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I have a colleague who brings spare shirts to any training courses he has to run. So nervous about public speaking that he has to swap shirts every hour or so.
Only a problem if he brings different shirts and keeps changing patterns throughout the course.
He's a massively introverted and also one of our corporate subject matter experts.
Mingling/networking or whatever you want to call it is incredibly mentally taxing as I find myself not really giving shit about whatever it is people are talking about.
it's mingling/networking for the sake of it, and without purpose, that I have the problem with. change the subject - just talk about something you're interested in, or the weather.
🙁 I just want to talk about "Undateables" or "Age Gap Love" or some other trashy TV program. I guess I'm too shallow.
STW and/or bikes in general never seems to go down well
How do you tell if a software engineer is an extrovert?
They look at YOUR shoes when they're talking to you...
“He smiled as only the truly shy can smile. It was not the easy grin of the confident, nor the quick slashing smile of the extremely durable and the wicked. It had no relation with the poised, intently used smile of the courtesan or the politician. It was the strange, rare smile which rises from the deep, dark pit, deeper than a well, deep as a mine, that is within them.”? Ernest Hemingway, Across the River and into the Trees
Beavers/Cubs, whatever it's called now?
Yeah they do Rainbows after school one day a week.
And thank you all for the helpful advice - some of it is stuff we already strive to do (silly little things like saying hello/goodbye to Spanish waiters in Spanish, talking to them about their shyness, explaining that other adults in the room won't be looking at them - although they both say they prefer it when it's us that aren't there so that isn't the problem, it's us)!
I have two kids, both of whom do well at school and at sport outside school, and who I'd say are both confident in themselves.
The big one HATES talking in front of a group; the wee one stood up on the stage last year on his own during assembly to serenade the whole school and all the teachers with his guitar (which he can't play AT ALL), resisting three attempts by the head teacher to cut his performance short by saying "I'm not finished" and ploughing on.
Kids are all different, and a reluctance to stand up and be heard in front of a group shouldn't be confused with a lack of self-confidence.
A while ago we spoke to the older one's teacher about his reluctance to speak in a group, and since then he's been encouraged (by successive teachers) gradually to do more of it and he's beginning to lighten up about it. Taken a while, but there's no rush.
Have you tried shouting at them really loud?
Seriously, though. Just chill out about and don't make it a " thing".
My experience is that they will be who they will be and there is little that you can do to alter that other than accept it and encourage them in everything they do.
My oldest one is freakily self confident and was seemingly born with the innate ability to walk the tightrope between precociousness and arrogance without seeming to be either. She absolutely did not get that from me. It fills me with equal measures of pride and utter bewilderment when she stands up in front of hundreds of people and commands the room. She will rule the universe if she so chooses.
My middle one was a seemingly mute leg clinger who would not join in any group activities ( other than football) until he was about 9. Turns it that we were mistaking chronic shyness with him being a really deep thinker who , due to his young age, was unable to express himself properly. He's of the opinion that you don't need to say or do anything unless it's worth saying or doing properly. Like Vinny Jones in Gone in 60 Seconds sorta thing.
The youngest one is recklessly self confident and will probably end up in jail or hospital for most of his adult life.
It's a mixed bag and you take what you get.
LOL I like your kids Perchypanther 🙂
That Hemmingway quote has made the room go all dusty...............
I was shy at my first nativity play...but I was an angel and my Mum made me wear her white tights.
I was so embarrassed.
There '6' still little kids really so I'd quit worrying and just let them enjoy being children.
Kids change from month to month, year to year let them find there own way.
I was quite shy as a kid but conversely enjoyed acting and often had lead roles in school plays but never enjoyed large groups.
Nowadays I will talk shite to anyone but still struggle talking to pretty ladies.
OP - just let your kids be themselves. There's nothing wrong with shy. They'll grow up far more confident if they're supported in being who they want to be, rather than being forced into some idealised template you have for them.
I know you're trying to help here so I'm not being critical but it seems this is more about you and your own attitude towards your own issues with your own shyness than it is about them and their needs...
Worth reading Quiet by Susan Cain - it's a call to arms for introverts, pointing out there's nothing wrong with being an introvert and societal pressure to be otherwise can cause great personal troubles...
[url= http://www.amazon.co.uk/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0141029196 ]Quiet - the Power of Introverts[/url]
Introverts make up about a third of the population - we're not weird freaks! Also worth noting that Barack Obama is an introvert and he's turned out to be quite a good public speaker 🙂
rather than being forced into some idealised template you have for them.
We are certainly not forcing them – we didn't 'force' our girl in acting club to do the show when she said she didn't want to – she made the decision to not go on stage until the final song. We didn't 'force' our other girl to do the club at all which means we spend our Saturday running between the two classes they chose to do.
It doesn't mean I wouldn't like to see them be less shy though.
Don't push kids too hard. It;s been said they are still young so pushing too hard will have the opposite effect. My missus has tried to ram drama down my daughters throat and it's not exactly worked. She's now in Rainbows (brownies/girlguids precursor) as it's less in your face but very encouraging all the same.
Johndoh - Wanna swap one of your shy, quiet 6 year olds for a couple of weeks? 😉
In exchange I can offer you a 6 year old maniac with criminal / daredevil tendencies. He is a bit house-wrecky though. It's never deliberate, to be fair, and he's always sorry afterwards. 😯
It might make you appreciate how lucky you are? 😀
Because I would prefer them to have confidence in themselves.
As above - self confidence and shyness aren't related.
I'm highly confident in myself, but I'm shy. I just know very well what I'm good at, what I want, what I'm bad at and what I don't want.
I'm bad at mixing socially with people who aren't much like me, nor do I particularly want to do it. Life got much better when I realised that I didn't have to and I found some people who ARE like me.
I'm just glad introverts don't tell extraverts too often in real life what they actually think of us (my wife finds the word '****'* comes in handy.) What this thread isn't about me?
Okay lots of kids can be on the OGC (On a Goth Continuum) spectrum. Drama classes don't necessarily help as this can lead to poetry and dressing up. A bit of fresh air is more the job.
*on edit - this is highly annoying. The word I'm looking for is in the middle of "was****er"
thisisnotaspoon - MemberA career in engineering beckons. The few non-introverts who accidentally stumble into the profession quickly realize their mistake and move off to be management where they can squark all they like and be ignored.
No I am quite happy to speak in front of large groups & have done so on many occasions & I'm an engineering manager with over 30 years experience of high pressure production environments.
I might have a slight advantage that my parents were both confidant speakers and instilled a foundation of no bullshit presentation.
I'm pretty shy ,take time to get warm up to a room full of people for instance.
Lately, I've seen the same behaviour in my boy. I would like to avoid him being as socially inept as me ,so understand the OP s concerns. I like the play acting suggestion,I might pretend to be Han Solo tomorrow..ha.
I'm very confident at work, I talk a lot, present, and lead, but that's because there is something to talk about and I know my subject.
Didn't go for Christmas drinks with the client office, partly because we are new there. But I did want to go to my own company Christmas dinner because they are proper mates.