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Probably echoing various previous, but:
* Everyone has advice and an opinion. But every baby / parent is different. Don't feel you're being negligent about ignoring advice. Don't feel you've got it dialled if you do, either.
* Mum is going to need loads of help and support, whether she asks for it or not. It's easy to miss the signals, because you'll be operating on very little sleep yourself, but remind yourself to keep an eye out. There will probably be baby blues a couple of days after birth, and there may be postnatal depression. The first is a matter of course. The second can hit anyone.
* Breastfeeding might not work out. Your wife or girlfriend may feel they need to make it work, no matter what. There is an alternative, and if you take it, it doesn't automatically make you terrible parents.
* You won't be riding for a long time. I cleared out my bike collection, going from 4 and loads of spares down to a singlespeed and a FS bike, then going down to a singlespeed. Use it as an excuse to have a good clearout - you can put it into a savings account, either to buy a lovely new bike at some point in the future (maybe, say, 21 years) or put towards heaps of baby stuff.
* Bike trailer. Bike trailer compatible bike. Amazing how many designs (and old designs - cowled dropouts, for example) don't work with bike trailers. Bike trailers are awesome
* Cook and freeze as much as possible
* Espresso machine
* As soon as practical, try and encourage mum (Rope in her friends if needs be) to get out of the house for a bit of a break from the new baby. Even if it's a cup of tea at a friends' house round the corner. The first weeks are relentless. Actually, the first years are relentless. No idea if it eases up after that
* If you can be around for midwife visits, be around. Midwives are generally awesome, and a fount of knowledge
* Those funny pockets at the end of the sleeves on newborn babygrows? Turn them inside out, and your bubba won't be able to scratch themselves by accident.
* They're basically screaming digestive tracts to begin with. Persist.
* Don't feel guilty if you don't fall in love immediately. Generally, they tend to appear after several hours (or days) of fairly hefty physical and emotional turmoil.
* You will be tired. Act accordingly. Heavy fatigue makes you prone to mistakes, forgetfulness, clumsiness and all the rest.
* If people ask what they can bring over, cake is always a good thing. A slice of cake is great.
* Try and take time to enjoy the experience. Before you know it, it'll be all about Octonauts or Frozen.
Best of luck. It's utterly life-changing.
Get all house DIY jobs done NOW as you won't have time for the next 2 years.
Also make sure your bike(s) are in tip top condition, so if you do get the chance for a ride, you can, and you don't have to waste those precious couple of hours bleeding brakes and replacing mechs etc. Its the reason I went for a Rohloff.
Most importantly, don't listen to advice given on internet forums. Every baby is different. If they cry, its for a reason and that reason maybe they want a cuddle. This holds true for at least 6 years, and more I presume, my eldest is 6 1/2 and it still applies.
Congratulations. Kids are ace.
Oh, one last thing, be prepared to become an emotional wreck whenever you see books/programmes/adverts aimed at parents. The Bastards know you're sensitive.
We never bothered heating the bottles, either - room temperature was fine.
This, and getting them used to (sometimes at least) cold food makes it soo much easier when you are out and about and they need feeding.
'Travel system' worked for us. Chassis that take car seat is handy for first 6 months or so to save disturbing them moving from car to buggy. Ours also took a (borrowed) pram attachment, which actually got used more as a moses basket in the house for a couple of months. 6 months on just use it as a buggy. Decent sized wheels with pneumatic tyres is my recommendation for a 'outdoorsy' family. Or a cheap stoller with little castor wheels if shopping is more your thing.
Carriers are a good companion to a buggy/travel system too. Front carrier, then rear as older. Our use is 50:50 buggy:carrier.
Impending Fatherhood - What are the essential items?
Condoms, then you won't make the same mistake again. 😉
Good luck OP - just go with your gut feeling about stuff; your baby, your rules. Bollox to what anyone else tells you!
* You won't be riding for a long time.
don't listen to this.
you might not be doing many all day epics but the idea that life should stop is wrong.
Ours is now 15 days old, lots of good advice above, but without question, the best thing we have bought is Ewan the Dream Sheep. Sends her off to sleep really quickly - total revelation!
[url= http://www.sweetdreamers.co.uk/shop/products/ewan-the-dream-sheep ]Ewan the dream sheep[/url]
[quote=boondock ]Ours is now 15 days old, lots of good advice above, but without question, the best thing we have bought is Ewan the Dream Sheep. Sends her off to sleep really quickly - total revelation!
Ewan the dream sheep
second that. ours is looking a bit ragged at 3yrs old but still going strong.
you might not be doing many all day epics but the idea that life should stop is wrong.
Definitely true - maybe not during the first month, but once you've started to get the hang of it there's no reason you can't negotiate a few hours off on a Sunday morning, for example.
2 things I wished I'd had in the house...
1) A white noise machine - Ewan is great but he times out.. ours needs one on all the time running from mains.
2) Formula - If breastfeeding isn't going well and you're on the phone to NHSDirect at 3am and they suggest formula then isn't the time to need to go to Tesco's
You lot are taking this far too seriously..as a parent to three grown ups It always struck me how stressful the first was whilst we barely noticed the last one.
Feed em when their hungry, change the nappies occasionally and try not to lose them, nature will look after the rest, don't spend too much on toys, they won't remember them and you'll spend a year falling over a four foot talking Nemo..
You will also need all the money saved for when there teenagers and everything costs £500 and theres a new something every other month.
Enjoy, its brilliant 🙂
Reading all this good stuff I'm starting to feel terrible... we bought a Land Rover 90 just before Gti Junior was born and in the months after his birth I spent a lot of time outside fettling it. Does this make me a bad Dad? I feel awful, really...
and remember just when you think you cant take it any more the little ****er will smile!
and remember just when you think you cant take it any more the little **** will smile!
Then do a massive sh1t 🙂
You put food in one end, s*** comes out the other, wet wipes are sometimes useful.
First thing to add to the list should be more kids. One just isn't enough chaos. Even though it is A LOT of chaos.
Money the older the child the more money it needs
After 6 weeks things get easier. After 12 weeks easier again. After 6 months MUCH easier and much more fun. Hang in there.
PS This is invaluable:
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Dream feeding made a big help in getting everyone a good night's sleep with our boy , the best bit of advice I got was have a routine but then don't beat yourself up when you don't always manage it
congrats, etc - it'll be ace! Filer the advice you receive, it is often worth what you pay for it.
Best advice I ever got: Whatever it is; its a phase.
edit: never wake a child to feed it!
So far our travel system has been a waste of time. The buggy and car seat yes, the carry cot has gone un-used.
I wouldn't buy one again.
I also wouldn't buy clothes or blankets etc. People have bought us more than we will ever use. Which is nice.
I would buy;
Isofix or belted base. Saves time and effort in the dark.
Bath support - means you can bath baby by yourself and baby can chillout in the water. Best thing we got.
Hana baby wrap. Allows baby to be snugged to you whilst you wash up, hoover, tinker with your bike. Awesome.
Get all your sex in now. When the temporary bickering and fighting starts due to hormones and lack of sleep you'll wrongly start to think Mandy at work understands you more and she seems so carefree. Beware of this trap.
Id recommend one of these:
http://www.mothercare.com/Gro-Light/628026,default,pd.html
And one of these:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Summer-Infant-Slumber-Buddies-Butterfly/dp/B00423GXAW
They helped us anyhow. Good luck and congratulations. Best thing that has ever happened to me. Just remember to take loads and loads of pictures but most of all videos from the very first moments 🙂
There's a time in the future when four hours sleep will feel like heaven.
When you are tired, every minor disagreement with your other half will feel like it could be the end of your relationship.
It will be the hardest and best thing you will ever do. Every step forward will bring new joy and new problems.
I only started riding when Jnr was born. Thought it would be easier and cheaper than going to the gym 4 times a week. 11 years, 8 bikes/frames, 30,000 miles and one sister later, I'm still riding. But I did start commuting by bike when I realised how dangerous sleep deprived commuting by car was. Seriously!
And get yourself a decent portable cushion. I'm currently sat on the hard cold tiles of a pool side for the 9 millionth swimming lesson/club training session.
Buy...
A baby bjorn for carrying them round. Much much easier than a pram and they can see out.
A blender so you can mush up your own food
A turbo trainer
A cot that turns into a bed so you get lots of use from it. We accidentally bought our daughter a full size bed but she's slept in it since age 1 no trouble.
I our experience (two close together) you don't need a lot so save your money. We bought new clothes, but second hand Boden or similar saves a fortune, you don't need loads of toys just a few to stimulate them, or buy from charity shops.
Do not run out of nappies. Buy lots of wipes too. There is a direct correlation between the sizes of a baby poo and how few wipes you have left.
Don't forget that motd is on early on a Sunday morning.
Listen to everyone else's advice and then make up your own mind.
Ps online food shops can save alot of hassle.
Pps plan some easy meals. And get some takeaway menu's in.
Good luck. Its quite good fun.
Don't doubt the mind fu#k it can be for the mum and be ready to support her fully despite you wondering where the rational women you married had disappeared to. This may not happen, but it might.
Don't be proud, 2nd hand clothes from friends with slightly older children are a massive pound saver.
Watch them a lot when they sleep, it's very very therapeutic, and will make you sob like a baby sometimes.
Go on a journey and find a source of energy and harvest it.
Take photographs of you both in the first week, you will laugh hysterically in years to come when you see how sh1t you looked due to tiredness.
Generally try to enjoy the experience and remind yourself how lucky you are every time you yearn for childless times .
I asked the missus which were the essential items in her opinion...she said..
A stokke highchair (with baby seat ).v expensive. But brilliant .
A decent breast pump.
Sore nipple cream.
Isofix base for car seat/s.
Cal pol .
Red wine .ha.
Brandy and calpol
Calpol for you, brandy to knock the wee one out
Welcome to the world of permanent jet lag!
As mentioned a turbo trainer is a must. You won't be going out riding much for a long while and all that cake people bring combined with being tired on the sofa makes for one fat belly.
I swaddle the dude up on the sofa and do 30 mins a day in the lounge.
Every thing is just a phase .
new childrens clothes are a waste of cash second hand and handmedowns are ace .
We have too many muslins" said no one with a child ever.
Baby poo comes out under extreme pressure make a value judgement about what you want to clean then when doing nappy changes point the exit sideways if you prefer scrubbing carpets and walls and towards you if you prefer scrubbing clothes.
Seat base for slot in carry cot car seat thing is essential.
All advise comes from people who are at best experts about a totally different baby. You will make it work out fine . You and your wife will be tired and occasionally stressed give each other room to be so .
Not going riding is down to priorities. I cut other stuff to give me some time, focussed on riding and got out as much as usual. 3 weeks in I was flat out sideways down the back of Mam Tor grinning my head off! Be organised, prepare your kit and bike and ready to go at the drop of a hat though, so probably solo unless you have flexible mates on standby. I found road biking easier. Mrs got me some rollers for when she is out and I'm home.
First off congrats 🙂 Our little man arrived in oct and it's been a heck of a ride so far (good and bad).
Just mirroring what most have said really. There will be some long nights and days ahead but it will all be worth it. Make sure that you do have time to yourself and also that your partner has time to themselves even if it is an hour. Riding will take a back seat but you'll still get out occasionally (TBH when I do get out on the bike I can't wait to get home).
Enjoy it and take lots of photo's. The first smile is ACE. Also like a few have said, Don't spend to much on new clothes it's amazing how quickly they grow out of stuff.
(wish my missus would buy me some rollers 🙁 )
We didn't feel the need for a blender. Started him on food at 4 months and now at 7 months he can eat surprisingly lumpy chewy stuff. It's easy putting some food aside for him from your own pan before seasoning.
i wouldn't listen to the not riding thing its nonsense ,depends on the mrs i guess but mine is all for us both getting out regular, she says i would bore her shitless if i didn't go out and come back with something new to say.
the first priority is supporting the wife mate do this properly and it will all be fine.
Yeah, fair enough, maybe that was a bit harsh. You'll get a bit of riding in. expect it to be quite a lot less in the first few months, mind. I went from a solid 80-odd offroad miles a week, with house-fixing-upping to house-fixing-upping only. Maybe got 40 miles in in the first couple of months. YMMV, but I went into it knowing that getting out on the bike would be an added bonus. Of course, now both Udderlets are mad crazy for riding their bikes...
Congratulations - My boy was born 11 days ago so this is new to me as he was our 1st, i have had 2 rides out (both about 1 1/4 hours ) i am in a permanent state of jet lag (we both are) i only notice when i see normal folk to chat, HE IS AMAZING changes every day . After 2 days we felt he had been here all our lives, he cries a bit ? sleeps a lot and makes me laugh when he is awake .
Moses basket yes its a shop window for visitors they don't pick him up they just look
Cybex Sirona swivel seat adjustable back saver(its the dropper post of car seats)
Breast /pump formula - it doesn't matter just keep IT? fed
prepare to cry
Christmas is still Christmas ,i got some nice things coming (like normal ) the wife has too , Granny is ace , Enjoy the change , it will take over you but for the better and yes every one has an opinion- think they do any way from the car you buy to blah blah - we filter out what we do not want to hear , but with our first child we suck it all in ? DO NOT
I remember my first drop off and my first drop in (BMX and skateboard) they hurt but i knew that before i committed off the lip ?- so will being a parent !
It will also come naturally as we are designed to do this - go with the flow enjoy and do take pictures
Congratulations once more , i finish my paternity leave on Tuesday so back to work Wednesday i have loved the 2 weeks getting to know a little man who cannot speak or do much - but has changed me and bonded like nothing has ever before .
Ear plugs.
If you are walking around with a screaming baby at 3am. They cut down on the screaming and make it bearable. Certainly reduced the stress for me when I did walk around duty.
They are also great if you are working and need to sleep through a feed.
Your mates might call you selfish. But in our minds it was better for me to be in a fit state for work than for both of us to be shattered.
They really are all different. If we'd had our third first we wouldn't have three...
Just when you think you're seasoned campaigners on the multiple battlefields of parenthood, happy to throw out advice to first timers on getting 'em to sleep, along comes a baby with the simple strength of will to make a mockery of all that. Who laughs in the face of the strategies that worked perfectly well with his older siblings. I say laughs. Vommits.
(PostScript - he became a fairly terrifying toddler with an 'I'm about to get angry' face that still strikes fear when I think of it. And is now a very on the level 17yr old who calls me 'shorty'... )
Anyway: my point is that there's often bugger all correlation between babies and the people they become, in any kind of objective terms ( tho you may feel you've always known them). Also don't blame yourselves for stuffas a parent to three grown ups It always struck me how stressful the first was whilst we barely noticed the last one. that's probably not down to you. Thirdly, erm, I signed up for babies/toddlers thinking that's parenthood, and I must have known about teenagers somewhere in my brain. However I'm quite clear that I did not sign up for worrying about young adults as part of the deal. Have I not done enough?
Has anyone been in the situation where both of you ride?
How did that work out?
Don't reuse cot mattresses. Some studies indicate a link to increased risk of cot death.
Don't buy every gadget.
Simple pushchairs are smaller, lighter and more convenient than 'travel systems'.
Microwave steam sterilisers are great.
Muslin cloths - you can never have too many.
Bibs - lots of them. The TommeeTippee ones are pretty good. A wee bit more expensive but I think they were worth it.
The isofix base for the car seat saves a lot of hassle.
Vests from your local supermarket short and long sleeved.
As others have said a freezer packed with meals is a life saver.
If breast feeding breast pads and if there is trouble latching on nipple shields.
Proper clothing for newborns is a hassle so baby grows are the way forward (think Sainsburys ones are pretty good).
Baby grows that have poppers on the front - any ones with poppers on the back are the devil.
One of the things that helped us that hasn't been mentioned is Dr. Browns bottles.
And something that changed our world, Nutramigen, because we finally found out the puking screaming hell child was allergic cows milk (and was bottle fed).
Listen to all the advice and ignore 98% or it
Toddler taming
Do not buy Gena Ford - she is an idiot
Baby Byorn
I did until midnight but nothing after that until the morning as I had to work
Once they are sleeping through the night I did the last feed at 10 at the same time as MrsFla was milked - I used this next evening - loved doing it as it was "my time" with JuniorFla.
Ignore the breast feeding nazis and go for formula if you want/need to - JuniorFla wasnt sleeping well until we pumped an extra 3oz of milk into him in the 10pm feed at about 6 weeks - slept through the night after that.
Please feel free to ignore all of this as you will work out what works and what doesnt
Alternatively adopt a 1 yr old next time - much easier
One day you will find yourself standing, holding a vomiting baby. Stand still. Don't do what I did and run with baby to the bathroom. The walls, cream carpets, me, the walls, everywhere. Finally had it all cleaned up and it happened again.
That and I'd recommend having a backpack with energy bars and a drink ready to go by the door. You will get to ride, just at unexpected times that defy planning.
Yeah you do get to go riding but it is less for me.
When the wife has been up all night with a colicky baby that won't breast feed cause of tantrums then I'd feel a right shit heading into Wales for the day and leaving her to carry on.