[Closed] Impending Fatherhood - What are the essential items?

A copy of Toddler Taming by Dr Christopher Green. Invaluable in understanding how to train children.

I cooked a shed load of meals (big loads of stews, lasagne etc) so when I went back to work, life would be that's little bit easier for mum.

They don't really need many clothes.

I found that learning as I went along was by far the best option. Just have fun and takes loads of photos, it goes so fast.

Congratulations to you all, it will be ace.

Big stack of muslin cloths.

Sense of Humour
ProPlus

Can't think of anything that particularly would have tranformed the experience for the better.

Good, easy-to-prepare food for you and mum, and a firm commitment to look out for those moments when she is utterly knackered and needs a little extra from you.

EDIT: And the ability to be the one to politely tell relatives to sod off when they've outstayed their welcome.

"Toddler Taming"

[img] [/img]

congratulations 🙂

don't bother with a moses basket, they just grow out of them in a couple of weeks, a lie flat pram is fine

enjoy reading weekend newspapers now, you can kiss them goodbye when kids come along

PS if youre anywhere near Malvern I have a cot and mattress in need to shift for a bargin price 🙂

[img] [/img]

Your new best friend. It was my breakfast for about a year.

It is essential to service all moving parts on your bikes and buy spares NOW , while you still have any money left.
Bugaboo prams are made of toffee.
Stock up on muslins ,loads of those.
Read a few books on "baby/toddler training" then throw them all out because your baby doesn't conform to the "norm".

oh good luck by the way. it's great fun.

[img] [/img]

Not right now but soon: Bike trailer, securing ride time is going to involve tortuous negotiation otherwise. This way you get to go riding and she gets a break, double win. The motion is great for sending them to sleep to.

Oh and remember...

It is essential to service all moving parts on your bikes and buy spares NOW , while you still have any money left

Very much this. New frame, forks, drive-train (lets just say a new bike) just before the wee lad arrived for me. Best idea ever.

Sleep, patience & the ability to still function whilst covered in wee/poo/vomit.

Lots of free stuff available from numerous parenting clubs - have a look on mumsnet. Don't buy tons of small (newborn/0-3 months) clothes / size 1 nappies. They won't be in them for very long.

If you want to buy a changing bag other than the free one get this [url= http://www.johnlewis.com/bababing-daytripper-deluxe-paternity-satchel-city-black/p231263188?sku=231263188&kpid=231263188&s_kenid=36fe2c74-764b-bfa8-9b5f-000076c42f26&s_kwcid=403x148160&tmad=c&tmcampid=73&kpid=231263188 ]Bababing[/url] one. It's actually sensibly designed and way better than all the pretty ones your Mrs'll be convinced she needs.

Muslin cloths / sheets - you can never have too many. Baby wipes - ditto.

See those shoulder slits at the top of their baby grows? They're so you can slide their clothes DOWN in the event of fecal explosive decompression from the nappy. Only learnt that one on baby number 2.

Babies are way tougher than you think.

Most of all: enjoy it. The first few weeks/months can be very tough but it does get better. My 2 are now the best things ever!

Calpol.
Infacol.
Sudocrem.

You'll never be fully prepared for the brutally relentless routine that is a new baby (though if you do have a second one you'll wonder why you ever thought it was tough with just the one!) Read a book or two and at least have some sort of plan for getting them into a routine and to have some idea of what to expect.

One thing we found useful was a video monitor, means you can keep an eye on the kid without having to pop in to see them. Really handy when letting them settle themselves.

I'd also recommend a decent espresso machine and a stock pile of coffee beans and paracetamol.

Buy:

Lots of all-in-on vests/babygrows and a few jumpers. You'll go through a lot a day. Nappies are not a shit-proof seal.

Some sort of walk around baby carry thing. It was a baby bjorn for our lot, but I understand that sling things have become more favourable.

Borrow:

Moses basket. v short period of time for these before a cot is better.

Don't buy:

Expensive travel systems. Utter tosh. You need a car seat, but after that a cheap stroller that can lie flat will do. It will be smaller, lighter and easier to use.

Do:

Ride as much as possible. Take the quiet opportunities to nip out for a quick ride.

Big stack of muslin cloths.

Bloody muslins

Invite your friends round, and hold a nice little farewell ceremony for your social life. Just as a sort of send off. Its always nice to mark a death appropriately

Then buy yourself some lights for your bike. Otherwise you'll never ride it again

Whisky. lots of Whisky.

I joke, I have no idea, I don't have a kid, it was just the approach my old man took 🙂

Then buy yourself some lights for your bike. Otherwise you'll never ride it again

As if you'll be getting to leave the house! Get yourself a decent turbo setup.

This is the right time to build a nice rigid singlespeed if you haven't got one already. Ride times will be tight, so a minimum maintenance bike is needed.

Calmness

Lots and lots of calmness.

Not just for the baby but also your partner.

Oh yeah: if anyone asks you if you'd like some help in those first few weeks - ask them to cook/make some food for you. You'll be to bloody knackered to do anything other than toast.

Ram the freezer full of ready made (by yourself, naturally) food now so you can just bung it in the microwave when you're dead on your feet.

Paternity leave / additional paternity leave - discussed that with the Mrs yet? You can spilt it 6 months each. She had 11, I had 1 in my case (on top of the standard 2 weeks at the start). Was great fun.

Tumble drier

And buy stuff from NCT sales / join Mumbler groups on Facebook.

Dont read any books

Is getting lots of Muslims in the done thing now?

Get some ear plugs, sleep when you can and look after Mrs tall Paul.
Be aware of how dangerous sleep deprivation can be and know the symptoms of post natal depression.
Do lots of research about burping babies.. Learn as fast as you can how your little one likes to be burped as it will save hours of screaming baby as wind is their enemy.
Clear a good route round the house as it's likely you'll spend many middle of the night hours pacing around the house trying to get the baby asleep.
Congratulations and Good luck.. Your new life has just started.

One of [url= http://www.thule.com/en-us/us/products/active-with-kids/multifunctional-child-carriers/single-child-carriers/thule-chariot-cougar-1-red-_-10100533 ]these[/url] helped me get out of the house cycling or running, get him to sleep, enjoy a quick coffee shop stop and so on.

[img] [/img]

Pricey but we got something like 75% of it's value back on selling 4 years later.

Good advice here we had a pram that turned into a push chair also when you took the sleepy bit of it came with a car seat that clipped onto pram frame so not to wake them getting out the car.

Essentials:
Sense of humour
Thick skin
Non-existant sense of smell

Preferable:
The ability of operate without sleep (if twins then this goes to the top of the Essentials list)

Have fun - it's ace (once they start walking/talking).

Top tip I was given...
Those little baby grows have a wide neck. This can be useful, as they can be removed from the top down as well as the conventional over the head approach. This may not seem important now or make sense, but may be valuable one day.

Edit - typed fast but posted slow, see above for detail!

Newborn can be brutal, we weren't prepared for how tough it was. People kept saying 'it gets better' but better wasn't enough, we wanted awesome. Well, he's awesome now!

Filter out everyone else's advise and experience, especially when it comes to discussing sleep. It's a very personal experience and it's not just kids that are different, so are adults.

We found a travel system fantastic, very useful. Others didn't. Surprise surprise! 😉

Firstly congratulations.

We had our first one in September. The things I've learnt along the way...

I knew it was gong to be tough, but it was a whole load harder than I thought. Especially the first few weeks back at work.

We didn't really read any books and just figured out what worked best for us....for example the health visitor convinced us that he was sleeping too much between feeds so he ended up on a strict three hour feeding regime. The worst thing we ever did...I think he was over fed then so wouldn't settle and used to lie in bed squeaking, groaning and crying. Once we moved to on demand feeding we all started to sleep better.

Breast feeding for your other half is hard work...ours took a while to get to grips with it but he's fine now. Don't feel bad if you have to use formula as well...as long as they're eating.

It's easier said than done but you but you both need time out (I think it's easier for dads than mums).

Be wary of resenting each other....happens easily when your both exhausted and your up whilst one sleeps, feeling that you're not getting your fair share. I love my other half to bits but there were nights when he wouldn't settle and I was downstairs in the sofa all night whilst she slept and I couldn't help myself.

Get a turbo. Boring as hell but at least you can spin your legs in the time you do have.

Don't be affraid to ask for help with cleaning, cooking etc.

They're ace and get better as they get older. The first big gummy grin is awesome.

With hindsight, our little dude has been fairly easy. He sleeps pretty well now and goes down at 7 after his bath with minimal fuss. We had a few weeks where he was hard work due to him being over fed and being ill with a blood infection. You do realise how tough they are though.

I've got a new found respect for my other half too. The birth was a bit hardcore (induced at two weeks over) and she was incredible...all on four paracetamol and breathing techniques.

Cut up Moses baskets are great for lighting open fires. Total con trick.
Netflix and/or Love Film subscription - there's nowt on TV at 3am.
In a couple of months forget all the s****y high chairs - the £18 IKEA plastic jobbie is superb: you will learn to seek out restaurants that use them.
You do not need a nappy bin. They are crap & end up stinking out the nursery.
Costo card - get one now. Pampers, calpol, baby nurofen are SOOOOO cheap from there.
Your baby's bath needs to be warmer and much deeper than you think - they should be able to gently float above your hand as you cradle their neck. Mini_fiat would happily fall asleep in his. Nobody else outside of our ante-natal group appeared to have ever been taught how to bath a baby properly. If in doubt ask the midwife to show you in the hospital.
(later on) a rubber truncheon to bat 'round the head of anyone who suggests using "homeopathic teething granules".
Gro bags are a genius invention.
This place. It's like a sensible, rational mumsnet.
Get your baby photographed professionally in the first few days after birth. You can do stuff like this:
[img] ?oh=97df1e40f56e412ceca2aaa006f61b30&oe=550AA9F8&__gda__=1427324306_116a383b2c8aaf9f01ed20c47fd32d11[/img]
[img] ?oh=bd0a19164b0f0c4b4ff1864a4f6a24b5&oe=553C0F8A[/img]

Find out where the 24hr pharmacies are. Our local large Tesco is open at midnight on a Sunday and has been a life saver.

Get cheap white vests rather than expensive fancy ones as they never get seen and need changing appox 1000 times a day!

Clicker training. Combined with a water pistol so they know when they've done something wrong. Some people put them in a crate at night as apparently they won't dirty where they sleep.

Worth considering.

I think the travel system thing probably depends whether you can fit all that stuff in your car or not. We had a small hatchback at the time and the cot and the frame/wheels could not fit in the boot, nevermind any shopping or other bags. Even if you didn't bother with the cot bit then the frame/wheels would more or less fill the boot. Hence I thought it was tosh and went out and bought a cheap stroller.

But if we had a big estate, then we would have probably used the travel system more.

fwiw- it was a quinny system fitting badly into an 03 civic.

Be prepared to find that Mother Nature rewires your brain... that child screaming behind you on a 'plane will no longer irritate you; you'll find yourself looking round and cooing and wondering if there's anything you can do to help the poor mite.

Yeah a lot depends on the travel system. I'm sure some manufacturers think they can substitute "travel" for "transportable". Cot, buggy, change bag, extra bedding and some shopping all fit in the boot of my fiat 500:

[url= http://www.babyzen.com/collection-zen.php ]Baby Zen[/url]

Lots of baby grows, muslins, baby wipes, nappies.

Get something to treat your other half with when the baby comes - I never really did this and wish I had. The focus is all baby baby baby once he/she arrives and some proper recognition of what mum has done is often forgotten.

Oh and those bike bits you wish for? Buy them now. Babies are amazing and wonderful but will eat up every last penny of your disposable income.

my only pearl of wisdom:

don't believe anything / everything your told - everybody from grans to mums to distant cousins and total strangers on the internet will offer advice - believe the bits you want, try things, but know in yourself the baby is unique and the way somebody handled a problem may mean nothing. You'll work it all out.

Another vote for grobags. Awesome things.

Cribs don't last long either. Mini me is quite an active sleeper so hits his hands on the bars and wakes himself up. He'll be going in his cot pretty soon (need to get it down from the attic and get a mattress ordered).

Other than that, just go with the flow.

Expensive travel systems. Utter tosh. You need a car seat, but after that a cheap stroller that can lie flat will do. It will be smaller, lighter and easier to use.

Yes they are expensive and bulky, but it's worth thinking about how you plan to use rather than a blanket "you don't need them". As with everything, lots of second hand ones available at decent prices.

My only other advice is this (which is kinda my point above, what's great for one person is rubbish for another).....

don't believe anything / everything your told - everybody from grans to mums to distant cousins and total strangers on the internet will offer advice - believe the bits you want, try things, but know in yourself the baby is unique and the way somebody handled a problem may mean nothing. You'll work it all out.

Fix any loose or creaky floorboards - you're going to be doing a lot of walking up and down trying to get the thing to sleep.

Don't bother with newborn sized stuff.

Stock up on fleece mats with a waterproof backing, muslins, washable wipes etc. Get one each of a few different types of reusable nappy to try out and see which you prefer.

Don't bother with prams or pushchairs, just get a couple of slings.

tenacious doug - yes fair enough. There is no one-fit answer. I thought it was £500 of tosh, but I lived somewhere very hilly and the extra weight of pushing it up steep slopes was a hassle and it didn't all fit in the boot very well, or leave much other space. (it was a Mil present). If I had a bigger car and lived somewhere less steep then I would have thought otherwise I suspect.

I preferred the baby bjorn, with a rucksack for shopping, then at c6months swapped to a rear rucksack type carrier.

Breast feeding for your other half is hard work...ours took a while to get to grips with it but he's fine now. Don't feel bad if you have to use formula as well...as long as they're eating.

This. Both my kids were on a bottle from very early on, and have grown up fine. If you do use powdered milk, these are a life saver when it's 4am and you're too tired to count up to three:

[img] [/img]

We never bothered heating the bottles, either - room temperature was fine.

Travel systems are expensive and over rated IME

Earplugs are under rated.

Get a bed (or something close to it) set up in the lounge, if you need to function for work.

Ebay (and 2nd hand in general) is one of the best things ever for baby stuff. We've had tons of 'barely used' stuff - look for stuff bought by grandparents for the odd time the grandchildren stay over - tends to be really good condition for pennies. Packs of kids clothes make it cheap to get through the first couple of years when they don't spend much time in each size.