I spent today getting my old elise running again, spent the last 5 years SORNed and ignored but as its now mine as part of the seperation/divorce its now in need of an MOT.
Todays list of jobs was get the engine running, then fix the clutch (slave cylinder), free off the alternator, free off the brakes and then finally get the drivers door to actually latch when its shut. I can now get it onto a trailer and round to mine then hopefully over the next couple of months itll be through an MOT and back on the road.
I think I'm probably eligible to chip in on this...
Aged 52 with an amicable but lengthy separation in progress, 5 months of psychotherapy in the bank with a number of highly likely diagnoses for me, a new job I walked out of (and temporarily straight back into my old job), a house sale / purchase required, and some other "stuff" going on...
I've taken what little savings I have and am currently blowing them on travelling.
I spent 3 weeks in northern Thailand travelling by Honda Click 125 scooter and then met my son in Bangkok for 2 weeks of island hopping.
I then flew to Kathmandu and brought a brand new £200 MTB and am typing this with weary legs having cycled the long way around to Pokhara on dirt / rock / sand roads through rural Nepal.
I'm gonna fanny around here for another week and then back to the UK.
I'll have spent all my money. In Bangkok I successfully interviewed for a new job in the UK so I arrived into the UK on 28/03 and start work on 02/04.
Sometimes you just gotta say **** it, take a chance on destiny and see how the karma rolls.
I still return to the same life situation, but I've had a bit of a reset.
I don't really see it as a "crisis" more a temporary breathing space in a transitional phase of my life.
If your interested in the cycling bit there's some pics on my IG: cyclesofmartin I also chucked a load of stuff into my IG stories but you'll have missed that now.
Mine is a bit late at 62 and rather thrust on me by circumstance. I have documented a fair bit of it on here and its been a couple of years
Bought a very expensive Shand and rode it to Spain
Redecorated my flat and made my bedroom a boys bedroom complete with lego models
Went to my first rave for decades and spent it with my hair in plaits with luminous flowers juggling under uv lights
Commisioned a binners artwork
Sent my old bsa for a very expensive engine rebuild
Im now in the Yukon visiting pals. As well as loads of firsts in outdoors stuff I have been roped into going to a murder mystery night in drag, doing a lipsync contest and singing at an open mike night
Say yes to everything ( after a very brief risk assessment ) and be excellent to myself has been my mantra. Its been interesting
@Tjagain. That brought a tear to my eye. Both sorts. I’m 52 and have the off wobble. Embrace it all I say, and hop on your bike OP. (That autocorrected to OAP). I’m convinced this phone is listening to me . .
My midlife crisis began at 50 when I bought a Berlingo. It continued when I bought a Porsche
......(for £500)
Rock and roll.
A lot of the things people are saying they are doing are not really a crisis though are they. Having more time and money and spending it on what you want is not a crisis, it is a good thing.
A crisis suggests you are not really yourself and try to be something that you are not or have never been in a desperate last bid.
My biggest purchase for quite some time was a Nissan Qashqai, a brown one. I don't think I am close to a crisis. 🙂
I passed a Honda s2000 the other day and thought, Ooooo, but then I'm off to andorra in the summer and considering taking an empty bike box and visiting production privee on day 1.
A lot of this sounds familiar, especially
"It feels like somewhere between work, kids, and marriage I’ve lost whatever ‘me’ was, and now I’m not sure what it was in the first place!
Less coke and hookers, more Citalopram and therapy.
I’ve lost whatever ‘me’ was
Funny you should say that, I think I’m finding myself again. Demoted from Sales Manager to an Enterprise sales role, I’m back hustling and with customers and after presenting a 2 year business plan/account strategy to my CRO came away glowing after being told my work, effort and detail is likely the best across a company of 80 sales people.
Sometimes like it or not you need to accept your place on life’s ladder. I’m good at this and can provide for my family. Do I really need any “more”?
Horses look cheap compared with flying.
A neighbours daughter got into it sufficiently to get to the Olympic trials, i suspect the horses that she had cost more than a commercial pilots licence (they sold one for knocking on 200 grand)
oldmanmtb2
I am no longer fit for purpose, the thing i am has been just what my other half needed for 30 years. Now my other half needs something else.
Bin there, dun that. Last 5 years of the marriage (and the 19 year relationship), now all 5 years in my past.
What i need is irrelevant
Well, i got a new MTB, and a new road bike, and had a lot of fun flirting on various dating apps, and then IRL too...
Some of it was really needed, most of it was just a lot of fun. (Fun was needed too!)
For me it's been getting into Enduro's and BMX racing haha!
Horses = LOTUS
(lots of trouble usually serious!)
😁
Just to help everyone's midlife crisis's, Midlife Crisis was released 32years ago!
I'm fortunate not to have suffered with a mid-life crisis, mostly through changing jobs a couple of times and then going part-time
I'm now too old for all that and expect to do the shed, classic car, etc, thing on retirement. We'll see how that pans out!
I think it goes in waves, with different symptoms at each. I did the classic restore/build a ridiculously overpowered sports car bit in my mid forties. I’ve led a bit of a charmed life, and of my relationships have broken down, but the fear of getting to the end of my life without having spent enough time doing the things that I think I’ll find fun was definitely a thing. I got through that phase, but now I think I might be entering another as my last child will leave home in a couple of years, my last parent has just died, and there’s a real anxiety about prematurely entering old age coming on. No idea how phase two is going to manifest itself, but there’s every chance I’ll be a dick again by 55.
I got a unicycle around my 40th birthday.
I suppose that's also roughly when I took up running semi-seriously. Maybe that was a couple of years later.
A bit cheap and healthy compared to most alternatives!
I was just thinking the other week that Caterhams were quite reasonable value at the moment…
@rich_s - now there is a man talking sense.
the only issue (well ok i have a few but ) i have is that to get a caterham i need a bike storage shed (to free up the garage) - which will cost at least as much as the caterham. then i need to sell my old VW camper. and maybe a few bikes. if i get the caterham the wise will want her loft conversion.
its a dangerous precipice im sitting on hahah!
Funny you should say that, I think I’m finding myself again. Demoted from Sales Manager to an Enterprise sales role, I’m back hustling and with customers and after presenting a 2 year business plan/account strategy to my CRO came away glowing after being told my work, effort and detail is likely the best across a company of 80 sales people.
Sometimes like it or not you need to accept your place on life’s ladder. I’m good at this and can provide for my family. Do I really need any “more”?
@kryton57 that's a lovely response, thank you. I mean, I'm here for the 'coke and hookers' and Lotis Elise comments too (I have a MK2 MR2 myself...) but this was genuinely insightful. Maybe the 'accepting your place of life's ladder' is the precurser to doing what you want when you want.
the only issue (well ok i have a few but ) i have is that to get a caterham i need a bike storage shed (to free up the garage)
We converted half our garage about 6 years ago into a utility room. The rest is now bike storage. When I specc'd it, I was sure I'd measured it and made enough space to fit a Caterham in *just* in case (without the spare wheel on the back).
Sadly, at some point in the process I'd not realised the builder/SWMBO changed something and I'm 960mm out. So that means I'd have to rent a garage/storage unit in addition to buying it.
This depresses me. I couldn't even plan my own mid-life crisis correctly. 😔
A great post from Kryton, who has been quite open about some of his battles.
Just need to find a way back down to my rung on the ladder.
I’ve had a few. Generally just an excuse to buy new toys.
Sadly, at some point in the process I’d not realised the builder/SWMBO changed something and I’m 960mm out. So that means I’d have to rent a garage/storage unit in addition to buying it.
This depresses me. I couldn’t even plan my own mid-life crisis correctly. 😔
i wouldnt be so hard on yourself - i just think someone planned for your mid-life crisis just a weee bit beter then you did.. haha!
you can always cut a caterham sized slot in the utility wall and blame the MLC!
My biggest purchase for quite some time was a Nissan Qashqai, a brown one. I don’t think I am close to a crisis.
No, you may be in need of an intervention. 😀
If it’s any consolation, few people own Caterhams for long. It’s like that cool niche bike you really need but ride a couple of times a year. I was in the fortune position to be able to drive one whenever I wanted (my friend and I share our midlife crises) and could rarely be arsed with all the pissing about. Amazing fun for an hour though. Maybe hire one at a track? The Elise on the other hand is much more versatile and easy to live with - but you do need a slightly bigger garage.
I owned one for 3 years as my only car and drove around 8,000 miles a year in it - I was 25 though.
So at 56 I suppose I have been there and done that as I have with a lot of cars when younger which I guess is why I have nothing to try and recapture in any sort of way of a crisis when it comes to cars. These days my only requirement is comfort and ability to deal with potholes and floods.
Might have missed the nuance in the OP, but why is it then all, what car to get!
Thought the usual ST answer would be get to the drs and get testosterone looked at for a start. It's not exact, but the drop in that in middle age impacts a lot of men and triggers the listlessness and searching to replace energy and drive that could be lost.
But...new bike anyway to be on the safe side!
I was thoroughly in the mid-life dissatisfaction hole. Wonderful family and kids, but unhappy with my self and starting to get some support.
Unfortunately, cancer is now going to take my chances of ever having the life I want, so just make sure you do something about it now, while you have the option..
Might have missed the nuance in the OP, but why is it then all, what car to get!
Because this is Shoppingtrackworld. Basically a huge percentage of the people on STW are just interested in buying things, and fiddling with them.
Some most of the replies on the thread have been grossly insensitive to the OP and just been a trigger for people to witter on about their favourite purchases, actual or potential.
A few people, like kryton have actually engaged with the OP, but not many 🙁
I'm not sure where midlife occurs but I might have missed any crisis by managing to get early retirement as a 50th birthday present. That led to a huge change in my life - expensive IT geek to LBS worker, massive uptick in cycling, eventually a van then converted to campervan, moved away from a city to the Scottish Highlands. In the midst of that both my parents died too. It's hard to say what might have happened if I'd stayed on in my IT career (pretty sure it would have made no difference to my parents lifespan 😂 ), but maybe I'd have had some sort of desire for change.
I got sick of being tied down by too much stuff. Sold my Beemer, shotgun, antique bureau, surfboard and cottage and moved to Sheffield for access to the Peak, real ale and more like-minded people. We are more into doing than owning, got away 11 times lasy year. Just back from the West of Ireland and visited a mate there (62, cyclist, 100 press-ups a day, presses kin huge weights) only to discover he'd had a heart attack 10 days before. Big wake up call about defining your priorities. Love other people's old MR2s and Boxsters but would be irritated to hell by owning one and prefer our completely dependable 16yo car.
Op, there is a very fine line between a mid life crisis and depression, have you considered a chat with your GP to see what they think? It's completely normal to feel this way but don't just ignore it if it's been affecting you for some time.
Try to think of it as your chrysalis phase🦋
https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/midlife-crisis-depression.htm
Have a read of the link for a rough guide to where you're at.
Say yes to everything ( after a very brief risk assessment )
This is the way.
I had a mid life crisis in my mid-thirties. The job I wanted made me depressed and unwell and I left it.
However in the long run it triggered a new and better period in my life. I got some therapy, stopped focussing on what I hadn’t got and whose fault it was, and instead started trying new things.
I had fun, made a bit of a dick of myself, lived out a few clichés (Porsche and much younger girlfriend) but most importantly stopped being scared about what others would think and instead started exploring and trying new things.
Since then my life has been infinitely more rewarding, even if it is not really substantially different to how it was before. The difference being that now I’m doing things because I’ve chosen to, not because I’ve felt obliged to.
Is it possible for a third of life crisis? I'm 31 and after finally getting on the property ladder and gaining seniority in my career I find myself at a loss as to what my goals are in life now.
We don't want children or a dog so it seems all there is left is to work until I can retire then die, whilst trying to pass the time with nonsense in between?
I'm struggling, though a degree of that is clearly circumstantial. I've had a rotten 12 months.
One thing I have come to realise though, in an "advice you'd give to your younger self" kind of way is: buy less stuff, do more things. No-one ever lay on their death bed thinking "man, I wish I'd had less fun." Your prized vinyl collection, books, bikes, Lego, artwork, half-rotten Elise on the other hand, that just becomes something for someone else to have to dispose of.
Though obviously what you need here is a cat.
Been told we can't have a cat until OHs cat who lives with her parents dies because she'd feel like she was replacing him.
You... can't replace him until you are actually replacing him?
Is it possible for a third of life crisis? I’m 31 and after finally getting on the property ladder and gaining seniority in my career I find myself at a loss as to what my goals are in life now.
If you try hard enough at work, you might die early and it'll actually be a mid-life crisis. Lots of bacon, chips, and beer will help too.
You don’t want kids at the moment, but who knows in the future. When I met my wife I was 31 and she was 29. She said the she didn’t and I wasn’t particularly bothered either way. That changed in our forties and two months before I was 45 my son was born. For you it may not change, but my point is not to lock your future into your current situation.
A lot of the things people are saying they are doing are not really a crisis though are they. Having more time and money and spending it on what you want is not a crisis, it is a good thing.
A crisis suggests you are not really yourself and try to be something that you are not or have never been in a desperate last bid.
The term is old though, from a time when most men followed a typical path of work, marriage, kids, football and pub on a Saturday and two week in the sun in the summer. Life is much different now and it’s more accepted to want be on a different path. Trouble is we fear change and it gets scary looking into the unknown. There was a comment earlier that we’re the same person we always were, but I disagree. Life changes us and our outlook, for the better or worse and we need to accept that change. The midlife crisis is the realisation of this and how we deal with it. Whether that’s embracing the new us or avoiding it and indulging in (insert cliche here).
I find myself at a loss as to what my goals are in life now.
Goals are over rated and pushed massively by social media.
You need to be doing X by Y age etc. Then you'll start watching 'we bought this 70's do-er upper for £5 and look how amazing it is now' reels on Instagram. That make you more insecure. 🙂
Being an aimless drifter is under rated. Just do what you fancy when you fancy it. You are at the prime time of life for this.
You don’t want kids at the moment, but who knows in the future.
I understand what you're getting at and it's probably a good point, but I really dislike this argument. "You say you don't want kids, but you do really, it's different when it's your own."
My first ever girlfriend was getting nudged in the ribs by nans wanting great grandchildren when we were 20. Bugger off. She never wanted children, nor did I, we're both now in our 50s and that hasn't changed. Her sister on the other hand has two or three now I think.
One person's lifestyle decisions may differ from another's, and that's OK.
Being an aimless drifter is under rated.
True, it can sometimes feel like not having an identity though. Bikes have been the one consistent thing through my adult life but the way cycling culture is these days is far from what I knew for most of that time.
You… can’t replace him until you are actually replacing him?
It made sense to her, apparently...
I recognise that. So much going on, so much I'm rather worried about or saw differently.
We bought a camper van. And use it as much as we can. There's intense discussion about taking a grey gap year shortly.
I thought I wanted an Elise. But now I'm more thinking a Saab Sonnet v4.
One person’s lifestyle decisions may differ from another’s, and that’s OK.
Yep, this is a fair point. I think it's a "know yourself" thing.
I knew that I'd never get to the point where I'd want to give up a childless happy life, for babies. But, I recognised that me being me, if I didn't have kids that I could pour my incredible talent and opinions into 😉 I would just spend several decades of my life sort of eating myself from the inside out. I wouldn't find long-term structure, I could foresee that much.
The kids are awesome now and enrich my life, proper little buddies. But I can absolutely support people coming to other conclusions - my views were in a huge part about me, not any kind of altruism.
I had one at 26; giving up a sport, job, partner and country. Or was it just part of a subconscious plan in that I'd picked up the knowledge that allowed me to do it over a long time. The classic midlife crisis things I could do now really don't appeal. I really don't want to be that ageing peacock in a Porsche/Lotus/flashy impractical polluting anti-social car. I don't want to be that old couple with the table and chairs outside the camper van staring at Facebook on their mobile phones. A world cruise on a prison ship, no thanks. I'm quite happy and I think it would take something from outside to change that rather than something from within.
