[Closed] Mistresses or lovers. Can it work?

I'm shagging some-one else, and it's your fault!!

I'm sorry if what I said was misinterpreted emsz; I'm in no way apologizing for the OP's behaviour. I not saying it's all his wife's fault either.

But it is a fact that she has not, for whatever reason, fulfilled his natural needs and expectations, nor understood how this has hurt him, what it has driven him to, nor sought to discuss and work through it. He has done wrong, but so has she. So it is not productive to blame either. Option 3 is to communicate and see if it can be solved, either way, with the minimum damage.

Mleh. I've managed to spoil my own day now.

I justified it in all kinds of ways, but ultimately it was my mistake and my problem to fix. It was about 8 years ago now, but the pain and heartache I caused changed me forever.

Not to mention the pain and heartache I caused the other woman involved...

The true measure of a man is what he would do if he thought no-one would ever find out; by that yardstick I was not the man I thought I was.

Guys - there's some unpleasant words being written, no need for that.

Edit: Spongebob - this is the 21st Century and thank goodness people have a choice as whether they wish to remain married. Children are not stupid - it is not right for them to see adults staying together if it makes them unhappy. The OP is not just referring to sex in his original post.

Thanks C_G you stopped me posting a rambling shitty reply there

They would rather that Mum and Dad worked it out.

Everyone would but, unfortunately,this does not mean it will happen in the real world.

You are slightly wrong there I feel. Whether or not trying is successful may be in doubt, however whether or not they actually try is completely within their control. This is the real world, there is no second shot at it. The OP is doing an awesome job at looking at this while he still has a choice with there being no perfect 'solution' here, only a decision on which way to go next.

edit: and for c_g, I agree that either direction may be the right one but it should be a decision

To clarify obviously it is in there control if they try but this does not guarantee this trying will be succesful. Which was what i said /meant. Sorry if it was unclear.

Very wise posts from crikey, I don't think any more needs to be said,

OP, read crikey's posts. The answers are all there.

Junkyard - Member
says the [b]unmarried[/b] man with no children

FTFY

Mate, although cheating is not a great idea, it can be explained. Most men need sex - simple, and if they are not getting it from their partner then they are going to eventually have to get it from somewhere else.

If women think that their men will stay loyal if they hold back sex then they are living in dreamland. Sooner or later the man will stray and despite it being a sad reason for a relationship to end, it is also inevitable, and by inevitable, I mean TRULY UNAVOIDABLE. The better his character and discipline, the longer he will last. But every man will break eventually.

The reason why men cheat when they are sexually frustrated rather than end their relationship is because:

(a) they still love their wives/girlfriends – despite how much a girl says “you can’t love someone you cheat on,” it isn’t true. You can love your wife/girlfriend, but if you don’t get to polish your nob for weeks, the temptations can be irresistible.

(b) we feel guilty for breaking up over sex – The answer to this is simple, don’t. Feeling guilty over this is like being ashamed about being a man.

Mate - hope the above makes you feel a little better. You've cheated but you need to understand the reasons why it's not all your fault.

The first step is to talk to your wife - it's more complicated of course because there are kids involved, but if she's not even prepared to talk about the issues then that shows a basic lack of respect. If she won't talk about it then there's no way of finding a solution or moving forward. In this case you'll either have to accept that things are not going to improve and live with it, or move on and try to minimise the impact for your kids.

Good luck.

Another changed user ID here. IMHO those condemning the OP out of hand have absolutely no idea of how it feels to be in a situation like that. Personally 4 times a year would be a real glut - I have 2 small kids and have had sex once since the first was born. Have contemplated the idea of an affair - I'm honest enough to admit the only reason I haven't is lack of opportunity (I do wonder how people with kids actual manage to fit an affair into their lives).

druidh - Member

Junkyard - Member
says the unmarried man with no children

FTFY

30 year successful monogamous relationship however.

yes but you have sex dont you[rhetorcial please dont answer] This issue has provoked such scorn than multiple users are using aliases when we have aliases anyway.
No one thinks this is good or desirable.

It's difficult and i'm not going to condemn the OP for straying, we all make our own relatavistic choices and then justify them.

I was in a relationship for 9yrs, for the last 5 yrs it was effectively sexless, she even told me that she could only have sex when piddled out of her skull which as you can guess made me feel wonderful...
Anyway, yes i cheated. Opportunistic stuff, never a 'secret relationship' although i suspect if one had arisen i wouldn't have complained. Our relationship eventually floundered and died like most bad ones do, lots of recrimination and bitterness leading to my attempted(ish) suicide.
Now i'm with a wonderful woman who not only loves riding her bike but wears me out in bed!

Basically, life's too short by half to waste it with a partner you're not happy with. Your kids will eventually be happier to see you with someone you love than enduring the constant sniping of a loveless relationship.

Just wish i'd taken my own advice back in 2005.....

- I have 2 small kids and have had sex once since the first was born.

That's a real bummer - bet you were hoping it would take a few more goes then that to get pregnant again 😉

Wow Crikey, brave post. I hope the OP can take some wisdom from it.

Dare I say that many women can have 'body issues' once children have been born? Pregnancy and childbirth are quite traumatic physically, sometimes, er, sorry but not sure how to phrase but you get the gist.

One's whole persona can change, particularly if breast-feeding. Men can find this quite disgusting. One becomes a 'mother' and less a 'lover' perhaps?

Apologies but I'm not very good with words. 😳

Why do so many women always use sex as a control?
It is all too often on their terms even though they know what men want. I think that many wives/ girlfriends use sex to their advantage (maybe without even realising) and take their men for granted.
It's like the wedding day is all about the bride really and once they have a husband, home, kids then they play this dangerous game on "no sex unless on my terms or unless I'm drunk". I know many guys that would never have had affairs if their wives hadn't played this stupid game. And isn't it always the guy that gets the flack and the blame by the families and "friends" they've made over the years.
Grrrr...sorry but I really understand where the OP is. Breaking promises and vows is very often caused by stealth as mentioned above before the guy goes down the path of an affair.

tyger - that may be a reason to end the marriage but having an affair is never excusable IMO

The OP is ****ing deluded if he thinks his mistress isn't going to play some major role in the future. There will come a time when she may not want to be the other woman and when she does, expect a major shit-fan interface.

My guess is he also doesn't actually want to have sex with his wife any longer.

Everything has already changed, MTFU and make the change official.

TJ - until you've been there you can't judge. I'm sorry but so often guys that end up having affairs do it because of what I mentioned.

However, if all is well with the guys marriage and he's being selfish and wants to "play the field" to satisfy his ego then I agree with you - but this is not true in this case.

I know what a sex-less marriage is like. I guess that (to most men), that lack of physical intimacy is tantamount to lack of emotional connection, which makes it hard to reciprocate.

If you've tried talking about it already and she simply isn't willing to do so, then you have to give her an incentive. "I'm having an affair" might be one, but "we need counselling or I'm leaving" might be better. She is obviously aware of how much you love the children and (under it all) still love her, so no incentive currently exists. You need to completely convince her that you are prepared to leave.

I can see that you are trying to find some sort of middle ground which keeps your home together, but seeking solace in another person is pretty selfish unless you've explored all other possibilities.

IMHO those condemning the OP out of hand

I'm not so sure that many are. I think that most married people will have had difficult patches at some point and a lot will have had opportunity. The point isn't to say that it's wrong, it's to say that you have to make a choice, you can't have both.

Remember also that if the partner has been staying at home with children all this time (for example) then that is exhausting and there may just be no desire. It may be time to escape for a week without children to get it back.

None of us have any idea if the above paragraph is the case - it's just to say as others have done that if you want the sex back then the whole relationship needs to be looked at and there are places to go for that. The sex may be that last part of the relationship to arrive (as it often is in the first place).

Everything has already changed, MTFU and make the change official

nope. Sounds as though it is changing rather than has changed. Find photos of before you were married, honeymoon etc. Is that a person you would want to be with. Find out where they are now

As usual Druidh talks sense.

i've learnt a lot reading this

EDIT: Changed my mind.

Why do so many women always use sex as a control?

That may be what you think, male ego and all that. IMO obviously.

It's beyond the realms of most men to look at the big picture.

It's beyond the realms of most men to look at the big picture.

rot.

[url= http://www.****/femail/article-1211104/Think-men-unfaithful-sex-A-study-shows-WOMEN-biggest-cheats--theyre-just-better-lying-it.html ]There may be a good reason for her lack of interest.[/url]

The OP probably feels alive for the first time in years, good luck to him.

morality and whatnot aside. I really respect this guy for being honest with himself and adressing whatever is troubling him. Sometimes it is really hard to be honest with yourself. Be honest with the other half as well. Or just live a fake life. whatever!

The Daily [s]Mail[/s] Wail - tabloid tosh. 🙄

CG - nice!

I hope this never happens to you!

🙂

It's beyond the realms of most men to look at the big picture

Ouch! I worry that there is a silent consensus among women that all men are brutish and ignorant of relationship matters. Of course I don't know your experiences, but neither myself or my male mates resemble that remark at all. In fact I quite resent it 🙂

tyger - I really do feel that you've made an unfair comment but appreciate that you may possibly be talking from personal experience.

The biggest failure of marriage, imo, is due to lack of communication and this can be tied up with embarrassment, ego, shame etc etc.

Can I slip into old git mode here? I really do question whether people are programmed/able to live together for any considerable time. This is of course a completely jaded view as it is extremely unlikely that I would ever be willing to share space with anyone. 🙄

buzz - I'm old, jaded and cynical! Can't you tell??!!

CG - firstly my comment was not a general comment towards [b]all[/b] wives or partners - just some. That said I agree with you that communication should be the answer but guilt and control seem to be the weapons of choice used by many women.

After you sh@gged the other bird for the first time did you feel guilt? How would you feel if she was at it?
Do you still find your wife attractive? Do you do things together?
Be spontanious- take her away for a weekend somewhere just the 2 of you.
Or you could just continue nailing the ass to the floor of the young thing with the unbelievable t!ts

genuine lol!

get 2 (or more) mistresses, then when the wife finds out about 1 you can give her up in a big show of sorrow and regret....whilst still keeping 1 on the back burner.

then everyone is happy!!

My uncle still wasn't married in his fourties which people found strange, then one day announced he was leaving the area and disappeared without trace for ten years until tracked down by a family member.

Although he never talked about women to anyone, he had been the lover of a work colleage in an unhappy marriage for most of her marriage; when the woman's last child reached 18 they disappeared together. They both died recently, still happy together after 60 or so years.

Some women do it for me and some don't despite being attractive, intelligent, delightful people. I'd have been daft to marry one of the ones that didn't. It strikes me a lot of women do though, how many claim never to have had an orgasm? And how many admit to simulating all the same?

I said I wouldn't come back to post more - yet here I am - which perhaps shows my lack of strength of character.

Many of the posts here have been really useful to me. Some which are more dogmatic ("leave her now - you only get one life" or "I've never had sex with anyone else so you are evil if you do ") are less helpful and perhaps show lack of understanding of the complexity of real life. A bit Fundamentalist really.

Some more information.

My wife probably did not have enough lovers before she met me. I'd done alright and had fun. I've always assumed that I must have been doing something wrong with her and that I was to blame for her not being interested but it would get better rather than worse. She hasn't been really interested for all our marriage and before it, not just since having kids. I have suggested counselling, sex therapy, toys etc etc. I don't believe there has been someone else for all that time as we have moved around a lot. She says she isn't gay and has not ever been abused, but just that sex isn't that interesting or important to her - and to other people she has talked to.

I don't want to make love to someone who is not enjoying it. But I know other people who didn't enjoy sex till they met the right person much later in life. Maybe I am not the right person - but we have kids - and a life together that I value a lot. So I take the blame for being comfortable with her and accepting this situation when it was a bit better in our early days.

To be honest, if she could take a lover who got her to understand what it was about, and that then attitude transferred to me, it might be the best and fairest situation. I don't think that is going to happen. I think we are doomed to another 30 years of companionship and little or no sex. But also few hugs and little spontaneous affection.

I don't want to do is hurt the kids by disappearing the minute they are 18. I certainly don't want to leave now. I've been that child. Perhaps I do need to try again to have the conversation which talks about options. eg,

1) Marriage breaks up (bad for both of us and for the kids - given we are happy and functional most of the time)
2) Wife accepts my needs and allows me to have another sexual/intimacy outlet.
3) Wife accepts the need to talk and do something about sex/intimacy together. But how would she feel about this with the threat of 2) as a possibility? Not exactly encouraging trust and intimacy is it?

My coward's plan has been

4) Try and be the best husband I can be, except in having a secret friend who is an emotional and sexual outlet - who also needs that in her life at the moment.

But this does my head in. I am not a natural at deceit. And how do you force people to communicate when they don't want to?

Thanks for the honesty from everyone

In the spirit of your last post I will apologise if I appeared harsher than warrented.

I do very strongly believe honesty and trust is the only way forward. Its possible you can regain this without telling her about the affair but think about crikeys post and what Druidh said. IMO the affair must stop now if you want to save the marriage or you must leave.

It might be you need to give your wife an ultimatum. "help me look for a solution or I will leave" You have to be clear you are not prejudging outcomes and you are not blaming her.

Especially if you are not a natural at deceit your wife will know something is going on and it will eat you up inside anyway.

Good luck.

Perhaps I do need to try again to have the conversation which talks about options. eg,

1) Marriage breaks up (bad for both of us and for the kids - given we are happy and functional most of the time)
2) Wife accepts my needs and allows me to have another sexual/intimacy outlet.
3) Wife accepts the need to talk and do something about sex/intimacy together. But how would she feel about this with the threat of 2) as a possibility? Not exactly encouraging trust and intimacy is it?

I believe it would be best to have a conversation that talks about options. But I wouldn't bring option 2 into it except as a last resort (in fact, for me not even then!). In asking your wife to visit Relate with you (all this tied in with my previous post which regards counselling as not just the best option, but in fact as a really positive choice) I would try to explain how hard you are finding having a relationship without physical intimacy. And that's it. No thoughts of what might help this (beyond counselling), no options of 'don't ask don't tell lovers, just an (or possibly a number before she does agree) open and frank talk by you of how hard you find the loss of intimacy in the relationship. Don't make it about her "since you don't want sex". And have investigated where the nearest counselling is and what their availability is before each of these conversations, so if she asks questions about taking it forward you have answers ready.

Here's the link. [url= http://www.relate.org.uk/sex-therapy/index.html ]Relate Sex-Therapy[/url]. Before talking with your wife read the common problems (particularly [url= http://www.relate.org.uk/sex-therapy-service-common-problems/234/index.html ]this one[/url]) and the [url= http://www.relate.org.uk/case-study-sex-therapy/index.html ]case study[/url]. Maybe after having broached the idea with your wife once or twice, tell her you've looked at the website and would like her, in her own time and space, to read the either of the two above pages. It may be that she feels the loss of intimacy as well, would also like to change the relationship in a good way, but can't herself see how to make that change.

Blah blah, lots of words, not that much order - up too late and then too early! Good luck.

nice TJ I am sorry but let me reiterate my points again Well done that helped clear up what you really thought again.

What markie says i think you want to save the marriage so at least try. You need to discuss this in a forceful but supportive way.
Dont mention 2 EVER - it would need to be her suggestion IMHO-people tend to not at well to blackmail - come to counselling or I will get a comfort shag is neithe persuassive, loving or supportive

Best of luck

I still feel that your relationship is doomed, like you say you want a normal good sex life and your wife doesn't.
You having an affair should confirm to you that you need intimacy.

Wether it ends now, in 2 years time or when the kids leave home it will end.

I too was in a loveless sexless relationship, i ended it and have remarried and couldn't be happier, it's simply the best thing i have ever done.

I still say if you want out do it, life is far to short.

Sorry if this sounds harsh.

I have to say, it seems far too many people on here have had/are having a similar experience with regards to loveless and sexless relationships.

Are all mtb'ers so obsessed that we're crap shags or what? 😥

Option 2 isn't a possibility though is it, it's the current reality. Talking hypothetically about something that's happening now is likely to make you feel more awkward rather than less. If you start talking you'll tell all, you've told us, you'll tell her, I think you feel the need to tell her and will - we'll see - do keep posting.

Perhaps I've known a non-representative sample of women but IME they fear and resent emotional involvement with another woman more than sex. Despite the dire warning of one above poster, using prostitutes is more likely to be tolerated than you falling in love with and having good sex with another woman.

Having had sex with another woman (or man if I felt so inclined) I'd tell my wife before having sex with her again. I promised her as much when we first met as in a previous relationship the first I knew of my girlfriend's other life was catching an STD - fortunately of a type easily treated with antibiotics. I'd then live with the consequences of telling her, something I've always found easier than living a lie.

Going even further back into my own experience I realised my then steady girlfriend was seeing another guy. I lived with it quite happily and never confronted her. We amicably went our separate ways years later for other reasons and she never did know I knew. I could go on but not without another pseudo.

She knows your sex life is an issue, if she kicks you out when she learns you're having (have had) an affair it will be the excuse she needed not the reason.

Apparently Kim Cattrall was like this until she met her husband that was a theapist, and then she enjoyed sex so much she wrote a book on it. They are not together anymore...

Are all mtb'ers so obsessed that we're crap shags or what?

Update - if anyone is interested...

looks like we are planning a timetable towards when I am with my lover rather than my wife, and for the rest of our lives, but choosing a time which is the least academically damaging for my kids. Nothing can protect them from all the emotional effects 🙁

sometimes 2 people meet and they are just fated to be together... Perhaps we should have met 20 years ago - but I would hate to have not had my children who I love intensely. But this was not just about sex in the end - but about intimacy and connection and love.

It isn't going to be easy - and was never going to be whether I stayed or went. For any of us.

Thanks to everyone (including TJ - and I really [i]do[/i] mean that) who contributed to this thread before.

"the least academically damaging for my kids"

just do it now, and quickly

Missed this first time round but would like to wish desperategit good luck and I hope you (and your 'ex') find happiness in the future as you sound like a decent chap.

ps. couldn't have offered much input anyway as I'm single (yet again) and intend to remain that way for the forseeable 😉

It must be a relief that you've made a decision but there is never going to be a good time for your children. Mine are adults and that didn't make it any easier, even though there was nobody else involved.

iDave certainly talks sense - don't drag it out.

Good luck for the future.

So does this mean you are getting divorced?

Just seen this thread. Hope I'm not too late but you should have taken a 3rd lover just in case the "love" you think you feel with your lover is just being c**t struck. HTH.

I hope it goes well for you, and that the dust eventually settles so that everyone involved can see more clearly than at present. It will change you, and will change the way that you think about yourself and the world around you.

Good luck..

Update - if anyone is interested...

looks like we are planning a timetable towards when I am with my lover rather than my wife, and for the rest of our lives, but choosing a time which is the least academically damaging for my kids. Nothing can protect them from all the emotional effects

sometimes 2 people meet and they are just fated to be together... Perhaps we should have met 20 years ago - but I would hate to have not had my children who I love intensely. But this was not just about sex in the end - but about intimacy and connection and love.

It isn't going to be easy - and was never going to be whether I stayed or went. For any of us.

Thanks to everyone (including TJ - and I really do mean that) who contributed to this thread before.

You need to think really, [i]really[/i] hard about this. A month ago you were talking about your girlfriend on a 'friends with benefits' basis. Now you're looking to upset the family apple cart and move in with her.

Sure, we all think we know what we want, but you really need to stop to consider what you're going to miss. And even if you think it'll have absolutely no benefit whatsoever, try Relate. Even if you end up splitting with your wife, the counselling will at least force the two of you to confront the fact that you're no longer suited to each other, and that a split's the best idea.

You've been with your wife for 15 years or so? D'you not think the marriage deserves a bit more working at, rather than unilaterally deciding to walk out.

Well this has been an interesting thread.
OP you seem like a decent bloke, you realised something has been missing in your relationship for a number of years and tried to work through it with the best intentions for you, your wife and your kids... that should be applauded and celebrated..
You’ve realised this isn't the best option for You in the long run, you've tried another route with your new partner and that route has lead to your realisation that "family life at home" isn't all that rosy, well done, that ought to be celebrated too. You've needed this time with your new partner to realise the deficiencies in your "family life” at home and come to a conclusion which despite being traumatic for you, your family and now your new partner (for this will affect her too don't forget) that the most decent and honest thing you can do is separate from your wife.
You must not forget that separating from your wife means separating form your kids, they still need and will want you as their father and you must honour that till the end. Your new partner will have to live and respect that too and she’s already taken that emotional barrier down by accepting you as her new partner, that too should he celebrated.
You should not feel guilt, though this is perfectly natural, you must not feel regret either, you still love and respect your family, but now in a different way. Your actions too (unless I’ve read them wrong) seem to have been taken very quickly (1 mth or so No??) which to me seems like you’ve been thinking about your family situation for some time and needed a catalyst to feed the realisation. You’ve now made that choice.
You are a brave man. You are to be applauded on your most honourable actions for both your new partner and your family

"We" are planning, does that include your wife? Or is she still oblivious?

Fate, touching wood and not walking under ladders are nonsense.

least academically damaging for my kids

Mum and dad split the Christmas as I was going into my 'o'level year at school - they had talked about waiting until i'd got through school but mum ultimately decided she could not put up with the 'act' of being together and actually walked on Christmas eve - think that gives an accurate measure of just how things were between them. though neither of them was blameless in contributing to the split. My brother is 2 years younger so the planned split would not (mmm...) affected his final year.
Hurt like hell but, i'd rather they'd done it then than learn later that they'd waited - having said all that - mum and dad had obviously talked about this - seems your's is a unilateral decision?

and for the rest of our lives

Wouldn't it be ironic to have turned your life upside down only to get dumped by the new 'partner'? If she is such a catch why is she single and mixed up with a married man?

I haven't read all the replies, but it seems her interest and motivation in all this has been overlooked and is central to the whole debate!

I sincerely hope this all goes well for you, but be careful of pinning all your hopes on this 'unknown quantity' who could turn out to be more unstable than you ever imagined!

or even have a dual identity? who knows? 😉

never make promises when you're happy or threats when you're angry

Only read the OP, so sorry if this has been said already, but when kids are in the mix then you have different priorities and responsibilities. Getting a regular leg over should be further down the list than your children and their stability.

That's my two-penneth anyway. I might read the thread now... 😀

I'm finding this hard to believe, that some people are almost applauding this fella for 'trying to fix it' by sleeping with someone else? Jeez.

I can't imagine what it would be like to be cheated on or to do the same to someone else, absolutely disgraceful.

I can easily see why you were canonised colin. Was it Benedict or the previous incumbent?

Anyway... you missed a trick there. You could at least have added a bit about burning in hell or something. Frankly, your letting the side down

Hallelujah brother

I haven't read through the whole thread, but I hope that this will give you some hope.

I was in a very similar situation to yours, except that it sounds like my marriage had moved a bit further down the path towards disintegration, the path which I suspect yours was on too. My ex and I ended up disliking each other, my wife was pretty vile to me, and I was certainly not a good husband to her, I was disengaged, dismissive and avoided spending time with her as much as I could (using cycling as an excuse to be away from our unhappy home). Just over 3 years ago I got closer to and then developed a relationship with a woman I had known for over 10 years. Last month my new partner and I moved in together and love our new life together, my ex is so much happier than when we were together, and crucially my daughter has 2 happy homes, rather than 1 miserable one.

You will undoubtedly go through some awful, awful times in the coming months and years, although it’s important to remember that they’ll probably be much less awful than the times your wife is going to go through. Do realise that all the strain, opprobrium and general crap coming your way will put a huge stress on your new relationship, I think a look at some of the more simplistic, sanctimonious posts on here will give you a bit of the flavour of what might come. You sound like a level-headed sort, and smug self-justification doesn’t seem to be your style, so keep that attitude, and keep the courage of your convictions.

Of course every situation is different, so here’s hoping for the best outcome for you, your new partner, your wife and your kids.

HughStew - he says he likes his wife in the OP, so sounds different to your situation.

EDIT - just read more and realise this is a month old thread. Either way, hope it all ends well and happily for all concerned.

Well I didn't dislike her when I married her! And while I wouldn't say I particularly like her now, we get on OK, and I can once again see that I wasn't insane to marry her.

What I meant is that the build up of frustration and resentment can corrode a marriage, that's what heppened in my case. Of course all situations are different but I suspect that once OP saw a chance of happiness elsewhere that his marriage is not likely to survive.

On a slight tangent........lots of recommendations for going to Relate ^^.

I have yet to find anyone I know personally who have found them to be any help at all in saving relationships. For several it has merely highlighted and brought incompatibilty to the fore, Their main function seems to be to act as mediator and ensure a more amicable separation!

Purely my limited experience (1/2 dozen couples) and observation of course 8)

A 'lateral' perspective:
don't you think that persons involved in affairs like this are a bit like bank robbers, in that you only ever hear of the ones who get caught! All stats seem to point to the divorces, heartbreak, etc. But there could be ten times as many people having long and happy 'situations' just like this one. When you think about it that is most probably the case!

I am a firm believer in 'following your heart' but of course take the time to think things through. You will find the tug of love is stronger in one direction than it is in the other and that is probably the direction you should take.

Desperategit, why ask the opinion of people on a forum about this instead of following your heart? if you haven't already, do it now, pick up the phone, send that text, or email, and take your chance at happiness. 😉

I have yet to find anyone I know personally who have found them to be any help at all in saving relationships.

I'm still married. Were it not for Relate (other counselling services are available) I wouldn't be.

Apart from the Gay helpline bit, which was funny but a bit non-PC, GRF is talking a lot of sense...

have you thought about just she ant in to sex that much.. its not law to like it.

Every woman is 'in' to sex if it's presented correctly as backed by love and emotion.

Every woman is 'in' to sex if it's presented correctly as backed by love and emotion.

what about asexuals, they dont like sex at all. many of them are female

what about asexuals, they dont like sex at all

Except that GRF is generalising and I've yet to meet a woman to match his sterotype. However I can think of at least one that likes what he says they should dislike and another that dislikes the things his stereotype likes. We don't all like the same thing. Do we? And women don't all like the same thing.

What I can say is that some women have made me tick and others haven't. I'm certain I've made some women tick and equally certain I've done nothing for others. Now from those statement you can make four categories and there's only one that results in any hope of a working relationship.

what about asexuals, they dont like sex at all

It's a sad state of affairs when you can shag yourself but don't enjoy it.

there not snails 🙂 they have no sex drive at all. none.. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality

It's a sad state of affairs when you can shag yourself but don't enjoy it.

My boss is a miserable wan-ker, is that what you meant?

It's a sad state of affairs when you can shag yourself but don't enjoy it.
My boss is a miserable wan-ker, is that what you meant?

does ur boss leave a slime trail?