[Closed] Having kids

No don't think so. Might be worth a visit to your GP to investigate.

I don't know about the to much to soon question however I can say that we know of people older that have had children.

Thought you might say that. Best meet it head on I suppose, thanks.

Yup, but may be worth getting your swimmers checked out as time is not in your favour. Takes all different lengths of time to conceive, we were a bit too fertile and lost all that fun practice time but friends took 7 years.

Go and see a doctor if you're both worried. Tell them you've been trying for between 18 months and 2 years. Keep trying in the meantime - your local trust may not entertain helping mrs anonamouser out if she's past 40. (check that asap, unless you have a warchest to throw at fertility treatment of course).

Firing blanks? its possible but instead of worrying or getting yourself stressed out about it, got a sample tested.

It could be fun just getting the sample out... 😀

6 months isn't that long, we were trying for over 18 months before we conceived our first.
You spend most of your adult life doing your best to avoid pregnancy only to find it doesn't happen that easily 🙂

Thanks alot for the advice. No warchest for fertility treatment unfortunately.

Male pride before a fall and all that but I am worried its me who's got the weak swimmers. As you guys have said we wont know till we see a Doctor.

Thanks again.

I very much doubt it's you as males continue to "function" as long as they live, whereas women do not after a certain age (depending on the individual).

Have you looked into what advice is available on the subject online?

I wish you good luck.

I am naive with regards to the advice tbh. I had hoped/expected it to just happen.

Agreed, a more proactive approach is required.

I am encouraged by how long it can take hope thats the case. thanks for the kind wishes btw.

That's funny what Simon said. I have spent, like many blokes, many carefree years worrying I might end up a Father before I was ready. I probably want to be a good Dad more than anything, and now I'm 35 & single.

Life's funny! Good luck op 😀

For late 30s it's normal to take up to 2 years to conceive IIRC.....

Go speak to your GP and get a referral to a fertility clinic.

A mate kept firing blanks for years. Doc said he didn't have any hope of children. Years later he had 2 girls ... then some time after that he had one-night stand and ended up with twins 😯

Good luck with whatever path you find. Having kids is awesome.

Go see your gp (together). At your age and 6 months of trying they will possibly get you on the list for tests - better to know and deal with it than to torture yourselves. I wouldn't worry at similar ages to you both ours took a while to make (c 7 and 10 months iirc)

Also try and get the stress down.

of course there's the whole "must try for children" business that is also very counter-productive.. 🙁

My and my wife have been laying some foundations for a little while now and no joy as of yet. Give it time

How long have you been trying if you don't mind me asking? iirc gp probably looking for 6 months before doing tests.

This is why you should check all this stuff (should be some info on your local trust/fertility clinic website). I'm, erm, not condoning lying to your GP, but you don't want to get told to "come back in 12 months if nothing's happened". I'm also taking mrs anonamouser's age into consideration.

We were in a similar situation a while ago. We told the gp we had been trying for a bit longer than we actually had and ended up conceiving using clomid. Our daughter is coming up to one now. As has been previously said, trying can be pretty stressful and stress isn't good for conception. Keep going through!

We were in your situation - GP was brilliant, shifted things along for us and was referred for IVF.

Very stressful few months (but you do get to look at 'special interest' mags a) paid for by the NHS and b) with the wife's full approval) but happy to say it was succesful.

Much depends at first on how good your GP is and your local health authority.

Whole process from seeing the GP to embryo implantation took about 12 months.

Worth starting the process and keep trying in the meantime.

It is rather perfunctory at times, its not the trying bit I have a problem with. Just the succeeding.

Thanks again, I feel a bit better about it. I have a plan to try harder and to seek some professional advice if there is still no joy.

True about spending your life trying to avoid pregnancy only for that to be the one thing you both really want.

Time is definitely not on your side where fertility treatment is concerned so you should get both of you checked ASAP. Exaggerate how long you've been trying. Maybe. But get checked. The important thing is that no matter what the result, it's nobodies fault. It's just one of then things.
And as the husband of an adoption social worker i have to say don't rule out adoption. 🙂

It's worth getting checked out, but sometimes it can naturally take a while. My parents decided they wanted to spawn when my dad was 32 and my mom was 30. They tried for two years ("like rabbits", my mother informed me...) with no joy. They'd given up and accepted that they couldn't have children, and decided not to get checked out as it didn't really matter who was 'to blame'. Bang, mother got pregnant with my oldest brother, got pregnant again accidentally two years later, then deliberately two years after that (with me).

I also had a colleague who'd tried for five years to have kids, then gave up. She and her husband moved house a few years later, and a couple of months later she was pregnant in her mid-40s. She put it down to him having to give up cycling for six months during the move and settling in period(he was a very keen roadie) - might not want to tell your missus that though! 😆

Mrs scotroutes and I "tried" for a couple of years and, when nothing happened, decided we maybe weren't thatfussed after all so just sort of forgot about it. A few months later.... (ever tried to find a pregnancy testing kit on boxing day).

I was 38 and the Mrs 33.

If you waited that long, are you really that keen? Might be better to shrug and move on. But enjoy yourselves in the meantime 🙂

Might not be of help really, but check your local Trust to see what (if any) provision they have for IVF - it might help you consider what you decide even before you bother getting any tests done.

Good luck - been there, got the tee.

Maybe go see the dr but six months isnt that long. Make sure your doing it at the right times. We were similar ages took about 8 months iirc.

Definitely worth doing some research, for example I believe there is only a small window of time each month when conception can actually take place and various other factors can influence the chances of conception. With regards age, my father was 50, my mother 42 when I was born and I have a sister two years younger than me! That was back in the 1950s too! So, your ages shouldn't be too much of a problem 8)

Mrs scotroutes and I "tried" for a couple of years and, when nothing happened, decided we maybe weren't thatfussed after all so just sort of forgot about it. A few months later.... (ever tried to find a pregnancy testing kit on boxing day).

I was 38 and the Mrs 33.

Exactly the same situation we were in. Mrs Mog and I tried for about 4 years, I suppose. Doctor did some tests and told her she'd never conceive. Naturally a bit down in the dumps about it she suggested we take a holiday. Spent all our savings on a ski trip, lived like lords for a fortnight - came back pregnant. 2 years later we had another.

Life's a funny thing.

I've no idea about your partners or your health but it will make a huge difference. If either of you smoke or drink, it will affect your fertility massively. As will lack of sleep, stress, or lack of exercise.

As I said, I know nothing about your health (so I'm not trying to preach) but if you keep on top of these things then you should be good.

Nowhere near as simple as that muly - many factors can effect male and female fertility.

Nowhere near as simple as that muly - many factors can effect male and female fertility.

Ok perhaps "should be good" was an over simplification but quitting smoking/drinking (if it's a factor in this case) typically has a positive effect on fertility does it not?

Bit of a race against time - get into the ivf programme asap if you can.

We tried for around 18 months with no joy ( I was 38 and she was 36 when we finally got round to trying. The tests are pretty awful and where I am, the assistants aren't health professionals, they're volunteers. I was seriously propositioned by a 50 year old bottle blonde who asked me umpteen times if I needed a hand, in a very suggestive manner!

A few weeks before the first treatment, we found out we didn't need it after all - apparently quite common as you both relax and give up a bit of control to the system.

Best of luck!

There are many factors here and as you are aware age is not on your side.

Women have great difficulty conceiving after 35, however because there are more than ever of that age group trying you hear of it all the time and think it's normal. We still have the same internal workings at our great, great grandmothers did, even though the generations of today's woman is stronger, fitter and generally healthier.

she should be taking folic acid tablets and getting down to the doctors asap. He can give her some fertility treatment.
Woman only have a certain amount of eggs and by the age of 35 that amount has halved. Your wife can start making a chart by taking her temperature or buying a test which will tell her if she is fertile that month and at what time. These eggs have been carried around by her since birth and may be damaged and not in good order.
Sadly fertility drops even further when she hits 40, however there is still a chance and you need to help yourselves to get that opportunity.

Health is everything (as mentioned above).

I hope I don't come across as too down for your hopes. I know several women who had children around the 40 age group, sadly non of them had anymore, so there is hope, don't give up.

Good luck.

but quitting smoking/drinking (if it's a factor in this case) typically has a positive effect on fertility does it not?

That's my experience anyway.

It certainly aids fertility for the female if she neither smokes, drinks and needs to be the correct weight for height.

Similar situation here, but at a couple of years younger, couple of years of trying, lost that one after three months, couple more years of trying. GP not that helpful as we'd already conceived once. Eventually got lined up for tests, which didn't show any great problems. Pushed hard to start IVF, bought some very expensive drugs, conceived that month. Josephine is now three years old, so all ended well. Did try for number two for some time, but that trying can be damn stressful and for us we decided we got the one kid that we 'needed' and would forgo the second one that we 'wanted'.

Things that helped us... Ease up on the drinking. Apparently one decent session can blow your chances of good swimmers for six weeks (of course, that's just one view, but right now I am guessing you'll listen to them all). Tried 'saving up' for the special occasion, but when is that? Tried all sorts of ovulation tests, but didn't seem to work for us, whereas I know others who got successful / coincidentally lucky with these. Worst advice my wife got was to have an affair and introduce some strange! Welcome to Denmark, huh? (She didn't take that option, by the way).

Above all, try and keep it cool with each other. It's stressful, it feels like a test and each month gives you the same bad news all over again. Stress ain't going to help and the blame game is an absolute non-starter. Good luck.

Ps - I'm not condoning lying to your GP either... Hang on, yes I am. Research and push them you feel they are not working with you. I understand the reasoning, but this is your life, so let others worry about that.

Go and see your GP, don't lie about anything, it's completely pointless, you end up in the same system whatever you say and lying about stuff just puts more pressure on.

There are plenty of easy tests that can be done to find out if there is a problem, don't worry about which one of you it might be, just concentrate on finding out what might need fixing. Good luck! Oh and if anyone tells you to 'relax and it'll happen, I have it on good authority that it's now legal to punch them in the face*

*i might be making that bit up but I don't care, I will punch someone if they say it again

Relax it'll happen.

Was very surprised having spent my 20s smokin boozin and womanisin to discover i was actually fertile.

Go see the GP now. It's nothing to be ashamed of regardless of who's side the issue is on.

IVF is a long process and you can try naturally in the meantime - there's no point hanging around though.

If it wasn't for visiting the GP and starting the process, I wouldn't have my wonderful son. It was the most important visit I've ever made to my GP.

World is overcrowded as it is. Adopt.

Quite a narrow window of opportunity for ovulation so use a Clearblue test - other brands are available. Checking you are going for it at the right time of the month takes the pressure off so to speak.

You should stop knocking one out for +/- three days before you expect the above test to be positive - easier said than done!!

Both keep boozing, smoking or other similar activities to a minimum.

Have fun. Enjoy!!

World is overcrowded as it is. Adopt.

🙄

To the OP, if you are worried about it then go see the GP. 6 months is not a long time to have been trying though, and it's not usually considered a problem by doctors until you've been trying for 12+ months. Though given age they may refer you for tests earlier than that (and if not then there's always the private route, not that expensive and at least you'll know if you're wasting your time.)

Houns - Member
World is overcrowded as it is. Adopt.
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