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said the wife today out of the blue...
bit of a bombshell that really, been together 12 years through bad times, and tbh other bad times.
its been not the usual marriage, her being poorly me starting to be her carer about 2 years ago, we are early 30s.
her health is picking up, but we have grown apart, we both dont feel the same as we did.
I spose it had to come from her, but it was a bit of a shock tbh.
although the signs were there over the last month, one conversation sticks in my mind "so if something were to happen to you it might be an idea for you to tell me how to run all the finances just in case"
feel very wierd, and didnt blubber at all, not even a moist eye, until i walked back in after a day of wandering around in a daze and the dogs jumped on me.
sitting in the spare room waiting for her mother in law to leave so talks can recomense.
🙁
Feeling for you, Tim. Chin up mate.
LOt of it about mate 🙁
wow - sorry mate.
Ouchy. Be calm. Don't burn yer bridges would be the only advise I could give
Under the circumstances, shouldn't the MIL just do one and realise she's in the way?
Tim, my heart goes out to you mate.
Hopefully its just a bit of doubt, and she'll come round, but at the same time I've seen it happen quite a few times after illness, depression etc - in a battle to move on from the past, people feel a need to get rid of any and every thing around them that serves as an "uncomfortable reminder" of the past.
Whichever way it goes, good luck, keep strong, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Ride! Lots!
Bugger 😥
😯
Courage dude.
Sounds shit, feel for you.
Stay calm and listen to your instincts - they never lie
Mate really really sorry to hear that, we are here for you.
Is t sOmething you are keen to save? Would counselling help and would she agree to it?
sitting in the spare room waiting for her mother in law to leave so talks can recomense.
what more is there to say? She doesn't want to be married anymore is a decision she is entitled to make. Personally I'd start loading the wife's belongings into her mother's car, however I hope you get it sorted (to your satisfaction).
That's a tough way to start a new year. Sorry to hear that.
Hope you can sort things out one way or the other.
that is brutal,
ive been there, (my first wife ran off with a 'millionaire' she met on the internet).
i also would say dont burn your bridges, and dont say anything you may regret later.
doubt this will help much, but hope it does.
i am keen for councelling so i hope that will be our next step, but it looks like we are spending the next few weeks apart.
ffs motherinlaw stop eating my chocolate biscuits and do one!
Talk, Talk and talk somemore, get some professional help if you can, relate etc and keep calm and dignified, Good luck to you both.
Tim,
Know how you feel, just had a similar conversation with my missus about 10 minutes ago. Shite. 😥
mikertroid 😥 Bloody hell its catching.
anokdale - Member
Talk, Talk and talk somemore, get some professional help if you can, relate etc and keep calm and dignified, Good luck to you both.
+1 it really is the only way.
Be strong, feeling for you comrade.
Communicate, if it truly is that broken - and you alluded to it 'both don;t feel the same as we did' - then best you can do is make sure you have said what you need to say and move on, quickly. Been there and done it and come out the other end happy, smiling and having learnt a lot about myself. It's not failure - its just life and sometimes stuff like this happens. Chin up, ride your bike, take the time to sit in the sun* and think of all the positives 😀
* I'm wagering that one day it will reappear 😈
mikertroid sorry to hear that, its not the best feeling eh?
dont listen to radiohead, it doesnt help!!!
Sounds like Mike and Tim need something shiney and new for their bikes.
sorry to hear that guys, feel for you, bad times
It seems like she may now feel to be a burden to you.
With you now appearing to be her carer. Would it be fair to say she mentally struggles to see you as her partner.
Have you shown that any emotions that suggests you feel like you've lost her. As in. She's not the person you married.
Did you show the pain that you felt, from her being poorly for those 2 years?
It could be she doesn't want to cause yo any more pain. And wants to see you happier.
If there is any hope, councilling may well help.
If all is lost, then for both of you, it is in the long term, the best thing.
Take care Tim.
Hope it all comes good one way or another.
been there and done that it gets better and easier chin up to you both
Tough break kid !, seems like you were of a similar mind anyways.
As others have posted, keep your dignity, keep calm and don't do anything you may regret later.
I know thats easier written than done, as none of us are having the emotions you are right now. (probably)
If this is the bottom, then hopefully things get better soon.
All the best.
Sorry to hear it tim. Chin up. Keep your dignity and stay in touch with friends. They're going to be important for the next few months.
I think what Sharki said summed I what I'd like to say.
Marriage break ups are really painful. I walked out of mine 9 years ago tonight. Everyones circumstances and different but speaking to your friends really helps. You'll find they have hidden depths.
Good luck to you both.
Can recommend going to relate, when my first marriage came to an end, at my instigation, I went on my own and with the ex. Helped put everything into perspective and helped me move on. Might sound daft but even though it was my decision it was still hard but we both ended up with someone far more suited and both happier rather than just bobbing along sharing a house.
Still crap when it was happening but as others have said, it gets better.
My relationship ended after 9 years as we just kind of grew apart, was difficult calling it a day but 7-8 months on i've never been happier, it doesn't have to be a bad thing it ending.
It's not easy. But try talking, try relate, but also be prepared for the point when you might need to accept it's over.
It might sound harsh, but there comes a time when you need to move on.
It's utter crud getting to that point though.
Sounds like you both knew it was over but out of a sense of loyalty or responsibility, due to the fact she has been ill, you felt it had to come from her.
Whatever happens, I'd like to echo the sentiments above and confirm from personal experience it is often for the best.
Hope it works out for you.
ffs don't be listening to radiohead. you'll be taking a bath with an electric fire before you know it.
Bloody hell its catching.
more than you know.
good luck chaps. i'm convinced there's a better life on the other side, however things turn out.
all the best.
D.
Good luck to both of you in resolving your respective problems - as above time heals. Don't find solace in booze though.
Tough times indeed, like the others say keep calm ,talk, if the worst does happen things get better over time
Don't touch booze at all. None. The very best of luck to you whatever happens.
Really sorry to hear that 🙁
What TJ and Zulu-Eleven said +1
I said it to my wife once, or maybe something similar, 10 years ago when I was not right.
We sorted it out though and 10 years from then we are still together and stronger.
I hope you and your wife get it sorted out
You guys are being so supportive to Mr Grey
Tim
The role of a carer is a tightrope of emotions & I can understand how you feel/have been through, my wife has secondary progressive MS (21 years of our 29 together)
The last thing you need is parents around IMO as they just cloud the issues. I Don't want to pry but has her illness had any effect on her cognitive function? As I often feel as though I'm the bad guy because I see flaws in her reasoning, thankfully this is something other health professionals have spotted so I don't feel too bad for pointing it out 🙁
That's really sad Tim, I hope you can talk through and have an understanding. She may be in a troubled place herself.
keep calm and dignified
I may not be qualified to offer any advice as to my shame I was unable to do this myself. When she asked for space it was probably one of the greatest mistakes that I ever made that I didn't give her that.
I hope you can find a way.
Good luck Tim.
When she asked for space it was probably one of the greatest mistakes that I ever made that I didn't give her that.
I will second that.