[Closed] Lending money to a mate. Would you?

Neither borrower nor lender be.

When I was a kid I borrowed about 20 quid off a very close mate

I couldn't pay it back for ages

It hurt our friendship a bit tbh. It's so nominal (I guess, when you're fifteen 20 quid is actually not nominal) but it still holds a lot of 'emotional currency'.

If I were you I'd just gift it (privately expecting him to pay it back, but as you say - not worrying if not) unless you can be 100% sure he can pay it back without any worry whatsoever tomorrow

Given your added notes, yeah like a shot. I'm sure there are other circumstances where I'd be more reluctant but that just seems like a nice thing to do. The very antithesis of Rule 1, go for it Mr Shed.

I would only lend to a mate what I could afford to lose. Friendships are worth more than money and it would be a shame to lose a friendship because of issues about money. So in your position I would happily give your mate your money! 😉

Only you know if he would pay it back and if there would likely be any future issues if he didn't.

I would and have to certain people but not to others.

Reading the title alone I would have said "no, no, no".

But, reading the actual post, then yes I would. But, if I'm lending £100 to someone as they haven't got that amount accessible the day before pay day I would accept that I may not see it again.

In those circumstances, yes

It's entirely dependant on your estimation of your mate TBH.

Unpaid debts can make friendships a bit tenuous, at the same time helping a mate out when they're going to miss out on something can reinforce your friendship. Of course it might have the opposite effect and make him feel a bit condescended towards by his wealthier mate...

Is the other option perhaps for you to buy said item out of your own pocket, and then sell it to him for zero profit after payday - could that work?
Then you're not lending him money, you're selling him something he wants...

Gut reaction on reading the thread title was "hell no"! But if he's a good mate and principally because of your point 3, if you genuinely are that chilled about it then maybe. You've got nothing to lose (that you aren't prepared to lose) and it could cement your friendship even more. It's a thoughtful thing to do for a good mate. Big caveat - if he cant pay it back, go out of your way not to make him feel bad about it as that could put a strain on your friendship.

Yes.

I assume you are certain they'll actually pay it back.

I've lent a lot more, for a lot longer and never regretted it.

Whilst £100 isn't 'pocket change' you're not risking missing a mortgage payment because of it either.

In those circumstances, (probably) no.

I'd happily lend money to a mate if they needed it, and considerably more than £100 depending on circumstance. But, buying a thing they they collect that they can't afford doesn't count as 'need'.

In the situation you've described yes in a heartbeat given you've said you'd be prepared to lose it. My best mate has lent me money before to help me get my mortgage, over a grand which I paid back and I currently owe him £200 for my ground rent which I'm paying him back. He knows I'll pay him back and I wouldn't hesitate to lend him money or even give him money if I won some. However, under that caveat I have very few true friends so therefore they've already proved their worth. I wouldn't lend money to anybody outside of that core few.

Sounds like he really wants said Item, I'd buy the item and offer it to him for £120 🙂

But seriously, if you don't consider £100 to be significant then sure.

Point 3 is key.
If you can afford and won't be too concerned if it is not paid back (and think you won't hold a grudge or bring it up in the future with them) I would said a definite yes.

3: I can afford to lend it and I wouldn’t be too concerned if it never got repaid.

That's your answer, then.

Gut feeling on the title, nope not in a million thingy's!

Then reading the notes, maybe if you are feeling good about it and can afford it then go for it, if a little bit trepidatious (why ask on here if you weren't?) then i would buy it and let him buy it off you after payday for 0 profit, as cookeaa said.

If he wants it, you've done him a favor by 'holding' it for him as it's limited edition. if he doesn't, you could turn a profit (if you wanted) by selling it on, because it's limited edition.

If it's a good mate then yes. I've lent similar sums to a mate before with no issues. Not are bout lending larger sums of money and certainly not so much that I couldn't afford to lose. I have a couple of mates who are a bit stingy about money and a bit slow in repaying so might be more reluctant with those guys but in principle yes.

But there are so many interest free or low interest options out there, credit cards, PayPal credit etc. effect for short term cashflow management, so I'd be suspicious as to why they're asking me for the money instead of just utilising the plethora lines of cheap credit open to most people these days. And if they don't have any lines of credit available to them then maybe a sign that lending them the money is not a good idea...though if a good mate fallen on hard times you might decide to gift it to them.

Buy said item and gift it to him. Its what friendships are for.

Maybe I've misread the post, but it sounds like he's not asked and you're wondering if you should offer.

In which case, my advice is no.

If lending him the money was the "right" thing to do, the words would have tripped off your tongue before you realised. They didn't, and it's probably for a reason

Also looking for a £100 "loan" if anyone feels generous. 🙏

How did your mate approach you for this loan, was it by FB msg lots of scams with hacked accounts going about.

<edit> just reread post. so how do you know wants money or if he would even accept money from you?

I would for a mate. Although you say you can afford to lose it, for me it isn't the point and if it wasn't paid back he would be an ex mate.

Yes of course.

Surprised you have to ask given the circumstances.

Thought it was gonna be £10k for a business venture or something.

I overthink everything.

If he hadn’t asked then I wouldn’t offer. He might feel somehow obliged to accept the offer and worry about how to pay it back.

So if they were a good friend I’d just gift it to them.

Also surprised at the £100 value. I was looking for an extra 0! If it's a genuine mate then I'd do that in a heartbeat

Yes...mainly due to me being able to lend the amount required and knowing I'll get it back (at some point).

So if it was 4 figures probably not as I don't have that available...so as long as I had the amount, I would.

Thanks for the replies.

To answer a couple of fundamentals (word of the day).

No, he hasn’t asked.

No, I haven’t offered.

I don’t know if he really needs to borrow the money. Or if he’d accept it.

If I bought said thing, and he managed to acquire one through some other means, then I’d be left with said thing that I’d have to sell on.

I’m not rolling in money, I’m comfortable enough to lend a mate £100 if he needed it. His circumstances are vastly different to mine.

I’m overthinking this, mainly because money is such an awkward thing to talk about.

Tbh, if you need to ask this question how much of a mate are they?

I wouldn't think twice about it. 😆 But they'd need to ask first.

Right, we've covered the boring stuff.

What does he want to buy?

I would say to mate…

If you can’t afford £100 for random trinket until payday…

Don’t ****ing buy it.

If his CC, bank or parents also won’t lend to mate then double down on advice…

What is the person is getting in debt for, some Pokemon cards?

Wow, censorship on inane words, nice 😂

Yes lend it You may not get it back but it's one of the joys in life helping out a friend when you can. Your karma will be good.

If you can afford it, give it. If he turns into a constant scrounger, he is the immoral person not you.
I give my mates stuff all the time. some them can afford to pay me back some of them have very little money.
I never tell anyone else.

If a mate asked I might lend them the money. I've lent an old friend similar amounts before he has always paid it back. Life dealt me a better hand so I'm happy to help him out.

Thanks for the replies.

To answer a couple of fundamentals (word of the day).

No, he hasn’t asked.

No, I haven’t offered.

I don’t know if he really needs to borrow the money. Or if he’d accept it.

If I bought said thing, and he managed to acquire one through some other means, then I’d be left with said thing that I’d have to sell on.

I’m not rolling in money, I’m comfortable enough to lend a mate £100 if he needed it. His circumstances are vastly different to mine.

I’m overthinking this, mainly because money is such an awkward thing to talk about.

Hang on, after reading this and re reading your op: he hasn't asked to borrow money, you havent offered to lend him any, nor asked if he even intends to buy said thing (whatever it is) or if he could buy it.

Whats the problem again?

Sounds like you want him to have the 'thing' - if he's not asked and you can afford it just send him the money.

Don't say it's a loan - it'll just go on the 'owe 'ya one' mental list and will be repaid in kind months or years down the line.

If you want/need the money back sharpish then keep your trap shut.

Anything I lend to a friend I have to except that I might not get it back. To that point I wouldn't lend over something trivial like want, e.g "I want to but a toy" but would lend to help with a real need.but if they were in real need I would need to except it if I wasn't paid back.

I would also add - you know your mate. Is he the sort that runs up debt for the sake of it?

I'd never lend money to my sister or one of my nieces the just piss money up the wall and are always trying to borrow (and never pay back).

3: I can afford to lend it and I wouldn’t be too concerned if it never got repaid.

If he's a mate rather than an aquaintance then sure, i don't much care.

What your mate needs most is to realise that if you haven't got £100 left at the end of the month then you need to look at why.

If it was needed - mortgage payment short/baby food/ loss of job etc etc then yes deffo.

For a thing/item/collectable gimmicky Supreme labelled POS/limited edition sweatshop Nikes etc etc then no chance.

Im with Rusty on this. If it is something worthwhile, has a retained value, then yes fo shure.
If its for a computer game or baseball cap or signed Ronald Mcdonald footy shirt then no.

I would, if it's a mate, always. Jeez, glad I'm not mates with some of you financial titans 😉 Provided I can afford it of course. No interest in what it's for, none of my business. If it didn't come back I'd write it off if it was a small amount, but mentally bank it in case I ever needed help. If it was a large amount (to me), I'm not sure what I'd do if it didn't come back. On the one hand, I'm not mates with dicks so I can't see anyone doing that to me on purpose, so it'd have to be some tragic circumstance, in which case I guess I'd have to suck it up. Either way, no further loans if the first doesn't come back.

As for the OP, weird situation seeing as he's not even asked for a lend. Think I'd just buy it as a gift if he was a great mate and I was flush, or just offer him a lend. I wouldn't go buying it for him and then expecting the cash back. No one likes being entered into a contract they didn't ask for.

Can you afford to lose it ?
Is he a 'proper' mate ?
Then, yes.