[Closed] If you were a traffic cop for the day: what car / offenders / patrol route?

I would target young laydeez in coupés until I eventually found one of questionable morals that was willing to trade sexual favours for a let-off.

I'd drive one of these with the registration D4 RCY 🙂

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Audi rs4 avant
Unmarked of course 🙂

Targeting piss poor road manners from middle aged balshy businessmen in rep mobiles
Where
M6 for high speed cruise

And
A9 North of dunked for some shocking over taking & poor anticipation

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Boy racers with loud exhausts - hate them with a passion.
Also nobs with illegal number plates, I would take them to Halfords to buy some legal ones and give them a screwdriver to change them there and then.
And last but not least scumbags with their foglights on when it isn't even foggy!!

Easy.

Morning: Unmarked, sat right at the start of the 30s. Ticket anybody doing over 30. Or who thinks overtaking in a built up area is a good idea.

Afternoon: Again unmarked, this time at a roundabout, delivering lectures and or tickets for those who fail to indicate correctly.

Then in the evening, on my own time, patrol the whole town giving tickets to all those parked facing the wrong way. It really annoys me - how hard it is to drive along to a safe place and turn around ?

I'd drive a one-sided snow plough down the M5, scooping all the middle-lane dickwads into the inside lane, where they should be.

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I've got nothing to prove 😉

As for who I'd target, well forget about the actual dangerous people, this is my special day so I'll be coming down hard on anyone who forces their way into a queue when their lane ends. It's technically not a breach of the law but once I've pulled them over I'll smash a few tail lights with a truncheon.

If I've got any time left I'll nip over to my work campus and will pull over anyone who's breaking the 20mph speed limit.

Where will I do it? Again, it's my day so I'll be doing it on the two junctions where it happens on my drive to work.

I'd just stand on the pavement outside the nearby primary school, book and pen ready, with a mate nearby observing through a video camera.

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I'd target people who cant drive on the motorway correctly, i.e. people who sit in the middle land irrespective of surrounding traffic and those who join from a slip road without indicating expecting oncoming traffic to simply just shift out of the way.

I love to patrol the A13 and the M11 in this

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For laughs would have to be one of these.

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On the lookout for middle lane hoggers and tailgating Audis up and down the A1.

What is that pink periscope thingy?

Those in my radar would be

Nissan Almera drivers for driving annoyingly slow
Honda Jizz drivers for the same reason
People with fog lights on when its not foggy
Middle lane hoggers
Audi drivers
Anyone in a Saxo
People who drive too close to the car in front (unless I got them already for being in an Audi)

I'd patrol the M6 around Knutsford by J18 to see what causes all the crashes on that stretch.

this would be my car and the lady would be my partner! Obviously I'd paint it to look like a UK cop car though.

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I'm a great lover of Volvos, so this one would be my most realistic choice:

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On the other hand, I quite fancy a go on one of these:

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But when it comes to dealing with my least favourite types, this would come in particularly handy:

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All three would be deployed against white vans with no company markings, because everyone knows they are only used to haul exploited illegal farm workers. I would also take out anyone making even the tiniest mistake on the M6 between Birmingham and Manchester. I figure it's got to be them that make the entire flipping stretch of that motorway the SLOWEST in FLIPPING EUROPE!!!!!

Then again, I probably wouldn't pass my emotional stability test for road duty.

Drive this
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Patrolling Hazzard County.
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(actually I think I'll drive the General Lee, way cooler)

I'd patrol the M6 around Knutsfprd by J18 to see what causes all the crashes on that stretch.

and the lady would be my partner

That'd be the cause of all the crashes then!

Good choice of motor Bregante.

Motor world be a Datsun GTR 😉 and I would target middle lane hoggers, drivers using their phones, non-indicators and those drivers who hang cds from their rear-view mirrors.

It wouldn't matter what I was 'driving' as I'd be parked up and let decent people go about enjoying driving on the roads they have paid a lot of tax to use without bring hounded by sad ****s with nothing better to do.
If they don't want to indicate, that's their call.

Ok so not exactly traffic cop material but I'd have one of these.....

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[url= http://www.flickr.com/photos/jimmygrainger/8609582839/ ]5[/url] by [url= http://www.flickr.com/people/jimmygrainger/ ]jimmyg352[/url], on Flickr

& I don't think many get away from one either!

I'd target drivers on mobiles & useless ****ers who stop at roundabouts when there's nowt coming. In fact I'd fit it with Hellfire missiles, that would make the tossers get a move on!

I would do what the Police do at Karachi airport in ****stan - get a huge fork lift and drive around the Asian areas of Manchester lifting all the parked cars off the double yellow lnes and pavements and dumping them on a flatbed then forcing the drivers to pay me £200 in cash, no receipt, to get them back, once they had signed my disclaimer for damage to the underneath of course.

Dickieboy sounds like the type to be targeted.

The first thing I'd do with him is explain how roads are paid for.

One of these
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To hunt down everyone over the age of 70 who can't drive worth a sh*t. Either slow and dangerously indecisive driving or reckless abandon style driving in an mismatched attempt to balance their slow perception and awareness against the unstoppable flow of modern day city traffic.

Probably start off outside the bingo and then move on to the bowling green later in the day.

slowoldgit - Member

I'd just stand on the pavement outside the nearby primary school, book and pen ready, with a mate nearby observing through a video camera.

Pervert.

slowoldgit - Member
I'd just stand on the pavement outside the nearby primary school, book and pen ready, with a mate nearby observing through a video camera.

This might draw the attention of the real police... 😕

To take every one over the age of 30 who thinks it cool and cred to wear leather and ride a motorbike, and especially those who huddle in groups outside a cafe with not a cup betwen them blocking all the spaces, i would get a bus annd transport them all back to the loccal fetish club.
Anyone driving a 4 x 4 and german cars, would be charged a surcharge for using the roads, and double for parking on the footway or grased areas.

By day I'd arrest people for towing caravans on the A82 and A9, and probably crush the caravan with their loved ones in it just so they got the message.

Then in the evening I'd patrol the M8 and M74 through Glasgow nicking people who sit in the middle lane.

I'd finish my shift nicking taxi drivers who speed and do all sorts of illegal manoeuvres after about 8pm because they think they are above the law and can get away with it.

That Saracen would be ideal for me.

Because i would sit in the railway access sliproad at junction 1 of the M77.

And anyone, anyone at all, that used the hard shoulder to skip the rush hour queue, had better get out of their car very very quickly !

The ones that use it all the way from J2 (about a mile and a half) had best be advised to have the window already wound down !

Bregante - I was torn between the twait injection and the Lotus Carlton. Good shout. Awesome car.

Unmarked car.

I'd drive round country lanes popular with cyclists and collar anyone overtaking bikes on a blind corner or rise. I know I'd have a busy day.

KGB High Speed Pursuit Vehicle
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this one for me
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only id like to give it a bit more poke lol

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Wouldn't give a crap about upholding the law.

When I first started as a police officer, had a weeks attachment to the tactical vehicle auto crime unit(traffic in plain cars)
On the second night we were in a unmarked sierra cosworth and got involved in a chase with a stolen astra gte.
For the first 10 minutes was very excited, then it got very very scary doing 140 + m.p.h on B roads, I was sha ting myself, when they dumped the car and ran off, I literally could not run after them, my legs were like jelly, took me 10 mins sat down on a wall to recover, much to the amusement of the tvcu lads.

The traffic lads used to put 4 bags of sand in the back of the 2.8 capris to improve the handling

On the second night we were in a unmarked sierra cosworth and got involved in a chase with a stolen astra gte.
For the first 10 minutes was very excited, then it got very very scary doing 140 + m.p.h on B roads, I was sha ting myself, when they dumped the car and ran off, I literally could not run after them, my legs were like jelly, took me 10 mins sat down on a wall to recover

A GTE doing 140??! My 1986 8v could never have managed that! (although I probably told people it could!)

Must have been downhill.

My choice of car: Mk.2 Omega MV6.
My choice of road: The A14 between Cambridge and Ipswich
My Choice of 'perp: Idiots, fools, muppets and morons.

A GTE doing 140??! My 1986 8v could never have managed that! (although I probably told people it could!)

the v-max of cossies in perfect condition is only about 145 on an airfield run, I don't doubt it felt pant-wettingly fast on a b-road though. 😀

100 plus in a chase on B roads must be V scary esp when you remember there was no esp or abs then and crumple zones/safety were bobbins compared to now

OK, I walked into that.

Local primary school is on a narrow one-way street with lots of yellow paint. So the children can cross outside the gates the kerb is built out, with bollards, extra paint, the road built up into a ramp and surfaced with coloured non-skid stuff. Most people leave it vacant so it's a handy parking place for anyone who is a bit late and utterly lacking in sense and consideration. I would suggest an anti-tank mine, blowing their car clear of the town and into a field, but there would be complaints about the noise. So a booking, and if they want to object then appearing in a video on the internet somewhere will do.

Then there's the double parkers back up the road a bit... When they arrive in the morning no-one looks behind but three doors are flung open and four or five brats rush out.

And a copper I know once mentioned being a bit nervous taking a knackered 120,000-mile response car at max on an urgent blue light run. It's not just the speed they have to worry about now.

Don't care what I'm in....Ford Focus maybe, to see if they are any good? I'm not a car fan. I too would target middle lane hogs, Audi's and try to find out why the M6 J18-20 is a car park at least 3 days a week in both directions.

easygirl - Member

When I first started as a police officer, had a weeks attachment to the tactical vehicle auto crime unit(traffic in plain cars)
On the second night we were in a unmarked sierra cosworth

GMP?

A GTE doing 140??! My 1986 8v could never have managed that! (although I probably told people it could!)

my gte used to do 170mph+ LOL 😉

tactical vehicle auto crime

if it was the GMPs TVAC unit that must have been a hoot as those lads and lasses were total headbangers.. used to drink with come of them in Littleborough, My mate went out with one of them at the time, married her in the end...

...they met when she pulled him over driving his black BMW 3 series, with huge alloys that he had just bought that day from Liverpool (V5 is in the post officer!) on it through rochdale at 3 in the morning

.. and he wondered why he'd been stopped.. 🙄

EDIT!!!!!

[b]Easygirl[/b]... er it's not you is it Diane?

140 on B roads sounds optimistic

Foglight bandits.
Zig-zag parkers.
Phone users.
Pavement parkers.
In this:
[img] https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=FIo5fm75CA5KAM&tbnid=fY0r9njiwSDuuM:&ved=0CAUQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.autoblog.com%2F2008%2F12%2F10%2Fsouth-yorkshire-police-enlist-mitsubishi-evo-x-in-the-force%2F&ei=EvBZUd2OJIbYPK7ggYAJ&bvm=bv.44442042,d.ZWU&psig=AFQjCNGhMwJZogQCoBpinBu-f5-iIEuYAg&ust=1364935042720528 [/img]

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neil f good choice

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Phone Users
Foglights
Hyper agressive "chip on shoulder/i'm more important than you" drivers

I get that foglights aren't meant to be used except in fogs, but why the hostility to them? I really don't find that others' use of them aggravates my driving all that much.

Those flipping blue-ish LEDS on Audis on the other hand... 👿

EDIT: Liking the Mitsubishi!

Leaves on the line? Not on my watch!
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If it was GMP anyone remember X Cars on BBC 1 around 1996 ?

Followed the TVCU - what a top bunch of officers. They had Max Power posters in the rest room and proper loved caning the cars like the Cavalier Turbo, Escort RS2000, Sapphire Cossie.

There was some clips on You Tube but they are not on now.

Classic lines like whilst caning the RS down the M63 to catch upto a chase " we are doing 135, if him in that Volvo pulls out we're dead "

Bombing along the East Lancs with a Starsky and Hutch type light on the roof which comes off leaving it swinging by the wire to which the passenger rolls the window down and drags it in without unplugging it first.

Driver says " I can't see now !!!!!"

Don't make em like that no more

Not to bothered about the car however as for type of crims that's easy, parents who have kids in the car unrestrained. Having spent some time searching the scene of an RTC for an ejected child I have fairly strong feelings on this one.

I could happily spend days on end ticketing these people.
I have been known to Jump out of the fire engine at traffic lights to "offer some words of advice"

pikey999 :- having been in bahrain for christmas you would be SHOCKED at how many people drive around there without the kids strapped in i dont think in 3 weeks i see a single car with the kids strapped in normally climbing all over the car, and they have ALOT of accedents out there very sad really.

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I'd go to London and get people who ride up the inside of lorries, RLJ's, and mime artists...

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Bimble across to the Isle of Wight for an ice cream each day. Don't mind if I do.

What's that washing airer doing on the bow?

I'd go wherever you lot are going and nab wannabe policemen driving tail-happy RWD cars.

If it was GMP anyone remember X Cars on BBC 1 around 1996 ?

I'd target people who drive at 40 mph everywhere regardless of whether speed limit is 30 or 60, ditto people who drive at 25 mph everywhere. Also, tailgaters and people with fog lights when it's not foggy!
I'd probably drive a Smart car!

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Targets:

- tailgaters
- cars jumping red (or amber!) lights
- vehicles stopping in the cycle boxes at lights
- folk entering box junctions when there is no where for them to go and subsequently blocking the entire junction for everyone.
- cars leaving less than 1 metre when overtaking a cyclist; 2 metres for larger vehicles
- anyone mentioning "road tax"

outside any of the pubs/restaurants/rugby clubs in marple/mellor etc and pull all the self important i can handle my drink better than you crowd

Something like a chinnock helicopter would do.

I'd pick them up then drop them off in the sea 😈

I don't think anyone has mentioned people that go right at roundabouts, but use the left hand lane all the way round.
Middle lane drivers (& those on the outside lane at 70mph exactly, nothing on inner two lanes)
Outside lane of dual carriageways at under 60mph drivers (with nothing on driving lane).
People who drive at slower speeds than HGV's on motorways.
Foglights when it isn't foggy.
Tail-gaters.
People who drive at 10mph on slightly snowy road...& those who bury throttle in 1st gear to pull away in similar conditions. Can both types please stay at home so I can complete my journey on the intended day & actually get to where I want to be.
The 40 everywhere type...40 in a 60, but hit the 30 limit & don't slow down.
Drivers with unroadworthy cars, bald tyres, bits falling off etc & also uninsured drivers.
Drink drivers.
Drivers with mobile pressed to their ear as they drive.
Drivers who can't see beyond the end of their own bonnet...but still venture out on the roads.
Nervous drivers as seen on that TV programme recently...if you're that bad & that scared, just hand back your licence & the rest of us will feel much safer.
One from using the A5 at the weekend - drivers who sit on the white line of extra wide carriageways - single lane either way, but plenty of overtaking room down the middle (& the pleb in the Jag that almost pulled directly into the path of an oncoming vehicle that I could see from 4 cars back).

I'd get something completely anonymous, and just cruise along the M8 at 70, occasionally pinching tailgaters and too-close-cut-inners. Purely because I was getting annoyed about this yesterday.

supermarket car parks. Parking in disabled parking spots, no tickets, just superglue the doors shut. or..

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Parents on the mobile as they pull away from the school in their 4x4 ****wagons would actually be the responsibility of the armed response unit though.

Shoot them on sight, no need for an inquiry.

Any lorry that tries to overtake another lorry on a dual carriage way when the incremental speed difference between them is non existent.

msjhes2 - Member

Any lorry that tries to overtake another lorry on a dual carriage way when the incremental speed difference between them is non existent.

I forgot originally, but this times a million.

Holy **** is that both frustrating and dangerous! Along with about a mile's worth of traffic, I got caught behind a lorry that was passing on the motorway at an extended place where it was two lanes only.

The lorry getting passed was probably doing 62.5 mph, while the lorry doing the passing was probably doing about 62.51 mph.

WTF is with that?!?!?!?!?

If I had have had that rocket launcher I've been asking for over the last bunch of Christmases and birthdays, the lorry and its driver would have been toast. 😡

I'd have an early start. Sitting at the end of the bus-only lane on our high street during morning rush hour just to pick up the business men who are too 'important' to drive slowly along the normal lane, and the yummy mummies who are late dropping Timmy off at school (so the rules don't apply to them).

Spot of elevenses, then probably cruise the A1 for a while annoying the reps by driving at 69.9mph so they can't sneak past.

msjhes2 - Member

Any lorry that tries to overtake another lorry on a dual carriage way when the incremental speed difference between them is non existent.

Any car on a DC that is travelling slower than the lorries, and fixie-hipster ****ers that ignore pedestrian crossings.

Can I have an Apache gunship with "Police" written on it? (or Blue Thunder maybe)

Middle lane drivers get Hellfires

But special mention has to go to the driver in a black Passat CC on the A82 yesterday who thought the best way to overtake a bus was to sit four feet from its bumper and use his special x-ray vision to see oncoming traffic. His X-ray vision was obviously not working though so he took to driving in the middle of the road so he could see oncoming traffic and swerving back behind the bus whenever a car came the other way.

You sir get the chaingun

So you all want more traffic police?

Ah yes, I forgot all the selfish muppets who ignore the huge [b]"Pedestrian Zone - No Motor Vehicles"[/b] signs, buzz through this 20mph road at 35mph+, and then shout at me for "getting in the way"!

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(South Shore Road, Gateshead)

So you all want more traffic police?

Yes.
I'd saturate the place with them. Automatic powers to smash the phone of any driver caught using one.

Anyone like this (apologies for Daily Wail link) http://www.****/news/article-2301955/Driver-keeps-licence-despite-racking-THREE-TIMES-number-points-needed-automatic-ban.html
gets their car confiscated immediately, right there and then, even if they then have to walk 5 miles to get a bus.

Fines and tickets to be issued on the spot for transgressions such as speeding, blocking of cyclist advance stop lines, amber/red light running.

It'd solve the country's debt crisis in about 40 minutes I reckon.

I'd need something quick. Cos I'd be bloody busy. Something like this -

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I'd stop EVERYONE who fails to use their indicators on roundabouts. Mostly targeting those in BRAND NEW cars.
And I would ask them if they know where the switch is. And why are they too lazy or ignorant to just move their little bloody finger one cm from the steering wheel to use said indicator.
Then I'd shoot them in the face and wait for the next moron.

Alright, might have got a little overexcited at 140
That's what he tvac lad told me, and that's what I believed
They were mad, but fantastic times, we used to have 30 minute chases regularly, its unheard of now, any chase gets called off really quickly, and you cannot call them chases 🙁
It would be inconceivable now to do anything remotely like what we used to get up to in the 90 s
And quite right too, it was really dangerous looking back

Not bothered what I'd drive, but it would be unmarked. I think I'd target:

People on motorways who veer into non-existent gaps in other lanes, but think it's okay because they matched the speed of the lane they were pushing into and it's a "special technique they were taught". I'll teach them a new technique, it's called "waiting for an actual gap and not getting three points on the licence".

Tailgaters and undertakers (people passing on the inside, rather then people driving hearses) on the motorway.

Anyone breaking the speed limit, but especially anyone breaking the speed limit with an IAM sticker of any sort on the car. Anyone trying to argue that their speeding doesn't warrant a ticket and points because they were driving safely for the conditions and / or have had "special" training gets their car ripped apart as I can definitely smell drugs in there somewhere. Well, I can smell something. It's either drugs hidden in there somewhere, or it's bullshit. I guess we'll find out which when every bit of their car's interior, is exterior.

Mobile phoners.

People who don't anticipate gaps on the approach to roundabouts: If you approach the roundabout, stop, then look to see if the traffic is clear, and it was clear, and you've stopped for no reason, I'm doing you for obstructing traffic. That'll teach you.

undertakers (people passing on the inside, rather then people driving hearses) on the motorway.

As my hellfire missiles have already removed the lane hogs undertaking would disappear too

Tailgaters and undertakers (people passing on the inside, rather then people driving hearses) on the motorway.

Agree with this in principle...now, if the people who sit in lane three with two empty lanes inside them would learn to pull into the correct lane, there would be far less "under-taking" going on...although the ****s on the M6 that weave across all 3 lanes (mostly in sports cars & the stretch through Cheshire BTW) should be dragged from their cars & shot.

Agree with this in principle...now, if the people who sit in lane three with two empty lanes inside them would learn to pull into the correct lane, there would be far less "under-taking" going on

Totally.

Empty three lane motorway, car in outside lane doing 65mph.

The motorway is empty so I'm where i should be in the inside lane. I carry on in the inside lane past the car in the outside lane.

This isn't undertaking this is just me ignoring a ****t