[Closed] Lending money to a mate. Would you?

Neither borrower nor lender be.

When I was a kid I borrowed about 20 quid off a very close mate

I couldn't pay it back for ages

It hurt our friendship a bit tbh. It's so nominal (I guess, when you're fifteen 20 quid is actually not nominal) but it still holds a lot of 'emotional currency'.

If I were you I'd just gift it (privately expecting him to pay it back, but as you say - not worrying if not) unless you can be 100% sure he can pay it back without any worry whatsoever tomorrow

Given your added notes, yeah like a shot. I'm sure there are other circumstances where I'd be more reluctant but that just seems like a nice thing to do. The very antithesis of Rule 1, go for it Mr Shed.

I would only lend to a mate what I could afford to lose. Friendships are worth more than money and it would be a shame to lose a friendship because of issues about money. So in your position I would happily give your mate your money! 😉

Only you know if he would pay it back and if there would likely be any future issues if he didn't.

I would and have to certain people but not to others.

Reading the title alone I would have said "no, no, no".

But, reading the actual post, then yes I would. But, if I'm lending £100 to someone as they haven't got that amount accessible the day before pay day I would accept that I may not see it again.

In those circumstances, yes

It's entirely dependant on your estimation of your mate TBH.

Unpaid debts can make friendships a bit tenuous, at the same time helping a mate out when they're going to miss out on something can reinforce your friendship. Of course it might have the opposite effect and make him feel a bit condescended towards by his wealthier mate...

Is the other option perhaps for you to buy said item out of your own pocket, and then sell it to him for zero profit after payday - could that work?
Then you're not lending him money, you're selling him something he wants...

Gut reaction on reading the thread title was "hell no"! But if he's a good mate and principally because of your point 3, if you genuinely are that chilled about it then maybe. You've got nothing to lose (that you aren't prepared to lose) and it could cement your friendship even more. It's a thoughtful thing to do for a good mate. Big caveat - if he cant pay it back, go out of your way not to make him feel bad about it as that could put a strain on your friendship.

Yes.

I assume you are certain they'll actually pay it back.

I've lent a lot more, for a lot longer and never regretted it.

Whilst £100 isn't 'pocket change' you're not risking missing a mortgage payment because of it either.

In those circumstances, (probably) no.

I'd happily lend money to a mate if they needed it, and considerably more than £100 depending on circumstance. But, buying a thing they they collect that they can't afford doesn't count as 'need'.

In the situation you've described yes in a heartbeat given you've said you'd be prepared to lose it. My best mate has lent me money before to help me get my mortgage, over a grand which I paid back and I currently owe him £200 for my ground rent which I'm paying him back. He knows I'll pay him back and I wouldn't hesitate to lend him money or even give him money if I won some. However, under that caveat I have very few true friends so therefore they've already proved their worth. I wouldn't lend money to anybody outside of that core few.

Sounds like he really wants said Item, I'd buy the item and offer it to him for £120 🙂

But seriously, if you don't consider £100 to be significant then sure.

Point 3 is key.
If you can afford and won't be too concerned if it is not paid back (and think you won't hold a grudge or bring it up in the future with them) I would said a definite yes.

3: I can afford to lend it and I wouldn’t be too concerned if it never got repaid.

That's your answer, then.

Gut feeling on the title, nope not in a million thingy's!

Then reading the notes, maybe if you are feeling good about it and can afford it then go for it, if a little bit trepidatious (why ask on here if you weren't?) then i would buy it and let him buy it off you after payday for 0 profit, as cookeaa said.

If he wants it, you've done him a favor by 'holding' it for him as it's limited edition. if he doesn't, you could turn a profit (if you wanted) by selling it on, because it's limited edition.

If it's a good mate then yes. I've lent similar sums to a mate before with no issues. Not are bout lending larger sums of money and certainly not so much that I couldn't afford to lose. I have a couple of mates who are a bit stingy about money and a bit slow in repaying so might be more reluctant with those guys but in principle yes.

But there are so many interest free or low interest options out there, credit cards, PayPal credit etc. effect for short term cashflow management, so I'd be suspicious as to why they're asking me for the money instead of just utilising the plethora lines of cheap credit open to most people these days. And if they don't have any lines of credit available to them then maybe a sign that lending them the money is not a good idea...though if a good mate fallen on hard times you might decide to gift it to them.

Buy said item and gift it to him. Its what friendships are for.

Maybe I've misread the post, but it sounds like he's not asked and you're wondering if you should offer.

In which case, my advice is no.

If lending him the money was the "right" thing to do, the words would have tripped off your tongue before you realised. They didn't, and it's probably for a reason

Also looking for a £100 "loan" if anyone feels generous. 🙏

How did your mate approach you for this loan, was it by FB msg lots of scams with hacked accounts going about.

<edit> just reread post. so how do you know wants money or if he would even accept money from you?

I would for a mate. Although you say you can afford to lose it, for me it isn't the point and if it wasn't paid back he would be an ex mate.

Yes of course.

Surprised you have to ask given the circumstances.

Thought it was gonna be £10k for a business venture or something.

I overthink everything.

If he hadn’t asked then I wouldn’t offer. He might feel somehow obliged to accept the offer and worry about how to pay it back.

So if they were a good friend I’d just gift it to them.

Also surprised at the £100 value. I was looking for an extra 0! If it's a genuine mate then I'd do that in a heartbeat

Yes...mainly due to me being able to lend the amount required and knowing I'll get it back (at some point).

So if it was 4 figures probably not as I don't have that available...so as long as I had the amount, I would.

Thanks for the replies.

To answer a couple of fundamentals (word of the day).

No, he hasn’t asked.

No, I haven’t offered.

I don’t know if he really needs to borrow the money. Or if he’d accept it.

If I bought said thing, and he managed to acquire one through some other means, then I’d be left with said thing that I’d have to sell on.

I’m not rolling in money, I’m comfortable enough to lend a mate £100 if he needed it. His circumstances are vastly different to mine.

I’m overthinking this, mainly because money is such an awkward thing to talk about.

Tbh, if you need to ask this question how much of a mate are they?

I wouldn't think twice about it. 😆 But they'd need to ask first.

Right, we've covered the boring stuff.

What does he want to buy?

I would say to mate…

If you can’t afford £100 for random trinket until payday…

Don’t ****ing buy it.

If his CC, bank or parents also won’t lend to mate then double down on advice…

What is the person is getting in debt for, some Pokemon cards?

Wow, censorship on inane words, nice 😂

Yes lend it You may not get it back but it's one of the joys in life helping out a friend when you can. Your karma will be good.

If you can afford it, give it. If he turns into a constant scrounger, he is the immoral person not you.
I give my mates stuff all the time. some them can afford to pay me back some of them have very little money.
I never tell anyone else.

If a mate asked I might lend them the money. I've lent an old friend similar amounts before he has always paid it back. Life dealt me a better hand so I'm happy to help him out.

Thanks for the replies.

To answer a couple of fundamentals (word of the day).

No, he hasn’t asked.

No, I haven’t offered.

I don’t know if he really needs to borrow the money. Or if he’d accept it.

If I bought said thing, and he managed to acquire one through some other means, then I’d be left with said thing that I’d have to sell on.

I’m not rolling in money, I’m comfortable enough to lend a mate £100 if he needed it. His circumstances are vastly different to mine.

I’m overthinking this, mainly because money is such an awkward thing to talk about.

Hang on, after reading this and re reading your op: he hasn't asked to borrow money, you havent offered to lend him any, nor asked if he even intends to buy said thing (whatever it is) or if he could buy it.

Whats the problem again?

Sounds like you want him to have the 'thing' - if he's not asked and you can afford it just send him the money.

Don't say it's a loan - it'll just go on the 'owe 'ya one' mental list and will be repaid in kind months or years down the line.

If you want/need the money back sharpish then keep your trap shut.

Anything I lend to a friend I have to except that I might not get it back. To that point I wouldn't lend over something trivial like want, e.g "I want to but a toy" but would lend to help with a real need.but if they were in real need I would need to except it if I wasn't paid back.

I would also add - you know your mate. Is he the sort that runs up debt for the sake of it?

I'd never lend money to my sister or one of my nieces the just piss money up the wall and are always trying to borrow (and never pay back).

3: I can afford to lend it and I wouldn’t be too concerned if it never got repaid.

If he's a mate rather than an aquaintance then sure, i don't much care.

What your mate needs most is to realise that if you haven't got £100 left at the end of the month then you need to look at why.

If it was needed - mortgage payment short/baby food/ loss of job etc etc then yes deffo.

For a thing/item/collectable gimmicky Supreme labelled POS/limited edition sweatshop Nikes etc etc then no chance.

Im with Rusty on this. If it is something worthwhile, has a retained value, then yes fo shure.
If its for a computer game or baseball cap or signed Ronald Mcdonald footy shirt then no.

I would, if it's a mate, always. Jeez, glad I'm not mates with some of you financial titans 😉 Provided I can afford it of course. No interest in what it's for, none of my business. If it didn't come back I'd write it off if it was a small amount, but mentally bank it in case I ever needed help. If it was a large amount (to me), I'm not sure what I'd do if it didn't come back. On the one hand, I'm not mates with dicks so I can't see anyone doing that to me on purpose, so it'd have to be some tragic circumstance, in which case I guess I'd have to suck it up. Either way, no further loans if the first doesn't come back.

As for the OP, weird situation seeing as he's not even asked for a lend. Think I'd just buy it as a gift if he was a great mate and I was flush, or just offer him a lend. I wouldn't go buying it for him and then expecting the cash back. No one likes being entered into a contract they didn't ask for.

Can you afford to lose it ?
Is he a 'proper' mate ?
Then, yes.

I’m overthinking this

Really been struggling with the scenario, but couldn't work out why. I think the following has crystalised it for me:

What your mate needs most is to realise that if you haven’t got £100 left at the end of the month then you need to look at why.

If it was needed – mortgage payment short/baby food/ loss of job etc etc then yes deffo.

For a thing/item/collectable gimmicky Supreme labelled POS/limited edition sweatshop Nikes etc etc then no chance.

(I think) I think that if it was something urgent and he really needed it, then yep I'd give him the cash right away.
But if it was for something that he didn't need, and he was genuinely thinking of buying it even though he was stony broke with no recourse at all then....

Sometimes it's nice just to do nice things though! 🙂

Lending money to a mate. Would you?

If you need to ask the answer is No.

If you need to think twice then just give him the money as gift. He can decide if you are worth paying back.

Buy it for him , he can buy it off you when he gets paid

I’d lend it to him. Just seems like a nice thing to do. That or buy the thing he wants, then show it to him before breaking it with a hammer.

Lend? Probably not for a non-essential purchase, if they really haven't got £100 in the personal treats piggy bank, because what is to say that will be available to repay to you next month? Maybe buy item or give them the cash to buy item as an early birthday/Xmas gift.

Is this a best mate, someone you've known for yonks, can rely on if ending u with fisticuffs with some argumentative scrote down the local ale shop. You've been out together, camped, had long in depth meaningful conversations with ?.

Get a best bro greetings card, stick in £100 and hand it to him as a gift.

I'm in the camp struggling to understand how someone who doesn't have £100 before pay day can afford to spend £100 on a collectible after payday.

I would lend money for a necessity such as rent or an important bill only.

Depends. If he's usually good with money and just happens to be short this month then yes I'd lend it to him. If however he's always buying things he doesn't need and always running short, then no.

Missing the point here...

Why would you offer to lend someone money if they don't actually need any money? Or even asked you "for a borrow"? (I hate that term).

Right, my thinking on this is IF you genuinely dont care if you ever see that £100 again, and he is a good mate, why not just gift it to him? As in make it clear no payment required, given in the name of friendship. It can only strengthen that friendship.
In any other case I would say no, because he has not asked for the item or the money for it.Respect his right to window shop without buying, it might be what he is doing. Kind of like that film quote about the dog barking at the car, the one where he wouldnt know what to do with it if he caught it. Of course I could well be chatting shit here, you know your mate so go with your gut.
If my missus bought me everything I lusted after just because I wanted it , we would be destitute in no time.
But good on you for being considerate enough to, well, consider it.

Buy it for him or just give him the money if it's that important to him, and he's that good a mate and you can afford to lose the money...

Favours are often repaid in ways far more valuable than cold hard cash, and often when we least expect them to be!

IF you genuinely dont care if you ever see that £100 again, and he is a good mate, why not just gift it to him?

One thing I don't think has been considered yet is, pride on the part of the recipient.

One of my escape room team regulars is often short on cash. I would cheerfully pay for his ticket time over time, altruism aside it's in my own interests because I'd get more games in. But he will not accept it because he fundamentally objects to what he sees as being a charity case.

Yes of course I would.

What does it matter what it’s for? He’s asked you for a favour, do him one.

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<div class="bbp-reply-author d-flex align-items-center flex-wrap"><span class="bbp-author-name">Watty</span>
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What does it matter what it’s for? He’s asked you for a favour, do him one.

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That's the point though, he hasn't asked.

Im now firmly in the 'confused' camp. I can't see how if the friend in question hasn't actually asked to borrow any money that this is a real question! How can you lend him something if he doesn't ask for it? Surely you'd be giving it to him, in which case don't expect it back, it's a gift!

Anyway, the answer is 4: overthinking it. Whatever it is will have sold out by now!

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What your mate needs most is to realise that if you haven’t got £100 left at the end of the month then you need to look at why.

Oooo hark at thee. Imagine getting paid enough money every month to last until the next pay day. Must be nice.

It's a mate. I wouldn't make some kind of moral judgement on them.
I'd give them the ton fo shiz if I was in a position to.

Im now firmly in the ‘confused’ camp. I can’t see how if the friend in question hasn’t actually asked to borrow any money that this is a real question! How can you lend him something if he doesn’t ask for it? Surely you’d be giving it to him, in which case don’t expect it back, it’s a gift!

Anyway, the answer is 4: overthinking it. Whatever it is will have sold out by now!

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This (the bold bits) made me laugh!!....

if he asks then yes. If not no.

By offering it then he may well feel that your taking pity on him or something.

So we still don't know WTF this mystery item is? Come on OP.

I find it really hard to buy anything for friends that they really want. Here you are with the ideal gift on a plate - snap it up!

(careful you don't bid against him though)

£100 is a small price to pay to find out if he's a true mate or not.

I've got mates I'd happily lend large amounts to and "mates" I know I wouldn't see £20 again if I lent it them. Your call which camp he falls into.

i think we all want to know what it is... come on...

Anyway, i would. Im effectively eternily indebted to a mate for all the work he's helped me with on my house. He'll never need the money mind as he's single and no kids and lives like Reilly..

anyway back to the point - what is it? If it's elecy to keep the kids from freezing (or similar) you should do without him knowing so there is never any awkward moments.

easiest solution, buy it, and keep it till he hands the money over.

if its a pair of trainers then keep them a year and sell for double your money. win win

ps. i bought a vitus escarpe a few months ago as my mates credit card wouldnt work. i've known him since i was 4 year old. i told him not to pay me till it arrived..

100 sheets? If I had it I would lend, give or otherwise sort out any of my true friends. Ie the ones I actually know in person and have done for 20 years +.

If it was a friend as in loose acquaintance, someone off Facebook I'd met once or twice or had bumped into at a party 10 years ago then no.

Original post was yesterday, saying item was only available today? What is it he wants from Aldi/Lidl?

What I've done in the past is given them the money. I've done it twice: one gave it back, the other didn't. The one who didn't - it was £500, about 20 years ago when £500 was a lot more than it is now - is still a good friend. He couldn't afford to, we've never mentioned it but I guess it's come back in other ways. I'm happy I did it.

A mate really helped us out working on our house.

I bought him a guitar and an amp as an unasked for thank you. He then got me a Christmas present to a similar value. We wouldn't normally give any Christmas gift.

I've been trying to give him a hand on stuff at his house as a way of paying home back.

So try to say thanks too much and it might get a bit awkward.

Still good mates through

IF he hasn't got access to £100 before pay day I'd be reluctant to help him into an even deeper financial hole. If people can feed, clothe and house themselves I'd rather not interfere with their finances. If they're short of a meal, I'll feed them, short of a roof then offer them a Karrimat on the floor, and short of shoe rubber take them to the red cross shop. Beyond that I'd feel uncomfortable and so would anyone I consider a mate.

Original post was yesterday, saying item was only available today? What is it he wants from Aldi/Lidl?

I only came back because Yesterday was 'the day' and today should be Payday.

I wanted to know how the OP was getting on.