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Could do with some advice here, will help as there are lady riders here who can give me there view as well.
Last autumn my wife and I decided we would go out biking, so we could do something that we both enjoyed doing together. She also does no other exercise and we thought this would be a fun way to get fit together.
She used to do lots of riding when she was young, and we have often done rides in the past together (some over 20miles).
I thought I would start things off by a gentle ride round the local park. It's a 13mile round trip in total and I took it extremely slowly and patiently as she hadn't done any riding for a bit. She did this fine, although struggled up the first 'hill'. I suggested to her that her Shopping Bike she was riding wasn't up to proper riding, and I bought her a proper MTB a few weeks later, which she now loves.
We did this every saturday for about a month until she went off on one saying how she didn't want to have to do this every week and was getting bored of riding the same route.
So next time we went to the local common and did some more 'off road' stuff and she loved it. Did about 15 miles which again she did no problem.
Now the problem (?) is that she manages these rides extremely easily. Isn't tired at all when we get back. But she literally rides on the flat on the roads at about 8mph, so slow I am freewheeling and I'm still pulling away from her. Even mums with their little kids are overtaking us! When we're offroad though she seems to speed up a bit and keep up.
We went out again last week and I tried suggesting to her that she needs to go a bit faster as she is trying to get fit as well as going for a ride, but she went mental at me, said she was trying as hard as she could and it was because I ride all the time that I was finding her slow. I know she can ride harder though as she gets back and isn't tired at all, and she's not even out of breath as she rides along.
So what I'm wondering is [i]am[/i] I being unreasonable, or do I need to somehow need to keep persuading her to go just a little quicker on the flat so we can ride together?
Anyone else been in the same situation?
Anyone else been in the same situation?
Yes, she is no longer my Missus, and I got a jump bike out of it. Win.
Yes, she is no longer my Missus, and I got a jump bike out of it. Win.
Lol Her bike is to small for me though! 🙂
If you want to keep riding with your missus, just accept that she won't be as fast as you. When I ride with Lizzie I just accept that I'm not going to get a workout and just enjoy spending the time sharing what I love with her.
Don't force her to do speeds she's uncomfortable with, or you'll soon find she won't want to go biking with you.
Don't force her to do speeds she's uncomfortable with, or you'll soon find she won't want to go biking with you.
There's your answer
Well is she able to manage gears? Do you want to push her? Do you consider riding with your GF "riding" or is it just a social activity you enjoy together?
Does she genuinely want to ride or is you that wants her to?
I would suggest that she rides with other girlies to take the pressure off!
Well, you could also make sure her bike is right for her. If you haven't already, check the saddle height and reach and all that sort of thing. Get her sorted out with SPDs too.
Make sure she has all the right clothes and they are comfortable too. Is she getting dehydrated - make sure plenty water.
If that doesn't work tell her there is a giant snake chasing her down the road.
I've no idea what to suggest, other than don't force the issue.
Fingers crossed she gets more confident/faster over time.
If I were in this situation I would struggle with this though, knowing that it's impossible to be 'trying' whilst only achieving 8mph ... my 5yo son can go faster on his kids bike 😕
P.S If that still doesn't work, get one of your friends to dress up as a giant snake.
Don't put any kind of pressure on her at all. You wouldn't like it, why would she? She's probably acutely aware of how slow she is, you just highlighted it.
Well is she able to manage gears? Do you want to push her? Do you consider riding with your GF "riding" or is it just a social activity you enjoy together?
She can manage them ok, I have explained how they work, and suggest to her what gear to be in for where ever we are riding.
I don't want to 'push' her, I just know she could keep up if she tried and I think we'd both enjoy it more than me rolling off having to wait all the time
I bought t'other half (Bagpuss of this parish) a bike earlier last year.
When I ride with my beloved, I'm quite happy to potter. That way we both enjoy it. Nice to have a bit more time to take in the scenery too. Its the opposite of the testosterone fuelled 'who's going to ride down the steps of doom?' aproach. Its nice.
Have you tried any rail centre's? Thats worth giving a go. It makes the ride a bit more interesting. And trail centres like Llandegla are full of a really mixed set of ages and abilities, so she won't be overwhelmed. Plus there's the whole social side of having some lunch at the cafe afterwards
We've done Llandegla and Gisburn. Both of which she really enjoyed. Stick to the blues and the occasional red and you're fine.
Does she genuinely want to ride or is you that wants her to?I would suggest that she rides with other girlies to take the pressure off!
I don't think she would come out full stop if she didn't want to.
She says she doesnt want to go out with other girls!
If you want to keep riding with your missus, just accept that she won't be as fast as you. When I ride with Lizzie I just accept that I'm not going to get a workout and just enjoy spending the time sharing what I love with her.
Don't force her to do speeds she's uncomfortable with, or you'll soon find she won't want to go biking with you.
this ^^ i've given up explaining what all the levers do, just glad she rides.
Get her sorted out with SPDs too.
Don't... That as to come fro her. SPD is probably the trickiest bit of riding. The SO can ride her way down to a fair amount of the local stages of enduro, in flat. She is absolutely adamant that she won't ride in flat as the idea to being stuck to the bike scare the living crap out of her.
Keep in mind that woman can't switch their brain off. They will always react and think more than bloke will. So as for riding
I occasionally ride with Mrs S.
She can run sub 3hr marathons, run races 4,000ft of climbing, be first out of the water in a tri swim, and generally beast me in the fitness stakes. BUT she's not a particularly strong cyclist. The last 6 months she's been doing a bit more bike work to get her strength up and she's now much better just about able to keep with me on the climbs. And Im a 90Kg biffer, but I have quads (hidden under blubber) that are used to cranking me and SS around 4 nights a week.
I wont bother riding anything more technical than gravel double track with her though, as she just doesnt have the handling skills to keep up on twisty singletrack (or indeed to want to keep up - it's just not something that interests her).
But if Mrs S, who's a fitness nut, can only just keep up with a casual riding beer swilling monsta like me, then bear in mind just how much of a difference your physiology over hers can make.
Well, you could also make sure her bike is right for her. If you haven't already, check the saddle height and reach and all that sort of thing. Get her sorted out with SPDs too.Make sure she has all the right clothes and they are comfortable too. Is she getting dehydrated - make sure plenty water.
If that doesn't work tell her there is a giant snake chasing her down the road.
The bike is set up right for her now. I don't think she would ride with SPD's. She doesnt like any 'proper' cycle kit! I always make sure she has plenty of water etc.
Don't force her to do speeds she's uncomfortable with, or you'll soon find she won't want to go biking with you.
+1
If she's got girlie friends who like to ride then so much the better. Take the pressure off for a while.
You can also play to her strengths. I'm fitter than MrsPJM1974 as I cycle more, but she's really, really good at some of the technical stuff when she's not thinking too much about it. The moment she feels pressurized then she'll stack it, much like myself. Mrs PJM1974 is also a pretty handy rock climber and is capable of achieving climbs a several grades higher than me, so it's swings and roundabouts.
I've no idea what to suggest, other than don't force the issue.Fingers crossed she gets more confident/faster over time.
If I were in this situation I would struggle with this though, knowing that it's impossible to be 'trying' whilst only achieving 8mph ... my 5yo son can go faster on his kids bike
That's what I thought! But if anything she's getting slower!
I almost think I need someone else to come out with and to say 'your riding at 8mph, that's not trying!'
+1 for getting her to ride with other women instead a couple of times.
Or buy her a HRM and prove she's being lazy
Or go on a night ride with her, drop her, circle around and make strange noises and see if she speeds up
But if Mrs S, who's a fitness nut, can only just keep up with a casual riding beer swilling monsta like me, then bear in mind just how much of a difference your physiology over hers can make.
I hate thread when I have to agree with him... Have a read at the Issue 69 (IIRC) about why blokes ride better than girls.
Have you tried any rail centre's? Thats worth giving a go. It makes the ride a bit more interesting. And trail centres like Llandegla are full of a really mixed set of ages and abilities, so she won't be overwhelmed. Plus there's the whole social side of having some lunch at the cafe afterwards
I'm thinking of going to some trial centre etc and trying that sort of thing, make it more interesting.
Also was going to go to a few of the Ride It events and see if those inspire her a bit? (she seemed quite up for it!)
Lol at the Snake and Night Ride comments!
Maybe find some points of interest along the way...for example one of our local pubs sells cupcakes. Mrs PJM1974 rides like bloody lightning when there's the promise of a cupcake there.
Have a read at the Issue 69 (IIRC) about why blokes ride better than girls.
They do? Crikey, I've lost count of the amount of times I've been passed by a rider with better balance, control and fitness than I that just so happens to be female. And believe me, I'm no slouch!
Weirdly my gf is like mrs stoner, she's a demon on a road bike, and can run all day, but she's rubbish off road, really slow, can't do anything remotely techy and gets flustered and cross.
All our MTB rides are gentle pootles to the pub or along the river or out for a Picnic and back.
If I want to get bashed in I go out with my dad LOL
Try riding behind her then you will find it easier to regulate your speed to match hers.
You can also practice your wheelies and manuals whilst you are out of sight. (just don't crash your brains out and get left behind)
Get a BMX and lark about while you wait for her and pop off every root/stone/kerb? 😀
luckily Mrs Klunk is pretty good off road though quite slow, loves penmachno and will ride the Beast at CyB, though the noises she makes suggest shes terrified 😉
ladders
... and I think we'd both enjoy it more than me rolling off having to wait all the time
This will be her biggest issue IMO, struggling at the back on her own all the time, punctuated by you stood waiting for her round every corner/top of every hill. Very demoralising, very quickly I think.
so we could do something that we both enjoyed doing together.
... and I think we'd both enjoy it more than me rolling off having to wait all the time
Run that by me again ladders? cos I bet she doesn't feel like you're 'doing it together'.
+1 for getting her to ride with other women instead a couple of times.
She wouldn't ride with any woman she sees as 'proper cyclists' unfortunetly.
Try riding behind her then you will find it easier to regulate your speed to match hers.
I tried that with my ex, she got nervous about me following her/holding me up. I just couldn't win!
They do? Crikey, I've lost count of the amount of times I've been passed by a rider with better balance, control and fitness than I that just so happens to be female. And believe me, I'm no slouch!
You too should read the article then 😉
If she's faster on the more technical rides then perhaps she's just bored with the stuff you're currently doing. I'd take her on some more challenging rides - just don't push it too much. MountainMonkey (the wife) ended up stuck in a tree on one of our first rides together...
Think your twisting my words B.A.Nana! 😉
Thing is, it's really, really hard to ride with, or behind someone who is riding at 8mph! Perhaps I'll just trying riding behind her (again) then next time.
no they won't let you ride behind, too self conscious.
She wouldn't ride with any woman she sees as 'proper cyclists' unfortunetly.
Sounds a lot like a confidence thing, especially if she's not interested in wearing the "proper" gear. It's going to be hard to change the situation there without being very patient. Again, the best thing is to play to her strengths.
I agree that taking her to a trail centre might be a really good idea. Maybe get her to try out a couple of hire bikes too and see what she likes.
Objectives! We have different types of ride; training, competition (with PB or formal), leisure and pootle.
Her radometer is set to pootle. With time it'll shift up a touch. Maybe she's extra nervous riding on roads/thinks she's holding you up (can she hear your freehub buzzing behind?) or many other things.
I've accepted that Mrs Shake will not be motivated to ride in the same way as my mates, but then again I don't expect my friends to behave in the same way as my girlfriend when we're camping. Appreciate the fact that she is taking an interest and making an effort to share this with you.
I have been bothered by Emma's pace on the road before, but voicing it only leads to her being upset and me realising I've been a ****. Don't do it!
Your wife's improving off road where it matters, on the road doesn't really mean anything. Put your ego to one side and let the mums overtake you, they aren't bothered 😉
Electric bike?
Ok, I will stick to being patient and giving trail centres a go.
Some useful feedback and things to think about thanks!
Sounds a lot like a confidence thing
you never tried to buy bike gear with a woman have you?
another thing on confidence, don't wait for them after something you think might be troubling or too technical, they will know something ahead is tricky and hessitate, best wait further on at trail end.
My wifes exactly the same. She does alot of running, shes even done a half marathon. Some days she's quicker than me running.
But both with both running and cycling if she wants to go slow she will and thats that.
Often, like you say, it will be on a slight downhill were you dont seem to need to pedal very hard. I always think its the bike but it seems to roll well.
If
she went off on one
and
she went mental at me
I'd struggle to want to ride with her much more.
Mrs Grizla doesn't like to ride her bike (though she does occasionally come out for a summertime pub pootle), and I've come to the conclusion that women generally are less prone to enjoying it than men.
Though not all women of course...
Women and bike clothes, all subtitled so no need for sound.
http://www.pinkbike.com/news/Shit-Mountainbike-Girls-Say-2012.html
90% of the riding I do is with the wife, we're at pretty much the same level, she might be a bit fitter than me but i'm a bit quicker on the tech bits. We've been riding together that long that its wierd when riding with someone else.
One thing i'll say is to make sure you comment on things she's doing well, dont get annoyed as it'll just make you dread riding with her. Focus on the positive and there's no reason you can't go for rides by yourself if you need to get out and ride as fast as you possibly can!
Think i'm pretty lucky though!
Yeah, pretty well summed up.
My wife is just the same. I realised that she wanted to do things WITH me, but not at my level, so riding with her and the kids is wheelie practise time for me.
Everyone benefits and I'm normally the slower one.
Unfortunately my lad now thinks this is normal behaviour and I can't really tell him otherwise!
never again will I try to get a partner to ride. The thing is with bikes is that I like the effort, and the challenge, and getting out of breath, if i'm not doing that then it's not really what I'm there for.
Nothing wrong with having separate interests, I for one will be keeping Bikes just for me (unless they already ride as fast or faster than me, which, in fairness wouldn't be that difficult).
Nothing wrong with having separate interests, I for one will be keeping Bikes just for me
amen.
My wife has this strange aversion to riding uphill... On the flat or downhill she flies and could easily join in our regular informal club rides. As soon as there is the slightest incline, she just gives in.
Very strange.
my beloved is the other way around. She climbs like a mountain goat!
Do what I do (I hate forcing a speed-up, it never goes down well). Just ride a BIT faster each time, she'll naturally keep up so as not to get lost off the back. The other option is a soft-target - we need to be back for 4:15 for a meal I've booked, lets see if we can make it...
Try taking her to a spin class. Lots of ladies. Lots of sweat and no one knows how hard or fast she's going. Maybe she'll get the idea and start to push it outside as well. And you can get a workout too.
Spin classes are a good idea!
Her radometer is set to pootle. With time it'll shift up a touch.
Woah, woah, woah, wait... it has a higher setting than pootle?
I ache, that vid.
Ermmmmm 😳 LOL
Mrs R can keep up if she wants to but needs to know how exactly where we are going, how far it is, and when it will end. I'm keen to get her on a skills lesson to build her confidence and hopefully she'll join the ladies at Hervelo soon.
I ache, that vid.
Ermmmmm LOL
Do tell then 😉
I just built another bike for the GF (my brothers old dirt jump bike wasn't really right for her). I've made it as light as I can, but I'm still not holding out much hope she's going to love riding it. (If it wasn't about 4 sizes to small for me it'd be about the fastest thing I've ever ridden though)
We ladies really hate being told what to do by our other halves when it comes to mtbing.
Maybe you could invite someone else along on your rides, another couple for instance. Then she may feel some competition and put a spurt on.
Also some woman really won't go any faster than pootle pace because real mtbing scares them. I'm still scared and have been mtbing for many years.
Promise of cake always speeds up my pace 🙂
go on a night ride with her, drop her, circle around and make strange noises and see if she speeds up
^^^This may work in the short term, long term consequences will be dangerous. 😉
At the moment it sounds like she is comparing herself to you, accepting you're "better", and taking the option of not trying cos' you'll always be faster. Sort of saving her pride , in a way. You can help by not competing, or pointing out the differences, just being supportive.
The group ride (Ride it etc...) sounds like the best idea. There'll be people of all abilities (and shapes and sizes) and she'll see that going a bit faster is ok. She may even find a hidden competitive streak when she gets overtaken by someone she sees as more of a "peer".
Have you tried telling her that she's ruining your favourite pastime?
I have two tips for riding with women
1. Accept any ride you take her on will be slow & scenic, don't get worked up about it.
2. If you get the urge for some alfresco sex use a condom or she will moan (probably justifiably) about her soggy chamois for the remainder of the ride.
😯
Grizla +1.
If you are going to get an irrational and negative reaction to your help, why bother? You'd walk away if it was anyone else.
Ladders
You're a decent roadie so your always going to be a lot faster than her - when Mrs and I first started riding I often thought she wasn't trying but she would insist she was, it took a fair while for her to build up speed even though she was a strong athlete and could do the distances.
Rather than a trail centre perhaps take her out to peaslake / holmbury where there's less road riding involved and she'll have to work a bit more (not just speed but upper body as well) than richmond park and esher common.
Can you find another couple to ride with? Then the blokes can "race" and the girls can enjoy a pleasant ride 🙂
There's nothing worse than having to play "catch-up" - I should know!
Dunno where you live, but we have a quite active group of ladies who "enjoy the scenery" here in the North West - we love pootling* up hills, and down hills.
* for pootling, read walking 😀
One of the advantages of being a somewhat sedate rider like me, is that most semi-competent women can keep up on a bike and are often faster in fact. I quite envy you all - being harangued by a furious partner for not being able to hack the pace is quite stressful. Be kind.
Go out on a 22x20 geared singlespeed and you'll be doing 8mph on the flat too.
Sorted.
BWD - it drives me mad though always having to wait for you 😉
Lady Gresley - ah ha I know who you are now. I once led a beginners ride around Lyme park. Lots of wags on that ride, a few years ago now. I'm sure you must be a lot faster and fitter now?
Well quick update. We're 7/8 months into her having the new bike and......
......What a waste of money! 🙁
After her not riding the bike for months as she wont go out on it if it's below 10ºc, I went to all the effort to take both the bikes on holiday a couple of weeks ago when we went to Cornwall. We had two or three days when the weather was surprisingly good.
I thought it would be really nice to ride the 2 miles to the ferry to Rock, to cross over to Padstow for fish and chips the first day we had some nice weather. After explaining my plan for a lovely day out all I got was 'where we going??' 'It's not going to be too far is it??' 'Which way we going?' in an irratated tone.
We set off anyway, 2 miles along the coast by the sea, beautiful scenery, riding on the beach in the spray in the hot sun! Stop, and it's 'Can't we put a basket on this (mountain bike) so I can carry stuff! (handbag, coat, bodywarmer etc etc!)' I give up!
Now wondering if I should ebay it!
'Can't we put a basket on this (mountain bike) so I can carry stuff!
Perfectly reasonable request.
Now wondering if I should ebay it!
What bike, size, how much do you want etc???
Now wondering if I should ebay it!
ebay her, and get another one in a similar size 😀
What bike, size, how much do you want etc???
Only wondering out loud to be honest! I'd get nothing for it 2nd hand really I should think
ebay her, and get another one in a smaller size
More than happy to give you nothing for it. Cheers.
ebay her, and get another one in a similar size
That likes mountain biking?? 😀
Tandem - thats what worked for us / why we got one
Ah but Jeremy, can you imagine the cost of a tandem and there's no saying she'll like riding that either?
Oh dear, I was very resistant to the whole mountain-biking thing when I got together with bf. Although I used to be quite handy on a road bike, I did wonder what those monstrous things on wheels were for. Started to see the light when he lent me an Ibis Mojo to get up an snow-bound and undriveable lane. It was a kind of grooming process. He just kind of left bikes lying around that I could use when I wanted. I *do* like being outdoors and they kind of became irresistible.
We've done loads since but it has been an interesting process - I wouldn't wear 'proper' gear at all to start with. He just left me to it. I would potter behind him working stuff out and if I did something well he was always very vocally impressed.
It took ages to get used to the idea of low gears (we live in Calderdale - I used to throw myself at hills in as big a gear as possible and end up in agony - he had to teach me to use the granny ring). If I got cross because I couldn't do things he would offer advice (I still have to chant 'elbows down' to stop my front wheel lifting on some climbs) but rarely does he tell me what to do. Although he did (quite recently) make me ride straight at a kerb to prove that forks actually work (I was having a scared-of-everything day).
I wouldn't say I wasn't confident in general but I did quite a lot of obfuscating - saying and doing slightly random things to obscure that I was a bit out of my depth.
Just been on a Great Rock skills course on Saturday - I only asked to do one after over a year of mountain-biking but it was *ACE*. I didn't realise until the following day - we were booked in to do the Dyfi Enduro and I was looking forward to the fire road climbs but not the descents. All changed - I did World Cup in one go. Wearing spds...
Obviously I don't know your girlfriend but maybe she just needs to do some stuff on her own to get her confidence levels up? It sounds like she feels a bit under pressure.