[Closed] It's Friday and we cant have pictures of sexy people....

1) what do you call a fairy who won't bath? Stinkerbell!
2) ride moab
3) I love the promise that spring makes
4) freshly baked bread
5) elfinsafety makes me laugh and think in equal measure

A baby seal walks into a bar and sits down. "What can I get you?" asked the bartender. "Anything but a Canadian Club" replied the seal.

Coat !! Thanks 😀

Top threadage, BTW!

🙂 hoping this is argument proof! and hoping it makes a few people smile.. either by reading other peoples answers, or thinking of their own.

i'll do my answers:

1)A man walked into the office of the eminent psychiatrist Dr. Von Bernuth, and sat down to explain his problem. "Doctor, doctor!" he started. "No need to repeat yourself, my good man," replied the doctor. "One 'doctor' is enough." "Yes, well, you see, I've got this problem," the man continued. "I keep hallucinating that I'm a dog. A large, white, hairy Pyrenees mountain dog. It's crazy. I don't know what to do!"

"A common canine complex," said the doctor soothingly. "Come over here and lie down on the couch." "Oh no, Doctor. I'm not allowed up on the furniture."

2)hold my first child after its been born

3)watching people i love get excited about things

4)opening the oven when cooking a sunday roast

5)i really hope B'mitch's situation at work gets sorted! sounds sad but it makes me want to give him a hug.

1) 2 fish in a tank one turns to the other and says:
"Do you know how to drive this thing?"

2) climb Kilimanjaro

3) Kids playing in the park, innocent fun.

4) either the rubber of a bike shop, or marzipan

5) World Class Accident is an incredible good friend who has actually made my life better.

Two nuns are driving through the woods at night and a vampire lands on their car bonnet. One says "quick Mary show him you're cross" so the other opens the window and shouts "get off our bonnet you c***".

I want to dive with a baleen whale

My kids always make me smile

The smell of log piles at the trailside in the Surrey hills

Surfmat seems to be a good sport which is awsome.

1) What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe? Roberto
2) Move back to my native oxfordshire and live amongst the beechwoods on the ridgeway
3) my two little lads, and their wonder and happiness at being in the world
4) Freshly mown grass
5) Tandem Jeremy - I admire his honesty and forthright opinions. And actually Surf-mat for getting and embracing the awesome thing (eventually 😉 )

1) A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

2) Swim with dolphins - a bit cliche but true

3) Cold, misty and frosty winter morning rides

4) Ghost perfume

5) I think I'd like to meet Ton - he sounds a laugh...

1) I'm just getting into snail racing.
I bought a special snail but it wasn't fast enough, so I removed its shell to save weight.
If anything it just made it more sluggish. (sorry, it's my only joke)
2) Snowboard powder forever
3) New music
4) Freshly opened Post-it notes
5) The Southern Yeti wears nice jackets

1. What do the donkeys at Blackpool get for their dinner?
Half an hour, same as everyone else...
2. Have a couple of months riding in Europe and BC.
3. Afternoon sleeps on the sofa.
4. Insulin; smells like hospital.
5. Cynic-al for dedication to the cause.

1. knock knock
who's there
control freak. now I want you to say control freak who

2. build a luxurious low impact bolt hole/hideaway with my bare hands

3. my kids being wide-eyed about discovering cool shit

4. my GF's...... neck

5. I realised I owe don simon some universal shopping vouchers and he's never moaned about it - will sort it today Senior Simon!!!!

1) Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
...Because it was dead.
(I'm more into observational stuff than jokes)

2) Build my own Grand Design

3) Sunrise

4) Fresh Coffee

5) C_G is probably the nicest person on here.

1) A bloke in a bar notices a very drunk punter falling off his stool at the end of the bar. He points him out to his mate and his mate says 'His wife left him about 3 years ago and he has been drinking hard ever since.' To which he replies, 'gosh, who'd a thought a person could celebrate for so long!'

2) Become a dad. Wrestle an alligator.

3) Walking the dog on mornings like we had today.

4) I love the smell of those chocolate nuts you get in festival stalls. They are however a con as the nuts never taste even 10% as good as the smell says they should.

5) Without wishing to initiate a bro-mance, Philconsequence this forum is improved by your presence.

Right, which thread holds the best possibility of mortal combat...

1: Two owls are playing in the final of the Owl Pool Championship. It comes down to the last frame. One of the owls is just about to play his shot, when his wing accidentally touches a ball. “That’s two hits” says the other owl. “Two hits to who?” says the first.
2: Our visas, etc, are sorted some time this millenium and as a family we get to experience life in Australia.
3: The fact that our two youngest (five and six year olds) are able to get excited about even the most mundane things.
4: Autumn in the woods.
5: One's not enough - there are some brilliant, supportive, funny people on here, and I really cant single any one out, but you know who you are...

1) Sometimes i ride my bike

2) Find the 'one' and get married. Move to Austrailia

3) My cats

4) Open fire

5) sc-xc makes me laugh

a) A bloke goes to the vet with his budgie, which he fears is dead.

The vet says he can't be sure and needs further tests. In comes his dog, a labrador, who sniffs and licks the bird, then shakes his head. Next the vet brings in a cat, who looks at it, then slinks morosely away. "I'm afraid your budgie is definitely dead," says the vet. "That will be £1,010."

"What?" says the owner. "More than a grand to tell me my budgie is dead?"

"'Fraid so," says the vet. "Normally it would be a tenner, but then you had the lab report and the cat scan."

b) do nothing but ride my bike for a few months
c) My 2 girls when they're giggling. The most infectious thing in the world
d) Hot Castrol R
e) The world is just a much better place for having Terrahawk and Harry the spider in it.

1. i was once quite good looking
2. become a great grandad
3. my wife, kids and grandaughter
4. my wifes pillow
5. met loads off here and all have been great. hope i get well enough to carry on doing so.

Why oh why oh why

Esp as Dita Von Teese is in London this weekend!

And Kylie's on Children in Need tonight!

see the sticky chaps... mods are clamping down!

1, I was having sex with a girl the other day when I started to get tired so I told her "your turn, get on top"

To which she replied, "you haven't raped many girls before have you?"

2, Build my own racing car and win a race in it.

3, Fixing my current racing car and amazingly enough the o/h makes me very happy.

4, Hot Castrol R, bloomin gorgeous smell.

5, Verses and Mr Greedy, are really good guys.

1) (Insert your home town here)'s just got a new zoo. It's not much of a zoo, it's a small, ugly dog in a box. It's a sh1t zoo.

2) Fly in a Spitfire?

3) My wife's smile.

4) Fresh paint.

5) Singlecrack. Funny name, funny bloke.

1. What's the difference between masturbation and an egg..?
You can beat an egg.
2. Learn to be a good DJ
3. Fresh Joy
4. My son
5. I don't know any forum members personally but most have opened my
mind in some way at some time through the forum

1: Who's the nicest guy in the hospital? The Ultrasound guy. Who's the nicest when he's off? The Hip replacement guy!

2:Surf well

3:I stopped at a crossing yesterday morning on the way to work and a small pigeon walked across when the man went green. Made my day!

4:Bike shop or fresh pizza

5: Only really met Ton, who's a top bloke. Everyone I've bought from or sold to has been top notch though!

bromance you say?

[img] [/img]

either that or i'll start calling you chocolate-bear 😉

1) tell me a funny joke - there's an egg and a sausage in a frying pan. The egg turns to the sausage and says
"Cor it's hot in here!"
The sausage replies
"E****ing 'ell a talking egg."
Ok, ok it's not funny... IGMC

2) Ride Sestrieres, Tourmalet and MTB Les Arcs. See the kids settled and happy.

3) Me wifey

4) Marmalade on Toast with a cup of tea
or Beer
or the Curry house when commuting past it on a winters night.

5) You're all great - it's a webby community thing.

1) Why don't ducks fly upside down? ---- Because they'd quack up.
Rubbish I know but it's short and I can't type very fast.

2) Organise a cycling event

3) Sometimes the right song at the right time makes me smile, chuckle and feel incredibly good about life

4) Sunday roast

5) I don't really know anyone here well enough to single them out but as a collective you're all great

1. why did the skeleton burp? Because he didn't have the guts to fart!
2.i would love to cycle round and through australia
3. my 7 month old son when he laughs
4. freshly cut hardwood
5. dezb=top chap, never met, sent me an elvis mp3 file; and emsz, never met, but saying that she has a girlfriend and small boobs made me a happy, pervy git (sorry)

1. Heard one about Diana's ring today. I fear a ban though
2. I want to have my own dog
3. Sunny winter mornings
4. New tyres
5. Captain Flasheart is perhaps the poshest person I've ever met

1. what do you called an intelligent blonde......a labrador
2. to ride and ski whistler in the same year
3. the look of the world after a big snow storm when no one has disturbed the snow, so white and pure
4. the forest in the morning when its all fresh and damp (think its a pine needle smell)
5. Jedi...guy is a legend and always happy to offer advice which works

1) Cats have nine lives but a frog croaks every night
2) Explore another planet
3) Motes suspended in rays of sunlight
4) Pine sap and earth
5) Love you all

Can you explain why no more Friday sexy people. Did I miss something?

1) Why did the fox cross the road? It was the chicken's day off
2) Swim with dolphins
3) Massive waves crashing against the shore
4) Basil leaves
5) Binners postings usually make me laugh (esp in reference to Hora)

1) Kylie Minogue - The singer
2) Kylie Minogue - The singer
3) Kylie Minogue - The singer
4) Kylie Minogue - The singer
5) erm...

see the sticky thread posted by the mods buzz 🙂

no more pictures or threads intended to spark anything of a sexual nature type stuff

1) [url= http://www.funnyandjokes.com/that-thing.html ]Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and going into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing. [/url]

2) A parachute jump

3) innocence

4) girls' hair

5) iDave finally coughed up, took his time, but.... 😉

Cant think of one.
The Bob Graham Round
My children when I'm working from home and they come through the door and I can kiss their cold cheeks.
My childrens hair
TJ is wet (but in a good way!)

1. Was having a w*nk the other day and my gran caught me. She was so shocked that she had a stroke. Couldn't believe how soft her hands were

5) C_G is probably the nicest person on here.

Blushes furiously and thank you kindly but is unable to comprehend why this should be [s]unless TSY is still after a date with my daughter[/s] 🙂

1. can't think of one, sorry. 😳
2. ride the Corrieyairack Pass.
3. scenery.
4. bluebells.
5. so many good people on here and you know who you are.

Thought this one would appeal to some of the I.T. bods on here.

1.Looking over the log book kept by the computer support staff at my office, I noticed several entries stating the problem was PICNIC. I asked one of the technicians what PICNIC meant. He laughed as he told me it meant "Problem In Chair, Not In Computer"
2. Trip down the west coast similar to 13thfloormonk but opposite direction
3. Waking up ext to my wife.
4. Opening a packet of good coffee
5. Tollah Stu and Cheezy (and respective other halves)are nice folks. Thanks for the dinner and generla hospitality.

enduro aid, thank you 🙂

1) public survey found out that 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not happy

2) sit on the moon looking back at earth

3) i get to effect mtbing positively

4) split cedar

5) timpol, just a ****in nice guy!