[Closed] I feel really down.

Could be a lot worse mate.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-12079050

Try looking for the positives, they are there. I've had a very crap year and there are times when you have to believe the only way is up as the thought of things getting worse can't be contemplated.
Chistmas just has the effect of highlighting any problems, fortunately it's only one day, tomorrow will be a new day.

Christmas can be like that at times, for a lot of people

If you need to talk email in profile - happy to hear a good gripe tbh 😉

sometimes life really sucks! 🙁 but it does get better too! 🙂 as long as there's someone to talk to. we've seen a lot of these problems on this site and many of us want you to know that we care even when it feels like no-one else does, talk to us we're happy to listen it's always good to put a post on here and let people know how you feel.
happy christmas.

Don't feel bad about your daughter mate. I get it all the time with my 3yr old, he only wants mum when he's ill. Gets especially hard when mum is ill too. They never forget who you are though and you'll probably find her very clingy on you in a day or two.

This time of year inevitably brings out the best and worst in people, seemingly at the same time. Your wife is no doubt stressed out

about everything, you might find she relaxes tonight and tomorrow when it's all over.

My wife's a teacher and gets similar to yours towards end of term. friday night comes and it's sometimes like she's a different person

Hairy chested you sound one miserable sod to have at christmas, welcome to my club, i thought i was the only member.

At least you have family, i have no one, dad and mum have died, brother i have hardly spoken to since i walked out of home on christmasday many years ago.

Today i have walked round the local park feeding the ducks squirreels and other wiold life, and they where so grateful for the food i gave them makes up for all the sadness i have.

All the [b]friends[/b] over Europe, can't even talk to them at times. Family pretending they care about the idiot who happens to be my grandad. And [b]my wife[/b], whom I love a lot, more than I ever knew, who's grumpy and shows me no affection whatsoever. [b]My daughter[/b] is ill but daddy is needed only when she can't get it from mummy. It sucks, really.

these are all the positives you need - remember there are those who'll spend christmas on their own and won't see/speak to anyone throughout the festive period

It's because of the hype about xmas.
If you think of it as just another weekend, it all seems normal.

Christmas does this to people, myself included. It should be a 'happy' time of year but i dont really see it tbh.

Hairychested, you hold in there but you must tell those you love how you feel or it will eat you up inside and it will only spiral out of control and you dont want togo there believe me......

Hope it all works out for you.

Sad to hear you're feeling low on christmas day mate. I hope you can find at least some enjoyment with your family. As above, talking will help. Maybe that has already started by you talking about it here.

Project, I don't think I'd swap with you unless the park was worth walking in 😉
At some point it looked as if I was going to go for a ride but my SLX brakes stopped working. It's only -11 for God's sake! The Hope's rattle madly and are being fixed, no brakes working sufficiently here. And I'm not riding brakeless fixie, not man enough.
All the Christmassy things so far have been hoovering, fixing the bloody hoover that decided to stop working, cleaning the cat's poo, resetting the boiler as it's too cold and the poor thing refuses to work. And the flipping telly with its cartoons, I can't stand Peppa Pig anymore! Or Tom and Jerry, or Garfield, or whatever-she-wants-to-watch-right-now!
My only hope is my daughter feels like a nap so I can demonstrate how it gets done without hearing I'm lazy and useless (I know I'm lazy without anybody telling me this, useless - more like CBA in most cases).
And why will my wife not even open the box of hand-made chocolate willies? It was "Oh, you know I'm on a diet, right?" and the box got thrown onto the top of kitchen cupboards.
Not a happy bunny me, not at all. It looks like I'll be cleaning the car or changing the bulbs soon.

My life kinda ground to a halt 5 years ago with a break up from a girl which took a long time to get over...
My Biggest mistake was (that i can see now) was i was lucky to get out of that situation but couldnt see it at the time...
Problem is when your head is screwed up you cant see what IS good about life.
I admit to being lucky to keeping my job going (god knows how) through those times and it allowed me to keep cycling that was then as now a massive part of my life. Going through a rough patch makes you alot stronger to deal with stuff. i got rid of friends who werent supportive and didint want to know.
After a few years of riding alone i stuck my head out online and said hello and i have since met so many new friends since,on here aswell as other sites and Blogs...
I think the biggest problem for all of us in a situation is taking the step back and taking stock of our lives and what we DO have...which is actually alot-we just cant see it at the time...
You hang in there and dont be worried about seeking help/talking to friends...thats the thing about life-no one knows whats around the corner and you may well be there to help out for them one day...
have you thought about writing about stuff?, just write it in a diary,Then you have something to reflect on,looking back on it a few years from now you will see how much you can move on in life...
Good luck with the coming New Year and keep the chin up...
The right job will turn up for you...money isnt the answer but a wee bit extra goes a long way to making things easier...
Anytime you want jump on a train to Edinburgh, i would be happy to take you out biking with friends and put a smile on your face 😉 😮

It's just xmas. Usual bullshit. Soon be 2011, up and at 'em on Jan 2nd, soldier...

Shortest day is gone, it's all go towards the spring 😉

Sorry you feel down, sometimes it's harder to be lonely with loved ones than on your own, i have been there too.

It can get better, i'm now very happy, chin up 😛

Thanks guys, I really appreciate your words.
I'm going to get the brakes fixed and go for a ride asap. Maybe not today, not sure I really could when my daughter is ill, but soon. Meanwhile, I'll put up with Daddy Pig being [i]quite an expert[/i], Shaggy needing more Scooby snacks and the lack of decent scotch in the cupboard.
Minutes ago a neighbour (the cutest slut you could ever meet and I sort of wish I had before I got married, ehem) dropped in and invited all of us to hers for some bubbly and stuff. Her current shag-provider will be there too so it should be family-friendly. No, no photos at the moment, will see about it later (don't fancy a ban). Suffice to say she's blond, 24-ish, slim and wore a white lace outfit (top and leggins) with some pink lacy shorts. My wife thinks it looked nice, I suddenly realised not all blondes are unattractive.

Hairy.

Where abouts are you?

Maybe if anyone's local they could meet up with you for a ride in the next few days?

If you're anywhere near the west midlands you're more than welcome to come out with us.
I'll even lend you a bike/try to sort your out for you.
When I feel down the prospect of a ride always cheers me up.

HC - chin up fella, you could still be working in the 'scarys' shop 😉

Christmas can be difficult time, give if a few days and a ride or two and it'll feel better.

I really wish,at times like know i could add something useful to this thread.

This year started badly, progressed into the lowest i've ever been then suddenly i snapped.

It's a long complicated story and one that became known on here.

I don't agree with all the xmas BS, it's just not for me.

I've found myself, 650miles away from the family that i see has disowned me, and my 3 children whom i can't make contact with (complicated and in a way justified)

I'm writing a blog about how i went from unhappy to content in 4 dramatic months. Some say it helps them and give them the hope and the motivation to make a few little changes. Which in turn make a big difference in their lives.

I'm in a home, where there's no trimmings, in your face 'it's xmas'.

Yes we're having a decent full on roast, nibbles and drinks, but to be honest, that could happen any time we wanted.

I'm with friends, am warm and dry and stress free.
Yet my heart is still alone.

Hairy.

Aside from speaking to others, strangers and friends have a chat to your GP.

And also take yourself away for as long as you can spare. Like many of us, we have a love and appreciation for the great and beautiful outdoors.

Watch the birds, the deer, the clouds, the stars. Walk through natures garden with you ears and eyes wide open.
Absorb life and be life.

Have those moments and live for them, because without it, we'd be nothing.

Take a walk, take a ride, enjoy it and write about your adventure.
Rule: Use only positive words thoughts and feelings.

Then learn to apply that in life.

Sorry to ramble and i hope that sort of makes sense.

Us hairychested men and girls need to stick together(in a non velcro manner)

HTH. 😕

Sorry to hear yr feeling crap. Xmas gets oversold and plenty of people feel like they're not living the happy day they're supposed to.
Recommend fixing yr bike and getting out on it. Always good for a bit of perspective. Or just a walk in the snow.
And +1 for a chat with yr GP. They can be good for a bit of support and perspective.
Hope rest of the day gets better....

You think that's bad I'm in the house with 4 females so have no control over the TV.

Chin up life will get better and people always get down at Xmas as they see everyone else believing they're having a great time and trouble free.

Oh dear. There's so much pressure to be happy at Christmas isn't there? Try not to buy into it too much, and don't imagine that absolutely everyone else is having a wonderful Christmas while you are not, because that simply isn't true.

As for the job, whether it lasts until March or not, worrying about it will not help at all, and in fact will use up processing power that you will require to seek alternative employment. Anyway, if you are going to look into the future and make predictions, why not make good ones rather than bad? Or does your crystal ball only do negative? 😉

I have rung the Samaritans once or twice - you don't have to be actually suicidal - I found it tremendously helpful.

Perhaps you can get out on your bike tomorrow for a while?

If that fails, make a voodoo doll of your grandfather and burn it and the box of chocolate willies on a fire in the garden, dance around it naked, drunk as a skunk, laughing like a simpleton (maybe your neighbour will join you?)

Good luck x

I have spoken to my GP, got listed for counselling. Within a few months they should contact me. Who are "they"? No idea, people who do it I suppose.
I'm trying to fix the bike now. There's a long scenic route nearby along the canal with hills on a side. Some 50kms, approx. 30 miles. Each way. No people to meet. But I need brakes 🙂
There's a bottle of whiskey (Irish piss AKA Bushmills) next to me. Don't even want to look at it let alone drink it. Roads no nowhere lead to nowhere, I've been up and down a few.
I've tried talking to my parents. My mum won't even say hello, dad talks about the weather back there. They have another son who has a proper job and savings, I suppose I should understand them.
I know it'll be fine eventually. There is a Kona A on the horizon, my dream bike really. My cat has become more friendly already. It's the people who depress me. And my books (I'm reading Pat Barker's trilogy, cheerful as Irish economy), and my music (why do I always go back to [i]...And Justice For All[/i] when I feel crap?). But mostly people.
Even the bloody gym/pool is shut. Even the Chinese. XIVth century more like here.
And in the meantime, what kind of a [i]person[/i] (swear-word filter avoidance in full force) prepares the Christmas TV programme? The wife has the RC, I fear [i]Who Wants To Be The Next America's X-Dancing on Celebrity Out Of Factor[/i].

SSS, I'm in Ireland. That's the little island where history got so complicated, the Garda (Police) don't know a cycling trail allows mountainbikes to be ridden. Luckily, a Gardi on foot and I on 456SS pointing down a mountain trail were mismatched. He was quick but my brakes refused to work properly (and the trail was smooth and long with a few bends) so as much as I wanted to stop to allow a civilised conversation I just couldn't. Ravensdale and Carlingford are beautiful, but the bloody brakes... 🙂

Step away from the Whiskey..

hoooraaah for the ss kona A and brakeless too..core stuff mate.

If your grandfather smokes, try a little light entertainment like i did one year.

Take apart one party popper(no xmas household will be without them)
remove small piece of rolled up paper, the hard white one. It's a mini bomb.

Place it in Grandfathers favourite xmas smoke, Quite often a cigar.

Push it a good half way down for good effect.

Coax him into having it.

Sit back, film it and enjoy.

Warning: this may cause shock related reactions...

I'm in Ireland

If nothing else it'll give you a good excuse to get out the house and meet some new people.

from personal experience, i'd recommend mindfullness course..

also a big change to me was getting rid of the telly, it is life sapping, depressing and it made a huge difference to my life getting rid of it, 5 years ago...

good luck

HC from experience don't bottle it up mate, I did that this year with work and young family stress and ended up with my brain falling for a while.

You've got friends all over Europe, then drop them an email. Sometimes it's easier to just write stuff down rather than try and talk about it.

Set yourself some goals for next year, things for you to look forward to, come and play at the SSWC, plan some road trips in places you've never been to, get some good gigs booked ( I always find a mosh and a pint does wonders!).

If you need to have a rant/moan/etc... email me or any of the other silly ****ers on here, I'm always happy to [s]take the piss without mercy[/s] help.

Hope it gets better matey.

big snogs in manly way XX

Heh HC whereabouts are you in Oirland? I'm an Ulsterman meself but I'm currently a POW (Prisoner of Wales!) - ah the Gardi; they make the PSNI look caring, cute and fluffy!

Bushmills? Jamesons here! 😉

Don't worry mate, Christmas does strange things to many people. Although it doesn't compare I'm sat in the in-laws house, it's a good 30deg C of dry heat (due to the presence of grand parents) I've had to sit through Emerdale - hope none of the 'actors' ever get stuck in paper bags! Got to go to the missus' grand parents tomorrow for similar heat and entertainment too!

Sanity has been saved by a morning bike ride with me mates, planning one for the 27th and Peroni.

God help me Coronation Street has just come on 😉

xmas, its a load of crap. I've been steadily feeling worse since about 10th December, It all came to a head today when I had a small asthma attack. Nothing serious but enough to put the cobblers up me.......first one I've had in over 10 years

Trouble is im stuck at the in-laws, they're all coo-ing over a baby and I feel like a spare part.

It's not even 7:30 and i'm in my bed ready for another sleepless night after having hardly slept over the last 5 days.

I can't wait until all this nonsense is over and I can go home to my telly

Um...

I've spent the festive season working in intensive care and I find your problems, real and troubling as they may be, to be rather less than those I've looked after.

Sometimes you really should count your blessings...

Since the kids have grown up I hate Christmas and all the BS however having been Mr Humbug, I cooked a stonkingly good christmas dinner for all the family and the outlaws which they all thoroughly appreciated and enjoyed and then I just veged out and nodded off. I have in a bizarre way thouroghly enjoyed my day now.
I really was not enjoying this years festive season and so went along the lines of balls to it and didnt interact but immersed myself in the cooking banning anyone from doing anything in the kitchen-it was me time and everyone knew to leave me be-much akin to as solo ride.
If you make your distress/depression obvious to everyone that is still listening or can hear you and tell them whats wrong it will help or give you better direction on your way forward.
Hope you feel better soon and life piks up for all those out there on STW who are feeling down in the dumps.

I'm sure you are having troubles, and they are real to you, but I'm with Crikey on this.

chin up fella.............
but like crikey said...........there are a lot of people worse off.
you could be me........ 😉

All the random circumstances that seem beyond your control are neither

I'm a social worker (of sorts), an agony uncle, a Samaritan, a negotiator, an arbitrator, a friend, an enemy, everything in between, & I've been there. (I'm actually a prison officer) but what you need most is.....Some effective brakes!
Chin up HC, it does improve believe me, i know!

I'm not so sure that pointing out that some other people are in a worse physical condition is much help to someone who finds themselves in a poor emotional condition.

I'm not so sure that pointing out that some other people are in a worse physical condition is much help to someone who finds themselves in a poor emotional condition.

It doesnt help, its the main reason that i bottle everything up and dont talk about it because even though i feel really low and fed up and lonely i'm basically healthy, have a job and a roof over my head which is better than some people, so i feel my issues are trivial even though i suspect they may not be.

I know it's not always a popular idea among some of the puritan types that frequent this forum.. but I've always combatted being lonely (you can be lonely even when you're surrounded by your nearest and dearest) by taking a stroll down to the local boozer to meet some new faces.. drown my sorrows a bit and get into some conversations that put it all into perspective..

I find it also helps to remember that you never know what's around the corner.. last xmas was dire for me.. the [i]only[/i] thing keeping me going was my baby son.. I felt so alone.. (turns out the other half felt the same way too).. this year is the complete opposite.. so much has changed.. inside and outside..

there's always a solution.. take some time out from your trouble if you can and then look for solutions..

ach.. I don't know it sounds corny or patronising perhaps but it usually works for me eventually..

I'm not so sure that pointing out that some other people are in a worse physical condition is much help to someone who finds themselves in a poor emotional condition.

Absolutely.

Sharki - sounds like you've had some really tough things to deal with but it also sounds like you have a remarkably positive outlook to get you through. I remember you posting about your blog a while ago. I've had / am having my troubles too (have talked about them here as well) and I'd quite like to see your blog, if you don't mind random internet strangers asking you such. I completely understand if you just share it with friends.

Hairychested I hope you're feeling the STW love and you get some cheer from that.

Hope things look up for you HC and Project. I hate to hear people being so fed up and miserable. STW is awesome and so are you for sharing x

Just got back from the neighbour's. Couple of drinks, some lovely meal, good company. All dandy but I still feel the need for a spin. If I had shortened the front brake hose before I went I'd be probably getting out lightless now.
I should be out tomorrow. my daughter is feeling better, my wife wants me to go out for a spin, I already have a brake working. Having two will negate all the excuses I could possibly come up with.
Guys, you can't possible imagine how invaluable your words are. I know there are people much worse off than me, I'm just a miserable sod who's not feeling strong at the moment.
Gonna be off now, my little Vicky asked for a cuddle. Nothing stands between me and that, cheerio!

iDave posted a Marcus Aurelius quote a couple of days ago which, certainly for me, put all the worry of my current work situation completely into perspective - thanks 🙂

Definitely worth posting again and hopefully it will be of help to someone out there . . .

[i]"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment. Choose not to be harmed and you won’t feel harmed."[/i]

Take care . . .

(Sends an Christmas Hug)

Carlingford in particular is spectacular. I find walking in the mountains around there the best stress buster available.

There is far too much pressure put on people around Christmas. I can only say, give things time. Everything passes sooner or later.

Indeed, Carlingford is beyond spectacular. Sea and hills, cafes and pubs, great little eateries and shops, reasonable rent if you could find work there. I've been trying to find a job there, no luck as yet.
Thanks a million, you lovely people. You've given me a massive lift, you really have. Unless something daft/important happens later in the day, I'll be out on a bike. I need to prove to the missus I really need those new Swampthings. I reckon if my wheels bring a few pounds of the finest local mud she'll get the message.

Sorry to thread snipe
Kunster. A link is on my profle. It's not therapy, it's just my journal from a wander.

HC. Sounds like a stunning place you live near.
Embrace and don't justify having new tyres, tell her it's them or the sexy neighbour!

Sharki, I've just taken the liberty of reading your blog and I'm astounded. The way you write, the things you write about, you're very good. I can't criticise in any expert-like fashion, all I know is you get the message across really well. Or at least I like it. I've bookmarked it, will come back many a time. Your writing is like the ST article by Binners, therapeutic.
My wife just got up, relaxed from all those drinks she had last night and asked if we could go for a walk. I suggested going to the beach, she said yes. Not the shops, not the sales, the beach. I'm surprised but I like pleasant surprises. The bike ride after lunch, no argument there. And it's much warmer than yesterday so even without changing the brakes I can do it. The SLX's work fine when it's above zero.
Given your suggestion tyres or the neighbour I'd've said the neighbour but... I met her sister. Only The Ashes could keep me away from, well, you know, wondering what would've happened had I not been married/involved. Typical blokey stuff but, by George, she's a mighty fine-looking young lady (and a brunette too). Cold shower is needed here 🙂
I've decided to stop worrying about the future. Don't really know if that's possible but will try. Knee pads, new tyres, heck it off to the Mourne Mountains sooner than later. Another load of CV's to post, another load of application forms to fill in. Something will happen, I'm sure.
BTW Who's to contact regarding the SSWC? I did actually think about helping somehow, but have no idea how. If it's you, whoever you are, PM me here or via Facebook (look for my nick - same as here). Can't promise anything, not before we've talked.
Mamadirt, thanks for your thoughts and the iDave's Roman ones too. Might end up on the wall here in the study. My old teacher of English had Shakespeare poetry on the loo's walls. It doesn't compare to the STW wisdom, does it?

Hairychested, I'm glad to hear you're looking forward to your day. I hope you enjoy it.

Sharki, I'm reading your blog and it's got all kinds of thoughts racing through my head. If it's okay, I might email you when I've finished reading and have some time to shape the thoughts ricocheting around what has mostly been vacant space. Your blog is very good reading.

Thanks Hairy.
Blimin' hard work trying to put thoughts into words though.

And great to see a positive day for you.
And that new outlook. Keep it.
Kunstler. Ask away.
Though if i'm honest, it's a little worrying what you may ask me.

Didn't go for a ride today. The beach took all the energy I had but no complaints. The time there with my girls, both of them, was worth far more than any bike ride ever. We drove off road, walked across the dunes, collected large sea shells from the beach, walked back, more off road driving (in a moment somebody will be telling me my 406 isn't suitable but I don't care, gentle off road and plenty of spins so my daughter is happy), back home for a lovely fish. Than a nap, some Tom & Jerry with Vicky, coffee with the wife, scrumptious Viennese cheescake and home made ice cream. Now it's a pizza time. The bike will happen tomorrow, very likely.
I'm not overly happy, serious thoughts still linger, they take time to deal with, but at th basic level it has been a grand old day. Sharki, you know the bit when you slept in the cave by the beach? The bedrock was angled, uncomfortable and cold but overall it was fine? Kinda same here.
Thanks for all the warm thoughts, everybody.

There are some fantastic people on these forums. More beautiful human life.

Happy days!

Hi there,
sorry to hear you feel sad on Xmas but as many have said, it comes with the territory.
I can fully understand you as on the very first day of the next year it will be one year that I am useless to the society.
I have decided to stay here because I love my GF and she can't move (kid not mine and kid's dad being a "insert your favourite swear word here") but it's getting tough. Each CV I send or each interview I go to is met with a negative reply. I even try to get a 3 month position on an outdoor sport shop, but apparently having work for the franchise before, being a pro-efficient mtbers, skiman, having spend a fair deal of time on a climbing wall and being trilingual is enough :(. So I really know how you feel job wise.
Got told by the sister that I don't know how to dress, probably don't know how to write an application letter and told that I don't know how to manage kids (family he, as her being the favourite offspring wasn't enough). As the others have said, the hardest part is trying to be positive. I know it sounds very hard but once you get to the 2nd of January it all gets much better in my opinion. You have all my sympathy. Feel free to drop me a line if you want. I am stranded on the other side of the continent, but I could try my best to help you.
Keep your chin up mate. As far as you can put a pedal stroke after another hope will always be here...

Juan, comparing my situation with yours shows how insignificant mine are.
Had a chat with the wife, she didn't tell me she was ill as she didn't want to worry me. It explains a lot, time to look after her.
My daughter is getting really better, headaches related to her are virtually gone too.
I went for another walk, tried some shoes and suits, realised I had better clothes than the exclusive shop. A nice cup of coffee and some cheesecake later I was almost fine.
May I just say, without you lot I'd be deep in brown stuff AKA my own thoughts. As things are, I feel pretty good, decided what I'll do and why. If needed I'll ask for help. If I can help anybody my email is in the profile.
Biking with a mate tomorrow morning, life is good!