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Good luck mate. Something deffo in the air as my misses announced a few weeks ago that she's off. 20 years & two wonderful kids down the pan just like that.
Life really can kick you in the teeth sometimes.
All the best - I was there 2.5 years ago and it was horrible but now I am happier than ever - it will get better but it will take time
Del - Member
good luck chaps. i'm convinced there's a better life on the other side, however things turn out.
all the best.
D.
Did anyone else read that and think suicidal? 😯
Question to the OP- throughout the illness what has your wife been like/coped mentally?
It may be that she is depressed or suffering from depression and can not see the signs?
Does she have a hot sister?
Tim if you want to get out on the bike for a while then give me a shout. A bit of exercise and fresh air does help. When me and R split I did a lot of riding.
When me and R split I did a lot of riding
Shirley the opposite? 8)
Actually I found out what I had been missing for a few years. A female friend had split with her fella a few weeks earlier so we "consoled" each other 😉
As others have said, please go to mediation, get the issues out in the open. Illness has profound consequences on relationships and it'd be such a shame if you both went down the wrong path.
Sorry to hear about you other guys too. Lowey, keep focused on your bike or you'll fall off, again! Take good care guys. I blame the mobile 'phone.
for tim and the others my commiserations
like teagirl says get to mediation and try to keep communicating but don't necessarily agree to anything right now
- had the same 12 years ago and took a long while to get my thinking right afterwards.
However, things do get better.
Actually I found out what I had been missing for a few years. A female friend had split with her fella a few weeks earlier so we "consoled" each other
Funny thing- people sometimes don't see whats happening but seem to think sex naturally tails off in a relationship as 'normal' when it isn't.
Friend at work- her and her partner did it twice a month and she saw this as normal (the longer your together, the less emphasis on sex there is) when in reality her Husband was banging a nurse rotten at work.
Lowey, keep focused on your bike or you'll fall off, again
Fear not Claire... I am still falling off regularly and with equal grace !!
best of luck with it Tim & Co,
I'd give a +10 for the suggestions to go to relate, they are good, i can really help.
best of luck with it Tim & Co,
I'd give a +10 for the suggestions to go to relate, they are good, it can really help.
They are good at helping fix people and can offer much needed perspective.
Well, ill health will have undoubtedly brought about a huge change in both of your lives. But how does your wife deal with this? Perhaps your role as carer has evolved rather than sitting down to work out how you can deal with the situation?
Is it not frustrating for her to see you go off riding your bike when perhaps she is unable to participate in an active lifestyle? It almost rubs it in that she has illness and you haven't.
I really think that going to Relate could help both of you, don't just throw in the towel. I wish you both well.
As for women announcing that their marriage is over - yep, I've done that. But it's very easy to turn a blind eye and pretend that things are the same as when you first got together/having children/children leaving home. Delete as appropriate.
Sorry to hear that. Add me to the list of those having serious relationship troubles. Spent christmas at my mum's after things fell apart with my missus of 13 years or so. We are kind of back on track now but there is lots of work to be done - we are going to try Relate.
I have been very ill/depressed over the last year which has put a strain on things. I imagine the current gloomy financial situation etc is putting strain on many people's relationships too.
bazzer - Member
When she asked for space it was probably one of the greatest mistakes that I ever made that I didn't give her that.
I will second that.
I would third it.
I asked my (now wife) to marry me. She said yes then later had doubts. We stayed in the same house but I gave her space to think and reflect on what she wanted. I had no idea where we were going to go (I even started to look for a new home) but after a couple of months she got herself straight and with absolutely no pressure from me she came back to me and said she wanted to marry me.
Oh, and the 'space' thing would seem to have helped in our case too. I stayed at my mum's over xmas, then went on holiday, then she went to see her mum in Scotland - spent about 3-4 weeks apart and it does help you to evaluate things more objectively I think.
I think it also helps for the simple fact that it gives the person in question the confidence to know that you aren't there leaning on them and demanding answers.
There is some saying about a relationship being like two pillars holding up a building (it is often trotted out at weddings but I think it has great merit). Something along the lines of being strong enough to hold things up but standing far enough apart to keep balance.
EDIT:
Here you go...
[i]And stand together, yet not too near together;
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow
- Kahlil Gibran (The Prophet) - About Marriage[/i]
Thanks for all the nice things said guys, sharki that was nicely put.
Mister p you have mail.
Well its never been a normal situation oir physical relationship suffered years ago because of her health, my fear of the implications of her getting pregnant etc etc.
We got complacent. Me the most.
Couple of months back her internet use went from minimal to 24/7 shes a keen writer so is in vsrious forums doing role playing ( not online sexy time i assure you)
She does suffer mentally with staying in all the time, she very very rarely sees her mates, and is increasingly shutting off the outside world.
Right now im not sure if that was her shutting me out, or a sign of something deeper wrong.
Space is definitely needed we have not spent more thsn 48 hours apart in 12 years.
Which when written out like that is a bit odd i spose.
Maybe we can get back to being husband and wife, right now i dont know.
Thanks again guys
I don't know you but I do hope it works out.
I hope things work out for the best.
well hows everyone doing?
still separated, im living with a mate now, things were pretty amicable, have recently become less so....
but all in all, things aint too bad, how are the other two guys who split from their wives at the same time as me doing?
im now bankrupt, but started a new job this week, in exactly the right sector, after a 5 year absence, for my old company I left 5 years ago.
all a bit wierd, its like i never left.
glad to hear things have picked up a little for you 🙂 .
Sounds as though you are moving forward and a new job too. Gosh, you are doing really well! Hang in there and stay positive. 🙂
It will all sort itself out and you'll meet someone else - might not seem so right now, but these things happen, challenge use and eventually you overcome them and move on...
have recently become less so....
SWT, do the sensible thing and cut it out of your life. otherwise in another 2 months everything will be your fault, typical swt wanting to keep a finger in every pie, options open and moral highground, well at least by her yardstick.
sack that, let her over analyse everything and tie her self in knots whilst you get on having a life with no contact with her... 50/50 chance she'll want to get back together just to knock you back down again and **** with your head.