[Closed] Have I been a bit mean to my child?

ahhh.

Maybe you're not a troll. I do find the 'rod of iron' approach to parenting a bit odd, though.

Everyone pushes boundaries - grown ups drive over the speed limit, kids try and take contraband to school. It's just human nature.

sounds like merchant-banker comes from the Francisco Begbie school of parenting.. what can possibly go wrong..? 😆

Parental Perfection Personified!?!

(Amusing OP BTW!)

The evidence will be put to her in interview but only after she's given an account of her movements at the time of the offence.

What if she denies taking it to school, and lies about it being in the house somewhere? I know it's illegal on a state sanctioned level but is waterboarding ever acceptable in the privacy of the home?

If it was me - I'd have taken it out and replaced with a note 'Your DS is in the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet. You were told not to take it to school. You can have it back when you apologise for breaking the rule'

* remember to remove your stash of grumble from the filing cabinet before she goes to get it back.

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Part of me really hopes you've been played.

You'll go out to the garage to find your bike missing, queue panic, swearing and calls to the police and insurance companies.

When she gets home she'll tell you about locking it down and pull it out of her wardrobe 😆

"So... no electronics or gadgets, but large weapons are ok? Good work! That'll toughen the little blighters up"

As a rule machetes are on the do not bring to camp list as well 😉

Im surprised the school allows electronics to be taken in - I'm presuming it's a primary school.
It only encourages one-upmanship and potentially theft.

looking at Merchant-Banker's history the word 'troll' seems to be quite a good fit.

Or the word "fred".

all my parenting knowledge is from watching Super Nanny

For simple disobedience a brief low current electric shock can usually correct the child's behaviour pattern, for stubborn habits gradually build up the current and prolong the duration of exposure.

"The evidence will be put to her in interview but only after she's given an account of her movements at the time of the offence."

Surely your daughter knows to lawyer up and say nothing till her lawyer has had full disclosure of the allegation and evidence to support it.

i can't wait till cranbrat is old enough for these games.

If my son was told not to take his ds to school, i can 100% guarantee he wouldn't take it.

Reason being im his dad, and he does what his dad says, no questions no debates.

you're funny. 😆

I applaud the OP's underhand tactics. In this modern age of canny youngsters knowing their rights and what not I have found that mental anguish is the tool of choice for today's modern parent.

Bravo.

Just get her a whacking great, brightly coloured case for it.

We learn responsibility from our mistakes, this may have just resulted in a lack of trust (I know she 'disobeyed' you) as you went into her bag: not cool.

You haven't mentioned her age, if she's very little then I guess your choice may have been necessary. If she's older....good luck!

Maybe consider why she's careless with her stuff? This is the bigger issue rather than your stealthy espionage.

What you need to do now is buy her the new game she's been wanting for ages. Give it to her tonight. "Well, aren't you going to play it?"

(There's probably a reason I'm not a parent)

this may have just resulted in a lack of trust (I know she 'disobeyed' you) as you went into her bag: not cool.

TBH, that was my first thought when I read the OP. I dunno how territorial she is yet, but I think if it were me I'd have been more outraged at having my bag rifled than the Nintendo subterfuge.

Crankboy - we don't do PACE in this house!

I'll see if she tells the truth when she gets home.

You haven't mentioned her age,

Yes he has, she's 11.

Part of me really hopes you've been played.

You'll go out to the garage to find your bike missing, queue panic, swearing and calls to the police and insurance companies.

When she gets home she'll tell you about locking it down and pull it out of her wardrobe

My 3-year old WOULD do this to me.....I worry for the future!

FWIW, I approve of the OP's actions. She'll be bricking it ,thinking that she lost her DS. Although it'll only work the once, it was probably the right card to play.

Merchant Banker: Troll of the day, maybe beaten yet by elzorillo on the Toulouse thread.

Merchant Banker.......have you ever watched the Sound of Music? Do you strive to be like Mr von Trapp?

I'd laugh if she'd robbed someone else's DS as that the family way.

I'd have sold it on eBay by now and bought creamcakes with the proceeds.
I'd then wait for her to come home and see me stuffing my face with what used to be her Nintendo DS.
(I'm not a parent by the way but I've seen that Naughtystep Nanny programme)

You haven't been mean enough. Delete all her games saves, that'll teach her!

I've hardly stolen it, more anonymously confiscated it.

It's not that she doesn't value things, she is just in a daydream the whole time. You ask her to brush her hair before she goes to school, she'll wander off and ten minutes later be found counting the bananas in the fruit bowl and trying to remember what she'd been asked to do. I've rescued that bloody DS so many times from being left behind in shops, parks, even a boat the other week. That's why she can't take it to school!

I'm son is 11 and lives with his mum who is always finding the DS out in the garden, luckily it's still working but maybe that's because it's his third, my five year old is on his second but is now asking for an Xbox, as he hardly gets to use the ps3. it's all money, I was asked for a Blackberry last night due to all his friends having them.

Poor OP. Thus begins the long sneaky campaign involved in parenting teenage girls...which he will inevitably lose...

There are some self righteous people on this forum!

Dad done good. Theres only so many times you can repeat yourself before they start to tune you out. Actions speak louder etc

It's only mean when you turn the light off when keeping kids under the stairs

Its a battle sounds like your one step ahead of her for now, I wonder how cunning she is and what her next move will be to keep you on your toes! 😆

It's only mean when you turn the light off when keeping kids under the stairs

Mine get a choice - light, or heat

If she's anything like the kids I work with she probably robbed your credit card whilst you thought she was with the dog and is now buying a new DS online.

Seriously though, if you think it was the right thing to do then it was probably fine. Try to find a positive in the situation to praise her for. It will have a far greater effect than being angry. Just like with puppies!

Mine get a choice - light, or hea

hat are you the sneaky family.

I think you should be more worried as to why your daughter has no respect for anything you say,

If my son was told not to take his ds to school, i can 100% guarantee he wouldn't take it.

Reason being im his dad, and he does what his dad says, no questions no debates.

Your children will never make good academics because they will never question those "above" them. The questioning and disobeying of adults by children within certain limits is healthy.

Christian by any chance?

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+1 for what bwaarp said

****, I'll be teaching my children to not believe a word anyone says unless they can legitimize what they say. I'll encourage them to gain an understanding of the world around them and questioning it instead of taking everything on face value. That includes teachers, listening to teachers and other adults very nearly ruined my academic career. That's how my parents brought me up and that attitude damn well got me to where I am now despite being placed in middle sets for the whole of my life at school for being dyslexic and disorganized.

Merchant-Banker

If my son was told not to take his ds to school, i can 100% guarantee he wouldn't take it.

Yeah right.

Seems perfectly reasonable, I'd keep quiet about it for a couple of days, really let her stew. Maybe drop the odd comment about how she doesn't seem to be playing with it as often as she used to, that kind of thing.

She'll get credit for being truthful, and if she lies to me she'll be in much bigger trouble for that than for being a chancer this morning. I'm sure as parents we all see things differently, but in this house, honesty and contrition count for a lot after some naughtiness, often to the point where if they own up and apologise, and appear to mean it, there are no further consequences.

in this house, honesty and contrition count for a lot

So you honestly went through her bag without telling her, honestly withheld information about what you'd done, and are now going to honestly set her up for entrapment?

Applaudable values and I'd be of the same mind, but it feels a bit hypocritical to be preaching honesty after you'd just deliberately misled her.

She'll get credit for being truthful, and if she lies to me she'll be in much bigger trouble for that than for being a chancer this morning. I'm sure as parents we all see things differently, but in this house, honesty and contrition count for a lot after some naughtiness, often to the point where if they own up and apologise, and appear to mean it, there are no further consequences.

THIS but cougar has apoint and you have been mena

She may learn you are a bit mean and a hypocrit and that she just has to better at tricking you than learn a proper lesson about honesty

I would have challenged her on the spot tbh
I would not leave it days after having done what you have done
It has some humour to it though but what if she ha sbeen crying al l day because of this and is terrified to admit this to you?

I'll tell her exactly what I did, I just haven't done so yet.

She's just come home happy as Larry so I don't think she's been crying about it all day.

couple of weeks ago, kids were with me in the supermarket (11 and 14)

I was doing the waiting, and the packing, that they were supposed to be doing... they were too busy looking at twighlight posters.

despite reminding them TWICE, I finished and paid, and went out to the car... cue about five minutes later seeing them come out the door, realise they didn't know where the car was, then go back inside.

I found them with a member of staff, saying they were lost...

Of course, I'm the baddie, mums already been told that I was irresponsible and evil and nasty for scaring them like that 😈

lesson learned i reckon!

She's trying to sweeten you up to get out of trouble. 😆

Zulu-eleven

you get my vote ! 😀

Zulu, you have an evil sense of humour.

Check this thread out: http://www.arrse.co.uk/now-thats-what-i-call-naafi-bar/5962-i-m-turning-my-kids-into-tiny-squaddies-i-m-not-ashamed.html