MegaSack DRAW - This year's winner is user - rgwb
We will be in touch
I got a bit over confident on Monday crashed a bmx into a wall and damaged a ligament in my shoulder so I'm sitting here in a sling at the moment. Has anyone else got any stupid injury stories they'd like to share to cheer me up?
Ta
I fell going up the stairs at home and broke my hand 😳
Chopping firewood for kindling at the end of a long day, stupid piece wouldn't stand up on it's own. I held it and put the axe into my knuckle bone. 3hrs in casualty, 4 stitches and still have a lumpy knuckle bone
Piggy back wrestling at school. I was er.... on top, and we toppled backwards. The other guy fell onto my foot and broke it. I felt very stupid.
Riding along a log at Cannock chase, about 2mph, Slipped off the side, over the bars and dislocated & broke my shoulder...... Caried on riding, fell again 1hr later and re-dislocated. That was at the start of August, I'm just on a bike again...!
Cleaning the inside of the back window of my car, I couldn't be arsed to climb in the back so did it from outside which apparently twisted my knee in a weird way. Ended up making a clicking/popping sound and I was on the floor with soft tissue damage, couldnt walk for a week and still gives me grief in the cold 😆
transapp that reminds me of anyother one of mine, the first time I was out on spd's I never checked what gear I was in before setting off up a steep hill so I fell over and sprained my wrist. I got back up and carried on with my ride. Halfway round I was going really slowly in case I fell off again, so slowly in fact that I couldn't roll over a tree root and I ended up falling off and landing on the same wrist again... ouch!
I dropped an extremely sharp kitchen knife and then caught it. Sliced open my palm 😕
Pulling some 3"x2" off the board it was nailed to while standing on it. When it finally gave it flew up into my jaw, knocked me for six and split my pretty face open.
trousers caught fire, i was wearing big fire proof gloves but inexplicably take them off to pat out the flames. Interesting bus ride home with a good chunk of the front of my trousers missing and hands like a plate of spare ribs.
Also got a third degree burn whilst toasting marshmallows
I seem to always crash in the stupidest places, hit a berm and went OTB today 😆
I think it is because it looks easy and straight forward so my mind switches off - completely ❗
I invented a penis enlarger that was connected upto my air compressor, it worked fine with the hand pump but I needed sometinhg a bit more powerful due to the size I managed to get my member enhanced too.
Anyway after restling with it for 2 to 3 hours, I finally figured out I needed to turn off the compressor to remove it, next morning my nuts were sore, so I had to go to the doctor and explain what had happend and get them checked!
Everything turned out fine but I do still have to possition my manhood carefully when I sit down!
Nearly chopped my big toe off as a kid with a mattock pretending to dig my bike out of some mud in the garden.
As an adult trying to see how much my forks compressed on a jump and breaking my hip in the resulting fall.
trying to lever off a crank arm using the blunt end of an adjustable spanner.
The spanner slipped, and I smacked myself in the mouth.
I've got the same injury as the OP - trying to avoid a fallen rider coming down a steep muddy section - slip - ouch - Type 2 AC separation.
But my stupidest was sharpening a kitchen knife with a steel. The old swish swish way.
I ALWAYS concentrate on the knife and steel, and have not had an injury of about 30 years of doing it. But this time my mind wandered to the new steel I'm going to get next time I go to Stone (so still concentrating on the steel...) and clunk - the sharp knife landed right on my thumb knuckle.
using an electric plane, holding a small piece of wood in my hand....
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I rode into a bench.
Because I was laughing so hard at my mate who had tried to hop up onto a raised wall, caught the front wheels and somersaulted into a flower bed.
I broke my hip while walking down my own driveway, fell on some ice... Irony of that was, I was on my way to get the motorbike out of the garage, and I'd have been fine on the ice with that because I'd have been bloomin careful.
Punched myself in the face at boxing in front of the whole gym [img] 
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My sister: David stick a pencil up your nose as far as it will go, sharp end first.
Me: ok
20 minutes later in A&E with a pencil stuck up my nose (sharp end first)
Loving all the ambulance chasing ads ->
Not sure how they'd handle a claim for self inflicted injury though
Snoozing on the entrance of a tent, someone tripped over a guy-line and landed on me. I then woke up to a broken arm.
Rachel
The ones that come to mind: backflipping off a wall into snow - didn't throw far out or spin fast enough (maybe the weight of the snowboard boots, maybe the litre of Weissbier), clipped the bottom of the wall with my head. Did well to come out with just cuts.
Didn't wear sunscreen on my first sunny day in the Alps in Easter - followed by 2 days off mewling with a cold wet flannel on my face, swelling and blisters, hydrocortisone cream and factor 60 cream for next time out.
+ countless times where I've thought beforehand: "This is a bit silly, I could hurt myself, but I reckon I'll get away with it" And not got away with it.
I love the sequence of the 2 above my previous post!
Running for the school bus as a kid ran between mothers car and dads van parked on the driveway and just as I got to the back of them our dog ran across I tripped over the dog went flying and ended up with my arm in a cast for 6 weeks. Did get me off doing any school work so it wasn't all bad
Cutting a 1.5 inch deep, 3 inch long groove into my leg with an axe. Bit silly when I was in the middle of the dales at 9:30 in the pitch black then spending an hour walking to the nearest road after packing uo my tent etc. and spending the rest of the night in A and E. Such fun....
the one I thought of 1st, but somehow forgot when I started typing:
new year's eve, drunk, big youth hostel in Canterbury, there was half a flight of stairs with a landing above it that you could jump to, catch with your hands, swing under and land at the bottom of the stairs. We got bolder and bolder as the night wore and the speeds crept up (it was on the way to the kitchen or the games room or something)
Until I took some proper speed into it and my hands got levered off the holds when forearms hit the bottom of the wood panel. I landed flat on my back from a 6-7 foot drop. pelvis/sacram took pretty much all of the impact. couldn't move to start with. couple of doctors in the house, dont know how they decided that I hadn't broken my spine, but they were right. Could barely walk afterwards, I took myself outside and was very unhappy with myself for a good while, thinking what a stupid b*stard I'd been, putting so much at risk for nothing. Didn't know how much I'd be stuck with problems after that.
All fine now though!
big chief - urg! how far did you have to walk?
I once hit myself in the face with an armchair....
....we were fitting a new carpet. Picked up the armchair to move it out of the room, and tripped over the roll of new carpet!
Bottom of chair ripped me a second mouth in the bit between my (original) mouth and chin, spent the rest of the day sitting outside the pub drinking bee through a straw stuck through the hole...
...which on recollection wasn't the best thing to do if i wanted to heal without a scar... 😳
Let's see now....first three that spring to memory...
Punching myself in the bollocks whilst folding a bedsheet
Giving myself a horrible friction burn whilst attempting to whip off a leather belt in a troubadour style
Falling off a ladder sideways whilst trying to put a very heavy decorative screen into the loft. Smashed the ladder, put a hole in the wall and cracked all the plaster on the ceiling below...and dislocated my shoulder....
As a kid (about 10) trying to get conkers out of a tree, I threw half a house brick into the branches in the hope it would dislodge some. It fell straight back down and hit me plum in the middle of my forehead. Knocked myself out and ended up with 6 stitches.
Which doesn't beat my microbiologist friend whose bathroom lightbulb blew whilst he was sat in the bath. He thought it would be a really good idea to remove the lightbulb from the live fitting whilst wet, naked and standing in several inches of water. He was found unconscious by his flat mate with nasty burns to his hands and feet.
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big chief - urg! how far did you have to walk?
About three miles I think. It's not easy with no trousers on and a jumper strapped round my leg with some para cord trying to stop the bleeding...
Chap i wrked with he got made redundant, so used the cash to pay for new double glazed windows, top opening so the outside couldnt be cleaned from inside.
So he bought himself a set of ladders, put them up against the windows and rested them on the upper floor widow cill, climbed up with bucket of water, washing the window quite well, a mate saw him shouted hello Dave, Dave waved back, forgot he was on a ladder, ladder slipped sideways on cill, he jumped, and broke both legs and ankles.
Result he coulnt walk or drive for a few years, due to not being able to walk properley, think ballet dancer walking on hot coals.
Lad at school, cleaning his single speed bike, got his finger stuck between the chain and front chain wheel, as the wheel had to come out backward, think the fire brigade where called to cut the chain.
I always think back to this and shake my head. I didn't actually get injured but once I decided to fire a flare at point blank range at an old full face motorbike lid. I thought it would go straight through it. Well I didn't think really at all. It ricocheted straight back and missed my face by inches. Burning Phosphorous propelled by a 2.2 round to the face would not have been pleasant. Idiot!
Out on the lash one night in Sheffield I decided to give my flatmate a piggy back to the next pub. Then being feeling incredibly strong & athletic thought I could easily take one more passenger & so let her friend jump on my flatmates back too.
The inevitable then happened, as I was so top heavy with 2 women on my shoulders, that I fell forwards with both hands behind my back & took the full force of the impact on my chin.
2 inch gash in my chin, blood all over my shirt & 4 hours in the Northern General wasn't the best end to the night, if I'm being honest... 😳
Cut my knee open while pedalling furiously on an exercise bike (pissed).
Put my neck out drying my face.
Hedge trimmer damage to same knee as above.
Shut own thumb in car boot.
I am a ****wit.
Playing tug of war with my dog with a rubber chicken, dog let go, rubber chicken sprang back into my eye, couldn't see through it for 2 weeks.
I once drunkenly agreed to act as a "human tee" while my (also drunken) mate hit a golf ball full pelt from my hand. I escaped unscathed buy I still shudder at the thought of the potential outcome.
1.rested a piece of wood on my leg while sat down then got my drill with a 10mm bit... You can imagine my surprise when I began to drill through the wood into my leg.....
2. Got some of that fancy American wax based chain lube which I'd kept in the house(liquid) took out to my cold bike and applied liberally to the cassette to which it turned to a solid lump of wax. No probs, ill warm it up, hot air gun? Nah blow torch... Instant igntion!.... What now?...spin the cranks of course! Holy hell.. it was like napalm!.... I set many small fires that day I can tell you including my hands...bike survived tho!
Punching myself in the bollocks whilst folding a bedsheet
If I had a pound for every time I've punched myself in the horse chestnuts doing something utterly unrelated and otherwise completely safe (like, say, putting a coat on), I'd have, well, a number of pounds.
Ha a few. The same drunken piggy back stories, fall and split head open between a flower bed and bottle of newcastle brown.
Similiar to op bunnyhop a speed hump on bmx and snapped medial ligament. Irony after a quality session at my local park.
Broke my hand once punching a cushion in anger. Couldnt decide whether that made me extremely hard or very very soft haha prob the latter. My hand had already been broke in the same place numerous times before in my defense, pun intended.
Dropped my extremely hot blowtorch tip on my face soldering in a confined room space when my phone went off.
Theres prob more....
cycled, pissed (natch) into a lamp post on the Huntingdon Road, Cambridge, whilst on a mission to get a Gardi's Kebab at 2 in the morning. Instead got 4 of the best in my eyebrow in Addenbrookes 🙁
1) rode full tilt at what seemed to be a gap between two fields. Turned out to have barbed wire stretched across the gap, which I finally saw when I was about 10 feet from it.
2) chose to walk my bike down "The Beast" (near Ladybower) rather than riding down, in MTB shoes on wet stones. Slipped, dislocated ankle, broken fibula
3) put too much CO2 in a pressure barrel full of beer. Rather than let the pressure relief valve deal with it, and despite having done Physics at degree level, I decided to unscrew the cap... which promptly flew off & hit me on the edge of my left eye socket. I can still see out of that eye, but it's not as good as it should be.
take your pick 😉
ooh, nearly forgot:
4) picked a soldering iron up like a pen or pencil. by the hot end
When I was about 4-5 yrs old I was making some porridge or something on the electric cooker.
I was young, but I did know that when the ring was red it was hot and I shouldn't touch it. I was also aware that when the cooker was off, the ring was black. Porridge finished, ring turned off, ring returned to black colour.
I learned very quickly that things are not always waht they appear to be. Burny fingers not good, bump on head from falling of chair not good.
1 Instead of spiking the check at work put the spike through my hand.
2 licked the ice-cream scoop and it stuck to my lip, pulled a chunk out when I yanked it.
3 knocked myself out jumping down stairs as didn't realize the wall I was jumping under was so low, woke up covered in blood.
4 my favorite though has to be, years ago getting a tow on my skateboard from a motorbike, got speed wobbles and board went one way and for some reason I didn't let go of the bike and got dragged along for what seemed like an eternity, the legs were raw, the next day went to Glasgow on the bus and the jeans were stuck to my weeping wounds, lol now but it's taken twenty odd years to get over it.
Making the tea for the family when I was about 8.
After pouring the boiling water into the teapot.... I decided to find out what would happen if I sucked on its spout.
Rest of the day spent sucking an ice cube.
Put a staple in my thumb to see if it hurt.
Helping the Queen........should've realised she was ommnicompetant and had it all covered herself.
I got the distinct impression she didn't give 2 Fs 4 me SO
I don't think I'll be volunteering again
Cleaning my bike after last years Calderdale Mountain Marathon.
Bike resting on the saddle and bars, wheels up in the air and spinning.
Saw some mud on the calipers, went to whip off with my index finger and almost severed the tip from 10mm down. All the way to the bone and has left a nice scar hehe
Fell into an industrial bin
Jumping off a 30 foot cliff into 12 inches of water. In Ibiza, whilst sober.
It went rather badly, and to add insult to injury the fire men couldn't reach me and the coastguard couldn't get in as the water was too shallow. Took hours, made front page of the Ibiza newspaper and left me with some nice titanium accessories.
Ate deadly nightshade to see if it's poisonous.
Having a 30ft fall whilst rock-climbing and breaking my wrist!
Thinking it would be perfectly safe using a hand sickle to cut some branches while holding them. After a fair few beers.
Hiking up dartmoor when i tripped and had to land on a piece of extremely pointy granite. Ended up with 16 stiches in my knee and surgery to do something to a tendon that was severed (not quite sure, i was out of it on painkillers when they explained what was going to happen)
Somehow managed to ride 2 months later though!
And it was next to a road so i didnt even get a helicopter trip to hospital! 🙁
While prepping for last years 'Puffer I stuck a Leatherman into the fleshy part of my thumb, right down to the bone. Instead of racing i spent the day in theatre having exploratory surgery.
round off tuck dismount on a beam...mis-timed, hit the beam and the floor with my face.
might have said ouch a few times LOL
After a twenty hour bus-ferry-bus-drive back to the north east after a holiday in Cahir, I closed the fire door of my flat which lead out onto a flat roof. To reach I leaned on on the door frame with my left hand and slammed the door closed, snapping the end off my middle finger. Two hours in plastic surgery and all is well.
Oh, there is also that time when I managed to kick my way through a concrete plank fence......
1/ Night ride. Stood in a pothole covered by leaves whilst getting over a stile within 100m of the start. Thought just badly sprained ankle so, after 5 minutes of being blinded by helmet lights, I persuaded everyone to get on with the ride, I then realised I was going to have to crawl back to my car and drive home 1footed. When I finally MTFU'd enough to take off my sealskin sock, the ankle swelled to melon size PDQ. 18 months it took to get fixed after MRIs confirmed 2 knackered ligaments and I needed ankle reconstruction surgery, physio, roadbiking, bike theft and finally back out mountain biking .
2/ Lost front wheel whilst airborne on Morzine downhill. Learning points: bolt thru is king; Met Parachutes are stronger than they look; even if you buy the same size the next day, your head won't fit in it if it's that swollen; chicks love guys with 2 black eyes; the kids in the swimming pool don't (I'm sure the speedos the frenchies made me buy to go in the pool didn't help either?)
And in the last month...
3/ bars too wide for gap in fence misjudgement
4/ new bike lighter so wheelie onto camelbak in Glentress carpark
I am not a riding god
1) putting up tent at sleepless and tearing knee ligament whilst hammering the pegs in. Retired after two laps
2) Drunk and deciding to open some biscuits with a carving knife = A&E
3) doing pogo dance and head butting the door frame in mid leap = A&E
4) traffic cone thrown at me, tried to kick it in mid air, dam those things can be heavy = A&E
5) finger stuck in disc rotor, mashed finger = trip to A&E
tried to 'catch' a falling DVD-RW drive with my foot, hurt a lot, toenail still marked 2 years later
Hovered my wedding tackle over a freshly brewed mug of tea I made for my lass whilst threatening to slash in it (dont ask, I was in a weird mood). So she decided to quash this plan by grabbing the handle and raising the mug till my member was submerged in the super hot beverage. Should have heard me scream. Pain never felt before, and dont want to repeat.
might have said ouch a few times LOL
Everything alright now poppet?
porlus wins ^
Now this is a thread I like.
In order of stupidity
1. Broke my knee trying drop-ins on a skateboard. Showing my son how it's done. When I was in my late 30's.
2. Fell backwards off a wall when messing about. Fell around ten feet and landed on my neck/back. Being drunk probably saved me from serious injury but my neck and shoulder swelled up for around 3 months. Stiff for another month or so.
3. Broke three ribs by balancing (or not) on top of a calor gas bottle.
4. Tried riding along a narrow concrete ledge. Fell off when a dog ran into me, fell some distance and got penetrated by the saddle.
5. Boosted with enthusiasm about how jumpity the bike I'd borrowed was, I did a huge jump off a ramp and hit a tree in the air with my shoulder. Span around in the air for quite a while then hit the ground hard. Deep scar in my shoulder took ages to heal. Still there now.
A night out on pills (Mitsubishi turbo's btw) when I was in my early 20's resulted in me having an argument with Mrs MM over something very trivial and walking off in a huff. For some reason I took a dislike to a garage wall and flicked my right hand in the direction of said wall. Next followed much swearing and pain and a knuckle pushed bank into my hand. What I intended to be a flick turned out to be a full blown punch and a broken knuckle.
Next day I tried to convince the A&E nurse that I fell off a curb and landed on my knuckle. She didn't believe me and I was very embarrassed. 😳
porlus, that is very funny, if not a little weird! 😀 😯
porlus FTW.
Broke my 1st metacarpal opening a particularly stubborn jar of gherkins.
J
I was about 8 yrs old. I'd been watching the circus. You know, where they stand a geezer on the end of a seesaw and jump on the other end.
I made a seesaw with a plank of wood and a kitchen stool. I put a half brick on the one end and jumped for all I was worth on the other end.
The half brick came over and landed on my head!!!!
Trip to A&E ensued.
Daft!!!
SB
Once shut my ear in a car door. Just try and replicate that! I've tried and tried and tried, but have no idea how I managed it!
Demolishing a wall at home and the stone was all removed leaving the wall looking perfect from one side. My stepdad called me into the house then started gobbing off about something and pushing me around a bit, he threw me at the wall and said my face was a picture. As it was just plaster I went flying through it without problems. Unfortunately there was a piece that was made of something considerably more dense than plaster that fell from ceiling height slicing my right hand between the fingers, a couple of stitches and good to go.
Hit one of my door handles when bending over about 4 months ago. Sliced through my bicep.
12 stiches.
I used to live on a farm and when I was about 4 I was riding my bike around the farmyard and I though it would be a good idea to put a strip of white cloth over my eyes and carry on riding. I could just about see through it but not enough to see my Dad reversing a tractor with a crop sprayer attached. I T-bone the sprayer and broke my nose. Wasn't one of my finest hours!
monday night at Peaslake in the cold; last run down from the churchyard to the car park down that rooty slope. Nailed, no probs (I am a Jedi'ed up god after all). My mate is having more issues so i decide to go up to help him out. At which point I slip on one of the roots, slam down right on the point of my knee and I'm still hobbling about now with a knee like a black grapefruit.
When is Jedi going to start courses on walking uphill in spds?
Got my head stuck in a turnstyle as i thought it would be a good idea to put my head between the bars and as they only turn one way my head got stuck. Fire brigade called to cut a turnstyle off my head.. in a busy supermarket too. Came away with bruised ear and ego.
I chopped my finger off by trying to cut a bit of wood with the wrong side of a Swiss Army Knife blade. Unsurprisingly it folded over, neatly slicing almost right through the first joint, severing the tendons and leaving the finger hanging off by a teeny bit of skin. A very clever reconstructive plastic surgeon stuck everything back together so well that it all works pretty much perfectly, it just looks a bit wonky.
exhaustion test, day 1, 100 push up challenge.. 😳
Ice axe through hand practising winter climbing up a tree in July, in Reading. I then had to push start the car to get to A+E. Not big, not clever.
Swiss Army penknife burried up to hilt in thigh whilst cutting the little bobble off the seat belt in order to fit child seat to car for No1 son's first ever outing. Mrs Ambrose and MiL dropped me off at A+E and took son to the seaside. I was still waiting to be seen when they returned.
Decided to see how the new kayak performed, so went to play in Penycau Falls, in spate. Easily Grade V. Flipped, rolled, smashed head on rock. Fractured base of skull. Trip to A+E.
Most of me fell off Carreg y Barcud, Pembrokeshire. Some of me remains wedged in the tiny crack 🙁 Trip to A+E.
Mrs A and I fell off the Midi-Plan traverse. LOTS of blood, like so much I thought I was going to be sick just looking at it. She was lieing face down, the snow was SO red. All she had done was cut her lip. I wrecked the left side of my body and my right knee. Still get flashbacks, almost 25 years later. Trip to French A+E
They are shutting the local A+E. I'm doomed 🙁
bit into a far too hot pork pie.
3rd degree burns to my chin, bottom lip and chest from the hot juice/fat.