Having had a stressful week at work, I’ve used this weekend as I’m away in my camper van to try and have a think about how I can reset my life and just not worry and get annoyed at so many things.
without wishing to get too ‘hippy’ Im possibly going to give mediation another go. I’ve tried a few times but have found it hard to settle my mind.
Anyone have any experience and can recommend techniques? I’ve tried a couple of the apps in the past.
Longer term a more significant change in my lifestyle will probably be the answer (ie less stressful job and more camping!). But in the meantime I’d like to try and do something to improve my day to day life.
I’ve tried a few times but have found it hard to settle my mind.
This is my experience too. I can, occasionally, settle if I just focus on my breathing. However, once there are birds around I'll happily sit and listen to birdsong and let myself drift away a bit.
Good luck finding something that works. Absolutely nothing takes the stress of life away from me. On my MTB at the top of a hill? Yea, I'll be worrying and thinking about everything.
I tried a breathing app that was recommended to me. Did nothing other than give me quiet time to think about everything that worries me.
Tai chi works for me. I find it easier to combine mediation with movement than to meditate sitting still
For the most niche of niche...
I skydive. That 60 seconds of freefall allows me the only real "in the moment" time during my year because, well, you _have_ to be in the moment.
When I took up meditation at work, I used the mental process of packing my canopy, with the breathing, for my personal way of reaching a sort of zen. I know I need to remember all of the steps, do all of the things in the right order and DO THEM CORRECTLY, so it makes sense to me. As @gordimhor says above, _doing_ stuff helps me and I can "do" that in my head as well as doing it.
I also used to use the FS4 dive pool, but moved to camera, so it became less useful.
I’ve tried a few times but have found it hard to settle my mind.
There's your problem. Meditation isn't about trying to settle your mind. It's about acknowledging and observing your thoughts.
learn to juggle? It works for me as its a rhythmic activity and you have to keep your mind clear and in the moment because as soon as you start thinking about other stuff you drop the balls
can be a bit frustrating to learn mind you but its fairly easy to pick up a basic 3 ball
Headspace works for me but it isn't a quick fix. I've been doing it regularly for over 10 years and it's taken most of that time for me to feel that the benefits have really taken hold. As said before, meditation and mindfulness don't take away the stress, you learn to approach it differently.
I find yoga works for me, especially when combined with breathing techniques.
I’ve tried a few times but have found it hard to settle my mind.
Yes, it's difficult. It takes time, patience, and practice. Don't give up, celebrate the small wins and you'll get there.
When I was still working, and had more need for this, I found Danny Penman's book, and the associated guided meditations, a real help. It's so long ago that the mediations came on CD, but I think they are now a download, or even integrated into the kindle edition - which incidentally is really cheap right now. Recently I've noticed my attention span shortening as I spend too much time on my phone, so I think I will revisit the book.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-practical-guide-finding-frantic-ebook/dp/B004TTHD9O
Yeah, yoga. Focusing on combining breathwork with deliberate movement.
I don't know if this belongs here but I'm going to add it anyway. This isn't about yoga or mindfulness or any of those things people can do to help manage the stresses and strains of life, it's about a more fundamental (to me) fact that life has stress and strain, you don't control them all, so accepting that is the first key. And the second is that even the things you do control, you actually have agency over and can choose how and how much you control them, and in ways you might not realise.
This may sound fatalistic, or one of the philosophy students will crop up shortly and go 'Duh, that's just what <insert Greek name> said 3000 years ago' but an example.
I've always been prone to putting weight on. I also played decent level sport when I was younger. Put them together, I was criticised as a kid for being too heavy and told I had to lose weight to improve my agility, etc. If not actually dieting, I have 'watched what I ate' for 40+ years. I tried really hard 10 years ago with MFP and 15:2, I ran fatclub on here for a few rounds, all from a desire to do a 12 hour solo (aged 47) and I got down to just under 13st and 32-34 waist trousers.
In the last couple of years I've given that up and while I'm aware of what I eat, I eat what I want. Because I like eating. I'm 16.5st and buying up 38" jeans on Vinted. And I'm perfectly OK with that because I enjoy food, I enjoy eating out with the family. It came to a head recently when my wife, who's on the WL drugs and doing very well, came back all pleased because her results were back and she's no longer pre-diabetic and her cholesterol is back to normal. And she suggested I should cut back on my cheese, and charcuterie, and get a cholesterol test myself.
Why? How's it going to help me? I joke about life being mainly crushing disappointment interspersed with occasional high spots, but that's actually true. I work hard, I look after my family well, I'm a decent person to others, and one of the few things i enjoy would be taken away. 'No more cheese or red meat for you', the wagging finger of the Doc will say. I had broadly the same 40 years ago, and I spent 40 years working out it wasn't very helpful. 'But you could add another 3 years to your life expectancy if you gave it all up' - who ****ing cares. If i give up the stuff I enjoy I can stick around for an extra 3 years doing all the shit stuff....no deal I'm afraid.
I don't think my value as a person is dictated by my jeans size, and if you think it is you're of no value to me. And since having this lightbulb moment, that I have agency over the stress and strains of life more than I think, I can manage them way better.
If I dropped down dead tomorrow, yeah I'd probably be missed but people would cope, the house and pension and life insurance would see them well sorted, and I wouldn't feel I'd left a load 'undone'. I'm OK with that and if it sounds a bit selfish, maybe it is.
So that's my advice (no, not eat yourself to oblivion) - list the things that are causing the worries and driving you to need to develop coping strategies, and ask if they really need controlling in the way you think. Do you have agency over your reaction to them in ways you may not realise.
I’ve tried a few times but have found it hard to settle my mind.
Yes, it's difficult. It takes time, patience, and practice. Don't give up, celebrate the small wins and you'll get there.
When I was still working, and had more need for this, I found Danny Penman's book, and the associated guided meditations, a real help. It's so long ago that the mediations came on CD, but I think they are now a download, or even integrated into the kindle edition - which incidentally is really cheap right now. Recently I've noticed my attention span shortening as I spend too much time on my phone, so I think I will revisit the book.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-practical-guide-finding-frantic-ebook/dp/B004TTHD9O
[/quotes
I’ve got that book (with the CD!) perhaps I’d better give it another read 🙄😂
I don't know if this belongs here but I'm going to add it anyway. This isn't about yoga or mindfulness or any of those things people can do to help manage the stresses and strains of life, it's about a more fundamental (to me) fact that life has stress and strain, you don't control them all, so accepting that is the first key. And the second is that even the things you do control, you actually have agency over and can choose how and how much you control them, and in ways you might not realise.
This may sound fatalistic, or one of the philosophy students will crop up shortly and go 'Duh, that's just what <insert Greek name> said 3000 years ago' but an example.
I've always been prone to putting weight on. I also played decent level sport when I was younger. Put them together, I was criticised as a kid for being too heavy and told I had to lose weight to improve my agility, etc. If not actually dieting, I have 'watched what I ate' for 40+ years. I tried really hard 10 years ago with MFP and 15:2, I ran fatclub on here for a few rounds, all from a desire to do a 12 hour solo (aged 47) and I got down to just under 13st and 32-34 waist trousers.
In the last couple of years I've given that up and while I'm aware of what I eat, I eat what I want. Because I like eating. I'm 16.5st and buying up 38" jeans on Vinted. And I'm perfectly OK with that because I enjoy food, I enjoy eating out with the family. It came to a head recently when my wife, who's on the WL drugs and doing very well, came back all pleased because her results were back and she's no longer pre-diabetic and her cholesterol is back to normal. And she suggested I should cut back on my cheese, and charcuterie, and get a cholesterol test myself.
Why? How's it going to help me? I joke about life being mainly crushing disappointment interspersed with occasional high spots, but that's actually true. I work hard, I look after my family well, I'm a decent person to others, and one of the few things i enjoy would be taken away. 'No more cheese or red meat for you', the wagging finger of the Doc will say. I had broadly the same 40 years ago, and I spent 40 years working out it wasn't very helpful. 'But you could add another 3 years to your life expectancy if you gave it all up' - who ****ing cares. If i give up the stuff I enjoy I can stick around for an extra 3 years doing all the shit stuff....no deal I'm afraid.
I don't think my value as a person is dictated by my jeans size, and if you think it is you're of no value to me. And since having this lightbulb moment, that I have agency over the stress and strains of life more than I think, I can manage them way better.
If I dropped down dead tomorrow, yeah I'd probably be missed but people would cope, the house and pension and life insurance would see them well sorted, and I wouldn't feel I'd left a load 'undone'. I'm OK with that and if it sounds a bit selfish, maybe it is.
So that's my advice (no, not eat yourself to oblivion) - list the things that are causing the worries and driving you to need to develop coping strategies, and ask if they really need controlling in the way you think. Do you have agency over your reaction to them in ways you may not realise.
Really interesting point and I am sure you are right that longer term the answer is just to accept things and enjoy life. Ultimately that’s what I’d like to do (as I’m sure everyone would).
But like most things knowing what you should do and actually being able to do it are two very different things.
Thats the main reason I’m looking for ways to help me accept things and destress. On the whole I’m pretty fit and healthy for my age (54) but want to stay like that for as long as possible. Whilst you have been able to accept your weight (and good on you for doing so) I don’t want to accept stress in my life because it’s not making me happy (like food does) and I’m pretty sure it will eventually be the biggest risk to my health and being blunt most likely to kill me!
The older I get the bigger impact it has on my life and health so I’d like to find more ways of dealing with it. No one’s life is stress free but I’m pretty sure there are ways I can reduce it or lower the impact by the way I react to it.
Realised recently my caffeine intake was wwaayy to high. Caused a lot of runaway thoughts. Cut it right back and my mind is a lot calmer. Already cut sugar, alcohol.
Biking helps me only if its quite intense, long hard XC rides, sessioning DH stuff on the ebike power-hour style.
Yoga is good, but similarly to Willard i like climbing as it forces you to be in the moment, and once you're there, to stay there. Perhaps the two combined complement each other.
Jughling? No. Never 🙂
without wishing to get too ‘hippy’ Im possibly going to give mediation another go. I’ve tried a few times but have found it hard to settle my mind.
Absolutely nothing hippy about that - it's a great idea, and something an increasing number of people do. I like the Headspace approach: you can't stop your mind whirring, all you can do is acknowledge it "oh, it's whirring, that's interesting" and go back to focusing on your breath. And it takes, or gets easier with, practice. The first few days I don't feel it's doing much good; but gradually it gets easier to slip into that more kinda relaxed focus. And even on the days that it doesn't feel like it's worked, just having 10 minutes of quiet focus helps a little for me.
Smiling Mind app is great for guided meditation but even better is relearning to daydream. This puts your mind in a positive place as we don't daydream about negativity. Start with visualising riding a favourite trail, walk or other activity.
Slightly unhelpful but for me detuning stress from work doesnt work. Unless you fix the work scenario or know you are financially secure enough to say sod it if it becomes too annoying then its all sticky plasters. Unless its occasional in which case a good bike ride or waking up in the mountains will fix it then the benefits will soon wear off.
That said the most useful exercise I have found is a sit spot. Go out before sunrise (less of an option this time of year) or sunset and sit comfortably and watch the sun move beyond the horizon and the response of the world to it. It is great when sitting there for an hour or so to have a mouse run out in front of you.
Meditation never seems to work for me and whilst yoga is great as an exercise whenever the instructor goes "feel the earth beneath you" I am "ermm its a sprung wood gym floor". As a "Christmas special" the yoga instructor brought in a Tibetan singing bowl. So freaking annoying.
Meditations the book by Marcus Aurelius works for me, I listen to it every so often on audio, just a chapter or so, every now and then, I've read the book a few times also, if I'm in a bad place there's always some part I'll pick up on and it'll spin me back on track, using those as meditations as it were has helped me a lot over the past few years with the general stress of life.
As others have said, mindfulness won't cure you of stress but I do think it can help you free up the bandwidth to do something about your stress.
There are loads of ways to do it usefully IME. I tried and enjoyed headspace for a while and it definitely helped me during some challenging times. Since I found the yoga section of the Wahoo app I've found that to be much more enjoyable with more or less the same mental benefits. I'd always found yoga to be too long with too much namaste, but I can find 15 mins most days to have a stretch and breathe (and Abi Carver also does absolutely zero namaste).
I also find doing hill reps on the bike can be really meditative. Just tune the effort so it's hard but not brutal and just settle in and sit with the sensations. Oh for a life where I could do that 4x a week.
Thats the main reason I’m looking for ways to help me accept things and destress.
RE this point ^
Meditation isn't about trying to settle your mind. It's about acknowledging and observing your thoughts.
^ this is the best advice on here.
Relax and be present, allow a thought to come into mind and acknowledge it, then put it to one side and come back to something that puts you in the moment, birdsong or the wind. It's similar to telling yourself there's no point thinking about a pension plan or work problem when you're awake at 3am because you aren't going to do anything practical about it at 3am - park it and think about when you will come back to it, move on.
What you're aiming to do is learn (or develop the pathways) to process things differently. It's like developing a habit. The inputs (causes of stress) will always be there in some form so you can only change how you react to them.
Positive (verbal out loud) reinforcement and journaling are said to develop more helpful thought processes in a similar way, I think.
I picked up a book from a Buddhist monastery once, called 'The Mind City'. It describes the undisciplined mind as a place full of conflicting needs and influences and our aim is to create order there. Thoughts are the inhabitants, and 'We are not our thoughts'.
I've never become a good student.. I found it an interesting mental model though and thinking about how we process thoughts has influenced a few things in life.
Here's a search result summary FWIW, I think it illustrates the mental processing quite well:
The "mind city" in the Buddhist approach refers to viewing the mind not as a fixed, solid entity, but as a dynamic, constantly changing process, often described as a flowing river or a bustling, complex city. The Buddhist goal is to move from being a victim of this chaotic mental city to becoming its calm, awakened master.
Here is an overview of the "mind city" from a Buddhist perspective:
1. The Nature of the Mind (The Cityscape)
A Continuous Process: The mind, or citta, is a continuous flow of mental states, thoughts, feelings, and memories.
The Three Poisons: The mental city is often overcrowded with inhabitants of desire/craving, aversion/hatred, and delusion/ignorance.
An Impermanent Structure: Nothing in the mind is fixed. The Buddhist concept of impermanence (anicca) suggests that thoughts are temporary phenomena rather than solid truths.2. The Inhabitant vs. The City (Awareness)
You are Not Your Thoughts: A key insight is that an individual is not the chaotic flow of the mind (the river) but rather the awareness observing it (the person on the shore).
The Prison/Ally Mindset: If we identify with every passing thought and emotion, the mind becomes a "prison" of suffering. If we watch them without judgment, it becomes an "ally".3. Approaching the City (The Path)
Mindfulness/Meditation: Meditation is the primary tool to master the mind, not to blank it out, but to calm it so it can be seen clearly.
Right View (Wisdom): Applying the Four Noble Truths to understand that suffering is caused by attachment to the mind's delusions.
The Middle Way: The approach avoids the extremes of over-analysis (trying to control every thought) and apathy (ignoring mental state), instead finding a middle ground of present-moment awareness.
Lojong (Mind Training): Tibetan traditions use mind-training techniques to convert daily, urban, or interpersonal challenges into spiritual opportunities.4. Transformed City (The Goal)
The Quiet Mind: A quiet mind is not a silent or empty mind, but one that is not agitated by its own functioning, allowing for profound clarity.
Awakening (Satori): The ultimate goal is to move from a state of being "asleep" (fooled by illusions) to "awakened" (never fooled again), seeing reality as it truly is.This, according to the teachings, allows an individual to live in the "city"—surrounded by the bustle of life—without being consumed by its chaos.
I would recommend finding a local Buddhist centre, they often have books available if you're interested and there's a good chance you'll talk to someone or see things there that illustrate the benefits of this way of thinking better than any app can manage. Read or talk about this stuff. Forget apps because we just don't engage with screens or phones in the right way, they may have benefits to a point but it's compromised at source. Reading itself is a good way to ease into a more mindful process.
I used to find the hardest thing with stress was that your mind was buzzing from one topic to another and you could never really focus on any one thing. This means no problem really gets resolved, so they just build up and get more and more thrashing, and they get stress, and everything seems too chaotic. I didn't use any formal meditation technique, but judging from the comments above, I must have picked up some of the ideas from these for the following basic steps.
First, try and reduce the noise in your mind By writing three lists of:
- the problems you have
- the actions you can take
- the things you are waiting for
To do this, think about one problem you have, and as soon as another problem pops in to bump that one out of the way, write it down on the problem list and try not to think about that again. Go back to the first problem and continue to try to think about what actions you can take to resolve the problem. What can you actually do? Write these on the action list. What can you not do but are waiting for, such as test results or someone else’s decision? Write these on a waiting list. If other problems come into your mind again, just write those on the problem list and try not to think about them.
When you first start doing this, you end up with a long list of stuff you've written down, and you still haven't solved the original problem. That's absolutely fine. Next time you've got time to do this exercise, pick one of the things on the problem list? What action can you actually take? Write down your actions on your Action List, if there are things you need first, write those on the Waiting List. If you get interrupted by other problems, write those on the Problem List.
It's probably a good idea to do the things on the action that's Debbie around there. In other words, that just builds up, but at least that way you know I can do this action and help solve that problem. Cross the item off the action list, and you'll either have solved the problem or you'll be waiting for someone else. That goes into the waiting list.
I find this a very effective process for actually getting things done and removing the stress of having too much to do and no way of doing it and all the noise in your mind. Once this mind noise was abated, I started to try to work on my mental values and calmness, if you like, but that was a different process.
I find that Sleep Meditation has helped me the most. Rather that lying in bed with my brain running at a thousand miles an hour - I just listen to a 15 to 20 minute sleep meditation (I use Peloton as it's included with my membership). I very rarely get to the end of the programme, sleep like a baby and close the app when I wake up in the morning.
If I am trying to regain control of my thoughts during the day - I stop and ask myself one question (in my head) 'I wonder what my next thought will be' and wait. It is enough of a circuit breaker to get back to where I need to be.
Headspace or Medito
.
It takes practice.
I'd have more of a think about your reactions to emotions and situations. It worked for me.
Life can be stressful, sometimes unavoidably so. But how you respond to that can be a choice . There's some good reading out there. Some of the meditation apps teach it. Acknowledge thoughts but do not respond.
Nothing beats steep tech for me though. Enforced mindfulness because anything else means you stack it.
Paul McKenna Motivation CD found in a charity shop helped me.I usually drop off before the end mind!🙂