[Closed] My friend & colleague killed himself

Sympathies Dwarf

Feel for you. A mate hung himself a few years ago. I hadn't seen him in the months proceeding and felt guilty for not having made the effort to visit him. Seeing the devasting effect on his family it turned into him been a selfish get. Now I just miss him and wish he'd called me to let me know he needed help.

Horrible for those left behind. His decision so don't beat yourself up, and anger is understandable.

Really sorry to hear that, one of my best friends made the same decision and I felt exactly the same at first, thought he was very selfish and I was angry at him for doing what he did to all his loved ones.

However I no longer think that, any suicide is tragic, the fact that someone can feel that low that they get to the point of ending there own life is an awful situation and I would think anyone who thinks it is always a selfish act is either too raw from a recent experience (understandable) or has never experienced it at all.

It's important to remember that depression is a mental illness, I think in many cases it is very doubtful that people who do this don't consider the effect on their loved ones first, in fact with depression it can be the exact opposite, they feel they are a such a burden to their family/friends that they genuinly feel everyone would be better off without them.

Mental health provision is scandalously poor here and GP understanding similarly so. It's so unglamorous an area of medicine that it bears the brunt of budget cuts and we don't notice until it's one of our loved ones that suffers.

Off to check on mental health charities, to see if I can be a part of the solution.

Sandwich in my experience the ones that actually kill themselves dont seek any help so dont come to the attention of doctors and nurses. The decision time is often very short, almost impluse. Too much of a simplification to blame budget cuts etc. The issues are often deeply personal.

i'm sorry to hear about your friend muddydwarf 🙁 sorry that i don't have anything to add.

Sorry to hear it MD.

wish he'd called me to let me know he needed help

What you have to remember is that people with depression don't think rationally. They don't (afaik of course) just think 'god I'm miserable' and decide to top themselves.

If they have friends and family they can become convinced that they don't really like them, and they are just being a burden for those that they in turn love. If you try and tell them you care for them they'll just think you are telling white lies to make them feel better, and won't believe you.

Maddening, it is. And an interesting exercise in distorted perspectives.

Oh dear, sorry to hear that.

I worked in mental health and one of our best trainee psychie nurses took her own life on the day she got her qualifications through.

You never know who is going to do it or if its a cry for help gone wrong, dont blame yourself for something you may have said or didnt say or notice, people are strange creatures and not all wear their emotions on their sleeves or ask for help.

Its not selfish. Its ****ing tragic. We cant begin to imagine how people see their death as unburdening their loved ones. Dont apply twittering classes logic to mental anguish, stressed and tortured people.

We all have to deal with peaks and troughs in life and fortunately almost all of us deal with the troughs and bounce back at some point.

Only recently an 18yr old Lad who had been accepted for medical school, killed himself when he split up from his long term GF. It doesn't make sense to most of us, so clearly something in their heads work differently to ours.

We all have to deal with peaks and troughs in life and fortunately almost all of us deal with the troughs and bounce back at some point.

Only recently an 18yr old Lad who had been accepted for medical school, killed himself when he split up from his long term GF. It doesn't make sense to most of us, so clearly something in their heads work differently to ours.

my aunt topped herself about four years ago.

my mum and her sister found their little sister hanging from the ballistrade.

it is a selfish act and i'll never forgive her for doing what she did and put her sisters through, let alone the rest of the family, but at the same time i can respect her for what she did. it may not have been the best decision, but at least it was her decision.

she a bit of a history and ended up at having her stomach pumped when her fella found her on the sprawled on the kitchen floor clutching an empty bottle of pills.

she recieved some help, but ultimately if they want to do it, they will.

i certainly wouldn't blame the NHS for her death, rather her upbringing, the people she met and knew whilst growing up... essentially her experiences and surroundings.

sorry to hear about your loss...