[img] 
[/img]
The cat is only small..its a kitten. It just kind of paddles about, claws in, using my legs as ladders to get at the tripping tap when it wants a drink.
Then after that it just sits on my chest, in 1-2cm of water happily until it's time to get out.
Joe - that's just WRONG.
Cat Bathing as a Martial Art
I was thinking of that tale, reading this. One of my earliest Internet memories, it actually dates back to the mid 80's.
Oldy but still a goody.
[i]earliest Internet memories, it actually dates back to the mid 80's. [/i]
It were all JANET and MUD's in them there days of yore.
[img] 
[/img]
It were all JANET and MUD's in them there days of yore.
And PADs.
ketchup wins 🙂
Can you not use Sudocream as an alternative to chamois cream?
Nope, too thick and sticky. Although a layer of sudocrem followed by a layer of aquous cream seems to work really well.
Did anybody say "shave it" yet ?
Although a layer of sudocrem followed by a layer of aquous cream seems to work really well.
Minty arse lasagne.
Croque monsieur
Proper Lol here.
our cat seems to be able to do that cartoon trick of spreading it's legs so far that it's impossible to get it into anything,
completely the wrong psychology - if you want to get a cat into something you do it by trying to stop it from getting in there. It'll then stop at nothing, absolutely nothing, to get in.
"Tears"
Thanks again.
Cruel, but effective.
FFS why would you do that to a cat 🙁
I'll be honest...i think if i saw someone do that to a cat in a grooming shop i'd be really tempted to storm in and shove them in it and turn it to 'roast'.
chuck it in the bin and get another
If you hid the bath on top of a cupboard, in a carbboard box, as far away from the expensive scratching post as possible, thae cat would love it.
How about just towelling the cat, lots I think warmth and agitation of the fur will remove the cream better than water and profanity.
Right. Back from the vets, my daughter has been fed, my parents have been Skyped and the clippered cat is still hiding under the bed. Perfect. Thanks to all initial posters for your help, I was at a loss.
I found the cat as per photo below, Sudocrem visible on head and back, not visible on stomach and hindquarters. The photo, regrettably, does not do justice to either the amount of product applied or how deeply it had been rubbed in. Getting meta, I understand this will prevent the thread from becoming a classic. Sorry.
[img] 
[/img]
First point, baby wipes will not remove Sudocrem from a relatively hairy cat, although on the bright side it's easy to try. Second point, Fairy liquid won't shift it either and you'll be sorry you bothered. In brief, following the vet's initial advice (and the baby wipe trial) I took the cat to the bathroom, shut myself in with her, lathered her up with Fairy liquid and then realised I couldn't rinse her by myself due to being unable to hold both cat and showerhead (the kind that comes out of the bath faucet part on a long metal hose).
Fortunately, my daughter (age 3 and 5 months) was waiting outside the door and was only too keen to help. The cat made a few - and given the tales above, quite frankly pathetic - attempts to escape and then settled on plaintive mewing and urination as being the best way to pass the time. The water got much, but not all, of the Fairy liquid out of her coat, and none of the Sudocrem.
Wanting to calm the cat before completing the rinse, I asked my daughter to go and get the cat treats (little crunchy Whiskas things) from downstairs. She came back wearing her cycle helmet and waving her 'emergency' Union Jack. This is a flag that she whips vigorously back and forth if a situation is deemed sufficiently dangerous. The situation in the bathroom became sufficiently dangerous and I now have holes in my Howies merino t 🙁
We managed to rinse the cat for a second time. The Sudocrem remained in situ, as did slightly more than trace amounts of Fairy liquid. I dried the cat as best I could (poorly) and phoned the vet again. She said that she wasn't surprised the Fairy liquid hadn't worked, but that she felt it had been worth a go. I disagreed. In my head. She suggested clippering and I agreed. I told her I'd head over as soon as possible and then discovered that I'd been calling not our vet (10 minutes down the road) but rather another practice some 20 minutes away. No wonder they didn't have us on record.
Found cat carrier, washed cat carrier (had been left in out building and was coated in foulness), disinfected daughter (after she had helped with cleaning carrier), drove to vets, had cat clippered, came home, made dinner, blah blah blah.
Below is an (again poor and not showing the full extent of the carnage) photo of the clippered cat hiding under the bed.
Glad this has provided some amusement. For some reason this whole palava has made me feel even worse than has the Executive Time Management thread - I think I'm mid life crisising.
[img] 
[/img]
😆settled on plaintive mewing and urination as being the best way to pass the time.
😆
Poor kitty, glad all is ok
Love the crash helmet and flag waving as a sign of impending doom.
Even more gawfaws..
Sorry but the comments to your situation have been some of the funniest on here in a very longtime.
How long before pussy trusts daughter again?
I give her about a year.
Glitchy bump
If Miss Markie is reading this, get pregnant, your Dad will soon forget all about it
Hth
Ooh, wrong thread
Jimmy Savile?
I'm crying 🙂 So is everyone else in the office 🙂 Thankyou STW you throw up some gems!
Fantastic thread. Thank you all. Really enjoyed it. Hope he cat isn't too traumatised
If you were going to create a thread on putting Sudocrem onto a cat, then starting with one that was already half white was probably not a good idea in respect to taking dramatic photos.
What you need is another - darker - cat, a small child and a replacement pot of Sudocrem. 🙂
Ribs hurt. Please stop.
Classic stw gold! Been some great threads recently.
Missed the whole things, but a quality read.
Yep, excellent work chaps! I started reading it stuck in a traffic jam. My wife wasn't chuffed when I sat down to read the rest as soon as I got in, but it was well worth it 🙂
Wanting to calm the cat before completing the rinse, I asked my daughter to go and get the cat treats (little crunchy Whiskas things) from downstairs. She came back wearing her cycle helmet and waving her 'emergency' Union Jack.
Best bit. Still laughing at it.
Yep, I've been feeling crap all day and this thread, and in particular the helmet and the flag bit, have cheered me up no end!
Thank you very much!
i think this thread may actually be funnier than the oldie with the chap and tubeless goo and track pump. Brilliant STW gold. I love STW!
Our cat once jumped into a tub of paint, that led to immediate clipping. It was very very funny. 😀
Thread. Of. The. Year.
Awww. Poor moggy.
But the bit where your 3 year old helpfully turned up with her helmet and emergency Union Jack was very amusing. 😀
emergency union jack
Was it upside down? Genuine lollage at this thread.
That's one hairy pussy now bald!
Loved ketchups post. Been sitting here laughing my head off.
She came back wearing her cycle helmet and waving her 'emergency' Union Jack.
Glad it's not just my children. My eldest, Alex - just turned four - would have spent ten minutes getting ready and came back wearing his fireman's helmet (which I'll admit does have a useful visor) and builders tool belt stocked with (toy) hammer, binoculars, torch and "handcuffs" made from garden twine.
Good story, glad the cat is okay. 🙂
Proper crying here and some involantary urinating too!
Helmet and Emergency Union Jack!
Priceless........
And I thought we had problems.. My 6 yr old son almost accidentally drowned one of our kittens.
He'd been to the toilet, not flushed and left the seat up.
Kitten didn't smell too good after I'd rescued him!
The impending danger flag is becoming quite common... Only this morning Alex aka singlespeedpunk posted this on face book....
Alex Baker
54 minutes ago
The new black backpack was a bit too stealthy for commuting so....2" strip of stickybacked velcro (hook part) and some black Scotchlite later I have a reflective 22x4" "flag" to pop on the back in the dark 🙂
Thud!! *head hits desk to muffle laughter*
😆 😀
Four pages and no picture of Mrs. Slocombe and far too few pussy related innuendoes.
DId Wiggins have his emergency Union Jack with him the other night?
Did you specially select the expensive merino top as the best garment to wear while trying to wash a cat?
😆
I was going to post an image of a clipped cat much earlier in the thread so I googled shaved pussy ...... that was some time ago and I've only just got back to the thread! 😀
Great thread. Thanks for posting!
No problem with our kitten and water. In fact she flooded half the kitchen on Sunday night by putting the plug in the sink and turning on the tap so she could play in the water!
Yes really.
No problem with our kitten and water. In fact she flooded half the kitchen on Sunday night by putting the plug in the sink and turning on the tap so she could play in the water!Yes really.
Wow. what kind of kitty?
Urintating to pass the time - sounds quite normal to me!
I vote for a new category at the Singletrack Awards:
Best Forum Thread!!
And the winner is!!!
How is the cat this morning, I am a bit daft when it comes to cats.
Not as daft as my neighbour - she's got more than a dozen 🙁
[i]she's got more than a dozen[/i]
You'd need a Bugsy Malone style Splurge Gun loaded with Sudocrem for that number of cats.
This is why this is the best forum on the net. Comedy, help and friendliness all in the same place.
I am a bit daft when it comes to cats.
this applies to all cat owners
Comedy, help and friendliness all in the same place.
Amen. Thanks all.
How is the cat this morning
Pinga is okay. Yesterday evening she was nowhere to be seen, this morning she was wary of all, late afternoon found her curled up in the very place she got creamed, eating treats from my daughters hand. Live and don't learn, that's the spirit.
Did you specially select the expensive merino top as the best garment to wear while trying to wash a cat?
Regrettably, I was wearing it a part of a plan by which I make my life less chaotic and more organised and together (more [i]executive[/i]!), by the simple expedient of [b]looking[/b] more organised and together. It's not thus far been a rousing success.
Just now had a chance to read the whole thread---really funny posts and suggestions--cat probably wouldn't be as amused as the STW crowd.
Definitely one of the best post in a while
Just re-read this thread can't stop giggling
Thanks OP and STWers 😆
Oh god oh god.. I have laughed so much at this...
once had to wash a white long haired (as in persian style long) cat that had managed to dump 3/4 of the contents of a A series sump over himself. Don't ask ... basically servicing a 1275 Cooper S (yes had one once and pig sick I sold it....) unscrewed sump plug to point of removal, got distracted by mate coming into garage... cat/foreman supervising ops decided to arch ichy back on sump turns the sump plug the fatal 1/4 turn dumping the remainded over floor & cat
clean up involved me dressed in bike jacket (as in 1988 stylee big heavy motorbike leather)(for tis true I did doth have a Yamaha 350 YPVS 😀 ) fullface motorbike helmet (visor down) shemag wrapped round neck & tucked into bike jacket welding apron & welding gauntlets on (chrome leather)
chalky (for that twas his name) was actually not [u][b]THAT[/b][/u] bad but did have a "hidden tiger crouching dragon" moment and i did managed to launch him form the bathroom where I swear that he had those warp/hyperspace/d jump trails after him
FWIW this may all have been pointless, we were advised to use sudocrem on our cat by the vet once and from other reading online (not exactly reliable I know, but one does claim to be a sudocrem sales rep who might know more than most) it's not animal (or at least cat) toxic.
http://www.vpisuk.co.uk/portal/Vets/Substancesoflowtoxicity/tabid/140/Default.aspx
You could probably have put the cat outside and let it lick itself clean.
Thanks for the update Markie
Sudocream is an emulsion of oil and water so your cat will sh1t like a student after a heavy night on Theakston's Old Peculier.
Do NOT leave the cat indoors tonight, at least not without a dirtbox.
Brilliant!
Cat Bathing n easy to follow stages:
[img] 
[/img]
[img] 
[/img]
[img] 
[/img]
[img] 
[/img]
[img] 
[/img]
[img] 
[/img]
[img] 
[/img]
[img] 
[/img]
Simple!
There's a lady with a wet pussy in that photo up there. I'd watch it if was you, you'll get them all of a froth on here 🙂
😆
Made yourself an appointment for a tetanus ? ....you know you'll need it ...
Chris
And if you believe those photos, I have a wonderful story of America sending people to the moon and back to tell you.
Still, I don't understand - a couple of million dollars worth of CGI cleverness and you could have made up any sort of nonsense - why did you fake something so obviously impossible ?
EDIT:
** no wet pussies were mentioned during the making of this forum post **
How very dare you! Those photos are totally real!
I just photoshopped out all the blood.....
For whatever reason, I hadn't bothered reading this thread until tonight. Quite possibly the best, and funniest threads ever on STW! I've had to stop twice to dry my eyes, and the small child wearing cycle helmet and carrying emergency flag pretty much tipped me over the edge.
I'm off to bed now, but I'll probably have trouble sleeping 'cos ill be giggling too much thinking about this. Thank you to all contributors, and especially the cat, and the perpetrator.
Can we have this thread as a permanent sticky, please? 😆
Perhaps Markie, Miss Markie Jr and the cat should be nominated for some kind of award 😀
omg, the tears are running down my cheeks.
Grrrreat stuff! Particularly liked the "instructions how to wash a cat", signed by the dog!
Reminded me of one of my favourite Gary Larson cartoons:
[img] 
?w=569[/img]