[Closed] Have you ever been the victim of an 'unwanted/inappropriate sexual advance'

Once had a girl offer me a sexual service rather than pay me the money she owed me.

I work with young adults, so it's kind of a threat/risk... Only had it once from work, I gave a student helper a lift home and got slightly jumped. So I pretty much booted her out of the car then phoned my boss at 11pm and went AAAARGH. Apparently it's kind of a rite of passage... But it's OK, I have this certificate that says that to the best of their knowledge, I am probably not a sexual wrongun.

Other'n that it's always been drunk dudes. Apparently I have a really nice arse.

Quote - "Last year during lunch time circuit training a girl in her twenties (I was 45) said I had a nice bum and pinched it. Luckily we operate under the Armed Forces Discipline Act so I was able to call her out on the spot and stop her weekend leave. I actually felt like I might be overreacting but then considered how I'd feel if someone did that to my daughter in public"

FFS, it's the end of the world as we know it.
As a man in your mid 40's,could you not just have been flattered that a young girl in her 20's has even noticed you exist?

As Junkyard has pointed out, double standards don't help anyone. On top of that it was in front of a lot of people and as we were markedly different ranks any sort of reciprocation by myself would have undoubtedly resulted in me catching a good dose of career-ending repercussions. In short no.

Spot on, so many double standards all through this thread.

Edit.

Lots of times when I was young and fresh faced. Men usually.
I remember a skin2 party in 91 that was particularly eyeopening.
Not so much these days now I'm more potato faced.

A few LOL's in this thread!

And that makes me ashamed.

Unwanted sexual advances, once it goes beyond standard 'old as time' chatting up, not interested, move away - there is no acceptable:unacceptable boundary. If there's a boundary it's unacceptable:completely unacceptable.

Whether man on woman advances, boss on worker, teacher on pupil, - any of them, they're all unacceptable and a few of the ones described on here are horrific, I hope the victims are over them as best as they can be.

Unfortunately, and it does shame me my first impulse on the 'had my arse felt by a girl in a nightclub' or '26 year old teacher has sex with 15 year old schoolboy' is to think lucky sod - that impulse is just plain wrong and I'm calling myself and everyone else that responds the same out on it. Yes, I'm male and nearly 50 and it's somewhat ingrained, but we're exactly the people that have to change it, not continue to laugh.

I think the grouping of "unwanted" and "inappropriate" is inappropriate as the two are very different and distinct.

Unwanted is a simple reaction, inappropriate puts it in a social context. If I suggest whatever to Madame then the suggestion may be unwanted, but within the context of a marriage it's not inappropriate assuming the suggestion is within the realms of the Karma Sutra. However the same suggestion to a student would be both inappropriate and plain illegal.

If you go into a gay bay in a gay resort then what is inappropriate is on a different level to the office. I dance rock and roll and some moves mean putting hands where you normally wouldn't, as the names of the moves suggest, "la caresse" or "la chaise" for example. And even when it's allowed there are different ways of doing them, a finger left in contact a fraction of second too long and you've sent a signal you shouldn't have. The medical profession have do things that would be unacceptable in almost any context except treating injury or illness.

We spend our lives seducing people at different levels, it's a part of social acceptance and success. People like to be liked, like others to know they like them. The line between social seduction and sexual seduction is very fine. The art is to never over-step the mark, and some people are more skilled at the game than others.

In some situations you have have to maintain a respectable distance, extreme even. As a teacher I avoided being alone with a student, never shut a door, asked colleagues to be around, adopted a gruffer more fatherly behaviour than normal. In others the atmosphere is more relaxed and the point at which banter becomes harrassment isn't so clear.

Most people know the rules and play by them. If you look at the uncomfortable situations in this thread, the normal limits weren't respected. Not everyone is a perfect social animal. When an attempt at seduction included lifting a T-shirt I felt sorry for the woman in the moment because exposing yourself both physically and to possible social ridicule is high risk with little more chance of reward than more subtle and socially acceptable advances. I chose to deal with the situation tactfully and discretely but the answer was "no". A few years later the woman was admitted to a psychiatric hospital and has spent the rest of her life in and out of the place. A delightful person but a social misfit.

And what are the limits? They're variable. They vary from country to country, town to town, distrct to ditrict, from working class to toff, from the factory floor to the boardroom. As many contexts as there are codes as to what is and is not acceptable.

Including this forum which is about as reactionary and judgemental as any place I know.

So go easy on people, apply your own high standards to yourself, acccept that others are different, try to understand the whys and wherefores and have a good think about whether the person is potentially a serious threat to society (do something) or just someone with slightly different values (do nothing but keep your eyes and ears open).

Unwanted, though not inappropriate experience.

Wedding reception, several years ago. A very drunk and quite camp lad kept hanging about me. I chatted to him about normal stuff as you might, he kept touching my arm, slightly irritating. Unfortunately I knew no one at the party and so didn't really have an easy escape route as he became increasingly annoying. Later he intercepted me on a sofa and advanced to knee touching. Somewhere around [s]the oral sex part[/s] hair stroking I had to reiterate in very basic terms that I wasn't gay and wasn't interested and that he should stop wasting his time.

He was a little put out by this and stomped off in a bit of a drunken huff. By now he was utterly hammered. I managed to find an entertaining bridesmaid and an hour or so later made it back to my room.

Only to find him asleep in my bed!

Dunno how he got in there, don't think he even knew it was my room. I slept elsewhere, not because he was gay, but because he was a drunken sex pest.

(I have shared rooms with gay friends who are not sex pests, no probs)

's a good post, Edukator.

Don't take that to mean that I like you or anything, tho...

deleted

When I used to work behind the bar at the Hacienda, Bank Holiday weekends would host 'Flesh' all-nighters. It was the biggest gay night in the country. The level of debauchery was legendary even by the standards of Manchester's early 90's gay club scene. I have seen things that cannot be unseen

Anyway, there's this huge impeccably buffed man-mountain, sporting just a pair of Calvins - pretty standard outfit for Flesh. Every time he comes to the bar he makes sure it's me that serves him, and as he passes me the cash, he kept stroking my arm and smiling. All harmless enough.

Half way through the night I need a piss so nip to the bog. I'm stood there at the urinal, mid-stream, when I become aware of a large presence looming directly behind me. I look over my shoulder to see Mr Man-Mountain smiling down at me, and as I feel the mars-bar-in-the-back, his arms slide around my waist

My reaction was literally.....

[img] [/img]

To be honest, it didn't feel threatening, I assumed it was just chemically-enhanced over-affection

None the less it caused much hilarity as I came sprinting back behind the bar in a state of panic, not least with my then-girlfriend. I hid every time he came to the bar after that, and point blank refused to go out into the club for the rest of the night

If he'd been pressing a sausage roll into your back it would have all ended very differently.

Greggs?

Greggs?

sounds like he didn't stop for a name

Greggs are typically small, flaccid and pink.

If you're commited to voluntarily taking a shit backwards ... then at least go big? 😯

[img] [/img]

#brexitdiet

A medical graduate's career is in ruins after he was convicted of indecently assaulting a woman he met on Tinder by grabbing her breasts during consensual sex.

Philip Queree, 37, was taken to court for repeatedly grabbing the woman's breasts hard and pulling her hair while the couple had intercourse.

[url= http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/10/11/medical-graduate-put-sex-offenders-register-grabbing-tinder/ ]interesting reminder about the limitations of consent, and the serious ramifications.
[/url] I'm a bit uneasy as to whether the sex offenders register is appropriate.

I'm a bit uneasy as to whether the sex offenders register is appropriate.

Reading the details, I think it probably is TBH.

interesting reminder about the limitations of consent, and the serious ramifications.
I'm a bit uneasy as to whether the sex offenders register is appropriate.

Well as long as the punishment fits the crime...

I'm a bit uneasy as to whether the sex offenders register is appropriate.

Why? She specifically asked him not to do something (of a sexual nature) and he went ahead and did it - hard enough to leave bruising.

I was out last weekend with some workmates. Later on in a noisy pub one of the party comes right up to me to say she finds herself attracted to me.
I'm not going to lie, she's very attractive and it was nice to hear. I explained that I appreciated what she was saying but that it was a bit inappropriate given her long term relationship and mine. Me being her manager and the fact that we were in full view of everyone it probably wasn't for the best.
I moved away but she wasn't for giving up rubbing her tits up against me etc trying to hold my hand touching me.

If I had done that to her I'd be in bother.

If I had done that to her I'd be in bother.

She could be if you went to HR, but of course if you'd done it there'd also be the issue of you being her boss.

If I had done that to her I'd be in bother.

Did anyone witness her behaviour? I'd be hoping someone did.

perchypanther - Member
If he'd been pressing a sausage roll into your back it would have all ended very differently.

POSTED 2 HOURS AGO # REPORT-POST
giantalkali - Member
Greggs?

Greggs are typically small, flaccid and pink.

really should be leaving nobeer out of it, he hasn't contributed since leaving me face down on the top bunk a few pages back... 🙂

I'm handing my notice in this week, not because of last weekends antics but Id be lying if I said I wasn't glad to be getting away from her. Its becoming difficult.

Everyone saw how she was behaving, including my boss, a woman. She started by asking me if I would go to salsa dancing with her as her partner wasnt interested. I explained its not really appropriate. She touches my bum/back puts her arm in my arm on the way to the pub. I extricate myself, it continues in the pub..

She was drunk and is unhappy with her lot and fancies a bit of excitement which is fine. Im not making out Im a victim here btw, Im a big boy. I just mean had the boot been on the other foot it could have ended very differently.

Its just not seen or accepted the same way, when a woman makes unsolicted sexual advances towards a man.

In a written judgment, magistrate Bridget Shaw said: "I am sure that Miss X withdrew consent for Queree to grab her breasts.

"Queree knew this but continued to do so forcefully[after she asked him to stop], causing the complainant considerable pain[ enough to make her cry]. This was an assault. Queree touched a sexual and intimate part of her body in a sexual manner without her consent.

"Irrespective of her consent to other sexual conduct, I am sure that the touching was in circumstances of indecency and thus Queree is guilty of indecent assault."

The court heard that the woman made a complaint to police as a result of bruising she suffered to both breasts.

I have no idea how anyone can think this is not sexual assault she clearly did not consent and he clearly did not stop.

Merak, why you are going into the same pub as her I have no idea. Walking there with her is madness. Either you're trolling or need to take control of your life and cut her out of it once you're out of the office.

[i]Have you ever been the victim of an inappropriate sexual advance[/i]

it's essentially how me and her got together. 😆

Just read all four pages and one word keeps repeating in my head.

"mott" LOL

Yes
But then everyone in the 80's was a peado weren't they.
Never should have walked back from Scouts late at night in the dark on my own.
Hey ho , shit happens.

Yes
But then everyone in the 80's was a peado weren't they.
Never should have walked back from Scouts late at night in the dark on my own.

We had a scoutmaster who was a bit 'funny'. Apparently, his thing was for tickling boys feet. In the end, he tried it with one lad who gave him a bloody nose and reported him. I think this was back when presumably working with kids was a little more relaxed when it came to background checks etc.

At my secondary school it was standard for teachers to be dating sixth formers (early 1980s). By the time I'd gone to university I think there were three male staff, and one female who'd been caught in various levels of abuse. The worst was the psychopatic swimming teacher who used to spray ice cold water up your back as you swam lengths. The music teacher was reknowned for having young boys sit on his lap to learn to play the piano. He also used to invite groups of teenagers around his house to drink.

Really sad to read some of the genuine assaults, and then in typical STW fashion also some genuine lol moments.

Played a lot of tennis as a kid. Playing a tournament at the Northumberland County Ground one year (I'd be about 15) one of my pals invited me to play real tennis at the nearby school grounds. Coach there was an obvious weirdo and started asking lots of 'what's your sexual experience' questions and was way too touchy feely with my pal. Thought it all a bit weird and inappropriate but managed to ignore him or palm him off. Two years later and this is front page news in Newcastle and the guys a paedo / sexual predator and went down for a chunk of time for all sorts of weird sexual stuff with teenage kids.

First week at Dundee Uni and it's Freshers Week and Gaudie Night where a girl from the year above takes you out on the piss. Long story short, the hot girl female tennis captain dropped me in it last minute and I got taken out on the piss by a 'less bonny' lass. Lots of booze and cocktails and the last thing I can remember is crawling up the steps to my room with her in tow with me absolutely paralytic. I wake up naked with her naked on top straddling me...trying to stuff my flaccid cock inside of her unsuccessfully. Definitely not consensual but obviously able to laugh it off as harmless.

Has JHJ resurfaced with a better explanation of his OP?

I spent a bit of time working on a dementia ward. On the upside it's nice that there is somewhere I can go and still get called 'young man' On the downside those old ladies can be a bit handsy.

Got groped in a club once- I assume by a man. Someone grabbed my bolx and walked off quickly, I was so off my head I didnt see them!

Whilst Eurorailing an American girl got onto my top bunk with me and started trying to shag me- I was drunk/asleep and really didnt know what was going on! I said "what are you doing, get off" or something like and blocked her advances. I likely would have been up for it if she'd asked me nicely!

Back in the 90's when I still worked in the music industry, Jimmy Somerville quite forcibly offered me a blow job when we were doing coke in the toilets - let's just say he's not a "small town boy". Does that count? I refused, always wondered wether I should of said yes as a massive ex communards fan?

I work in a pub.
Always inappropriate, often unwanted.
And frequent.

You realise you have crossed the great divide from young and hot when you no longer get that sort of attention.

That's when any flirtatious remark you make becomes an unwanted/inappropriate sexual advance.

I had an interesting reverse sexual harassment once. I was working in ITU where its either very busy or really boring. During one of the boring times I was asked by one of my female colleagues to walk across the room and turn around - I did then realised 4 of them where looking at my bum making lewd comments. I walked back over to them and told them very forcefully how inappropriate it was, asked how they would have felt if the roles and been reversed and threatening them with being reported. I went absolutely ballistic. The shock on their faces as they realised what they had done was actually quite funny.

I didn't take it any further but all 4 of them would have been disciplined had I done so. However the look of shock and realisation on their faces was enough for me.

Has JHJ resurfaced with a better explanation of his OP?

I can't go into too much detail, but suffice to say, everyone's responses here highlight that it is something that happens with both genders, though for whatever reason, there does seem to be an inherent difference as to how it's handled.

Now I'm no prude... I've had my gubbins groped in the street by a little bloke in Nicaragua (not a euphemism) a Ladyboy on Bangkok, and multiple drunken ladies back when I was a rickshaw rider; there was even one time when 3 pink PVC clad glamour models were trying to stick their fingers up my bum before getting their paps out for the paps when we pulled up to glitzy London nightspot China White. I think back on these situations and think it's kinda funny; it doesn't feel particularly abusive.

However, some of the situations that have developed as a result of the matters mentioned in the 1st post do feel highly abusive. I've tried time and again to remedy things and have been repeatedly fobbed off and scapegoated, when at the end of the day, it wasn't even me who set these things in motion.

The best outcome would be to settle these matters amiably, as there's far too much bad shit going on in the world as it is.

nope, none the wiser.

fatmax

"but managed to ignore him or palm him off."

must... resist....

"but managed to ignore him or palm him off."

Beyond the cheap gags, another spin on out of context quotes...

No doubt many victims in abusive situations are ignored, stonewalled, gaslighted and all the rest of it; perhaps it gives the abuser some kind of twisted power trip. Not that great for instilling trust or cohesion though...

when 3 pink PVC clad glamour models were trying to stick their fingers up my bum before getting their paps out for the paps when we pulled up to glitzy London nightspot China White.

[img] [/img]

I wake up naked with her naked on top straddling me...trying to stuff my flaccid cock inside of her unsuccessfully. Definitely not consensual but obviously able to laugh it off as harmless.

You have been the victim of attempted rape.

It’s interesting to contrast this thread with the #MeToo thread.

This is glaring evidence that the problem of harassment and abuse is neither gender specific nor equally treated.

To all the men on here who have been brave enough to post their experiences I salute you.

geetee1972 - Member
It’s interesting to contrast this thread with the #MeToo thread.

This is glaring evidence that the problem of harassment and abuse is neither gender specific nor equally treated.

Nobody is denying that there is a problem with harassment and abuse of men at all. But to say the problems are equal is just untrue, the number of people who have posted #MeToo on social media shows how massive the problem is.
Given the number of times the words get used to it or learn to deal with it come from women it shows just how big the problem is. Also the way the world is still run by men, powerful positions are still mostly held by men and casual sexism is alive and well all over the place along with misogyny women face a huge up hill struggle still in what is supposed to be an enlightened time.