[Closed] Having kids

Oh and OP, if there is a problem and it turns out it's your weak swimmers then that is a seriously good result. Can be much more complicated and expensive to sort out, with less chance of success, if the problem is with the missus.

Do you really think that is appropriate?

There is a STW "Oh look it's a thread about having babies, I can give myself an erection by getting some attention from a trolling comment" club. Houns is a founder member. Probably fapping away at the responses if he's not too busy answering phones.

GP ASAP.

Gateway to treatment. It might happen whilst you're waiting. It sometimes does but after trying for 6 months at your ages you'll be fast tracked in view of maternal age.

To reiterate earlier and as Mike above. Conceiving while on the test list is not uncommon either.

Our 2 born when Mrs was 36 and 39 and we had to wait both times.

+million on the Folic Acid advice. Get her on a GP issued dose ASAP, massively reduces spinal cord related problems.
Seems to have stopped either of my 2 inheriting my spina bifida. (But reduces non inherited problems too)

Not much more to add other than eat well, live your life and don't put too much pressure on trying to get one in. I know it's hard to do but obviously focus your efforts a bit when you know it could be a good time. We had one in we lost then a few months later one stuck, she is 1 next week and delicious. Took us a while to get there though.

Relax. See your GP don't lie about the length of time as it doesn't help in any diagnosis. Timing is more crucial than frequency you can but kits that help with that.

Most importantly enjoy the trying as once your bundle arrives then it'll be once in a blue moon.

Timing is now thought to be overrated. The "stress" of waiting hoping and acting on ovulation kits is thought to be counter productive. This is kind of why when people get referred it quite often just happens. They "relax" on some level because it's "out of their hands." The recommendation is regular sex ie every other day.

Folic acid for her, boxers for you, off the booze and fags for both of you. No extremes of weight for either of you or high exercise levels for her (but if she is overweight crash dieting is counter productive when actively trying to conceive). Ensure good diet and/or use a multivitamin. Give yourselves the best chance.

Just to reiterate: it's her age that is the limiting factor here. It has the biggest effect on likelihood of conception to begin with. And it is also the fact that may limit access to NHS (free) services. So I really would recommend just getting on with it and booking an appointment with the GP. Book one each and go together if you use the same GP?

I find it a very strange that folks can post on here anonymously with deep personal issues yet remain anonymous and yet responders post with their names attached to threads where commenting on someone else's problems ought to be dealt with by professionals in that particular field of expertise.
Clearly this is both a relationship and medical issue and you should clearly seek that type of advice, but of course you can't remain anonymous there can you, no you will have to explain your personal medical history to someone who will understand fully the situation you seem to face.

It's either a ruse to get a thread going or you are a troll, if it's as serious a matter that you claim I fail to get the reason/rationale for posting a deep personal issue on here that should be between you, your partner and a trained medical professional.

No troll. I cannot discuss this with anyone, but I an afforded the anonimty of an internet forum, which I use often and can get advice from people who have/are facing the same scenario.

That's the reason for the post, and its been very helpful to be honest.

It's either a ruse to get a thread going or you are a troll, if it's as serious a matter that you claim I fail to get the reason/rationale for posting a deep personal issue on here that should be between you, your partner and a trained medical professional.

I see lots of deep personal issues being posted on here, this forum may have its moments but generally speaking it's fairly supportive for this kind of problem (the odd troll or joke comment aside), and there's a wealth of personal experience to draw on - and that includes knowing when to advise visiting a medical professional. Perhaps the OP is known to other members offline, and doesn't particularly want to share this information with them? Or a friend of his wife posts here?

I cannot discuss this with anyone

Just to reiterate: it's her age that is the limiting factor here. It has the biggest effect on likelihood of conception to begin with.

Actually, and while IANAO, that may not be as big a factor as thought ([url= http://m.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-24128176 ]Link[/url])

My self and crankygirl combined with our local nhs to generate crankbrat. At the time she was in her mid 30s I 46 . We were quickly referred she was given some advise and firtility treatments drugs and self administered injections I had the easy task of generating the "sample " clear the tubes a few days before and get inspired by the nhs 's frankly poor taste in porn (one cubicle included a copy of horse and hounds) . My sample was subjected to wash and swim(some one picks the best swimmers) the product was then introduced to the wife via a medical turkey baster. .

It was a stressfull time we had three rounds and successful on the third when the nurse with the baster crossed her fingers.

Relax and enjoy trying but I would suggest checking out you options with your G.P. too.

bikebouy - most if not all the posters on here have told the OP to go to his GP.
Most, if not all the posters on here have proper knowledge into what happens when you are going through a similar experience and are further down the line.

It is indeed very personal but he is asking a question and the great STW imo have really helped.

I get that, I don't get that these types of post are often a "first port of call" a sort of vent spleen or assess the lay of the land before actually getting to the root of the problem, in this case a specialist in that field. That really should be the first place you go, not here.
I'm all for knowledge sharing, you know I am and I support that, but this type of post is seriously personal and should be between the OP and his Partner and a GP/Specialist and no one else. If the OP has issues about sharing there are soooo many support groups out there that treat this face 2 face and/or phone lines, specifically set up with specialists who offer knowledgable help and support and referal networks...

Is what I'm saying...

There is no way on this small planet I would share that kind of information on here, sorry but as much as I like being here you've no need to hear about my family issues/problems.

It's not the place to encourage GP's (of which there are a few on here) to comment about the situation and quite right too.

This isn't a rant, it is aimed directly at the OP to seek professional and knowledgable support from those trained in that field.

Best of luck BTW, seriously, BOL.

Bikebuoy - have you ever asked a mate how to fix your bike or do you go straight to the LBS?

I know the two things aren't directly comparable but all the OP has done here is ask his 'mates' for advice or to share their experiences. Most have said see a professional.

I like sounding out my mates - experience helps you understand a professional opinion and informs you on what to ask that professional.

As for anonymity - I don't mind the world knowing I/we needed IVF/ICSI and if sharing that on here helps the OP realise speaking to his GP is the best next step then I've helped make a difference.

If it wasn't for IVF/ICSI I wouldn't have my son and people shouldn't be afraid of talking about something SO common when it can help produce such a mirracle.

OP - call your GP and crack on. It's hard, stressful but could be the best thing you've ever done.

coolhandluke - Member
Firing blanks? its possible but instead of worrying or getting yourself stressed out about it, got a sample tested.

It could be fun just getting the sample out...

This

[img] [/img]

I wouldnt be unduly concerned, its only been 6 months.

Took us 12 months, and I gather than not an uncommon amount of time.

There is no way on this small planet I would share that kind of information on here, sorry but as much as I like being here you've no need to hear about my family issues/problems.

Don't share then. Hard to resist reading through isn't it? 🙂

My and my wife have been laying some foundations for a little while now and no joy as of yet.

Dare I say that your problem might be right there?

😯

You might find when you stop " trying" and worrying about it that it just happens . Don't know about anyone else but that's what happened with me and the missus . And no , my kids don't look like the milkman / postman / window cleaner.

Bikebouy I have no issues discussing how my son was conceived. I am grateful to you all for funding the NHS who helped. I am also aware there are some who do find the subject difficult and feel that some blame or inadequacy attaches. I hope that by being open about my families story that they will realise that assisted conception is not a thing to worry about or feel is wrong or unnatural.

And no , my kids don't look like the milkman / postman / window cleaner.

😳

I'd better take my photo off the mugshots thread. 😛

bikebuoy - I strongly disagree with you. Nobody can understand how another is feeling, we may *think* we do but that's not the same as knowing.

I've been on here for quite a few years and there has been tremendous support for others, whatever predicament or situation they're in. Men, I believe, do find it difficult to express their thoughts/put into words hence they know that they will receive mostly sensible thoughts/experiences from both men and women on here.

Please do not judge others.

My bestmates been trying for 18months. Its driving a wedge between them. Crackers. For us after having one which just bickered and fell out.

Whats the point? You go from being Dave to a carer for almost two decades. You sure you want in OP? I wont have anymore. I'd rather have my relationship healthy and not worn out.

OP, whatever you decide and try.

Good luck

op - it can become all very stressful and you really cant get yourself stressed about it as its a downward spiral. We were in the same boat and we found the very act of purposly trying was stessful, it took the spark and fun out of the whole thing and was frankly a turn off. It all became a bit scientific, unspontaneous.

Do the swimmers test with your GP.
Ignore any naysayers about cyclists fertility, its a myth.
Take your better half with you and she should be checked to make sure the plumbing is all working.
Age wise you still have time, so chill and relax, try not to get stressed. If all else fails look at IVF and talk it through, some women have a very hard time not having kids, much worse than guys and if its truly that important then you'll find a way to fund it.

Kids are just the best thing.

Ignore any naysayers about cyclists fertility, its a myth.

I hope binners doesn't mind me saying but I think it took me and him about a week. This is cycling, getting pissed alot and wearing tight pants.

Honestly, in the old days it was the done thing. You had to get married, have children and conform. Peer pressure 'oh look at little Jimmy etc- wheres yours?'.

Nowadays there isn't the need to have children there- they'll **** off/emigrate to Australia/Canada/NZ anyway thus leaving you on your own.

Sorry to be so-negative. 🙂

6 months isn't that long, we were trying for over 18 months before we conceived our first.
You spend most of your adult life doing your best to avoid pregnancy only to find it doesn't happen that easily

Exactly what my good friend Simon says. We were trying for a while, then had a miscarriage very early on. After that it took us nearly 2 years to get pregnant again. We'd just been to see the doctor a few weeks previously and he basically said if you've still not conceived in the next 6 months, come back and see me. But he said he'd be doubting very much we'd be back. Month later and we were expecting and that let to mini-DBW #1 who has just turned 4.

Same happened second time around. Another early miscarriage and then 12 months or so later mini-DBW #2 was conceievd.

Its certainly a pretty stressful time but I think that could be the cause. As cliche'd as it sounds you have to relax. Bin all them fertility calendars and rubbish and just have fun together.

I'd definitely say go and see the docs first although I suspect they'll probably tell you the same as what they told us.

Good luck!
Dr Dave 😉

My mate was having no joy, got tested and found he was a Jaffa (his words). I think that took a lot of the stress and worry away knowing that there was a problem and it simply wasn't going to happen.

Couple of months later, much to his surprise, he popped one in t'oven and is now going for number 2!

ti_pin_man raises a good point about the cyclists concerns - i.e. sitting in a saddle, tight clothing etc..

Going through the process both my GP and Head of Assisted Conception said there is a believed downside but the benefits of being fit and healthy by cycling far far outweigh it.

If I was a truck driver, sitting in a hot seat all day with little exercise then they'd suggest a change. If I'm a cyclist doing the odd 20 miler a couple of times a week/month then they said keep up the good work.

Positivity is massively beneficial. My wife puts the fact we succeeded on round 2 as opposed to round 1 of IVF down the her positive outlook and change in attitude to the whole thing.

OP - may as well say my email is in my profile if you want to drop me a line. I've no issue sharing my experiences with you if it helps.

And back to the OP and his concerns. When my wife and I went for tests, it turned out it was 100% my issue. I wasn't infertile, but the motility of my little boys wasn't as it should be - so we were recommended IVF with ICSI (where they choose one sperm and inject it directly into the egg).

Rather than hide behind any kind of 'manly' pride that my juice wasn't up to scratch, I accepted it, told all our friends and family what we were doing (to save any further hard explanations when we changed our lifestyle to try to help) and just got on with it - at significant cost as our local NHS Trust offers no support to anyone with fertility issues (Harrogate & District NHS Foundation Trust)

After all, it is just a medical thing, medical things happen. Get over the embarrassment and get on with the next step in your journey.

Good luck.

Johndoh - are you me? 🙂

We were exactly the same, compounded a little by my OH having a mildly cystic ovary. We had the same treatment (IVF/ICSI) & like you it was at our expense. We miscarried twins and had a failed cycle, then as we were preparing for our 3rd attempt, we discovered she was pregant naturally. 5 months after number 1 was born, she was pregnant again naturally. And fast forward 3 years, she's now preggers again with number 3. We have considered sueing the original consultant for his mis-diagnosis, but we thought better of it (this is a joke BTW!)

So, to the OP - keep trying, go see your GP but don't leave it [b][i]too[/b][/i] long as your OH's age will be a factor (not so much for blokes). Like johndoh says, do not be embarassed, it's really nothing to be embarassed about.

Email in profile if you want a chat 🙂

OP - as others have said dont let this cause any stress to you or your other half. speak to the GP who would be able to advise you on the best plan of action. you may need to look at your lifestyle and make some changes to aid the process i.e. smoking, drinking, general diet, sleeping patterns etc.
a colleague of mine went through pretty much the same thing....trying for years without success then they had all but given up on the notion of having kids when at 40 she got pregnant. she then had her second child about 2 years later.
in the meantime keep trying...
from personal experience i have a friend who has been trying for nearly 7 years and again no luck...they've had a few early stage miscarriages to deal with along the way but time is still on their hands so they continue to try for a child...during that same period we've had 2 and have another on the way....which makes me feel guilty considering what they are going through.
like i said keep trying and get some professional help/advise

And for more anecdotal experience...

Friends of ours conceived via IVF/ICSI due to 'severe' male and female issues and they were told they could never conceive naturally.

So, they wanted a second, went through IVF again but she wasn't reacting as expected to the initial drugs (where they encourage the egg production/release prior to collection).

You can guess what had happened can't you? Yep - with twins. Naturally.

And similar with someone else - they had tried and tried naturally and with (IIRC) about 5 rounds of IVF (on the NHS, using eggs collected at first round). They were told that unless they could afford to pay, this was the end of the road. They had already started to go through the process of adopting, went away for a weekend to clear their minds and focus on this new future, drank too much wine and you can guess the rest.

[b]HOWEVER...[/b]
Don't live in the hope it will happen naturally - it *might* not so get yourself in the system as soon as you can.

BTW - we had twins at our first attempt at IVF/ICSI, tried naturally (half-heartedly) for a couple of years after (like many others have done, but unsuccessfully) but now are happy and settled with our two healthy 4.5 yr olds.