[Closed] Is there ever a right time to have kids?

life doesn't stop but it certainly undertakes a rapid change of direction (or should).

no, there isn't a right time.

does life have to stop when you have babies

No, and if it does you're doing it wrong.

Totally depends on your other half IME. I'd say agree the ground rules on individual time well in advance of B-Day. Once the first few months were over with we each made sure we had one evening off a week. After a while that increased to me getting to ride one day pretty much each weekend. In addition to that, I use my own time & get up at 5am a couple of mornings a week. I know a lot of riders with children start doing a lot of night riding too. I'm fortunate in that I have an understanding wife who realises I'm a nightmare unless I'm getting out on the bike a fair bit. YMMV 🙂

Oh, and no, I don't think there's ever a right time!

Life doesn't stop but your priorities change in a way that means a lot of people think that it looks like it does...

I always try getting my women to have them in the evening, that's the most convenient time. 😉

First child due 30th December. We just decided that no there never is a right time. Just go for it.
We'll never be rich enough, grown up enough or be close enough to the local school etc so why worry. I bet your parents didn't or your Grandparents. Just don't get sucked in to the modern phenomenon that kids are the end of your so called life.

What works for some is wrong for others. I was 38 before my daughter was born and will therefore be an older parent. That means I had lots of "free" time when I was younger and was able to concentrate on a career and stability before starting a family.

On the other hand, mates of mine started in their late teens/early twenties, They struggled a bit financially and had less freedom in their twenties. Now they are older, their kids are away from home and they have their free time with a decent amount of disposable income.

bit of both - life doesn't stop when you have kids but it changes as you have different priorities (i e them)
I have 2 kids ( 3 & 2 yrs so not ready to go out with me yet but we do ride as a family - bike trailer & 3 year old rides part of way) I have an understanding wife & trails on my doorstep so can still ride 2-3 times a week for a couple of hours, approx one Sat/Sun for the day every 4-6 weeks and just got back from my annual trip away - 3 days riding in Spain. The right time to have kids is when you and your partner feel ready, everything else slots in around them

we found the best time to have our first child was immediately after a 9 month period of pregnancy..

it proved to be a good method and one that we will use again..

Dr. Miriam Stoppard wrote a baby book.
On the first page it reads: There is never a good time to have children.

When you meet the right partner then the feeling of wanting a child with them is greater than the need to keep buying stuff, nightclubbing until dawn, being selfish/self centered etc.

From Barney:

"We’ve talked a lot in this space about relationships, marriage, and other decisions that can destroy your life and the lives of those around you. One of the most tragic of these career-ending injuries is the decision to have children. To combat that there is one abiding rule: NO KIDS UNTIL YOU’RE AT LEAST 45.

Here’s why.

• Studies have shown that human hearing starts to fade the instant you turn 45 so children won’t be as obnoxiously loud.

• After you turn 45 your game will naturally start to fade. Having a kid at that point gives you a prop that will help pick up chicks.

• According to the approved younger chick formula (your age / 2 + 7), when you turn 45 you can no longer hook up with a chick in her 20’s. Since the dream is over you might as well crank out a munchkin.

• Having a kid before you turn 45 means devoting much of your precious time to caring for and/or paying for it. After 45 what are you really doing with your time other than wishing you were younger?

• The longer you wait to have a kid the more likely you’ll be changing your baby’s diapers at the same time you have to change your own. While that may not sound ideal it will drastically reduce the amount of time you spend in your life dealing with poop"

The right time is when you both feel like it 🙂

Life doesn't stop, but you do do different things sometimes. Me and Mrs Grips had a few difficulties since she's a single parent for a fair bit of time cos of my work - but we're starting to work it out now (18mo later!).

It's definitely worse when you're not near your own parents or someone you can dump kids with on a regular basis. Paid for babysitters aren't the same.

Top tip - do a lot of talking about it. What your expectations are, how you see it working out, what your approaches to parenting and other chores are. Not parenting as in who changes the nappy, but how you think a child should be brought up and how you are likely to react to certain things. I think it also helps to fess up about how you were as a child and how you felt about things, because there's a chance that your kid might have the same issues and feelings.

Stop making excuses - Do it now!

or you could just choose not to?

7,000,000,000 humans and growing - it's not as if there's a shortage of man-power...

other life-style choices are available, etc.

But what if you want to make sure that there is a small person, say a Willard Jnr, that could carry over your genes to the next generation?

Just because the world has a hugely exploding population (primarily _not_ due t our country's birthrate, or for that matter most of the developed world) should I choose not to try for one?

@ahwiles:

Other life style choice is a puppy but OH is allergic. I imagine I'd get the same story about pooey nappies.

But what if you want to make sure that there is a small person, say a Willard Jnr, that could carry over your genes to the next generation?

read dawkins; your genes are not unique, genes exist primarily in populations, not individuals (the genes in your body exist in the rest of the population also). The particular combination that describes you is unique, but the individual genes aren't.

you have no unique genes, sorry.

you do have a unique combination, but that will be lost when you die - having kids can't stop that.

Just because the world has a hugely exploding population (primarily _not_ due t our country's birthrate, or for that matter most of the developed world) should I choose not to try for one?

because children born in the 'west*' will have a much higher demand for resources.

i don't think people should feel guilty about having kids, but nor should they feel weird if they don't - it's about the most eco-friendly thing you could do.

(*for want of a better word)

As noted above life does not stop, but it does change.

I found the first 18 months to be the most intense.

I find them hard going when they are small and like it much more when they are a bit more interactive.

Having an extended family around you will certainly help. We didn't unfortunately.

i'm 40, mrs t_l_r is 36.

we have none and are utterly in love with each other [together ~8 years now].

we have an incredible life together and aren't missing out on what we've never had.

we are financially fortunate however and suitably mature enough to discuss the situation.

however, most of our friends have kids and we see a lot of discord and stress in their lives compared to ours.

depends on your 'needs' and 'priorities' imo.

good luck 🙂

Do it without hesitation.....best thing you will ever do and all that..nothing better than a day in the hills to get a break aswell..

most of our friends have kids and we see a lot of discord and stress in their lives compared to ours.

That's not caused by kids 🙂

Best thing to do and don't leave it too late!

I'm with matt on this, don't leave it too late. We've got 1 child, and the only target was that I wanted to have a child by the time I was 30 - we got some of the selfish couple stuff out of the way before Josh arrived, but now he is a bit older we're getting to the point where we can start to think about holidays to exotic places in a few years to come without him - but we're off to Florida first with him next year.

Money will always accomodate a child, time, yep, kids take up time, stress, yes, at times, but the majority of stress in mine & Mrs MFL's lives is not child related, but work related, as it is for many of us.

You might be

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don't leave it to late

If you are asking the question, I'm guessing you may have left it a bit late...

I'm mid 40's now and have 3 teenagers (and yes, they can jump and DH far, far better than me), but know people my age who've babies - no way!

Also

[i]i'm 40, mrs t_l_r is 36.

we have none and are utterly in love with each other [together ~8 years now].
[/i]

Definition of embarrassed - teenage son the morning after his parents had a shag-fest 😆

Trust me! It will change your life, but only for the better!! 8 and 5 over here and if I could make time stand still then it would be now!! Both ours were unplanned, especially the second. I couldn't imagine a day without "my" family now!

Mrscarlos and me are older parents, I just turned 40 in July she's 40 in December and carlos jnr is 5 1/2 ,we wanted to have another but 2 miscarriages have lost us 3 potential children.

We got together in 1989 and had 15 years of bliss doing what we liked , 3 foreign hols a year ect. Neither of us wanted kids we were too busy having a good time. Many of our friends had kids when they were young with the idea that they'd still be young enough when the kids leave home , only 1 couple of 6 are still together.

We'd given up on the idea and were comfortable with just the 1 and had started selling stuff like our weeride/pram to clear some space.

Then we went on holiday the first week in August and she missed a monthly that was due , on our return home we did a test and she's well and truly up the duff 😀 ,13 weeks gone and she feels like crap (complete contrast to our first).

It's bloody hard work being a parent but soooo rewarding I couldn't imagine Luke not being here and have my fingers crossed that all is well with mini-jelly carlos so the fun can continue

Mini North is five week sold today. I am shattered, Mrs North even more so. We are 34 and 32 respectively, though we both currently feel older..!

Until last week, I hadn't ridden my bike in two months. I'm now easing back into the (17 mile each way) commute and last night took a little detour home (Arriving late for bathtime).

I don't think for a minute life will be the same - by definiiton it cannot be. But, I do think that life will be different in ways I have not yet experienced.

I've got a whole lot of proper career stress coming my way over the next year, and Mrs North may well find herself redundant when returning to work next year.

There's never a right time, not the right amount of money or correctly sized or situated house. Life is never perfect like that. I'm prepared to take the rough with the smooth, the good with the bad.

It isn't how much money or free time, but what i do with the money and time I have. I want my daughter to share my values, and to be a positive contributor to society. For that, we must all invest.

When my sprog popped out everything changed. No more flashy bikes, Burgtec hubs etc. but I'd never change a thing even if I could. She smiles, hops on her little Spesh and I no longer need new brakes or whatever.
There's never a good time, if you're lucky you'll be a good parent. Beware, the missus might gain extra inches, a bit of flab and her tits will shrink after the birth-giving mess. And you won't mind, trust me.

Am I right in guessing most of these replies are from men? I'm interested in how Mums change.........do you ever feel like getting out on your bike again?!

bruneep - Member

You might be

Probably about 9 months after conception is about the best time, as significantly before can have problems; significantly longer than that is unfortunately tricky too. 🙁

32. That way you get to do cool stuff whilst you are still DINKYs and dont end up to old before they **** off and leave home.

Thats what I did anyway and twins was a bonus as we never have to do the new baby thing ever again.

I've had next to no riding in this year, after they reach toddler stage you don't really feel like buggering off for an epic ride when you can be messing around in the park with them

I'm interested in how Mums change

Well, I didn't ride bikes way back then but did a wee bit of horse riding. The last thing I wanted to rush back to was a saddle - some healing had to take place!

Back to original question - just be sure you absolutely do want them, although fortunately there is less pressure these days to have a family.

Clarey, the kids have to join in or put up with it! 🙂 41 with an 8 and 14 year old.

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80 million added to human population each year. The last thing this planet needs is more ****ing people.

LOL @ JCL ... argh children!!! Life will certainly change and you most definately cannot carry on with your "normal" life. I don't have kids but everyone tells me you can. How?? me and Mr MC go MTBing together on the weekend... brat pops out ... oh look he can go MTBing .. then lucky me I can go .... woah I can't wait for that exciting moment!!! You can't carry on with your pre-baby tomfoolery in the same way you would with a baby.

Pedalhead certainly doesn't appear to have a kid the amount of money he has spent on bikes lately 😉 Lucky boy and his wife is VERY understanding (not that I've met her!).

Never a right time. But having children expands your life beyond all comprehension. Those who have kids will understand. Just do it - it all falls into place afterwards

MC just buy a bigger camel bak-u can go all trendy with a bambino poking his head outta the the top, kinda like a Paris Hilton with a doggy in the handbag kinda look ya know? I also reckon you can probably get baby cages, like the ones you leave dogs in when they go to vets ? No?? Problem solved. 🙂

We need children and lots of them, someone has to pay down the deficit and my pension...

Babykip is 5 months old today and I asked a similar question about whether my life was over on this site before she was born. I thought I'd really miss riding my bike as much as I did but my priorities are different now. What's more I didn't think I'd feel like this but it kind of came naturally.
We found the right time to have a baby is when you both agree to it, I suspect any other time leads to animosity.
Clareymorris - yes I love getting out on my bike. I even bought a new one before Babykip was born but wasn't given they ok to ride until she was 10wks old. By then my fitness and skills weren't as good as they were so it's taking time to get back into it. I'm lucky to have a supportive husband and we do what we can to get each other out on our bikes. We find tag team parenting at our local loop is best.
Nacho - didn't realise this was you. Glad Spain was fun and I hear that no-one got broken, well Jacqui didn't and as she's my other riding buddy I'm glad!

We have twin girls at 15 months, I am 43, Mrs M 34. I wasn't ready till I was about 40 and loving every minute of it now.

Have 3 - my wife convinced me 3 times that there is never a bad time to have kids.

I would like a dog, but wife says it's not a good time.

The best time to have kids is Sunday night as the child benefit calculations start from midnight Sunday - Monday. Therefore this maximises your child benefit take. Don't have kids on Mondays for exactly the same reason.

I trust this helped.

Apparently they're arrival is not collateral damage from winter.

Beforehand I was worried about the impact on 'fun stuff'

He's so much fun that now I wish we'd done it earlier.

2 kids here - 2 and 3 and a half.

I'll not lie, its been bloody tough. We chose to drop down to one wage and my wife quit her career to bring up our boys. We've no family within 100 miles so haven't really had much help or downtime. Money has been pretty tight and I've not really ridden my mtb properly for over a year - although I commute around 90 miles a week through the woods.

Now my eldest is at nursery school and my youngest is demanding to go to it as well (he big bro keeps going on about how much fun it is). My wife is starting a job at the beginning of october and our finances are about to get a whole load better. My work have been amazing about letting me work flexible hours when Mrs Yoss goes back which has been a massive help.

Time wise, both of the kids have calmed down a afair bit and are both sleeping through and are totally manageable by one person so we're both getting a chance to do stuff again. Mrs Yoss went on a weekend Aikido training course last week and I'm off to wales for a weekend of riding before the new year as well as being about to get out for an evening a week.

As others have said its the fiurst 18 mnths or so that are the hardest but its important to realise that its just a short phase that does end.

My wife and I kind of feel like we've woken from hibernation and are sticking our heads out into the fresh air for the first time in 3 years - the world is still there and people you've not seen for a while are still around and the things that you used to enjoy are still fun.

AND you have another little person to share it all with...

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...two in my case

do it : )

I would say there isn't always a right time but you adapt to the situation and it's the best thing that's happened to me. I'm glad I waited until I was in my early 30s though so that I was more mature and also earning more money, so more stability.
This why we're here folks - and also why shagging feels so nice 😀

Is there a right time? Well erm yes and no, it depends completely on personal circumstance, and to a large degree the career of the woman. Me and Mrs FD planned a rough time period of time when we could try and have a baby so that it wouldnt jeopardise her career, luckily baby came along just at the right time (after she secured an 8 year contract which is the golden tickect in her profession)

However in other ways the time was not right, I work miles from home and am away 12 hours a day, some thing we did not plan on happening.

Its very hard work, and life as you knew it no longer exists, whilst never resenting it at first I found this difficult, but now are son is so rewarding, and the bond so ubeleivably strong it doesnt matter. I do still however find it odd when some people say that there life felt incomplete before having children.

I would however say to anyone dont get preggers in your 20's, go out enjoy like, do all the things you want to do, because when a child comes along you certainly wont be able to!

If both of you want one, go for it, it will be hard, and you will never be so tired but when your son/daughter laughs and smiles at you, some how none of that matters.

the teaboy - Member

Beforehand I was worried about the impact on 'fun stuff'He's so much fun that now I wish we'd done it earlier.

I'm mostly looking forward to being able to go to the playground with a mini chickadee and not get looked at like I escaped from the loony bin. Going on the swings is frowned upon when you're 30+ it seems.

Ah yes I have already had thoughts about going to watch motor racing, going karting, playing with scaletrix... all for my son of course !

There may or may not be a right time to have a first child but from experience there is a right time to have a second and that is very soon after the first. We have a 9 year old and an 18month old and by christ i wish I had gone along with the wifes nagging for a second soon after and not 7+ years after. Love them both to bits but finacially we are ****ed and have long way to go before child care bills are no more. Plus as the first go older I got oads more time for the really selfish stuff that blokes like to do, but now i am back to grabbing the odd hour here or there. Honestly I thought i was turning the corner to easy street and then wham!!