[Closed] Leaving a 10 month old with in-laws for a week

Agreed - it may not sound "cool" but playing with/helping/laughing with your kid(s) is bloody brilliant fun.

+1
For me being a parent is about that friendship and shared fun as well as teaching etc.

Just got back from a week off with the kids, and given I work (don't we all) that week was extra precious. We had an ace time.
Granted eldest is three and a half now so a bit different, we gave her an old digital camera to take some pics, some of them aren't half bad.

I had my girls for the day yesterday (grandparents normally have them but they are on holiday).

A whole day of just me and them was great fun.
[img] [/img]

Not wishing to drag the topic back to this sorry subject too much but:

We were told that before the milk comes in fully that colostrum is produced and this is full of antibodies which really helps to boost baby's immune system

It's always full of antibodies. It's very very good for you the whole time, although it becomes somewhat less creamy and nutritious after 6mo or so. The colostrum is extremely full of them however.

Agreed - it may not sound "cool" but playing with/helping/laughing with your kid(s) is bloody brilliant fun.

Yup nothing beats it, be it a tickle, acting the goat or taking a hump in the road a little fast than normal so there tummies go into their chest. The giggles make me smile and of giggle too.

It's always full of antibodies. It's very very good for you the whole time, although it becomes somewhat less creamy and nutritious after 6mo or so. The colostrum is extremely full of them however.

It is but there's also evidence to suggest that many of the anti-bodies have been already carried across by the placenta, hence why bottle fed kids in reality tend not to get any sicker.

Still do as you will and that's all there is, if the midwife asks tell her what she wants to hear. "Oh yes I still breast feed, oh no we haven't dared try solids yet!"

hence why bottle fed kids in reality tend not to get any sicker.

That's not what I read! Or joemarshall apparently.

You need to read more or actually work with kids. 😉

No way. But then I value time with my family, which, as I've chosen to have kids, involves them.

You need to read more or actually work with kids.

Work with kids or do large scale studies on them,?

I meant half heartedly, I could get angry now about you taking things seriously but I won't. 😆

Too seriously or not enough?

lol

No way. But then I value time with my family, which, as I've chosen to have kids, involves them.

[size=5]Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!![/size]

Let me be absolutely, perfectly clear about this:

I love my little girl with all my heart. My wife loves her. We both love her! A lot!!
My life changed for the better the very second I met her.
She has us completely under her spell. We love and value spending time with her.

I realise that some of you maybe don't feel quite as strongly about your children. You worry that you don't really feel the love for them that everyone talks about, so you make a big show of giving up everything else in your lives, and spending it with them to the exclusion of all others, desperately hoping that this facade of self-sacrifice and martyrdom will convince everyone that you must love them really.

😉

In short: can everyone [u]please[/u] stop suggesting that just because we'd even consider a week away must mean we don't love our baby 🙄

Graham S

Dont ask advice from a public forum If you are getting angry because you dont hear the answer you want.

I never had the opportunity to go away for a week with my wife child-free with any of our 3 children.

My wife would not have done it anyway.

However, I needed that me time at times to bring myself back into balance and have a break. Some may call it selfish, maybe it was, but I really needed the child-free time.

So, my wife used to take number one child up to the in-laws for a week and then when we moved up to Scotland and had another child she would take both of them to the in-laws for a long weekend every so often.

Go on holiday with your wife and friends Graham and enjoy yourself and come back refreshed and happy!

When number 2 arrives things may be different 😉

Hehe.. Graham last time I asked for advice on STW I got similarly angry.

I'm still thinking don't leave him with the in-laws tho.

EDIT: or is it her?

I'm not. I'm very happy to hear the range of opinions, thats exactly why I posted.

But I'm not very impressed with all the snide digs and implied slights along the lines of "welI I wouldn't do that because [i]I love[/I] my children" or "no but then [i]we like[/I] spending time with [i]our[/I] kids".

(PS I've now been awake for just over 40 hours straight, so I may possibly be slightly overly sensitive and grumpy)

If you don't like the answer, don't ask the question. Simple really.

I realise that some of you maybe don't feel quite as strongly about your children. You worry that you don't really feel the love for them that everyone talks about, so you make a big show of giving up everything else in your lives, and spending it with them to the exclusion of all others, desperately hoping that this facade of self-sacrifice and martyrdom will convince everyone that you must love them really.

Bit of a c*nt for saying that aren't you - and I don't use that lightly.
But feel free to offend so you can justify leaving your kid behind and go off and get drunk for a week. Glad you've got your priorities right.

If you really think that's why parents on here say spend time with your kids then good luck with your life, glad I don't know you from adam on the street.

Oh. and here's the obligitory smiley face so that although I really do think you're a w@anker for saying that I can hide behind the facade of 'humour'
😕

and if you're trolling, well done. Win.

Graham - I think you hit the nail on the head with

Let me be absolutely, perfectly clear.........

The amount of middle-class angst and oneupmanship displayed on here is very amusing. Its a form of snobbery

(PS I've now been awake for just over 40 hours straight, so I may possibly be slightly overly sensitive and grumpy)

So don't post on here. It's that simple.

Do you have kids TJ?
Err..no...as you've stated many time previously...you are/were far too selfish to indulge in such practices.

middle-class angst and oneupmanship

True in some respects (in bikes especially), but you know some people really do have valuable opinons about kids, and because they're saying "spend time with them" I don't think you can really call that oneupmanship. Certainly I don't pretend to be that. My life is mediocre at best, don't have better bikes or beer holidays or fancy stereo gear or any of that sh1t, but I do enjoy every day I spend with my kids and cherish my holiday time so I can spend more time with them. Seems that it's a crime to say that on here to some and descends into pretty off comments about being overly precious.
Meh, whatever, good luck on your ski trip Graham, I hope no life changing events happen in that week that you regret for the rest of your life not being together for (And no, that's not harbinger of doom, at 10 months all sorts of things are going on and changing).

Bit of a c*nt for saying that aren't you

no, of course I don't think that.

But it stings when it's turned around doesn't it? Someone suggesting you don't love your kids?
So please don't insult me with the same accusations.

No I don't have kids which is why I have made little comment on this thread

However that does not prevent me from smelling bullshit. Middle class angst, overprotective parenting and parenting oneupmanship is rife. Leaving a child with its grandparents for a week is not a sin - especailly if it helps the parents be rested and content. I know families who did / do this every year. Nice kids - well adjusted and not clingy.

EX pat - I accept that its not that in every case. However every family is different and some suggest greaham did not love his kids because he would consider this.

If you don't like the answer, don't ask the question. Simple really.

Umm.. something wrong with the timeline in that piece of advice!

Btw, I'd not be worried about life-changing events personally - just concerned about how hard it'd be on the young one. It seems awful young for that at a critical time.

You wouldn't leave your iphone at home while you went on holiday for a week, would you?

For the record, we were only weighing our options after the generous offer from the grandparents.
We're now pretty certain that we're going to take her with us and just ski alternate days.

Anyway, I'm off to bed. Apologies for any offence caused to anyone.

MrsGrahamS here. I think the point my husband was making was simply that it is very offensive to be told you don't love your children. Your anger ex-pat (judged by the amount of swearing at my husband) makes his point nicely. He posted here to gather advice. Not all of it is helpful, but actually the debate has firmed up a few things for me.

1. There's a reason you pick your friends. They are nice people. Even when they think you're wrong, they're nice to you. Even when they're telling you you're wrong.

2. Although my folks have just had a wonderful two weeks alone with my brother's two boys (2 and 5), I don't know if they know what they're letting themselves in for with a ten month old. But then my Mum did a fabulous job for an afternoon when she was six weeks old. We went to a wedding of a lovely man who has been my friend for 20 years. My folks want to be a big part of my daughter's life and I'm grateful for that.

3. I respect different views on parenting. Happy, healthy kids are what we're all after. I am comfortable with spending time away from my daughter. Well, actually I'm not. But I'm going to try to be as I think it's probably good for her. There will be absolutely definite evidence to both support and refute my views I don't doubt.

4. We both want her on holiday with us. We like the idea of her spending time away from us and gaining her independence, but we're not ready yet. Selfish? Probably. Bad parenting - there'll be evidence somewhere....

TandemJeremy - Member
No I don't have kids which is why I have made little comment on this thread

Pity you didn't leave it there.

However that does not prevent me from smelling bullshit. Middle class angst, overprotective parenting and parenting oneupmanship is rife.

I bet you can smell shit, because that's what you're writing. You have [i]absolutely[/i] no idea what you're talking about here. Get back to discussing rotational injuries caused by helmets, visible stress colours and the contribution of the Union movement to the downfall of UK manufatcuring.

Right, so what you need to do is plan contingency both ways. That way, when you get to 10mo you can make a call then. Impossible to know what your 4mo will be like in 6 months time.

a tad harsh druidh. You really think that some of the parents here are not being a bit OTT? Accusing Grahame of not loving his kids for even considering this?

a bit OTT

A bit yeah, some of the comments are slightly OTT, but some people might reasonably suggest its a bit selfish to leave a 10 month old for a week to go off an enjoy yourself. However, most of those people are parents, and you are not, so they are more qualified to draw and express that conclusion. IMO

Accepted dj.

My nephews spent a week with their grandparents that they only saw twice a year since they were very small - they appeared to thrive on it.

I know other families where this is considered normal as well.

Your anger ex-pat (judged by the amount of swearing at my husband) makes his point nicely

You need to read the posts that I've made in this thread, I've just re-read them all, and I'd say the only one I responded to in a manner I'd expect you to find insulting is the one where I quoted his rant back at him and called him on it. And I stand by what and how I said it to be honest, shame on me if I didn't.

Still genuinely can't understand why folks would want to not include kids in their lives/holidays/adventures.

Massive edit (and lets move on) - Just read your're thinking of doing the alternate day thing. Good option, take your folks too!

Still genuinely can't understand why folks would want to not include kids in their lives/holidays/adventures.

Surely this statement only makes any sense if you take your kids and wife/husband on every bike ride you go on, which if your kids are babies, is pretty unlikely. Otherwise you're just arguing about what percentage of your adventures it is acceptable to exclude your kids from.

Personally I think there's a balance to be found. For example, I'm on holiday right now. Yesterday, I walked over Loughrigg with the baby in the pushchair, and ran back with her. That was fun. Then we left the baby with an auntie, and my wife and I went for a big old walk up a hill that I wouldn't be happy going up with a sling or baby carrier. Then after that, I went on a quick 10 km run, with two stops to swim across lakes, on my own. All fun things to do, and some of my adventures didn't include the baby (or the wife for that matter). I'd go crazy to go on a Lake District holiday and not get any swimming or running in.

But then my Mum did a fabulous job for an afternoon when she was six weeks old

A whole afternoon? Good god woman, what kind of mother are you? Abandoning your child like that!

You need to read the posts that I've made in this thread, I've just re-read them all, and I'd say the only one I responded to in a manner I'd expect you to find insulting is the one where I quoted his rant back at him and called him on it. And I stand by what and how I said it to be honest, shame on me if I didn't.

ex-pat, you completely lost it on a post that was obviously (at least to me) meant as a rhetorical argument, not as truth.

Still genuinely can't understand why folks would want to not include kids in their lives/holidays/adventures.

I love going on holiday with my kids, I love taking them places, but I still find it hard to imagine that people don't want to maintain a little part of themselves as a child-free zone - and a single week in the lifetime of a child doesn't seem too much.

Well I'd bite their arm off myself.

Let's assume you might think of having another baby soonish (big assumption I know), your parents are less likely to take 2 children for a week, your wife would have 9 months of pregnancy where most of that skiing would be out. Even if this is not the case, in a few years (which will go fast) she will be at school, and you will end up spending all your holiday covering childcare if you are both working. So you might not get another chance for a while.

A week is quite a long time to be away from your daughter and I would think twice given it's quite a lot of your holiday allowance, but assuming you don't get to do it every year, and you'll get at least one holiday away with her at another time in the year I don't see why not.

We went away snowboarding with our then 13 month old. We had a good time - we hired a nanny for a day and a half day, and got others in our group to babysit for a couple of hrs here or there, so we did get some boarding together. But it's not ideal - you aren't spending that much time as a family, which is what I enjoy - spending time in an expensive resort with not much to do for babies, with a non walking baby (at 13 months my son was tottering but had difficultly walking on the snow and didn't really like it, assuming your 10 month old won't be walking) while your husband is out boarding, is actually a bit crap. Sorry for being honest there, but I don't find every minute with my child delightful, sometimes it's a massive pain in the arse, much as I love him, and this wasn't the ideal environment from my point of view (to be honest wasn't helped by him being a bit under the weather and sleeping badly)
Just think - you could get up at 8am in the morning, and be on the slopes together by 9, or you could have LIE IN - your choice. You can get back from the slopes at 5, and have a beer instead of going "Oh flap flap flap what shall I feed her from the limited selection we have bought from the crap resort supermarket, will she go to sleep in the crap travelcot in the hallway?" and then you can go out together for a meal instead of having to cook in the self catering apartment as you can't go out without a babysitter!
Like I say, I'd bite their arm off. But I may be one of those selfish parents. Our snow holiday with him was good, but I'm not sure he got much out of being in a snowy environment (that's how my husband sold it to me, I wanted to skip the boarding completely that year), and from his point of view he would probably enjoyed pootling around with my parents for a week more.

Like joemarshall says, I love spending time with my son, but there are other things I love like biking and boarding that I can't do with him in tow. And I'm not going to feel guilty for wanting to do them, or wanting to have adult time without him now and then.

The only thing I would worry about would be whether she would be happy with your parents. Fortunately although my son doesn't see my parents that often he loves them and is quite happy with them. Like someone said 10 months can be a clingy age though.

Hey - no friends on powder days!

My nephews spent a week with their grandparents that they only saw twice a year since they were very small

How old tho TJ? I'm thinking by maybe 18mo - 2 years it'd start to get much easier than it woud be at 10mo.

molgrips I can't remember - older than 10 months tho I think but still toddlers.

Late to this, but I think we did something similar. He may have been younger than 10 months.
He's never forgiven us and wants to go to boarding school as soon as possible.

Well, not really - I can hardly remember it, and I'm damn sure he doesn't.

Live your (family's) life the way you want. Other people's opinions do not matter one jot.

I think the OP was asking for advice rather than opinions. Of course, this being STW and all 🙂

We took our son skiing with us when he was 11 months old. No nannies, no creche, yet we got to ski together every day. He also seemed to really enjoy it. How? XC skiing of course, with our Chariot bike trailer which also takes skis instead of wheels to become a pulk (and has the bonus of being a pushchair when travelling).

older than 10 months tho I think but still toddlers.

"still toddlers" as in had not aged beyond being a toddler.

I love my kids but I also need time for me. I also need time with the other half for us.

It's healthy to have a break from the kids and its got to benefit them as well. It will make for a more confident child than if they've never spent a moment apart from you.

Obviously its about balance. I wouldn't have a huge break from the kids when they were very young but I can't wait until they're a bit older and can explore more. All of my family are at a distance and my kids love spending time with them. It'll be great for my kids to spend time with them when their old enough to spend long weekends etc

I haven't been snowboarding for 3 years now. I can't wait until the kids are old enough for them to come with me!! I also can't wait to get away with the lads on my own as well!

No offense to Graham and his wife but everyone might want to remember they are both still fairly new to this markarkey being thier 1st child and all. Nobody became a a great parent overnight. Being a parent is a huge learning curve and all the people hammering Graham might want to remember what they were 1st like.

I'm sure you'll make the right descison.

PS I wonder what kind of tone the OP would have got on netmums 🙂

A [b]toddler[/b] at 10 months = extremely advanced!

Aracer - XC skiing with a little one in a trailer - cool!

I love my kids but I also need time for me. I also need time with the other half for us.

It's healthy to have a break from the kids and its got to benefit them as well. It will make for a more confident child than if they've never spent a moment apart from you.

+1

More to being a good parent than spending every moment gazing in awe at your offspring.

Careful DRJ - you will be accused of not loving your child and get pelters for that sentiment.

[i]..spending every moment gazing in awe at your offspring[/i]

Take a photo with you

Back after some sleep. A few replies:

@MrsGrahamS: must remember to delete my password from your phone 😉

@ex-pat: apologies if I offended you. My twisted little logic was just trying to demonstrate how hurtful it is when someone accuses you of not loving your children. It stings even though you know it's not true.

@all: [i]most[/I] of the opinions, from both sides, have been helpful and have been useful for us to figure out how we feel and what we should do.

We're pretty certain we'll take her now. Though the terrifying logistics of it all are starting to dawn on me: it's hassle enough travelling through an airport with two snowboards and a weeks clothes - never mind a baby, a car seat, a pram, a travel cot, nappies, toys,.... expect a thread shortly asking is anyone knows where I can hire a team of Sherpas. 🙂

XC skiing of course, with our Chariot bike trailer which also takes skis instead of wheels to become a pulk

Sweet! Now that would be brilliant.

Sadly [URL=

sport of cross-country snowboarding[/URL] is energetic enough without pulling a sled 😀

Chariot bike trailer which also takes skis instead of wheels to become a pulk (and has the bonus of being a pushchair when travelling).

Sweet! What was that like? I really want the ski kit for our Chariot, and some skis to go with it I suppose, but it's hard to justify what with living in the UK and all..

Maybe we'll just stay over in the US for longer this thanksgiving...

B; I am a grandparent and if my daughter needed a well earned break I would not have any concerns about granddaughter staying with us - they are family.. not someones pet.
It is great to have supporting family - there are many out there who are parents that do not have any back-up..

"still toddlers" as in had not aged beyond being a toddler.

Some are. My nephew was walking at 10mo and Jnr Grips was walking whilst holding someone's hand.

The point being that the vast majority are yet to be toddlers at 10 months (as pointed out above).

Very few are walking unaided at 10 months. Plenty are walking when holding onto hands or otherwise 'cruising'.

10mo is about as early as it gets. Someone else Mrs Grips knows had one at 9mo.

Irrelevant though to the OP.

As are the majority of the posts 😉