Two years.
8)

(Or a ranger, somewhere really cool.)

+1 for long distance trucker.

The idea of the open road and seeing parts of the Europe off the tourist trail excite me. Once I'd done a few months of European roads I'd go to the ice roads. I've watched enough ice road truckers to be a pro when I arrived.

I first listened to this when I came over to the UK from da U.S.A in 1981, I'd never heard anything like this, the sound, clarity and rhythm of Andys guitar sound and how he created it..

So, I wanted to be him for about a year..

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But my all time hero, a guy I always wanted to [i]really[/i] be, a guy I grew up reading about, a guy I followed and tried in some small way to emulate was ..

[img] [/img]

+2 for long distance trucker. Think of all the different prostitutes.

An actuary or a stuntman.

Premier league footballer.

On a day off from my desk job we went for a walk up pen-y-fan. Half way up was a National Trust chap fixing stones in the path; he had his dog, a radio, decent weather,a fantastic view and a job that could basically go on forever. Lucky bugger, I thought.

(The day after it chucked it down, mind... I wonder if he found something indoors to do instead...)

Alex Kingston, a trifle, and a bottle of rum.

[quote=The Southern Yeti ]An actuary or a stuntman.

A dilemma we have all faced.

Train driver must be pretty boss.
Unlike truck driving, we have no conception of train driving because we don't get to look out the front window and see the rails race by (generally speaking). It's a hidden, magical world.

Tough being a risk averse thrill seeker eh, Junky?

F-18 Growler pilot. Because.... catapult launches, SAMs and sneaky electronics.

That, or be a real life Archer.

I'd quite like to be a postman.
Or a Ringtons Tea bloke.

I'd probably do a bit of porn on the side, just to bring me back down to earth.

Possibly a monumental mason, but I worry about long term damage.

Weeksy and I are going to start up a place. Perhaps in North Wales, possibly in Morzine.

I'd love to chef. Or even better, a mobile chef. Like a chip van, but with great food, like boeuf bourginion, coq au vin, decent pasta etc. Good 'bistro' style. Easy to cook. Great and easy to take away. Surf spots, festivals maybe, bike hang outs, you get the picture.

All from the back of a big old corrugated Citroen van.

No porridge will be sold. Fry-ups will be prominent in the mornings.

I always wanted to be a tunnel engineer. It was the reason behind my choice of A-levels. However after dropping physics after a few months and getting a U in Ad-Maths I came to the conclusion that although good at geology, the engineering side of it just wasn't happening. I still spend hours studying maps and planning where I could solve all manner of infrastructure issues with a strategically placed tunnel. I really can't understand why we don't dig more of them in this country.

Ah well. Soon be time for another tour around the tunnels of Norway to see how the professionals do it. 🙂

Ambrose, would the van include hipster repellant? Eg, an over and under shotgun?

Deoderant usually does the trick.
Cheaper and much more convenient.

Driving a train is dull, I have to go up front for work now and again and I try and avoid it now if I can, just stop and go and hope nothing or no one appears in front of you. Fair play to the drivers that can keep their concentration on the job, would drive me nuts!
I think I'd like to be a game keeper or tree surgeon?

I always wanted to be a tree surgeon.
Turns out I faint at the sight of sap.

Ambrose, do I remember correctly that back in the old MTB-Wales days, you and Mrs Ambrose used to host a mountain bike weekend at a bothy, where you did some of what you just described in your post (i.e. cooked for whomever was on the adventure, and guided a ride)?

EDIT: If I am remembering correctly, do you still do those?

Id like to be a large hairy humanoid living in some mountains down south.

(What happened?)

Saxon-Rider YES, I still do and I love doing it. Blimey, those were the days!

Did you ever make one of the Bothy trips? They still happen, get over to the Mynydd Du MTB facebook page for updates.

White pudding with your breakfast sir?

Canadian Mountie.(must watch Due South again) 🙂

I'm with OP, the fantasy of driving a truck stateside/canada, I always loved the sound of that. Also my dad was a lorry driver for 30 years, not sure why I didn't follow him in to that.

Since watching Gold Rush on Discovery, i often wonder if I should have went into something more "blue collar" - I guess it's always the grass is always greener, but IT gets a bit boring sometimes

@Ambrose: Cool. I'll do just that. I had always wanted to join one back then, but never quite managed.

It was always a stuntman for me as a kid.
Now I'm an older kid, whatever it is that Matt Hunter does.
He seems to have nailed it!

Me, in a job interview for a senior position, October 2015:

Boss: So what made you pursue a 20 year career in this area, it's quite specialized?

Me: There were no vacancies for a Spitfire pilot at my local Job Centre Plus.

Got the job!

Most of my ambitions are based on bad puns.
Always fancied having a mobile catering van called Tiffany's and parking it up at Brechfa (which is lacking facilities).

Lumberjack of course

+1

This:

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Rather than this:

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Helicopter winch man would be cool I think.

"Unlike truck driving, we have no conception of train driving because we don't get to look out the front window and see the rails race by (generally speaking). It's a hidden, magical world. "

Try sitting at the front of one of the DLR driverless trains, it is just like being a train driver (especially if you wear a peaked hat and eat an egg sandwich)

Mine was a film editor. I used to like chopping up bits of video, thought it would be a cool job. Bet it's quite tedious really, although nowhere near as tedious and unrewarding as what I actually do!

Personally knowing a long distance US trucker, and having heard some of the stories... err no ta!

DLR trains have always been too busy in recent years when I've taken them, so no chance of a front seat. Far too many tourists trying to film the journey on an iPhone. Just watch youchoob instead.

Or those ancient Leyland bus bodies mounted on BR train bogies. They have a clear screen in to the driver's cab (or at least the ones that used to run on the Guildford-Reading line did, until they sent them oop north and replaced with proper trains).

German ICE trains have a screen too, so you think "cool can see the driver driving", but then it's actually that fancy LCD glass that goes non-seethrough when the train moves.

I always wanted to be a sailor. Not Dennis Connor, mind. I recently read a book, "Down to the Sea in Ships" about the reality of life on modern container ships, which has done quite a lot to disabuse me of any last vestige of romance about commercial seafaring. A very interesting read btw.

I've done a stint in the world of conservation and would only return on my own terms.

Try sitting at the front of one of the DLR driverless trains,

First time I went on one that's the seat I went for. They really really need to install a pretend control panel with some knobs and dials that don't do anything. You know.. for kids 🙂

The long-distance lorry driving one has captured my imagination more than once, it suits my solitary streak and love for camping out and late nights, night-driving.

Would quite like to be a physiotherapist as find the human body fascinating and think that helping restore people to health and activity would be immensely satisfying. Something I've been working at myself these last twenty years with my own (post-disease) mobility.

However, such a career is unsuitable for my low tolerance to people who have no desire or willingness to fix themselves. Have lost count of people I've met who moan about impaired mobility, aches and pains and whatnot - yet they normally do exactly the opposite of what's good for them and cannot or will not stick to a plan. I'd soon enough become a terrifying dicatorial horror of a physiotherapist. "LEAVE my office and take your attitude with you. Your attitude means that your body is destined to be fat and f**** and I mean neither in a nice way."

I even shout this at myself. It helps. But I get that not everyone is the same.

My family up north own a haulage firm - my eldest cousin used to drive backwards and forwards to Germany each week throughout the year. My uncle used to drive to Turkey and Iran on a regular basis, from the 70's through to when he passed away and took my cousin with him a few times to share the driving. Chatting to him the other week, the stories they have about driving through Turkey dealing with bandits trying to steal the cargo and derv makes for fascinating listening.

Below are a couple of pictures, the first being a later 143 Scania pulling one of the original 'tilts' that my uncle used, and the F16 my cousin used to go to Germany every week. 52 trips a year, he used to get back on a Saturday afternoon, wash and service the truck then set off again on Sunday night

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Interesting fact for Guy Martin fanbois - the first moto-x bike Guy owned was bought from my cousin Michael. He mentions it in his first book. And Guy's dad services the Scania's, Guy apparently wanted to buy the 143 Streamline shown above when it was sat on the ramps at Ian's workshop recently..

Wartime biplane pilot, with a white scarf, leather helmet and goggles, machine gun and hand dropped bombs (preferably with 'BOMB' written on the side).

Not sure that there's much commercial demand these days though.

Nice post, flange. 8)

Test pilot or astronaut. Being a test pilot is probably a lot more about tedious procedures and planning than it is about flying exciting cutting edge aircraft though. No matter what the negatives about being an astronaut might be it still involves going into space and as part of the generation that grew up to Star Wars, that trumps everything.

I used to watch repeats of Whirly birds as a kid in Hong Kong, desperately wanted to be a Helicopter pilot